What should Russia and Poland do to become if not friends, then at least not enemies?

only because you are averge, not to worry you have plenty of other posters you can talk to...

@Paulian

Sure, kids are not our clones. However, a person who has children has a better chance of passing on his/her values onto them than a childless person does - that's all I'm saying.


Apparently you don't spend too much time browsing the Polish internet; it is full of idiots making fun of "madki" and their "kaszojady". Women who decide to stay at home and raise children are called parasites, patologia, pińcetplusy etc. And it is often done by either half-witted female organisms or quarter-witted male incel organisms.


I never said anything of the kind. The example of a worthless PhD on Latvian cutlery (or something equally important), the pursuit of which made such person abandon the plans of starting a normal family, was intended to show the pointlessness of the current civilisational model in which "career" of "self-fullfilment" are promoted and encouraged in popular culture whilst stay-at-home mums are often belittled and disparaged. What the popular culture offers in return for family life is a huge lie that will make a lot of people miserable in the end. But sure - as you said: it's everybody's individual choice.


Well, some people are so open-minded that their brain falls out, so I'll take that as a compliment. :)

Never heard that, the pińcetplusy that I see would probably have trouble holding down any kind of job since they seem to not have much going for them except having (loud and poorly behaved) kids....

I remember (mumble mumble) years ago when graduating students wanted marriage and kids but also needed jobs for luxurious like food and shelter... that's the main cause of women not being eager to have kids now.... a whole generation was trained to believe that kids = poverty.

Exactly.

Our grandparents used to say: Bóg dał dzieci, da i na dzieci, so our parents were born - a huge post-war demographic peak - and then we were born (an echo of that peak). Unfortunately, then the mass indoctrination started (literature, TV, movies, popular press, later the internet as well) and the whole generation is brainwashed into thinking that having children is an obstacle on their way to "self-realisation", "fulfillment" or "career".

Sorry, but I have to intervene here - the term "madka" isn't about mothers in general, but about a "special" type of a mother:

pl.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madka

It's a bit like "Karen" - an archetype of a person who behaves in a certain, irritating way.


And, again, people usually have in mind pathological families when talking like this - parents who spent 500+ on alcohol, etc.


Something that isn't important for you may be important for another person (man or woman). And, anyway, since when having PhD in something important or not important prevents people from having a family of their own? My female cousin I wrote about earlier in another thread, the one with a PhD in biotechnology, is married and is expecting a baby (a son).

You are addicted to US style conservative crazy theories... it wasn't mass indoctrination but the law of the market... a female employee who got pregnant was a catastrophe for a company that had to keep paying her (and train and pay a replacement too). Old PRL style laws were unworkable in a capitalist reality.

And it wasn't weird ideas about devoting their lives to latvian pottery but the crazy desire to be housed and fed....

In the US things were different and the course of events was propelled by different factors.... like rebellion against the monotony of stay at home housewifery (worse in us style suburbs than in a Polish urban environement)

But the decisive factor was that capital wanted women's labor (the only reason the women's liberation movement succeeded was that it coincided with the interests of the capital class).

The godless popular culture, promoting ideas contrary to traditional family values is a sad fact, not a crazy theory. One needs to be blind not to see it.

But sure, the interest of great capital also played its part.

Bit of an over simplification there. The women's lib movement (if you mean that of the 1970s) was only the culmination of a long, long journey towards equal opportunities and fairer treatment for women - unless you're just talking about the situation in America.

And it succeeded when it did because the goals of the women's movement (I'm a friend, not an enemy) and capital coincided.

That is no longer the case which is why capital now does a lot of things to encourage women to not be in public....

Not really! It was about ajusting society to the new reality where for the first time in humankind history technology of an effective birth control come to play the big role... in rising of the global economy, corporations, the greed to make more and more - via consuption and women are great spenders if they join workforce and have no familes they spend eben more and that feed the greedy mill!!!

Idologies were just a cheery on the cake to keep it runing smoothly ....women just took it all hook and sinker like fools!!! they are the one that loose more in this game...

As a man, I think I have somewhat of a different problem... but maybe it's the same for women. I can't say.

I spent about 15 years after college focusing on my work. Now, when I feel I'm standing firmly on my two feet, and finally want to have children - there is no one I want to have them with.

Do not misunderstand me - I really want children. I think I would be a good father. However, it seems the correct way to have children is to have them with someone you love. Last few years, I have come to understand that I'm becoming pretty set in my habits, and more stringent in filtering potential relationship candidates by a complex matrix of criteria. I find it hard these days to "like" anyone, let alone "love" them.

Starting to think, I should marry someone for a few years, get some kids, then go back to living life as I've become used to it.

:)

Well, if you do that before the kids are adults, then it will probably hurt them immensely, so you'll be stuck with their mother for at least 18 years (that's why being in love with the woman helps).

But of course you are right - the later you enter into a relationship with a woman, the more difficult it is. You both already have your various, sometimes strange, habits and customs and the older you are the more difficult it is to adjust to tolerating the other person's idiosyncrasies (and here, again, love helps a bit).

Mid 30s is a bit late to start a family but definitely not too late. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, Bobi.

This is true, very true. I'm not sure I could ever love someone, like I loved the person I loved in my early twenties. I think this muscle, atrophies afterwards.

Now I have to measure any potential mate against the following criteria:

1) Is she younger than 30?
2) Was she married previously, does she have kids?
3) Does she speak Russian well? Does she speak English well?
4) Is she intelligent? Well educated?
5) Does she come from an "intact" family, or a divorced one?
6) Does she come from a "good" family?
7) Is she physically attractive to me?

After you sort through these criteria, almost no one passes the test.

Forget about love... All I feel these days is some kind of passing excitement (infatuation) over some colorful person I run into, which inevitably turns into disappointment once the novelty wears off.

The time to do a quick deal was late teens and twenties. Now I've been spoiled by life.

Well, I won't deny that. My wife was 19 and I not much older when we met. Got married four years later and we're still together.

Adjust your criteria a bit:

1. 32-34 is still not too bad, if you decide to have kids right away.
2. In mid-30s she is bound to have been married before; not necessarily a disadvantage.
3. Languages-shmanguages. Love is a universal language :)
4. Intelligent, OK, but is education that important? Adjust this point.
5. I have a friend who married a girl from an orphanage. I don't even know how many times he told me that she's the best wife he could ever hope to have.

6. Irrelevant. Even better if she's not spoilt too much by luxury in childhood/adolescence.
7. Well, you can keep this point as it is. Man must have some pleasure in life. :)

I recently had a couple of dates with a 34 year old (yes, the Ukrainian girl is out of the picture after 7 years together). Before that, I had several dates with a 27 year old. I caught myself doing a lot of simple math in my head. The first girl would be 40 in 6 years, and the other in 13 years. That seemed a big difference.

Virtually all the women worth being around, after 30, have been married and have at least one kid. I don't want to sound like a terrible person, but I realized I don't want to raise someone else's kid. I even told myself - "if you really like her, what does it matter?". Problem is - I didn't "really like her", as I can't "really like" anyone at the moment. I also like the idea of having my own chance at making a family, rather than inheriting someone else's.


I can see the attraction of this option. However, personally, I am a big family person. I don't want some fortress-type mentality in my family of, "it's us against the world". Marriage is a marriage of two families, in my understanding.


I thought this way for a long time. However, there's problems girls from poor families have, that rich girls don't. If I am really trying to create a life with a minimum of friction, a girl from modest means would not qualify. Again, I am a terrible person.

Agree with points on intelligence/education, and others.

No, you're not. You simply have high standards and expectations.

A nice song to cheer you up a bit...

youtu.be/TV25YEbk8Po

@Bobko
I would lowered the standards to: "Be acceptable towards kids learning Russian"

She might learn the language while they learn it out of curiosity. I guess you would like and respect that then a women already knowing Russian. No?

I'm afraid you'll be lonely for the rest of your life.

If you ever marry one, NEVER buy life insurance.

If you turn stupid and do just that because "it's a proper thing to do", one day you will be the subject of another Snapped.

Also: Separate accounts plus a prenup.

Staying married is tough. Don't make it worse by marrying a foreigner or a woman of different faith. Or a woke leftist...

Please keep in mind that women lie all the time and can rationalize everything - including killing you for money or because you want the custody of your kids.

They kill less often than men but when they do, their cruelty has no bounds. Like poisoning their husbands over weeks and watching them die a slow and painful death. There is a reason why Munchhausen by proxy is their mental disorder. If they can bring their own child to near death for 15 minutes of attention, killing you for one million bucks policy is nothing.

While I can understand not wanting to be a step dad (it is a huge responsibility right from the start) why would her being divorced matter?

And to be honest, why would such an amazing women be with you when, by your own admission, you can't even really love her?

Men want love. Women want a nest. HUGE difference...

Because they lay eggs...or were they chickens. 🤔

What makes them amazing?


a happy hatching day to you bruner!

No, no... I meant her parents being divorced.

If she is divorced, and has no kids - that's fine in my book.

I have two major relationships in my life, and both happened to last seven years. The girls I've met, have explained to me that's basically equivalent to having been married twice. While I disagree, I see where they are coming from.

Divorced is not a criteria. I just don't think that a girl that grew up without a dad would be good fit for me. Not sure if that is a fair criteria...

Sorry, thought that is an issue.


From what I heard/read that is roughly when usually the first bigger crisis hits.

Your dad criteria is not very sensible in my opinion as in our generation and geographical location there have been a fair share of dad's that were so bad it would have been better if he wasn't there. But I guess your 'good family' covers that.


Young, pretty, intelligent and educated, multilingual from good family and good financial standing...

Those days are long gone for iron gnome or what?

Now I'm sorry - I clearly phrased that in the wrong way.


Reading your description, I see how it is difficult. The time to grab these girls is before 23-24. My problem is, they are not interesting to me at that age. Maybe I should talk to Strelets35, lol.

Why they are not interesting, is because at that age they act essentially as toy dogs at my side. I feel embarrassed before my adult friends and their wives, if I bring someone like that with me.

Here is another part of being single at 35 which is not great - less and less of your friends want to spend time with you.

And that is before the last, most difficult part- she must find you interesting/attractive too.


Part of it is simply can't. Work and small kids don't go together with big social life with single friends.
Part of it - they have less and less in common with you.

You don't know me, and I don't know you... believe then when I say it's not difficult for me to find women interested in me.


This is true. I feel this lacking in my life, in a bigger and bigger way. I see that people do not take me as seriously, as they appraise some other people from our social circle, merely because I wasn't as successful at creating a family for myself.

This is why I am laser focused on kids. I want my own soldiers, my own persons which I molded after my own image, like some toy soldiers out of clay or pewter.

I love kids. I feel a big gaping hole in my life through their absence. I feel I am something less than my peers, because I don't have kids.

No-one is interesting/attractive to everyone. Thus so e of those women meeting your criteria simply wouldn't want you.


Hmm, I don't think that's the healthiest outlook on having kids...

For people who want kids not having them creates a big wound. If this is really your dream you have to work on it sooner rather than later.

Few more years and the only option may be being a step dad