Love / Should I forgive my cheating Polish girlfriend? [73]

I had been with my polish girlfriend for 2 years. The first year was long distance then this past year she moved to London to be with me. I changed jobs so I could afford a one bed flat for us. I pretty much have done everything to try to make her happy and provide a life for us. Right from the beginning it was a very emotional relationship, we had strong feelings of love for each other and as a result arguments were quite intense and based around her being paranoid about trust and devotion. She is without doubt the love of my life and we had a special connection, so I always remained positive after these heated arguments and hopeful that things would come good once she had settled in London, got a job, found friends etc ...

As things started to fall into place for her (job, friends) ... unfortunately the arguments remained and were often accelerated after she had a drink or two. She would seemingly try to create conflict between us out of nowhere. She is 5 years younger than me and in her mid twenties, so I felt like this animousity was a result of her not really being happy to be in a serious relationship just yet, but at the same time her love for me was very strong, and so I think she was constantly in conflict with herself about the need to be free and live life some more and the need to be with me (not wanting to risk not finding true love again).

She started to make friends with polish people in London and started seeing them more and more. It was clear she missed home. Her attitude started to change and she became bit more agressive and was often swearing. Whereas I was always her main priority it looked as though her focus had shifted towards other things - her job and new friends.

After a recent argument created out of nowhere after she had had a drink, we went through a bad patch lasting more than a month. I wanted her to admit that she keeps causing problems between us and take responsibility and talk to me about it. But she never did and in the end she decided to move out for a little while to get herself together. Although I could have emotionally forced her to stay I decided to let her go because I thought that otherwise the pattern of arguments would keep repeating. This method was worth a try and we would keep dating. The main idea behind it was that perhaps we had moved in together too soon.

However just 4 days after she moved into her new flat I intercepted a conversation with her friend back in Poland. She had basically told her that she has slept with a polish guy from her work in her bed! I confronted her about it on skype and forced a reluctant confession out of her. She said that she felt a spark between them and that she had some feeling of love for him. I was absolutely gutted and heartbroken. Despite all our problems the one thing that had kept us together through the hard times was the purity of our love, and now that was gone. I couldn't believe she had done it because on a intimate level we always connected strongly and promised ourselves only to each other. I told her she was stupid to think those feelings were love and it was in fact lust as she barely knows the guy. I said that we were in a bad place and it was natural that she would feel some "relief" feelings with someone else, but rather than get through it and remember the good times between us, she took the easy option and that of a coward.

The next day I think she realised that she was naive to think it was more than lust with this guy. She realised what a mistake she had made and that she had thrown away the best thing in her life and the person who had done everything for her, and that sex with someone you don't really love is not the same as with someone you do. In some ways (and perhaps foolishly) I believe that she really has learnt from this. Unlike me she is quite sexually inexperienced and perhaps needed to find out how it felt with someone else to confirm that it was better with someone you love. For instance I already know that if I cheated it wouldn't feel the same as when I am with her based on past experience.

But then again when I think about how close we were and how we always told each other we were enough for each other - and to imagine her having sex with someone else sickens me to my core and I'm not sure I can ever forgive that. Ironically if I never checked up on her conersation that she might have just realised this on her own and we would continue being together and I would never have known about her cheating.

Last point - the comments earlier perhaps suggests she in unhappy in herself which led to this cheating. So perhaps I need to just let her go and find her path in life and maybe somewhere down the line our paths will cross again. I always thought that if my partner cheated on me then I would never even consider taking her back, but unfortunately I am so in love with this girl that I can't imagine or don't want a life with anyone apart from her.

Should I consider forgiving her and try again? Or am an idiot for even considering it?