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Australian woman connecting with a Polish man - a bit overwhelmed!

Koora 1 | 6
24 Feb 2017 #1
G'day, All.

I'm an Australian woman who has just connected with a Polish man through a reputable online dating site. We are both in our early 60's and widowed. We are both well-educated, intelligent, have a good sense of humour, and are looking for a permanent, intimate relationship. I am a very independent woman who has a senior executive management background, is retired, and now living very actively and happily caring for my five acres of land in a close-knit rural community. All good so far!

The thing I need hzelp with is to understand this lovely man a bit better. The thing I find most challenging - overwhelming - is the degree of his intensity about me and the relationship we want to develop. Before we could meet in person, he flew out to Asia to continue an engineering project he is managing. It will finish in a month at which point, he'll retire. We have have had many email and Skype conversations, and he is clearly a lovely, intelligent man, but he is now expressing great love for me and has the expectation that we will have a permanent relationship - marriage! - on his return.

To compound things (for me, anyway), he tells me I am the only woman he has made contact with since his wife died 4 years ago. He tells me it was his son's suggestion to join an online dating site to find a partner.

I have an excellent ******** detector, and I am as comfortable as I can be that this man is genuine. He's just SO intense. Part of that is probably because he's an engineer. I've worked with engineers a few times in my career, and they are certainly a breed of their own! I hope I don't offend anyone saying that. I came to love the engineers I worked with - once I 'got them' and they 'got me'! But engineers are intense Little Vegemites and are like runaway bulldozers once they get an idea in their heads - there's no stopping them! So, there's that factor going on here, and then there's what I'm wondering might be the cultural factor - the Polish factor. Without generalising and stereotyping, can Polish men be intense - VERY intense?

I really would appreciate some help here. I have a great sense of humour, so if you want to tell me to just get over myself and just get on with it with this bloke, feel free. I'm 62 and he's 65 - it's not like we're going to be married for 40 years. We might have 5 to 10 good years if we're lucky. What could go wrong? 😃😅😃

Anyway, over to you, my forum comrades, for any wisdom you may have to share with me.

Dziękuję Ci
Lyzko 29 | 7,263
24 Feb 2017 #2
Well Koora,

My experience with Polish people in general is that, yes, compared with most Anglos (among which I include folks from "Down Under", along with the States and the UK), they can indeed be "intense", almost keyed up, often opinionated to the extent I sometimes wonder whether or not they're simply doing it all for effect:-)

Being male, my encounters with Poles will have been chiefly with the opposite sex, but I have found on many separate occasions that a majority will seem to be making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill, where in the mainstream US culture, usually a simple yes or no would suffice beautifullyLOL

Then again, I've lived in many different European countries and find the Poles to be among the more passionate and forthright, similar to a lot of Germans, but less didactic and far less gesticulative than, say, the Italians or Spaniards whom I met when visiting those countries. A bulk of Swedes and especially Danes by comparison would appear positively lethargic.

Trying not to stereotype too much mere, but after all, most stereotypes ARE based on truth to some degree anyway!

Just puttin' in my two cents.
OP Koora 1 | 6
24 Feb 2017 #3
That's most reassuring, Lyzko. I like your comparisons with other nationalities. Thank you for taking the time - consider your two cents well spent!

The best to you.

Lyzko 29 | 7,263
25 Feb 2017 #4
And to you:-)

Don't be disheartened though, Koora! Learning to know the other is a shared process througout a span of time, sometimes years.
As I presume that your beau speaks English some, the main "barriers" will continue to be cultural rather than purely linguistic. Give him time to adjust to your more laid back lifestyle as he must give you space in order to adjust to his more judgemental manner.
OP Koora 1 | 6
25 Feb 2017 #5
Thank you for your insight and wisdom, Lyzko. I do appreciate your kindness. I have indeed been feeling out of my comfort zone - but, hey, that's where I've found I learn new things and often have the most fun. I keep telling myself, "Deep yoga breaths". Sometimes works!! 😆
Lyzko 29 | 7,263
25 Feb 2017 #6
I can only share with others that which I've experienced! Knowledge acquired through reading alone in the end is desecated and useless:-)

The Poles can be a tough bunch, both the men as well as the women. Centuries of living under the gun barrel as it were of the Czars, later the jack boot of the Nazis, later still, the deprivation under the Communists, has left its mark on Poland, much as the lack thereof has certainly brought itself to bear on the French and the English.
OP Koora 1 | 6
25 Feb 2017 #7
Your observation re the French and English made me laugh out loud, Lyzko. Lovely observation. I'll say no more than that - tho I could!! 😅

Lyzko 29 | 7,263
25 Feb 2017 #8
....although slightly less than entirely accurate regarding the French at any rate:-) There was the little period from 1942-1944, Vichy, stuff like that)))))

No seriously, laughter is to be sure often the best medicine (and far less costly than yoga, I'd wager).
OP Koora 1 | 6
25 Feb 2017 #9
I'm counting on humour getting us through to a good place, Lyzko. If it doesn't, there'll be nothing for it but to move on. I've enjoyed your sharp-edged humour - given me a bit more perspective.

Lyzko 29 | 7,263
25 Feb 2017 #10
There's plenty more where that came from, Koora, don't you worry a might:-))

Apropos humor, Poles have a quick sense of humor, only it's more jagged, political, satirical, and more than a wee bit on the mordant side, contrasted with the more American-style Australian varietyLOL

The Pole's wit shines through his cabaret, a sure source of self defense during the Nazi era as well as much later on in Gomułka's reign!
OP Koora 1 | 6
25 Feb 2017 #11
Will research Polish cabaret and see what comes up.

I've enjoyed our exchanges, Lyzko. What brings you to this site - if I may ask without offence?

Lyzko 29 | 7,263
25 Feb 2017 #12
Most likely the same thing that brought you, Koora; the desire to exchange information about the Polish culture, history, and language:-)

OP Koora 1 | 6
25 Feb 2017 #13
Sweet dreams, Lyzko!

Lyzko 29 | 7,263
25 Feb 2017 #14
'Morning, Koora!

Figure you've given some casual thought to what we were talking about last evening:-)
Often, Polish "arrogance" is merely a mask to hide feelings of deep-seated insecurity from centuries of being deemed "dumb", weak or inadequate by their stronger and more powerful neighbors aka Germany and Russia.

Being constantly looked down upon leaves its mark on a person/nation.

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