dave_MD
25 Jun 2014
Love / My Polish wife's family hate me. Maybe it is because I'm black. Advice needed. [87]
Since none of the replies so far have been helpful I will shed my 2 cents (or złoty if you prefer).
Let's state an obvious but difficult- to-accept fact: Racism still exists in Europe. I do not think in Poland (and amongst the older generation no less) that it is due to an intrinsic hatred towards other people. It comes down to the difference in mentality between generations. Your girlfriends' parents have probably not been in contact with a lot of people from other nations. Their mentality is such that they envisioned their daughter getting married to some wealthy and handsome Polish guy with a good job who will give them Polish babies that the whole town will talk about for years. Now here comes "some black guy" who intends to spoil their vision of what their daughters wedding and children (their grandchildren) would look like. This I believe is what is going through their minds. In a town as small as theirs, how many black people do you think they've seen? It may sound ridiculous as a twenty-something in 2014, but the older generation of Polish people only remember the days of communism and how you had to look out for your own.
I hate to sound pessimistic, but I am afraid you are fighting an uphill battle. The views of her parents' generation will not subside anytime in the immediate future. To them, their daughters' "happiness" is just a phase. To them, she will only be truly "happy" if she marries a man who fulfills their criteria of a good boyfriend/husband (and unfortunately for you that means someone Polish). Being 21( and from a small Polish town) your girlfriend is unlikely to be independent and will therefore always choose family over you. The fact that they are "devout Catholics" means nothing.
My advice: speak to her father (through email, post, face-to-face) and explain your situation. Just don't be surprised when he says no after your epic plea. If your love is truly that strong, you will find a way to be with her. But otherwise, I think it's time to start realizing that while we are in 2014, the brains of a lot of the world are stuck decades in the past. I wish you the best of luck though
Since none of the replies so far have been helpful I will shed my 2 cents (or złoty if you prefer).
Let's state an obvious but difficult- to-accept fact: Racism still exists in Europe. I do not think in Poland (and amongst the older generation no less) that it is due to an intrinsic hatred towards other people. It comes down to the difference in mentality between generations. Your girlfriends' parents have probably not been in contact with a lot of people from other nations. Their mentality is such that they envisioned their daughter getting married to some wealthy and handsome Polish guy with a good job who will give them Polish babies that the whole town will talk about for years. Now here comes "some black guy" who intends to spoil their vision of what their daughters wedding and children (their grandchildren) would look like. This I believe is what is going through their minds. In a town as small as theirs, how many black people do you think they've seen? It may sound ridiculous as a twenty-something in 2014, but the older generation of Polish people only remember the days of communism and how you had to look out for your own.
I hate to sound pessimistic, but I am afraid you are fighting an uphill battle. The views of her parents' generation will not subside anytime in the immediate future. To them, their daughters' "happiness" is just a phase. To them, she will only be truly "happy" if she marries a man who fulfills their criteria of a good boyfriend/husband (and unfortunately for you that means someone Polish). Being 21( and from a small Polish town) your girlfriend is unlikely to be independent and will therefore always choose family over you. The fact that they are "devout Catholics" means nothing.
My advice: speak to her father (through email, post, face-to-face) and explain your situation. Just don't be surprised when he says no after your epic plea. If your love is truly that strong, you will find a way to be with her. But otherwise, I think it's time to start realizing that while we are in 2014, the brains of a lot of the world are stuck decades in the past. I wish you the best of luck though