SMP
23 Jan 2013
SMP
23 Jan 2013
Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]
Update:
What I should have done: Cut her out completely and removed her from Facebook. Maybe she would have realised in her own time how much I meant to her and would have wanted to get back together.
What I actually did: After a few days I decided that I really needed her back, my heart desired her and it felt too unnatural to let her go without a fight. I sent her emails trying to appeal to her sweet side. I convinced her to meet me few times. But everytime it was the same story, she was determined to move on, and told me anything she could think of for me to leave her alone (She never loved me, she was always unhappy, she used me) and although her eyes betrayed what she was saying, she was determined this time to not get back together. In previous times I could always eventually get through to her sweet side, and this is why I continued with this method, but this time it was fruitless.
Basically I was weak and pathetic. My approach to the situation was the wrong one but I went with what felt natural. I can only console myself with the fact that at least I fought to the end for the love of my life.
Yesterday we met for the last time to exchange some final stuff. She invited me into her flat where she lives with a load of Polish guys. The place was a mess and they clearly drink, smoke and party most nights. She says she is happy now. I get the impression she has started seeing one of her polish flatmates. I wonder how long such a lifestyle will make her happy before she realises what a load of deadbeats she is hanging around with. This time I did not try to win her back. I told her a few home truths about how appalling she has treated me, and how she is likely to continue being a cheat for the rest of her life as she can never take responsibility for anything and blames other people for everything which gives her the justification to do such things. Maybe I didn't mention before but she also cheated on her only other serious boyfriend during a ‘bad patch’. I told her that one day she will realise what a special love we once shared and she will cry when she realises how she destroyed it. After I just walked out without saying goodbye and cut her out of Facebook etc
I finally realise there is no way back and I try to move on with my life now. With a tear in my eye I have to accept that I lost the love of my life and will probably never connect with someone like that again.
I know people reading this will think that actually it sounds one sided and that perhaps she never really loved me and maybe even used me. But I can assure you that until recently it really was both ways and I felt it very strongly, and also in the words she said. No-one is that good of an actress. But in the end the love wasn’t enough and she craved other things in her life, which were ultimately more important than just being with me.
Update:
What I should have done: Cut her out completely and removed her from Facebook. Maybe she would have realised in her own time how much I meant to her and would have wanted to get back together.
What I actually did: After a few days I decided that I really needed her back, my heart desired her and it felt too unnatural to let her go without a fight. I sent her emails trying to appeal to her sweet side. I convinced her to meet me few times. But everytime it was the same story, she was determined to move on, and told me anything she could think of for me to leave her alone (She never loved me, she was always unhappy, she used me) and although her eyes betrayed what she was saying, she was determined this time to not get back together. In previous times I could always eventually get through to her sweet side, and this is why I continued with this method, but this time it was fruitless.
Basically I was weak and pathetic. My approach to the situation was the wrong one but I went with what felt natural. I can only console myself with the fact that at least I fought to the end for the love of my life.
Yesterday we met for the last time to exchange some final stuff. She invited me into her flat where she lives with a load of Polish guys. The place was a mess and they clearly drink, smoke and party most nights. She says she is happy now. I get the impression she has started seeing one of her polish flatmates. I wonder how long such a lifestyle will make her happy before she realises what a load of deadbeats she is hanging around with. This time I did not try to win her back. I told her a few home truths about how appalling she has treated me, and how she is likely to continue being a cheat for the rest of her life as she can never take responsibility for anything and blames other people for everything which gives her the justification to do such things. Maybe I didn't mention before but she also cheated on her only other serious boyfriend during a ‘bad patch’. I told her that one day she will realise what a special love we once shared and she will cry when she realises how she destroyed it. After I just walked out without saying goodbye and cut her out of Facebook etc
I finally realise there is no way back and I try to move on with my life now. With a tear in my eye I have to accept that I lost the love of my life and will probably never connect with someone like that again.
I know people reading this will think that actually it sounds one sided and that perhaps she never really loved me and maybe even used me. But I can assure you that until recently it really was both ways and I felt it very strongly, and also in the words she said. No-one is that good of an actress. But in the end the love wasn’t enough and she craved other things in her life, which were ultimately more important than just being with me.
SMP
2 Nov 2012
Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]
Yes - 3 times in the same night apparently! Also he is engaged!
he also said that she slept with this guy three friggen times on amother thread, this is not a one off mistake. She obviously enjoyed it and didnt feel that much regret.
Yes - 3 times in the same night apparently! Also he is engaged!
SMP
2 Nov 2012
Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]
Not really, at the moment she is still very mixed up I suspect and in a dark place, but I am expecting that to come in the near future as she will begin to realise what she has lost, so I really am just preparing myself...
Does she really want to be forgiven? Has she really begged to be forgiven? I mean really begged.
Not really, at the moment she is still very mixed up I suspect and in a dark place, but I am expecting that to come in the near future as she will begin to realise what she has lost, so I really am just preparing myself...
SMP
2 Nov 2012
Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]
I had been with my polish girlfriend for 2 years. The first year was long distance then this past year she moved to London to be with me. I changed jobs so I could afford a one bed flat for us. I pretty much have done everything to try to make her happy and provide a life for us. Right from the beginning it was a very emotional relationship, we had strong feelings of love for each other and as a result arguments were quite intense and based around her being paranoid about trust and devotion. She is without doubt the love of my life and we had a special connection, so I always remained positive after these heated arguments and hopeful that things would come good once she had settled in London, got a job, found friends etc ...
As things started to fall into place for her (job, friends) ... unfortunately the arguments remained and were often accelerated after she had a drink or two. She would seemingly try to create conflict between us out of nowhere. She is 5 years younger than me and in her mid twenties, so I felt like this animousity was a result of her not really being happy to be in a serious relationship just yet, but at the same time her love for me was very strong, and so I think she was constantly in conflict with herself about the need to be free and live life some more and the need to be with me (not wanting to risk not finding true love again).
She started to make friends with polish people in London and started seeing them more and more. It was clear she missed home. Her attitude started to change and she became bit more agressive and was often swearing. Whereas I was always her main priority it looked as though her focus had shifted towards other things - her job and new friends.
After a recent argument created out of nowhere after she had had a drink, we went through a bad patch lasting more than a month. I wanted her to admit that she keeps causing problems between us and take responsibility and talk to me about it. But she never did and in the end she decided to move out for a little while to get herself together. Although I could have emotionally forced her to stay I decided to let her go because I thought that otherwise the pattern of arguments would keep repeating. This method was worth a try and we would keep dating. The main idea behind it was that perhaps we had moved in together too soon.
However just 4 days after she moved into her new flat I intercepted a conversation with her friend back in Poland. She had basically told her that she has slept with a polish guy from her work in her bed! I confronted her about it on skype and forced a reluctant confession out of her. She said that she felt a spark between them and that she had some feeling of love for him. I was absolutely gutted and heartbroken. Despite all our problems the one thing that had kept us together through the hard times was the purity of our love, and now that was gone. I couldn't believe she had done it because on a intimate level we always connected strongly and promised ourselves only to each other. I told her she was stupid to think those feelings were love and it was in fact lust as she barely knows the guy. I said that we were in a bad place and it was natural that she would feel some "relief" feelings with someone else, but rather than get through it and remember the good times between us, she took the easy option and that of a coward.
The next day I think she realised that she was naive to think it was more than lust with this guy. She realised what a mistake she had made and that she had thrown away the best thing in her life and the person who had done everything for her, and that sex with someone you don't really love is not the same as with someone you do. In some ways (and perhaps foolishly) I believe that she really has learnt from this. Unlike me she is quite sexually inexperienced and perhaps needed to find out how it felt with someone else to confirm that it was better with someone you love. For instance I already know that if I cheated it wouldn't feel the same as when I am with her based on past experience.
But then again when I think about how close we were and how we always told each other we were enough for each other - and to imagine her having sex with someone else sickens me to my core and I'm not sure I can ever forgive that. Ironically if I never checked up on her conersation that she might have just realised this on her own and we would continue being together and I would never have known about her cheating.
Last point - the comments earlier perhaps suggests she in unhappy in herself which led to this cheating. So perhaps I need to just let her go and find her path in life and maybe somewhere down the line our paths will cross again. I always thought that if my partner cheated on me then I would never even consider taking her back, but unfortunately I am so in love with this girl that I can't imagine or don't want a life with anyone apart from her.
Should I consider forgiving her and try again? Or am an idiot for even considering it?
I had been with my polish girlfriend for 2 years. The first year was long distance then this past year she moved to London to be with me. I changed jobs so I could afford a one bed flat for us. I pretty much have done everything to try to make her happy and provide a life for us. Right from the beginning it was a very emotional relationship, we had strong feelings of love for each other and as a result arguments were quite intense and based around her being paranoid about trust and devotion. She is without doubt the love of my life and we had a special connection, so I always remained positive after these heated arguments and hopeful that things would come good once she had settled in London, got a job, found friends etc ...
As things started to fall into place for her (job, friends) ... unfortunately the arguments remained and were often accelerated after she had a drink or two. She would seemingly try to create conflict between us out of nowhere. She is 5 years younger than me and in her mid twenties, so I felt like this animousity was a result of her not really being happy to be in a serious relationship just yet, but at the same time her love for me was very strong, and so I think she was constantly in conflict with herself about the need to be free and live life some more and the need to be with me (not wanting to risk not finding true love again).
She started to make friends with polish people in London and started seeing them more and more. It was clear she missed home. Her attitude started to change and she became bit more agressive and was often swearing. Whereas I was always her main priority it looked as though her focus had shifted towards other things - her job and new friends.
After a recent argument created out of nowhere after she had had a drink, we went through a bad patch lasting more than a month. I wanted her to admit that she keeps causing problems between us and take responsibility and talk to me about it. But she never did and in the end she decided to move out for a little while to get herself together. Although I could have emotionally forced her to stay I decided to let her go because I thought that otherwise the pattern of arguments would keep repeating. This method was worth a try and we would keep dating. The main idea behind it was that perhaps we had moved in together too soon.
However just 4 days after she moved into her new flat I intercepted a conversation with her friend back in Poland. She had basically told her that she has slept with a polish guy from her work in her bed! I confronted her about it on skype and forced a reluctant confession out of her. She said that she felt a spark between them and that she had some feeling of love for him. I was absolutely gutted and heartbroken. Despite all our problems the one thing that had kept us together through the hard times was the purity of our love, and now that was gone. I couldn't believe she had done it because on a intimate level we always connected strongly and promised ourselves only to each other. I told her she was stupid to think those feelings were love and it was in fact lust as she barely knows the guy. I said that we were in a bad place and it was natural that she would feel some "relief" feelings with someone else, but rather than get through it and remember the good times between us, she took the easy option and that of a coward.
The next day I think she realised that she was naive to think it was more than lust with this guy. She realised what a mistake she had made and that she had thrown away the best thing in her life and the person who had done everything for her, and that sex with someone you don't really love is not the same as with someone you do. In some ways (and perhaps foolishly) I believe that she really has learnt from this. Unlike me she is quite sexually inexperienced and perhaps needed to find out how it felt with someone else to confirm that it was better with someone you love. For instance I already know that if I cheated it wouldn't feel the same as when I am with her based on past experience.
But then again when I think about how close we were and how we always told each other we were enough for each other - and to imagine her having sex with someone else sickens me to my core and I'm not sure I can ever forgive that. Ironically if I never checked up on her conersation that she might have just realised this on her own and we would continue being together and I would never have known about her cheating.
Last point - the comments earlier perhaps suggests she in unhappy in herself which led to this cheating. So perhaps I need to just let her go and find her path in life and maybe somewhere down the line our paths will cross again. I always thought that if my partner cheated on me then I would never even consider taking her back, but unfortunately I am so in love with this girl that I can't imagine or don't want a life with anyone apart from her.
Should I consider forgiving her and try again? Or am an idiot for even considering it?
SMP
22 Oct 2012
Love / Google: Polish women "easier" than English women - official! [52]
Alcohol seems to change polish women into paranoid self-destructive tendencies, whereas alcohol seems to change british women into slags.
Which is better. YOU decide ...
Alcohol seems to change polish women into paranoid self-destructive tendencies, whereas alcohol seems to change british women into slags.
Which is better. YOU decide ...