Turkish girl & Polish guy marriage. Will his parents ever accept me as a non Christian female?

Cześć/Merhaba/Hello =)

I am a 23 years old Turkish girl who has been dating with a Polish guy for around 14 months. He was an Erasmus student here in Turkey but he is back to Poland now. But we are talking everyday and planning about our next meet up.

Well, we love each others a lot and I am very sure about my feelings. But I still wanted to ask some stuff to Poles. Because you know, you guys belong to the same culture.

Recently, he has started to talk about marriage and he proposed me. And I said "tak" of course. :)

He told about me to his parents and his parents did not like the idea that their son will marry a muslim girl. He does not go to the church but his parents go to the church. They are quite serious with the religion. Piotr does not mind my religion and I don't mind his religion as well. But what if his parents never love me just because I am not a Christian?

I love my religion and I will never convert. And I love him so much, I will not break up with him for that possibility too. But I am afraid that it can cause a problem in the future. Do you think a Christian Polish family can accept a non-Christian girl? Maybe in time?

I asked the same questions to him and he says "they will love you after they know more about you". But I feel like he says that to comfort me. :)

Is there any non-Christian girl who faced the same situation? If yes, how did you overcome this? The family started to like you after they get to know you?

Thanks in advance for all replies.

This is quite unusual situation. If Polish parents had something against their daughter marring a muslim man (and often have) it would be a fair point as they have tendencies of converting women to islam. In this case it's strange that your parents and the rest of your family doesn't have anything against you marring an infidel like it often happens and I think this is what his parents are faraid of.

Good chances are they would. Family ties in Poland are loosening in general so perhaps you'd be less dependent and in less contact with your in laws - assuming you end up living in Poland. Being from Turkey and not form some other non-Christian country would definitely help, too - considering over all good perception of Turks in Poland and some history with Polish-Turkish intermarriage.

Thanks for the replies. :)


My dad was opposed to it in the beginning so badly but I managed to convince him that my bf will not try to make me convert. My bf was in Turkey for 6 months long and he met with my family. So they know him and they kinda like him anyway. Fortunately, from my parents, there is no problem. But I haven't met his parents yet. And their problem is my being a non-Christian. Not that they are totally against it, just they didn't like the idea and I started to think that they may not like me because of that.


Yes, I will move to Poland. It's nice to hear that my being Turkish can help.

That's not entirely surprising.


There's a fair chance that your prospective mother-in-law will never like you. Not because you're a Turk, not because you're a muslim, just because no woman is good enough for her little boy (it's a Polish mother thing).

Yep. Be sure to have your own place at least 20 km from them :D :D, just in case. Another thing, does he have any siblings ? And what do they think about the topic ?

It's not nice to learn. :) Well, if they tend to think so, I dunno what I can do. But I'm nice with Piotr, we never have fights and those kind of stuff. And I care a lot about him.


I'll keep that advice in mind. :) He is an only child. He has a female cousin and I get along with her very well. She wants me to move to Poland so that we can spend time in person.

I know both Polish and Turkish people, though I'm not of either nationality, so maybe I can help. I think the important thing is that while many Europeans have an unfortunate image of Muslims, based on the few extremists that give the faith a bad name, Turkey is of course a secular state and most Turks interpret their faith in a very liberal way. For instance, I assume you don't wear a veil, and that you drink occasionally :-).

It may be that the key to getting on with your in-laws is to persuade them that you are a moderate Muslim, and not someone who will put pressure on their son to convert or to live a life that contradicts how he has been brought up. Also to anticipate their questions about how you would jointly bring up any children you may one day have.

I don't wear a veil but I don't drink. I am not an extremists but I try to obey the rules of my religion as much as I can do. And I don't mind that he is a non-muslim, because I love him. I will never force him to convert or something. We are not pushy to each others about anything.

And for bringing up any children we may one day have, I am totally okay with it that we can bring up them jointly. :)

.
It sounds like he is not particularly religious then, only his parents. This is probably the reason your parents accepted him and don't fear him converting you, because he is not a strict Christian. It anything, there is more chance of you converting him than him converting you.

It depends. If his parents are very strict Christians then it is unlikely they will ever be happy about it. They might accept you as their daughter in law [if you get married], but they would prefer he would marry a Christian girl.

What about if they see that I am not willing to convert their son?

As far as I know, a Christian guy can marry a non Christian girl. So, if we get married, he will not do something against to his religion. And I will never want to convert him. Strict Christians want Christian brides no matter what? =)

Your boyfriend will be doing nothing against his religion by marrying you. If you each keep your own religion and respect the other's then the only areas for possible tension will come when there are shared decisions to make where you could both want to do it according to your faith. For instance: Muslim or Catholic wedding ceremony? Baptise your children? Or, if they're boys, circumcise them?

I have no idea about Catholic wedding ceremony but if it is a must for him, I'm okay with it. In Turkey, we have two types of weddings. Civil marriage (it is a must and it has nothing to do with religion) and "nikah" (Muslim ceremony but since Piotr is not a Muslim, this will not be the case when we get married).


Wow, this was a hard question. I have never thought about it. Piotr and I did not talk about this. I can teach them Islam and they can teach them the Christianity. The kids can decide their religion in time. But those rituals... :) Circumcision is not a must to be a Muslim, it's sunnah (if you do, that's very nice... if you do not, no big deal), no fard (compulsory). So the boys don't have to be circumcised, they can still be a Muslim if they decide so.

In two weeks, I will go to Poland to visit him and I will meet with his parents. I am sure we will talk a lot about me and religion after the conversation gets deeper. I started to think that I should tell all these to them too.

Good luck :)

I am Turkish too. I am sure his parents will change their opinion when they see you :)

Sevgiler,

I am married to a polish catholic for 25 years,have 2 grown up kids,one chose to be atheist and younger one wanted to be catholic and even got baptised.I am of non christian origins and not relegious and my wife is catholic.We never had any issues and respect each others values and so does our children.

My opinion it will work out good....very good till you respect each others beliefs.
Good Luck in life:)

Very nice !

I just want to tell a short story which maybe relevant to your future family . Few years ago our daughter was attending Catholic Elementary school in Canada , one day while picking her up from school I noticed a Muslim girl coming out from the school as well . I was totally puzzled as the girl was wearing headscarf and long skirt covering her feet . After much speculation I couldnt come up with any reason why Muslim girl would go to Catholic school ...one day I decided to talk to the teacher as my curiosity would not stop ;) It turned out that girls mother was from Jordan and father was Polish , neither one of the parents wanted her to forget about religion ,culture and bacground of the parents , so they compromised and decided that she would be brought up in Catholic faith after her father but she would dress and follow her mother as a modest Muslim girl .

Best of luck to You.

Sorry ,I was trying to quote original poster PT2014

I think his parents will come around relatively quickly. For sure when their first grandchild appears. My concern would be on the other side. Your parents might be okay with it but what about the rest of your family and other people who will find out about it?

Also, I know that technically Turkish civil law allows for Muslim women to marry non-Muslim men but how long will that last? Erdogan's agenda (beyond stealing as much as he can) is clearly to islamize the legal code. Hopefully his present problems will continue and he'll soon disappear but there are conservative elements are on the rise in Turkey.

How would this affect travel in other muslim countries (if you ever want/have to pass through or visit them)?

Your marriage is such a nice example for me. Thank you so much. :)


It is so relaxing for me to know about couples who managed to work it out. I hope Piotr and I can be like that girl's parents too. And thanks a lot. :)


I don't care that much about what other relatives think. Probably some of them will not like it but the reason for that will be just prejudices, you know, a non-muslim and foreigner guy will be automatically a "bad guy" in their eyes but Piotr is such a polite and nice person in reality. The permissions of my dad and mom were crucial and thankfully they liked Piotr and now both my mom and dad are okay with it.


Yeah, since Turkey is a secular state, if a muslim girl wants to marry a non-muslim guy, she can marry. And indeed, I know so many Turkish girls who are married non-muslim guys. But I'll be the first one in my family. And for the rise of conservative elements, so many Turkish people are muslim but they like to live in a secular state and they would do anything if someone tried to limit them. For example drinking alcoholic drinks, so many muslims in Turkey drink and if anyone tries to limit them they start to speak up. I mean, it's not so easy to limit the freedoms of Turkish people drastically.


I am sorry, I couldn't understand this question fully I guess. :)


Thank you! :)

(I wrote thank you in Turkish hours ago but they deleted it I think, I didn't know that rule)

Hi again!

I was in Poland for 4 days to meet with my boyfriend and his family, just got back home today. Everything went perfect. It seemed like his parents liked me a lot. I liked them too. His mother asked me if I really want to marry Piotr and if I am ready and such. I said yes and she smiled so genuinely. :)

Thank you so much to all who answered my question and motivated me. :)

Hi, I think this is one decision you will regret in your life. I wish you could see when roses turn into fire flames.
Your well wisher,
Br
Latitia

I personally feel that conflicts in religious ideologies leads to confusion in choice of religion for the children at a later stage, and in most of the cases lose of religious identity is experienced , therefore, i think that as a muslim it is our utmost responsibility to be very careful in our decisions and avoid contradictons in matters of faith and religion, therefore, sorry to say but I don't support the idea of intra religion marraiges , thanks & best wishes

Ohhh, you are just saying that because it is a Muslim girl marring a Polish guy.

If it was the opposite (A Muslim man marring a Polish girl) YOU WOULD NOT THINK TWICE to say that this is not a problem.

Even because probably you would support, afterwards, the man force the polish girl to convert, right?

Because woman for you are total second class citizen!

That is what make me disgusted of some people. This ridiculous and ultrageous double standard. Hope Poland will never surrender to this kind of thing.

Merged: Turkish girl and guy from Poland. Polish religious family wants him to break up with me - I'm not Christian.

Hey Guys,
I am a 21 year old turkish girl and I lived in Poland for a year. I met this guy who's 21 years old ,currenly studying and working in Poland and we have a serious relationship for over a year. He came to visit me one week ago and he purposed. I said yes. BUT here is the problem: his family didn't know that he was in Turkey and when he went back to Poland,they took his money, his phone and his internet. and his 22 year old sister is controlling his fbook ,mail and all other accounts. they told him to break up with me. This situation is weird. they are treating him like a lil kid. he doesn't wanna break up. He says he loves me so much and he'll find a way to contact with me.. he says I am the love of his life. I wanna read your comments on this situation. do you see any future in this relationship? cos of his family ,I think they'll never accept me cos I am not polish christian girl. they are very religious. I met his family.. I don't know guys, I am very confused and I found this website on the internet and I thought what the heck I will write and see what you guys think about this.

Love ,
G.G

I personally do not get people and their problem with inter-racial relationship i mean get with the times seriously so what if you are cultrally different does that make him a bad person? No, does it make you a bad person? No. Ergh.

Anyway however....! I do think jumping into marriage like this is a tad bit hasty, ofc if you have the living place, job and money no problem but if you don't I would rethink.

I think you should wait for him to get in touch but his parents are probably more concerned with him getting married rather than getting married because of your nationality/culture

Best of luck.

sound exotic.


only if they are total drunkards, losers, haters of their son or insane.

In any acceptance there are two versions. The version you hear directly and the version behind closed doors. So when you ask if u will be accepted I would say most likely in version 1, the public version. As for the other....I doubt it.

quote by PT2014


Quote by Englishman


Does not Islam not believe in Jesus Christ as God ?
Does not Catholicism believe in the trinity ?
2 Corinthians 6:14.............."Do not be yoked together with unbelievers."

No, Jesus (Isa) is seen as a mere prophet in Islam, but is (supposed to be) revered, as is his mother Meryemana.

If you believe in Islam, you should look for the rules of the marriage of a Muslim girl with a non-muslim boy. As I know it is prohibited in Islam. You can search from the internet. There is a website that can be beneficial for you for such a question. "Questions on Islam"

its totally forbidden for a muslim woman to marry a non muslim man

Marhaba PT :)

According to the Catholic Religion, there is no problem you marry him, since the Catholic Religion allows intermarriages between woman and men ("There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28)"). Probably his family will accept with time, don't worry.

But according to Islam you can not marry him and probably no Iman will accept it and can generate backslash with time.

It is very clear in the Quoran: Sura An Nisa 34 " "Men, and Husband, have authority over women,and Wife, because Allah has made the one superior to the other." "

On the other hand, the Sura 60 of the Quoran establishes that a Muslim should not be subject to the authority of a Non-Muslim.

Hence, No Marriage between Non-Muslim Man and Muslim Woman is valid.

On the other hand, a Muslim Man can marry as many Non-Muslim woman as he wishes, since the husband, muslim, will have the ultimate word and the kids will be raised as muslims.

Hope i helped you and Good Luck!

Admins: the website mentioned by sfbrn have ties with the Muslim League, a subsidiary of the Muslim Brotherhood, considered by the American Federal Law a criminal and terrorirst Organization. I Urge you to delete his comment since this Forum is too good to be blocked by accusations of Jihadism recruiting.