@Softsong Thank you so much for your words. It really means a lot to me. I have no one to share my feelings with, and it is not that I have no friends but because they told me so that it will happen like this and that my relationship with her will fall apart. But I kept on repeating that everything is possible and I will show to my friends, my family everyone that once you make up your mind then everything is possible.
@Johncardwell I know what you are saying and you know the funny part that we talked about everything. Kids, religion, where we would live. I have by the Grace of God a very good job and I travel a lot but for some reason not to Poland because of funny things happened when I applied for visa twice. The first time they gave me visa but they did't inform me and when I asked they gave me visa in back days. The next time I met this Polish lady who seemed very nice. She understood everything and did the embassy routine check they do for information gathering but she also refused to give visa because she told me that I need to have an invitation letter in order to travel. That time I was going to spend Christmas with her.
I changed my passport and tried again the third time this time and from another country and I got it. That was the most happiest day of my life because I got the chance to see my only one true love. Kiss her hug her spend time with her. Meet her parents. I have thought about everything and it is not the first time in my family that one is getting in an interfaith marriage. My uncle is happily married to one of the nicest ladies I have know. She is Christian and she didn't change her faith. She comes from England. They have been married for 35 years. One of my cousin is married to Spanish, one to Italian and one to French and the same thing that they are living happily.
I would not be the first guy who would do that. I understood everything and where I was going. Honestly she is a person that you can't possibly NOT fall in love with once get to know her. She has all the things a girl should have. I didn't know what happened, what went wrong, why she did that I really have no clue. I remember Bryan Adams song in which there is a line "If you see your unborn child in her eyes then you really know that you love the woman".
I couldn't stop myself of calling her and she was with him. She started crying and I couldn't hold back my own. It is the last thing I wanted to make her sad after everything she did I still love her. I want to see her happy in her life. If she thinks she can be happy with the other guy then let it be. The other guy also called me and asked about it and I asked him a simple question if he can make her happy for the rest of his life and will love her and care her ? If yes then I know I have to do the right thing. He said YES and I believe him and that is she also wanted. I can't see tears in her eyes. I am too weak for her. I let her go and forgave her for everything she did. There is not a single moment when I don't think of her.
I don't know I did right or wrong but I couldn't see her in this way. Love is not about just receiving. It is also about giving. I still love her and I will keep my promise. My life was so beautiful when she was with me and so much like a desert when she is gone. Maybe I had to fight for her, I donno but I think it was better that the one heart breaks rather than three. At least they will be happy and knowing that she is happy will make me happy.
remember the first time I saw her.. I thought she was an angel
I am not that fascinated by outer beauty.
Evidently you are, I always find that line "its what's on the inside that counts" to be complete bollox, I dont look across across a crowded room and think, woooow that really ugly bloke over there looks like he's got a wonderful personality!
You never met her, she has a boyfriend in "real" life, get over it!
[quote=kasqures]I am grateful to God for everything he provided[/quote The article you wrote was all about yourself, this is a debating site not "Marjory proops".
Its also a cultural issue I guess because where I come from we have these ideas or notions of being with woman for the rest of the life.
The vast majority of marriages in Pakistan are arranged, so can you tell me where you get the notion of love from?
As for turning up in Poland, I dont think that it's a good idea, she is with someone else now, its a bit disrespectful to her boyfriend if you do. He has made it clear to you that they are together and he wants you to leave her alone. Your "relationship" with her is over now.
My uncle is happily married to one of the nicest ladies I have know.
Well then chat to him about your "cyberspace lover", see what he thinks, and , follow his advice, and spare us all the tedious posts which are irrelevant and unentertaining.
The vast majority of marriages in Pakistan are arranged, so can you tell me where you get the notion of love from?
At least their marriages last lifetime unlike in Europe. And u r saying how can he have idea about love ?
Well then chat to him about your "cyberspace lover", see what he thinks, and , follow his advice, and spare us all the tedious posts which are irrelevant and unentertaining.
Who forced you to read it ? You are not doing some favor to him by reading the post. Don't think yourself so important. LOL! Just don't read it! problem solved!
@ShellyS If you fall in love with a donkey you will find it more beautiful than Miss Universe. I guess you have no idea about what I feel. And where did you get the notion that every marriage over there is arranged. Have you ever been there ? Have you ever lived there ? That's the problem you don't know what really happens its all the media that is talking. Nothing good is talked about just always the bad stuff. For the record I have left her alone and I will not see her.
@Jihozapad I can't deny that it doesn't happen but when it happens in certain places and it is aweful disgusting and absolutely **** but again you point out a thing which does not reflect the majority.
Look what all **** happens in Europe or in US. Boys sleeping with their moms, brother and sister having sex I mean what the hell and you never mention those. and these people are what educated. Education doesn't mean you know only that what gravity is or how computer works it also means that you know the difference between good and bad. You hate brown people and yet you want to get tanned this is just so hypocrite.
@theboywholived thanks for understanding and atleast someone know the facts.
@lexi I didn't forced you read it. You know what Maybe I will take his advice. I don't understand how is it possible for you guys to move on to others like it never happened. Its amazing. And watch Jerry Springer for entertainment.
Who forced you to read it ? You are not doing some favor to him by reading the post. Don't think yourself so important. LOL! Just don't read it! problem solved! theboywholived Member Threads: 1 Posts: 19 Joined: Mar 5, 09
Who forced you to read it ? You are not doing some favor to him by reading the post. Don't think yourself so important. LOL! Just don't read it! problem solved!
|Oh grow up and get a life, the man is just me me me!
Who forced you to read it ? You are not doing some favor to him by reading the post. Don't think yourself so important. LOL! Just don't read it! problem solved! theboywholived Member Threads: 1 Posts: 19 Joined: Mar 5, 09
Who forced you to read it ? You are not doing some favor to him by reading the post. Don't think yourself so important. LOL! Just don't read it! problem solved! theboywholived Member Threads: 1 Posts: 19 Joined: Mar 5, 09
I was not forced to read it luv. although it was a piece of s....!
At least their marriages last lifetime unlike in Europe. And u r saying how can he have idea about love ?
They get divorced in Pakistan you know!
Look what all **** happens in Europe or in US. Boys sleeping with their moms, brother and sister having sex I mean what the hell and you never mention those.
These are rare, however Pakistanis marry their first cousins all the time, please dont tell me this is rare because I know its not.
And where did you get the notion that every marriage over there is arranged.
I didnt say "every" read my post, I said "the vast majority" - its a cultural thing, they do it with 2nd generation Pakistani kids in this country send them back "home" to marry their first cousin. Look, like you said, you are culturally different.
Anyway, you will hopefully move on and get on with your life, good luck and next time listen to your family and friends, these are the people that are close to you and usually know best.
hmm..... my love story was also "perfect".... myself polish, he asian-pakistani. My family accepted him. He never told his family about me, although I asked him to do so several times. He said no matter what they say he would never leave me, he was the one to marry me not his family! He also said that when he married me he would tell them and they would accept me. Half an year after we married (nikkah-his family do not know about it) we applied for COA and were approved. Then he told his family good news. Then they told him to come back and that there was always culture problem in mixed relationships and that breake up was always there. He did not know what decision to make! Then he decided to follow his family will although he assured me many times in the past he would always stay with me. I trusted on him more than on any one else. He married me without telling his family and still assured he would make them accept me. And at the end he leaves me for his family will. Polish-Asian love stories in most cases end up, never last. It is true- the culture problem is always there, bo it is better to mix with people from your own culture...... same values, same thinking, same mentality.
Seems like you have a problem man. I mean you are delusional. It is okay to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all BUT once you lose, it is best to just move on. You did a great thing by overcoming ridiculous odds being a Muslim Pakistani and falling for a Christian Polski from England while living in 2 different countries. That is pretty crazy for any kind of relationship, good or bad. She might have been fascinated by the whole idea (as we all know, romance for women is all in their heads. It's just a matter of whether they buy what you're selling). She liked the challenge and the idea but that was all it was. She does not love you, she NEVER will. The sooner you realize this the better off you will be. You say she's a swell girl, well then she might be a lifelong friend then BUT she will not be your wife or have sex with you or share a life with you. Forget that dream. It was good, she liked it and now it's over. She has a REAL (and I mean, the actual person she wants) man in mind and that is not you.
Don't get mad or beat yourself up. The best remedy is to move on and have a better life without her; one without heartache or heartbreaks as silly as this one.
"being a Muslim Pakistani and falling for a Christian Polski from England " - Actually I am the Christian Polska from England, (polish girl) and married muslim Pakistani guy.
"as we all know, romance for women is all in their heads. It's just a matter of whether they buy what you're selling" - and I married him with nothing else but love, not for romance. Romance was never in my mind.....
"She does not love you, she NEVER will." - You are wrong, I loved him and sacrifised a lot for him.... pity he did not do the same for me....
"She has a REAL (and I mean, the actual person she wants) man in mind and that is not you." - nope, I had only him on my mind, was always sincere with him, even though he broke my heart many times.
"The best remedy is to move on and have a better life without her; one without heartache or heartbreaks as silly as this one." - Yeah, lifes goes on, maybe I will be happier without him.
Not always Christian Polska (polish girl) is that "swelly" as you guys think... This time Asian guy broke white girl's heart not other way round. Surprised... huh?
salam. let me introduce me. mid-thirties. australian man. with experience at having heart broken. once or twice. many years ago. a very long time ago.
it is hard for you now. this girl whom you spoke to for a long time and met briefly was/ is very important to you. the feelings that you have/had for her are real and very meaningful to you. you are lucky to be able to have such strong feelings for someone, and she is lucky to have someone who has had strong feelings for her. although it doesn't feel like it at the moment, you will eventually stop hurting quite so much. And you will almost undoubtedly eventually find someone else. One day.
Young ladies can be very hurtful and inconsiderate of men's feelings. this is not necessarily because they are cruel, but often because they lack maturity, or lack courage. it may be that this girl was too scared to tell you about her boyfriend because she didn't know how to tell you and didn't want to hurt your feelings, although this led to greater hurt for you later on.
Different people have different definitions, desires, and abilities to be faithful, so don't let this experience make it impossible for you to trust someone. Some people might not talk to a member of the opposite sex if they have a partner, other people might think that going out for a drink was cheating, others might think that it is OK to have sex with other people. The girl who said she was your girlfriend obviously thought differently about the importance of the relationship to her than you understood. This is not necessarily because she was untruthful or untrustworthy. Maybe when she first met you she thought that she was in love with you, but since you had not ever met it is natural for her to become lonely. Unless she has a very strong discipline or has very strong feelings for someone that she has not met in person, it is easy for her to meet someone else.
I know that i may sound like an out of touch unromantic old person who has forgotten what it is like to experience the hurt of lost love, but i should like to assure you that you will be able to reach a stage where it does not hurt so much, and you will find someone else. I know the idea of someone else might sound very empty, disloyal, or unfeeling, at the present time, and doesn't diminish the feeling of hurt now. However, there are many wonderful, caring women in the world, and one day it is quite likely that one of them will be thrilled that someone like you, who values love and commitment, will want to be with them. Of course there are also inconsiderate and uncaring women too, and it's preferable to not develop a strong affection for them, but sometimes it is hard not to. And there are also many wonderful, caring women in the world who you might find that it will not work out well for a romantic and/or marriage relationship with, and the process of finding that out might be hurtful to one or both of you.
If you can, consider to try to forgive your friend for not being strong enough to be faithful to the idea of you for such a long time. It is a very sad story, but you might be comforted to be reminded that this is a universal story throughout history and many others have experienced similar and eventually recovered. Now you have a small bond of understanding with every other human being throughout history who has had a failed romance.
I will once again try to convince you that you are lucky that you are capable of having such a depth of feeling for another person, although it has some of these unfortunate side effects when things go badly. You have been able to maintain some sense of gratitude, as indicated in one of your posts, and i would suggest that if you were to keep practising that gratitude as you are able to, then it might be helpful.
Good luck. Try not to let this setback, as significant as it is, turn your capability for loving others into cynicism or bitterness. If you have sympathetic and understanding uncles, or cousins, or friends, perhaps they could help by talking to you.
You Muslim Guys have the poetic gifts I always wished I had.
I am not in your life. But here goes anyway:
It does not seem fair at the moment. It sounds like you did everything perfectly.
But I think in time you will understand why this happened to you and how it is supposed to shape your destiny.
It will take time and meditation.
We must always remember, that we should not chase after what we want. But ask for what we need and what is best for us.
Honestly, I think this woman was a low bid for you. My Muslim Friends who are married to Czech Women are not happy. They tolerate the marriage and stay with it because that is what they promised to do.
Maybe find a Muslim Girl in Europe. There are more and more. Thank God for that.
I chatted to my person online for a year and a half and that was too long without meeting , but due to being only 18 a few months before i was unable to really , like the guy was with his Visa.
The woman i liked who ended up going with a guy there whilst we were talking online said she did it because he was there.Like it or not a woman has needs and you can't do it from a distance really the affection just can't be shown and your often fighting a losing battle.This online then going with someone local theme seems to be happening a lot and i do think its fair enough but whoever it is should tell you right away , really she could have told the OP much sooner same as woman i chatted to left it til 2 weeks before i went and also i was asked to visit as a friend only but put me in an awkward position as it was so late.
Thinking back i met a few nice local girls here in the UK during the time and maybe i should have prioritised the people actually here so lessons learnt.It still hurts when you find that out though i felt sick and empty at the end of it but i know its because you lost the dream, the ideallistic life you imagined rather than an actual relationship.
@thomasee73 I am so thankful to you for this beautiful words that you have written and they are very true indeed and have a lot of learning and wisdom in it.
@Softsong Thank you as well for the kind words... I know all people are not alike and there are many beautiful people in the world like yourself.
@johncardwell Thanks man I will send you an email out and definitely I would wanna be friends... I need one.
I am a Muslim and she is devoted Christian and God fearing person and we had good understanding of everything
This is where I stopped reading your post. What the hell is a devoted Christian? You mean she is someone who lies, cheats, deceives etc. then goes to confession to make it all allright,...at the same time naively believing in the 'virgin Mary' and the 'invisible man in the sky' (credit: LukeXX)...the only thing she fears is thinking for herself.
It's the 21st century for heaven sake! Get over this nonsense!
