Are Polish men deceptive behind their partners back?

I could really use some opinions on this.

I've been in a long distance with a Polish man for a year and a half.. He always promised me that he cannot be a dishonest person and would never cheat.. I had not taken things too seriously for many months.. but we fit well.. as a couple and when we talk about having a joint future.. are interests and goals etc,. I must add that being long distance he also made the huge decision to move to my Country and start a new career to be with me,.it a whole other Continent.. on my part I gave up poly relationships for exclusivity with him.

So he treats me like a princess almost always,. alpha male, handholding in public, being thoughtful with gifts and surprises,. saying all the right things to make a girls heart flutter.. I always find it too good to be true..

Now I find that, while he tells me he wants a serious future of us together, I catch him checking out women, he admits to harmless flirting and he still keeps close touch with couple women friends who he wanted to date but couldn't, and his conversations with them reflect a interest of excitement which is not normal when he speaks to men friends.

He swore to me that all these women are "just friends" until I literally interrogated him, coz **** didnt add up, and I realised he probably got some excitement from keeping these women in his life. at this point i realised he is capable of lying by omission,. or was willing to say whatever was necessary to keep these useless women in his life.

I have asked that he sets boundaries with these women in his life, since they are obviously aware of his obsession or crushes on them and some women enjoy that and exploit it, lets be honest. Plus who wants their boyfriend running after other women like a puppy?

Our adventures over the last 15-16 months span atleast 4-5 countries and 8-10 cities,.. not even one picture of our adventures are on his facebook.. However, he has lots pics of these women he liked and his exes.. I don't feel like a priority.. and I'm not willing to be less than that. We do love each other, but i feel disrespected coz of this behaviour.. I am seriously contemplating any further future emotional investment in this man.

I'm not on face book, I work a serious job and dont' have time and energy for frivolities and cheap thrills. I've even proposed an open relationship, so I dont have to care about which women he gives his attention to,

We have talked it out mostly and he promises he will delete stuff and cut communications with these women.. I don't know if he says it to shut me up or he means it.. so this is my question.

Are polish men deceptive? ...the types who treat you like the most important girl in the world,.. but is also flirting and giving attentions to everyone else behind your back? What are your experience people?

And please feel free to call me out for being too rigid with him! ;)

here is the latest statistics:

About 25% are always deceptive by nature and they never stop looking for such opportunities.

About 25% are deceptive but only when they run into a random opportunity.

About 25% would like to be deceptive and sometimes think of it but they are too lazy or too scared to carry it out.

About 25% are never deceptive and don`t even think about it.

A man cannot be a friend with a woman (unless his wife). The only reason he may hang out with her is to hope to have sex with her / cheat on his current partner. Again, no real man (unless LGBTQ or one who is depressed / ill) is going to just be friends with a woman without any prospective sexual benefits.

A man who wants to be a friend with a woman insults the woman - and vice versa...unless the man is a mancvnt and thoroughly confused about his gender... So many to choose from...

Actually it's this statement that insults me.

@Lenka, exactly. Such thinking is bringing down a woman to a sexual object and nothing more. It shows how primitive are the men who think in this way.

After I got married to my wife, she cut off relationships with her friends (young married couples too). At first, I was surprised and anxious, but after a few years I realized that that was the best way for our marriage to thrive. In my head, I liked the other married woman and it's more than likely I'd end up cheating my wife with her (she might be cheating on me too). But when the friendship ended, there was no more temptation and it was the only way to go for us. It is a harsh way to treat other people but that may be necessary to avoid divorce and other big problems.

@Ron2, sorry, but that's messed up... If you can't have friends or you both end up cheating on each other then there's something seriously wrong with your marriage (or you have a very weak character)... 🤨


Well, that's just sad and shows your lack of morals and restraint and weak character... Does your wife know about this?


That's your problem though... Plenty of married couples have friends and don't cheat on each other o_O

We now have married friends. But when you are in your 20ties then any kind of friendship can lead to cheating. That's how it is. Why, do you think, people get divorced? If I was immoral, I'd pretend I don't like the other woman and that she likes me too. My weak character was cured by not seeing the other couples and avoiding temptations.

Possibly no more than 50% of cheating is ever discovered, so it's hard to really know. A marriage may be perceived perfect but one or two of the spouses may cheat and only them may know about it.

@Ron2 again, sorry, but this doesn't depend on age. It depends on your values and character.


This is nonsense. You'd have to be some kind of nymphomaniac lol Maybe that's how it is or was for you, but not for me, for example.


For all kinds of reasons, cheating being just one of them.


Well, you wrote yourself that you were more than likely to cheat on your wife with that woman. Being attracted to someone else than your spouse is one thing, but actually cheating on them is another... Cheating is a choice. An immoral choice.

BS, statistically there are about 20 % married people that would cheat. Sill it depends on the country. I would bet that in the US that percentage is greater.

You can say the same thing about couples with no friends though *shrugs* Your spouse can cheat on you with a coworker, a prostitute, your neighbour, etc.

Assume you have a sweet tooth. What is the best way for you to avoid eating a cake? To buy a cake and display it in your kitchen? Or not to even go to a pastry shop and not to buy one? I think not buying a cake is a way to go unless you like torturing yourself. Value and character have little to do with physical temptations and once I realized that I stick to avoiding things that may satisfy my bad temptations. I don't know of any better way. There are plenty of men who lie to themselves saying they would never fall for sexual temptations, but I really think it's best not to take up the challenge or you will fail.

Honestly? Having a good enough reason for not eating that cake and exercising strong will. You can't live your life with avoiding even the mere sight of cakes all the time lol There was a time when I had to resign from sweets despite living with someone who didn't have to be on such a diet. It was hard at the beginning and I missed unhealthy food a lot. Even an ice cream add on TV would make me feel depressed lol I would only eat dark chocolate and some fruit as treats. But after a while I got used to such diet and started enjoying healthy desserts. I forgot what is the taste of normal chocolate and treated dark chocolate as a treat even though I hated it at the beginning as "too bitter". The same was with drinking water instead of sweetened tea. At first I hated drinking water lol Now it's normal for me and I drink tea only during social meetings.


Listen, I do agree that eliminating temptation/threat of cheating is a good idea if you know you have a weak will. That's a responsible thing to do and I applaud you for that. But don't assume that everyone else on this planet has as weak will as you do.

Amen to that. Plus who said your friend has to be attractive to you...

That's a warped way of thinking. You shouldn't judge others by your own low standards.


That's a ridiculous statement to make. I have a couple of female friends that I've known forever, and I'm good friends with their husbands too.


Clearly you don't trust yourself.

I know quite a few divorced people but the majority of them didn't divorce because of cheating, they just grew apart over the years and realised that they wanted different things. Sad but it happens.

Well, that would be considered a weird and unhealthy thing to do by most people. What about you? Did you end your friendships too? So you're saying that both as a couple and individually, neither of you had any friends or social life outside of each other? Why did the pair of you get married in the first place if you were that immature?

You need to consider the most important aspect here. If you knew Polish people, especially a few decades ago.. we would meet at our homes for all gatherings. There were no restaurants or shopping mall meetings as they do it today. Birthday party, name day party, New Years Eve, etc. we would just visit each other homes to the point we feel like home. Her friend would pop up at any time to our apartment just to chat. This has created an unhealthy situation because there were too many temptations, especially if they started visiting without a notice or after drinking alcohol. So it's easy to judge but when you face the facts it's a different story. If I was immature, I'd take advantage of the possibilities.

@Ron2, don't blame the circumstances - everybody else was living in the same circumstances and people somehow weren't cheating on each other en masse. It sounds like it maybe wasn't just a physical attraction and you had a crush on your wife's friend?

Btw, how long have you two been married at that time when your wife decided to cut off her friends? Was it right after the wedding? And when did you notice you have a thing for her friend?


Is that what she told you or are you assuming she might?

Most of the Polish people I know are in their forties and those home gatherings you talk about haven't changed, at least among the Poles that I know. I've been to friends' birthday parties, New Year's Eve parties etc etc and not once have I witnessed men or women trying to chat up their friends' partners. Plenty of friendly banter but that's as far as anything went.

To be honest, it sounds like the problem lies with you and at that time you didn't trust yourself to be around this friend.

I shared a bed with my male friend multiple times when I stopped at his dorm (I was attending weekend course in that town) and we didn't do anything. We were both in early 20's.

Don't put everyone in the same bag just because you feel certain way

Banter in public but did you follow them to a more secluded place to see how their conversation carried on??? :):):):):)

was carried on, of course.

Like where? lol Majority of people in Poland don't live in some villas where you could find a secluded room and cheat there on your spouse while a birthday party or a Christmas Eve supper is taking place lol And couples usually stick together at such events.

Obviously, there are always going to be cheaters out there and modern technology makes organising trysts (?) easier these days, but Ron2's notion that noone can have friends and normal social life because they're going to cheat on their significant other is ridiculous. He's simply projecting his weakness on others.

Not at all; if anything, it was the opposite. Before marriage, I haven't even had a real girlfriend because I was busy studying and to me a woman I would fall in love with would be someone to spend my life with. I eventually found one and I wasn't interested in affairs just like before and after the marriage.


Negative. My wife is 9-10 out of 10. Her friend was nice, but not my type. But when she was tipsy it felt like she liked me too much and I wasn't strong enough to be assertive. It's possible that I might have eventually gave in to the sin, but that's what I've always been against in my mind. Perhaps my wife noticed the situation (even though she's never mentioned it to me) and she moved on to letting the friendship go.

Either way, after decades of marriage, I've never been with another woman as one is plenty to me, so something worked well. It took some luck and faith in God.

I would never want to be a man who has been "successfully" cheating on his wife (meaning that he's never been caught) because deep inside he must be suffering and live in regret. If not immediately, then later in life. I guess to me the feeling of prospective regret has been the strongest motivator against cheating because how could you continue living with your spouse knowing you are lying to her about something so important.

Aaahh, yeah... I meant to ask you about this at some point lol Now it makes more sense.

So, you see, I'd say that someone with so little experience shouldn't be making such authoritative statements about who can be friends with whom.


Then it makes it just more depressing. Because the moral of this story is that no matter how beautiful the wife is the husband will cheat on her anyway when faced with "temptations" lol And the mistress doesn't even have to be his type, as long as she's willing.

Do you realise how pathetic you make men look like? What's the point of getting married if men are so easy and weak?


I'm facepalming very hard right now... lol *sigh*

Imagine your wife cheated on you and her explanation would be "I wasn't strong enough to be assertive" :D What's so hard about saying: "I'm married, I love my wife, you're not my type and I'm not going to have sex with you."?


Of course she did. And it looks like she cared about your marriage more than you did, because she was the one who stepped in and took the preemptive measures by sacrificing her friendships and social life. You're lucky that this was her decision - that she decided to dump her friends back then and not you... I would dump you.

Btw, how old you two were when you got married?