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My Polish wife's family hate me. Maybe it is because I'm black. Advice needed.


ifex13 1 | 2
20 Mar 2013 #1
im on vacation here in poland with my family and my wife's family don't seems to be happy about it .
BBman - | 344
20 Mar 2013 #2
Your situation is not uncommon in Poland. I've even seen black men/women have the same problem in canada and the US.
OP ifex13 1 | 2
20 Mar 2013 #3
ok, but they fight me everyday.
Bieganski 17 | 901
20 Mar 2013 #4
If your wife's family hated you because you are black would you only realize it now that you are on vacation in Poland?

Didn't they know who their daughter was marrying?

Where are you from? Where is your wife from? What does this have to do with Poland?

Most family's grow to hate someone who marries their son or daughter because they are a deadbeat and have no long term prospects of being a good and responsible partner and provider.

For all we know you are long term unemployed or can only get a low wage job and rather than improving your situation you are traveling for pleasure instead.
Wulkan - | 3,251
20 Mar 2013 #5
they fight me everyday.

you can always get divorced if you don't like it
jon357 63 | 14,149
20 Mar 2013 #6
Ignore them. Their problem not yours.
poziomka2 - | 29
20 Mar 2013 #7
ok, but they fight me everyday.

And the first think that comes to your mind is that because you are black? Didn't it occur to you that maybe they just don't like you for who you are not for colour of your skin? When you become a parent you will understand, after all you are to share a life with their daughter and you are the stranger coming into their lives and their daughters, it is understandable that they would feel uneasy about it, like in most situations like these.
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,163
20 Mar 2013 #8
ok, but they fight me everyday.

Paint yourself white and see If they stop.
Rysavy 10 | 308
20 Mar 2013 #9
MAYBE?

if you have to say "maybe" it is probably a lot more than just your color alone. I don't know a lot of polish peeps but those I do are all quite blunt. Some might even think rude depending on upbringing. I am pretty sure if it was just your color you would have already have no doubt by hearing the key phrases/ words repeated by now.

So far all I can assume is that you ar male, have black skin and are not Polish or American

reasons they may not like you:Bieganski mentioned some.......
Are they Catholic? is she? ...are YOU?
With that in mind are you : Divorced- not catholic- did you marry with church blessing?
How long have you been married?
Are you applying for citizenship not your birth country when she met you? Are you looking for Polish citizenship after a short time married? Would they think you married her for EU citizenship?

Are you much older-an immigrant in your usual location? Are you/were you illegal? Do you have a good job? Is it better than hers (traditionlists do not approve of manwives)?

Do you have other children previous?
Are you overweight? ..are you (it is always subjective lol) homely? Are you from same class/ Education level as her family?

Were they expecting you? are you staying with family (if not expected could be seen freeloading) or in Hotel? Do you speak Polish? If not how can you "fight" with them? they speak english to you.

Anything can set protective parents off. And even less can set off trolly ones. I doubt anyone here can help you without a least a couple details like

Nationality-time married-religion(if any)-respective ages- and employability.

My mum-in-law to be hates me already. They don't even know my ethnicity. Many of her reasons are not applicable and will fade with time. But some of her reasons may never be resolved. My guy is hurt and was surprised, he loves his family and is quite close, but he waded through it.

We plan our plans regardless. Sometimes only time and proving them wrong is the option.
As long as your wife is strong enough and connected enough to you to be able to not have family support? I would just smile, nod and move along.
poland_
20 Mar 2013 #10
ok, but they fight me everyday.

Which city are you in Ifex?
Bassem - | 22
20 Mar 2013 #11
Your situation is not uncommon in Poland. I've even seen black men/women have the same problem in canada and the US

im living here in canada, and i never seen any stuff like this :)

ifelx: take it easy someday will come and they gonna like you , you are a part of this family, behave and react more lovely with them and later maybe they will change the way they treating you.

good luck
local_fela 17 | 172
20 Mar 2013 #12
My experience:- I am from Mauritius, to be honest, i never had this issue at all! infact my in-laws have loved me so so much. specially my mother-in law. she took care of my like her own son, despite the fact that she doesnt speak a single word of polish and me no polish, she has been someone very close to me. I am seperated with my ex, but one person who i will never forget is her mother.

i will even tell you that they are from a little village, where you expect people not to be friendly with foreigners and worse with coloured people. but luckily I wasn't! However, Since then I have been out with some girls here and they have strictly told me that their parents does not like foreigners. lets say around 40% of them said that... But after my recent visit to Warsaw, i think there are still some improvement and people in Poland are actually getting 'westernised'. so there would be some family who would actually accept foreigners (coloured skin).

Your answer: you are here on vacation! you know now how its going to be! so next time better dont come, or come for a night then take your wife go to another city for a holiday in a hotel or something! she will be pleased that you kept her heartt and spent one night with her parents and things will look good. and in the long run... make sure that your in-laws dont make your kid like them! because I know these kind of people well! that they dont like the husband or the wife, but they love the kid and grow hate in the kids heart!

Spring coming soon! ;)
ShortHairThug - | 1,103
20 Mar 2013 #13
Since then I have been out with some girls here and they have strictly told me that their parents does not like foreigners. lets say around 40% of them said that... But after my recent visit to Warsaw, i think there are still some improvement and people in Poland are actually getting 'westernised'.

Frankly your reputation precedes you, they tell you to bugger off seeing you can't honor your commitment, what happen to in sickness and in health? Who wants to be involved with a coward that runs at first indication of marital problems? One who takes an easy way out and gets a divorce. To me as well as to them I'm sure, you're not a man but a looser. What you perceive as westernization is actually that people don't know that well yet so they are still friendly towards you but when they find out who you are you'll blame it on the color of your skin, I'm sure. Why do people always blame everything and everyone around them but can't see their own faults?
4 eigner 2 | 831
20 Mar 2013 #15
but those I do are all quite blunt

you're funny, LOL
Ironside 48 | 9,844
20 Mar 2013 #16
honestly i doubt that those circumstances are genuine if they are he would ask his wife in the fist place, who is posting such qestion on the internet forum hence my advice try bleach
poland_
21 Mar 2013 #17
im on vacation here in poland with my family and my wife's family don't seems to be happy about it .

ifex13, you have a ultimate situation most husbands could only dream of, a genuine reason not to spend future time with your ' out laws' you are a lucky man. From the way you explain the situation its not like your wife can deny it, you are hardly going to change colour overnight... Stay strong bud, don't let the haters beat you down.
poziomka2 - | 29
21 Mar 2013 #18
I don't like racism but I suspect this thread as being untrue and designed to provoke discussion of racism in Poland.
Karczoch - | 4
21 Mar 2013 #19
They imagined their grandchildren to be like milk. Instead they got milk... with coffee. ;) Seriously every grandparent likes to say: "He has my eyes" or "She is blond like her gramma". Your situation is complicated because your children will be nothing like their grandparents. I'm not racist and I'm sorry I'm not politically correct. It's just the way it is.

98% of Polish population is white... What did you expect? :)
Rysavy 10 | 308
21 Mar 2013 #20
you're funny, LOL

well..they are... all half dozen. Unless you have a better word.

My Polstina friends (and Polsky BF) are all people to the last man who would answer "Does this dress make me look fat?"

with "No, but that color lipstick is horrible! You should wipe it off!"/or/ "Yes, it makes you look like a sausage..you should get a nicer one" /or/ "No but it makes you look cheap..what happened to that blue one?"

*snerk*
Better than letting me as their friend out the door appearing as I would not like.... I suppose.

and as long as you ain't saying "funny looking " itz awl gud n yer doin me well ^_^
_________________________________

As for poster...he has not answered if there are any other just base factors than color alone -like religion. Or circumstances surrounding the marriage. He only answered what city his woman's family is near/in. So how can anyone advise him? Karzoch has a point too.

I still wonder how he can be "fighting" EVERY day so hard with them daily if there is no common language between. It casts suspicion on the whole affair.
local_fela 17 | 172
21 Mar 2013 #21
what happen to in sickness and in health?

who are you to tell me what i should do what i shouldnt! you dont know anything about me! it looks like its you who need education! sorry lad... but its never too late fella!
ukangel 8 | 56
12 Apr 2013 #22
Ignore them.ur in laws are sick.I bet if u would sent them money every month,they would like u.
Nickidewbear 23 | 569
12 Apr 2013 #23
im on vacation here in poland with my family and my wife's family don't seems to be happy about it .

Are they Poles or Jews? As an Ashkenazi Jew with a granddad whose dad was born in Poland, I can sadly tell you that Ashkenazim have particularly resented Blacks for a long time. We even have a pretty-nasty word for Blacks in Yiddish. The common Pole didn't know much about Blacks back then, but the common Torah- and Talmud-knowledgeable Jew (Crypto or Openly-Jewish Jew) knew well about Blacks. In fact, Numbers 12 lists the first Jewish animosity towards Blacks--that's how far back Jews have bafflingly resented Blacks.
yerrik 1 | 35
12 Apr 2013 #24
...Ashkenazim have particularly resented Blacks for a long time. We even have a pretty-nasty word for Blacks in Yiddish.....Numbers 12 lists the first Jewish animosity towards Blacks--that's how far back Jews have bafflingly resented Blacks.

^ This is true. Plus many Jews did play a large role in the Atlantic Slave Trade, and a smaller role in the Middle East slave trade. Many were in charge of share cropping estates as well.

Even today, a number of Jews in Israel and the United States have been heavily involved in the Blood Diamond trades in Africa. Jews were even allowed to be KKK members in the group's early incarnation. Bernard Baruch's father, for example. Ethiopian Jews, too, are segregated from the rest of the Israeli occupiers.

In any case though, unfortunately in Eastern Europe blacks are not really tolerated. And this is because there are so few of them living there and they've never really had a history of living there until recently.
rybnik 18 | 1,462
12 Apr 2013 #25
'

We even have a pretty-nasty word for Blacks in Yiddish.

I'm curious Nicki, is it schvartzer?
yehudi 1 | 432
12 Apr 2013 #27
Ashkenazim have particularly resented Blacks for a long time.

Nonsense.

We even have a pretty-nasty word for Blacks in Yiddish.

If you mean "Schvartzer", that is just "Black" in Yiddish and German. It's only nasty if it's said in a nasty context.

In fact, Numbers 12 lists the first Jewish animosity towards Blacks--that's how far back Jews have bafflingly resented Blacks.

You're making this up. I just read the chapter you referred to. All it says is that Miriam and Aharon spoke about the Ethiopian woman that Moses married. But it doesn't even say what they said about her. Then it says that she criticized Moses saying that he wasn't the only one that G-d spoke to. How you can conclude from this unclear event that Jews has always been against blacks is beyond my understanding. And apparently you think that Moses and his family were Ashkenazim? That's a bit of an anachronism since the Ashkenazi community didn't start to form till the middle ages, about 2500 years later. Do you suppose Moses spoke Yiddish too?

Nicki, you have a lot to learn about Judaism and Jews. Learning a few phrases in Hebrew doesn't give you real knowledge of what being Jewish is about. My advice is to learn before you speak.
pagan 2 | 26
12 Apr 2013 #28
As for the author of this thread, well I do not know what to think of you, I hope you are genuine here, otherwise I feel as if your thread is trying to attack Polish people and appeal to Western skewed view of Polish as racists whereas it is in fact the Westerners who pioniered and continue to exercise racism to a high degree. if your post is true then I am not too surprised you may think this way, knowing what "white" Westerners have done to your people and their attitudes but you should consider other possibilities as well before you jump to conclusions. If it turns out that your wife's parents are racist then shame on them and you should tell them so, but it may also be that they are open minded and will change their opinion, some Polish people may be concerned because we have not encountered many Negroid people within our borders and so there may be a fear of the unknown. On the other hand, we are known to be welcoming towards everyone and there is only a tiny group thatis purely racist, you can count on Polish open mindedness to differences and tolerance more that that of many other countries especially Western, in those countries there is a lot of talk about freedoms and human rights but not much happens in reality, it is a cover to look good, at least in Poland you are told what people think of you in your face not behind your back, that way you know your enemy, I think that is better than getting stabbed in the back as you woulld in most Western countries.
basia333
17 Apr 2014 #29
Merged: My Polish parents dislike my fiance because he is black, advice please

I used to live in the UK where I met my sweet fiance. I eventually moved to France where he is from. My parents back home in Poland were not happy about him because he is black. They have no idea we're engaged and they will probably be very angry to find out that our relationship is this serious. My fiance has met my parents once and I think he could tell they didn't like him because they weren't very friendly to him.

I need advice on how to deal with this problem. I am so ashamed and embarrassed that Poland has so many racists who do understand that love is color blind. I feel like my parents will not want to talk to me ever again when they find out I'm getting married.
Bieganski 17 | 901
17 Apr 2014 #30
I feel like my parents will not want to talk to me ever again when they find out I'm getting married.

C'est la vie.

But don't worry too much about your situation. Many marriages today end in divorce anyway. So if your parents stop talking to you their silence will probably only last about a year if your marriage even lasts that long.


Home / Love / My Polish wife's family hate me. Maybe it is because I'm black. Advice needed.
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