Inspired by Kania's kind words - I have decided to serialize my PAŃSTWO chronicles.
As a reminder, this is a fictional record of a Polish occupation of Russia - triggered by an unprovoked Russian declaration of war, followed by their immediate surrender (thanks Grunnie for the idea).
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Internal Call Log - PAŃSTWO Headquarters
April 17 - Day 9 of Polish Presence in the Former Russian Federation
Call between Nikolai Sergeyevich (Head of Cultural Affairs, Ural District) and PAŃSTWO's DUCH (Departament Ujednolicenia Cierpienia i Heroizmu). On the phone for DUCH is Lieutenant Kazimierz Wrzodak.
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Nikolai Sergeyevich:
Good afternoon, Pan Wrzodak. I'm calling again on behalf of the Ural District Cultural Committee. I've been instructed to submit our "Regional Identity Compliance Report," but I'm having trouble answering section seven.
Lt. Wrzodak:
Section seven... that's "Local Expressions of Polishness and Willingness to Participate in the Romantic Struggle Against Invisible Enemies," correct?
Nikolai:
Yes. The form asks us to list "examples of spontaneous Polish melancholy in regional art." Our resident sculptor made a statue titled "Sad Man With Cabbage", but it turns out it was about tax reform. Does that qualify?
Lt. Wrzodak:
It depends. Does the cabbage represent the futility of fiscal clarity in the face of cosmic disorder?
Nikolai (uncertain):
The man is weeping and the cabbage is partially shredded. There's also a receipt nailed to the plinth.
Lt. Wrzodak:
Excellent. That meets the criteria for Class II Symbolic Despair. Proceed.
Nikolai:
Thank you. We also attempted a painting. The initial proposal - Chopin crying in a snowy wasteland - was deemed too abstract. So the team produced a new work titled "Kościuszko Receives an Administrative Summons."
Lt. Wrzodak (suddenly attentive):
Go on.
Nikolai:
It depicts General Kościuszko being handed a stack of official papers by a junior clerk from the Ministry of Seasonal Road Maintenance. Behind him, a portrait of the Virgin Mary is hung slightly crooked. There is a sense that Kościuszko doesn't understand what he's being fined for, but feels morally obligated to accept it.
Lt. Wrzodak (quietly):
That... is magnificent. It encapsulates everything. Duty. Confusion. The quiet humiliation of paperwork. Send it immediately to the Central Registry of Heroic Misunderstandings.
Nikolai:
Of course. I'll have it couriered.
Lt. Wrzodak:
Ensure the Virgin's frame remains crooked. It's essential.
Nikolai:
Yes, sir. One last question - do the official forms in the painting need to reference a real department?
Lt. Wrzodak:
I defer to your best judgement here, Nikolai.
Nikolai:
Perfect. Thank you, Pan Wrzodak. Long live the Commonwealth.
[Line disconnects. A pigeon flies into Nikolai's office window and dies without cause. The paperwork begins.]
As a reminder, this is a fictional record of a Polish occupation of Russia - triggered by an unprovoked Russian declaration of war, followed by their immediate surrender (thanks Grunnie for the idea).
-----------
Internal Call Log - PAŃSTWO Headquarters
April 17 - Day 9 of Polish Presence in the Former Russian Federation
Call between Nikolai Sergeyevich (Head of Cultural Affairs, Ural District) and PAŃSTWO's DUCH (Departament Ujednolicenia Cierpienia i Heroizmu). On the phone for DUCH is Lieutenant Kazimierz Wrzodak.
-----------------
Nikolai Sergeyevich:
Good afternoon, Pan Wrzodak. I'm calling again on behalf of the Ural District Cultural Committee. I've been instructed to submit our "Regional Identity Compliance Report," but I'm having trouble answering section seven.
Lt. Wrzodak:
Section seven... that's "Local Expressions of Polishness and Willingness to Participate in the Romantic Struggle Against Invisible Enemies," correct?
Nikolai:
Yes. The form asks us to list "examples of spontaneous Polish melancholy in regional art." Our resident sculptor made a statue titled "Sad Man With Cabbage", but it turns out it was about tax reform. Does that qualify?
Lt. Wrzodak:
It depends. Does the cabbage represent the futility of fiscal clarity in the face of cosmic disorder?
Nikolai (uncertain):
The man is weeping and the cabbage is partially shredded. There's also a receipt nailed to the plinth.
Lt. Wrzodak:
Excellent. That meets the criteria for Class II Symbolic Despair. Proceed.
Nikolai:
Thank you. We also attempted a painting. The initial proposal - Chopin crying in a snowy wasteland - was deemed too abstract. So the team produced a new work titled "Kościuszko Receives an Administrative Summons."
Lt. Wrzodak (suddenly attentive):
Go on.
Nikolai:
It depicts General Kościuszko being handed a stack of official papers by a junior clerk from the Ministry of Seasonal Road Maintenance. Behind him, a portrait of the Virgin Mary is hung slightly crooked. There is a sense that Kościuszko doesn't understand what he's being fined for, but feels morally obligated to accept it.
Lt. Wrzodak (quietly):
That... is magnificent. It encapsulates everything. Duty. Confusion. The quiet humiliation of paperwork. Send it immediately to the Central Registry of Heroic Misunderstandings.
Nikolai:
Of course. I'll have it couriered.
Lt. Wrzodak:
Ensure the Virgin's frame remains crooked. It's essential.
Nikolai:
Yes, sir. One last question - do the official forms in the painting need to reference a real department?
Lt. Wrzodak:
I defer to your best judgement here, Nikolai.
Nikolai:
Perfect. Thank you, Pan Wrzodak. Long live the Commonwealth.
[Line disconnects. A pigeon flies into Nikolai's office window and dies without cause. The paperwork begins.]