UK, Ireland /
Crap parenting in our UK youth today (in Poland it's a little better) [52]
Most of us here were brought up in the 70's and 80's probably when giving a child a "smack" was a relatively common occurance. The only thing is, what it was done to achieve and how was it delivered?? The only reason my parents gave us a "smack" so to speak was as a way of getting our attention and stopping us from doing what we were doing. It was never as a punishment. And it was never even hard...just a pat on the bum to make you turn around and stop. Children are by their very nature self obsessed and controlled by instincts and impulses that centre around themselves and what they want and have little or no knowledge or acceptance of how they interact with society or people around them, and have little or no caring about this. Most children dont even really develop any sense of their place within a community or develop a rudimentary notion of consequences of actions until they are at least 6 or 7 years old, and then only if they are taught that in a consistant fashion. And we werent bad kids...in fact we were pretty good kids but sometimes we needed checking and Im sorry...but sitting down to talk to me about what I was doing as a 4 or 5 year old to find the reasons why I was being maybe a little brat that day would have been silly. I didnt know why I was being bold...I just wanted to do something and I had no knowledge of the "why" or "wherefore" of my actions. Kids run on impulse...thats the way they are made. In order to interupt that impulse you have to arrest their attention. Some people shout at their kids...some people go all out and batter their kids. Some will try to sit the kid down and reason with it. Verbal abuse and beating are wrong...and reasoning just doesnt work. I know it is the widely varying actions of the adult which are the cause of the argument here because nobody wants to see a child being beaten senseless...or yelled at and verbally abused. But a smack just strong enough to halt the child is in my opinion acceptable. And it got my attention, long enough for my mum or dad to tell me to stop doing what I was doing. If they had sat me down and tried to explain to me or reason with me it would have gone in one ear and out the other...and I was a very smart kid but it simply would not have registered because a childs capacity to reason out the impacts its actions have on other individuals, its environment, community, society or whatever are just beyond its capabilities because they are concepts much to big to be grasped by a child that young. Giving a child a beating out of frustration is wrong...and I am in no way defending that, so is verbal abuse and calling the child names or yelling obscenities at it, but I think it comes because the parents are not consistant with teaching the child...just punishing it.
I will say I had a healthy amount of respect for my parents, fear would be way too strong a word, and I grew to learn that there were lines in the sand and you didnt cross them. And I loved them and they loved me. But a lot of kids these days dont even see the lines...they are never told no and half the time the parents are too busy and TV bring up the kids. I dont have kids of my own but I do have 3 adorable little nephews...and yes they can be little brats at times, but all kids can be. They test boundaries and patience like you wouldnt believe but my brothers and sister treat them the way were brought up...wth sometimes a smack to get their attention and then instruction on what to do...or not to do. They get a treat when they do something good or help around the house, they have a treat taken away when they are persistantly bold...cause and effect are taught and they are all good kids. They dont get something for nothing and spoilt, unless its their birthday or christmas and they dont get everything they want. They have everything they will ever need...but only get what they want if they are prepared to at least earn it. If you teach a child consistantly those small things soon enough they realise that by such simple concepts the world really revolves. Its the earliest lessons I was taught and they have always stood me in good stead.
