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What can I do so that this Pole will love me? Why does he act like a hero and then breaks my heart?


amylia
12 Jul 2020 #1
I've been crying for a whole month because I miss him and he doesn't understand anything.
I have a complicated relationship with a Pole, he is 18 years old, handsome, respectful and so different from the others, he likes me and protects me, the only thing is that my dad shouts at him calling him names everytime he sees us and drags me by the arm so that I won't talk to him. He already works and I can see him only on some days when he disembarks, he is often tired and I noticed some deep scars on his arms and he doesn't tell me where he got them. Everytime we are outside he looks around and has always his guard up and now says it's time to stop meeting together cause my dad doesn't want. Actually I think he doesn't want, cause other boys don't care about dads if they are into the girl. He also doesn't like me asking questions and always avoids answering. He is the only one who cares about me, all the others push me down the stairs and laugh, call me names cause I am foreign, don't want me to sit at lunch but outside, he is the one who holds me and dries my tears and has fought to defend me. Now he wants to give up everything we have, while I want to hold him and be hugged and protected by him. He is the source of love I never had, he never judges me but is always by my side. Why doesn't he want me anymore? Is it due to our age? I don't care if I am 15, we can get married. Or doesn't he want to be with me cause I am not from Poland? I really don't understand how someone can be this much for another person and yet wants to break my heart and stop caring about me. Last time I saw him talking to a girl from his country, right after I ran to the docks knowing his ship would have disembarked. He broke my heart and left me crying for a whole month on the bed, like I was lifeless.
pawian 176 | 14,299
12 Jul 2020 #2
he only thing is that my dad shouts at him calling him names

It seems your primary problem is your dad, not your Polish boyfriend

I noticed some deep scars on his arms

It is called "sznyty" , self-injury inflicted on yourself when you feel depressed

He also doesn't like me asking questions

It depends what questions they are. If it is: Will you marry me? then he might react with justified reserve coz 18 yo boys usually don`t think about marriage at this age. In Poland they need parents` consent for that, you would have to go to Scotland to get married.

I don't care if I am 15, we can get married.

Hmm, I think you should focus on schoolwork more, instead of daydreaming about marriage. Try to get good education, then you will be able to impress decent boys who look for intelligent women. Such boys are in minoroty, indeed, but life with them is more interesting than with a boorish moron who pretends to be a macho but is a mental weakling in fact.
OP amylia
12 Jul 2020 #3
It is called sznyty - self injury

He doesn't self harm. He has three big scars on his bicep, like, knife cuts. I am sure he has trouble with someone.

I really do want to get married with him. He is the one who has ever treated me well, he is the one who showed me love. Since he left school I feel lost. I used to count the days for him to come back, but since I saw him with another girl he just ruined all my dreams. I thought he was perfect, my hero, but he is not. Why did he do this to me? I loved him so much, we also slept together in the shack in may, in each other's arms. I thought - he is my husband - but no, he just said 'you're a little girl, we shouldn't be here'. He always ruined the best moments.
Ziemowit 13 | 4,272
13 Jul 2020 #4
He always ruined the best moments

Nobody's perfect as they say.
pawian 176 | 14,299
13 Jul 2020 #5
He has three big scars on his bicep, like, knife cuts. I am sure he has trouble with someone.

hmm, it could be your father who opposes your relationship.

Why did he do this to me?

Hmm, to be able to answer this question, we need to know more details, preferably from other people involved. Can you show this site to your boyfriend and father and ask them to share their views on the whole story? Then I am sure we will be able to help you more effectively.

All in all, this tragic love is a potentially good scenario for a drama or film. Your story even bears some semblance to classic works of the genre, e..g, Romeo and Juliet. Your young age, parents` objection, cuts on arms (by a dagger which later will be used to kill) suggest it.

Keep us informed about the development of the affair. Make regular notes about all events in case a scriptwriter saw it and wanted to make sth big out of it.
kaprys 3 | 2,503
13 Jul 2020 #6
@amylia
Just because someone is kind to you, it doesn't mean they're in love with you. Being kind should be a normal rather an extraordinary thing.

You'd better talk to your parents and teachers about bullying at school.
Ziemowit 13 | 4,272
13 Jul 2020 #7
in case a scriptwriter saw it and wanted to make sth big out of it.

No scriptwriter will ever do as all this was simple trolling and you should know it better than others.
pawian 176 | 14,299
13 Jul 2020 #8
Ziem, you remind me of myself when younger, at your age I was also a predator upon trolls. But with age, I gained life wisdom and believe me, young man, even trolls can contribute some new valuable message and sth worth discussing.

No scriptwriter will ever do

Don`t be such a pessimist. Heads up, young boy.
OP amylia
13 Jul 2020 #9
I just don't understand how could he be so kind and protective of me and then avoid me and move on with another girl. When I went to the docks to meet him and I saw him talking to her, it was over for me. He just showed me that he was just a liar. If he really loved me, he would have never caused me to stay in bed for a whole month due to heartbreak.

Doesn't he want me cause I am not from his country? Or why did he do that? I have always loved him with my whole heart.

He made me fall in love with eyes, because he is so handsome, shy, he always helped me and treated me like he really cared about me. Maybe it's something in the polish culture that makes guys so different from other nationalities. Or maybe it was just him as an individual. He defended me when everyone attacked me. I don't know. All I know is that now everything is over. I hope that girl will break his heart like he did with me.
pawian 176 | 14,299
13 Jul 2020 #10
move on with another girl.

What do you know about her? It could be his sister or cousin.

He defended me when everyone attacked me.

Yes, that`s a purely Polish trait. Polish males do it frequently.

because he is so handsome, he always helped me and treated me like he really cared about me

Reminds me of myself when I was younger.

He just showed me that he was just a liar.

Why such big words? He wasn`t a liar, he just didn`t tell you everything, it is not lying. I also never tell my wife all bad news in order to preserve her good mood.
mafketis 24 | 9,361
13 Jul 2020 #11
saw him talking to her, it was over for me

Your a teenager, your emotions and hormones are driving you crazy, it has nothing to do with this guy. Get a grip.

He made me fall in love with eyes

He didn't make you do anything. You (and your burgeoning hormones) did that all on their own.

If he really loved me,

But he doesn't love you. You're just starting this game, you'll feel the same (or stronger) about other guys and wonder why you ever bothered with this one....
OP amylia
13 Jul 2020 #12
How can I really know if he doesn't love me?
I am confused. He has held me, slept with me in a shack while outside was raining and I was scared going back, has dried my tears and physically defended me and got in a fight because of me.

Now he stopped seeing me and he just treats me kindly but not as warmly as before. I just don't understand. He also looked at me with that twinkle in his eyes when we first saw each other.

What should I do? Should I talk to him although I'm still mad at him for having talked to the other girl? Do all Poles act like this, thet first make you believe they love you and then they ignore you?
Ziemowit 13 | 4,272
13 Jul 2020 #13
Why can't anyone throw this troll out of here?
pawian 176 | 14,299
13 Jul 2020 #14
No, Ziem, you are too cruel now. Show some compassion. One day you may be in such a plight and will come here asking for help.

He also looked at me with that twinkle in his eyes when we first saw each other.

Yes, now all what is left is beautiful memories. Keep them until the next boyfriend.
Mr Grunwald 29 | 2,014
19 Jul 2020 #15
amylia, I reckon he has difficulty seeing a good future with you, family relations are very important in Poland. If your dad won't accept him, it's a big problem
pawian 176 | 14,299
19 Jul 2020 #16
Hmm, it isn`t an obstacle which can`t be overcome. They can run away and live far from their families. Polish films are full of such examples - e.g., Witia i Jadźka in Sami Swoi.
Mr Grunwald 29 | 2,014
20 Jul 2020 #17
@pawian
Yeah, and just like in the movie. The female will ask: What we going to do? What is our future?!
pawian 176 | 14,299
20 Jul 2020 #18
In such a case, with such a fragile insecure woman, the male should say what Witia says in the film: Don`t worry, I will take care of you. After such words, the woman will go to the end of the world with you. Try it out, seeing that utter delight in woman`s eyes is worth one year of your life. hahaha
Mr Grunwald 29 | 2,014
20 Jul 2020 #19
@pawian
I am not so sure about that anymore, I have bad experiences with female nature. I might just resign it, live as a monk or an eternal bachelor. Sure, I got my life ahead of me but, I don't like my options
Poloniusz 4 | 601
20 Jul 2020 #20
Don`t worry, I will take care of you. After such words, the woman will go to the end of the world with you.

Oh, perhaps that still works but only for little while.

Clearly you don't understand the true hypergamous nature of women.



But unlike serially divorced older men who never learn their lesson and can't live without female validation, the younger men of today are keenly aware of the phrase "She's not yours, it's just your turn."
Mr Grunwald 29 | 2,014
20 Jul 2020 #21
@Poloniusz
I see you been eating a redpill
Poloniusz 4 | 601
20 Jul 2020 #22
@Mr Grunwald

You may agree that increasingly it's becoming common public knowledge.

Sure, the cuckold politicians, crazy feminists, and divorce lawyers hate this awareness going mainstream but oh well.

Smarter, younger men of today have options. They can still date casually, sleep around with women, focus on their careers, their hobbies, their friendships. But they have absolutely no intention of falling into the jaws of a marriage trap and are actually much happier than their miserable, even suicidal, married counterparts.

Today's informed men know that the so-called "mystery of a woman" was always just a way to deceive well intentioned men by covering up what was guaranteed to be a bad deal for them.

Men know they don't have to turn a blind eye to toxic female dysfunctional drama in order to try to hold a doomed relationship together.

It's easier and better to just walk away.

Or better yet, don't get involved in the first place.




pawian 176 | 14,299
20 Jul 2020 #23
I have bad experiences with female nature.

the true hypergamous nature of women.

Guys, I am sorry you have met only toxic women in your lives. Coz an evil woman she was! But you should know not all of them are such. Most women are wonderful beings who will go to the end of the world with you if you take good care of them.

But they have absolutely no intention of falling into the jaws of a marriage trap

That`s very irresponsible on their part. If there are less marriages, the number of kids will drop too coz women will bear them when they feel secure in a wedlock. That is why we need more immigrants who should bring their kids to make up for the falling population. All in all, diversity rulez!
Mr Grunwald 29 | 2,014
21 Jul 2020 #24
@pawian
I was under the assumtion that a women should be caring, I guess I was wrong and it has to be the other way around.

Wrong... We need more emmigrants. Spread the love of Poland ;)

How to fix it so we can have a healthy emmigration tho
pawian 176 | 14,299
21 Jul 2020 #25
I was under the assumtion that a women should be caring,

It is believed a woman should be caring, indeed. But this applies to kids, not her male partner!


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