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My Perfect Love Story so I thought


kasqures 1 | 7  
17 Jul 2009 /  #1
Hi Guys,

I wanted to share my sad story which for me is nothing less than the worst nightmare and the most painful time in my life. About two years ago I started chatting with a Polish girl. She seemed to be different than others and she had moral values and was beautiful and intelligent and it didn't take long for me to fall in love. As our relationship grew I found out more and more about her and loved he more and more. Her ideas, the way she thought, they way she wanted her life would be was all perfect and I couldn't have been a happier guy to find true love. I am one woman kind of guy and comes from family that has ethical morals and I committed my entire life for her. I loved her more than anything and would do anything for her and she promised and loved me the same way (so I thought). I am a Muslim and she is devoted Christian and God fearing person and we had good understanding of everything and we even went to the extent of having where we would get married, how and where we would live and what will be the names of our kids.

I couldn't have asked for a better person to be with. She told me that she would wait till the eternity for me. The problem was that I come from Pakistan and as the stereotype is that all Pakistanis are lunatics and freaks which is absolutely wrong. But that meant I had to apply for visa to go there and meet her. I tried a couple of times but every time I was restricted to go for one reason or another. I work in a company where I travel a lot and my job changes so I work in different countries as well. But that did not deter my effort of being with her and she knew every thing and she was with me all the time and kept on telling me that there will be next time and we will be together forever and God knows I believed her, believed in out love and that is meant to happen. Things started changing in the past 5 months. She went to Brussels for an internship program from University for three months. I was in constant contact with her. everyday I used to ring her up ask how things are going and how is she finding.

When she returned home, for the first three weeks she was different. She told me Brussels is a nice place and she would like live there and work in the future which I believed was good because I could move there in the future with her would not be a problem. Then after three weeks , she was like the usual self. We talked like everyday and she would tell me that she loves me more than anyone. I had already told my parents about everything and her parents knew of me and seemed like everything is perfect. In these two years I was always honest, never broke any promises , never lied , never even looked at any girl because I didn't need to because I thought of her as my wife and it would considered cheating even if I look at any and I was pretty sure that she did the same thing until the reality dawned on me.

As I said, she was her normal self and our life was perfect again. Then she had papers and after that was holidays. I planned my summer vacation to spend with her. I asked my manager to allow the vacations in a very hectic schedule where he could let no one off but he understood what I was going through and that I desperately wanted to meet her. I got the vacations approved. She told me that she would come anywhere in Europe to meet me. Being rejected by Poland twice I thought I would apply for Germany or for Greece or for England and it would be easy for her to travel. After the papers she decided to go to holiday with her best friend to Brussels again to spend two weeks there which I thought was cool because she could not stay in Lublin for entire vacation. I applied for the Polish visa again in the meantime.

She went there telling me that this summer we will be together and she is extremely happy that I would be coming there and finally meeting her. She went to Brussels and things were a bit confusing. She sent me sms not on daily basis as she used to and the sms was strange that she loves me but she is sorry for herself which I had no idea what she was saying. I called her everyday as I used to when she was there the first time and she would talk to me for only 5 min and telling me that she has to go out and that she is walking and of course at the end would tell me she loves me. Those three words were enough for me that she loves me and I loved her more than my life. In the meantime I got the visa for Poland. I got the tickets booked hotel confirmed and waiting for her to return so that I could giver her a surprise. I bought an engagement ring and I was going to propose to her. These days were happiest of my life until the night I received a call. At 4 in the morning I got a call and I saw the number was from Belgium and I thought something bad happened why he is calling me so late and I was scared that something happened to her. The call was from a guy. He said that he is his boyfriend and they have been seeing each other for 5 months and he found out just now that you are also his boyfriend. First of all I was surprised and perplexed and I thought he was joking or playing a prank on me.

I told him to **** off because I don't believe that single word he said but he knew everything. He told me about her friend and where they are staying and that she is living with her and she came to Brussels to spend holidays with her and they are living as couple. I was shocked which is a small word at this time because I can't explain my emotions of what went in my mind at that time. I closed the phone and called her and I asked about this guy and that was all true. I could not believe my ears of what I was hearing. It seemed that world has fallen apart and there is big hole in ground and I am buried in it 30 feet down. My heart stopped beating, my dreams, my love all gone in one second. She told me that she is only friend with her and still she told me that she loves me and she is all mine. After that I got again the call from this guy and he said why did I talk to her and now she is upset because she told him not to call me and tell me anything. I did not know how to react. I called her again and asked her and this time she said she is sorry and she was hiding things from me. I told her I got the visa and I was coming to see her but that was too late. She said come to Poland to meet me as her friend....as her friend... and that she would do anything for me when I come over there and she would explain me everything whe she returns to Poland. I was dead.

Death would have been easy because then you are relieved of emotions. The next day the same guy called me and told me that he is with her and she wants to talk to me. She told me that her friend has gone back and she is staying with this guy for another 4 days before she returns to Poland. I asked her a simple question that does she love me and she said I love both the guys and she wants to spend her life with him and not me. That was the sentence which was enough for me. You know when you are shot at ..got driven by car... this was worse it felt like death. His new boyfriend told me than she is living with her and they are couples and all that. My life is ruined. My dreams are shattered.. The Belief in love is all gone..I loved her like crazy and I can't think of anyone else in my life besides her. I would never be able to move on and I can't love anyone else. She said she is sorry for everything.

That is it... She is sorry... What is sorry fellows ? You destroy a man's life ...you destroy everything he believed in ...EVERYTHING and just plain Sorry .... Why did I suffer this ? What did I do wrong ? This story is not too old my friends ..it happened a week ago.. Ever since I have got that call I have not slept. Every time I close my eyes I can picture her kissing someone else and right now sleeping with this guy and that sentence that she wants to be with her just doesn't allow me to sleep. Tears are like of unlimited supply here every time I think about it tears just come out and it is so painful. I can't concentrate on work ... I sit around for hours alone and wondering where did I go wrong .. Was my love not strong enough .. How can someone come between us ? how can she do that to me ??? I tried taking medicine and ended up in a hospital .. I couldn't even kill myself.. Was this because I was honest ? I loved her ?.. and I am suffering because I was a moron and not knowing that there is nothing as love in this world..... The sad thing is that I want to hate her for everything she did to me but I can't .. I can't her as well .. I still love her....I wanted to share my story because I have no one to tell and it is eating me inside. I never have been to Poland and never will. I pray that she is happy wherever she lives. For me ..there is no light at the end of tunnel and I can't move on ... thanks for reading.
dat 2 | 62  
17 Jul 2009 /  #2
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krysia 23 | 3,057  
17 Jul 2009 /  #3
Are you healthy? can you walk? do you have food to eat? have a job? Have a roof over your head? Be happy and grateful for what you do have, there are people out there who struggle with daily living. You got emotionally hurt but you're ok. See the positive side. You found out she lied before you married, she cannot be trusted, she was not worth it. Move on with your life and forget about her. Every time you think of her make yourself think about something else. Give it time, you will get over her eventually and some day you will meet someone better than her.

Life goes on.
You are alive, cherish your life, it's always better than death.
OP kasqures 1 | 7  
17 Jul 2009 /  #4
I am grateful to God for everything he provided. Its not that easy to move on..it is not. I got another call from her and she said how can she make things right. She doesn't want to leave him and also she doesn't want to leave me. What kind of sick person would think like that. I know you are right...and maybe someday I will meet someone better but can I trust another person after what happened to me ? She didn't hurt me but she destroyed the base of any relationship TRUST. Always there will be fear when I start out a new relationship that i would end up the same way as I did earlier. Life is better than death I agree but this life with fears is not a life at all.
ram prasad 2 | 10  
17 Jul 2009 /  #5
Brother,

I too have such kind of situation. I hope you will be ok soon.

Ram
jump_bunny 5 | 237  
17 Jul 2009 /  #6
You are overreacting! She's a liar and a cheater so **** her right in the ear! Let them laugh now because the last laugh is on you, they were sick enough to build up their relationship on somebody's hurt and it won't do any good for themselves either. Trust me, just think that and suddenly you will realise you are such a bigger person than they are. You will meet somebody better surely, anything is better than a cheater. Forget her! Good luck!
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
17 Jul 2009 /  #7
Exactly, just rise above it. Life changes us and, unless you live in a shed, will continue to do so. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Always recite Desiderata in times of strife.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
17 Jul 2009 /  #8
You had never met, it was purely an internet romance, get over it!

I too have such kind of situation. I hope you will be ok soon.

Nah, your girlfriend just has a fetish for camel jockies and should be shot for being a disgrace to the Polish nation!
bunia 1 | 134  
17 Jul 2009 /  #9
yawn.
never met, never seen each other and all huge love/proposal/plans for future?
Sad really.
But if your genuine than i feel sorry for you.
You will get over it tho :) No such thing as "my life has ended"

but all together: Yawn
Arien 3 | 721  
17 Jul 2009 /  #10
Alright, so in those two years you've never met her, and you've never slept with her?

Hey, too bad, you've waited far too long with meeting her, (Okay, maybe you've tried, and maybe you couldn't!) and now she has met someone else! That's just how it works.. You have to actually be there for her.. So move on?

:)
sadieann 2 | 205  
17 Jul 2009 /  #11
This is a hard time for you. Yes, you invested a lot into this relationship. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Be strong. When you find yourself thinking about her, remember the pain she caused you. This is the first step forward. Next, live life and cherish it. You have your health, good heart, and family. This wasn't meant to be. Your True Love is waiting for you. This special person will appreciate you. To truly have loved once is better than to have never loved. To have found your one true love, once in your life is a miracle.You may feel that you loved her, but she truly hurt you. That isn't Love. Don't make the mistake of giving up. It's not the solution and it intensifies your dispair, because you add more negative feelings. Perhaps, take a trip. It will do you good. Do something for just you. Have fun, laugh and think of your new adventures. Good Luck to you...If you love her, let her go.
Zonk - | 15  
17 Jul 2009 /  #12
You can move on , she sounds like she didnt give a damn so dont do her the favour of letting her know you care...girls feed on that stuff, knowing they have you in a grip.
sausage 19 | 777  
17 Jul 2009 /  #13
can someone summarise that for me... I'm a busy man!
Zonk - | 15  
17 Jul 2009 /  #14
^

She was a cheating bizatch.
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,444  
17 Jul 2009 /  #15
she was not. They never met.
Woodson 1 | 9  
17 Jul 2009 /  #16
I know that you are hurting, it is okay, and these are emotions all of us face. This happens to most of us. It’s part of life. Love does exist. She wasn’t for you, I know it’s hard to take but you will get over it, trust me. Man, plus she lied to you, imagine marrying her and her cheating on you, wouldn’t that be worse? You’re so lucky! Many people end up in whatever marriages where they get hurt much more. It wasn’t meant to be. You will see, the girl you marry will be your real love and you will be so HAPPY that this has happened to you with this girl because you will be with the one who is meant to be with you. Give it time, you will heal, stop thinking about it and stop thinking about relationships, the less you think about it the faster you will find your real one. Focus on yourself, build up your confidence, and be positive, this is the first thing you need to do before being with anyone. Do things in life that you always dreamed of doing, get together with family and friends for fun times, and enjoy life. Also never never propose to a girl you haven’t met in person.
Filios1 8 | 1,336  
17 Jul 2009 /  #17
So...

He chatted to her for 2 years, and never met her, never slept with her, yet she 'cheated on him?'

Sorry mate, but her boyfriend is actually there, in person. She can touch him, he's real for her... while you're more a dream than anything.

If you killed yourself over something like this... ouch.
jump_bunny 5 | 237  
17 Jul 2009 /  #18
Did they never even meet? I couldn't be bothered to read all of this. Do you know what paragraphs are?
Zonk - | 15  
17 Jul 2009 /  #19
If it were in paragraphs I may have read it correctly, oops.
Filios1 8 | 1,336  
17 Jul 2009 /  #20
Did they never even meet

No, never met. Chatted for 2 years...
jump_bunny 5 | 237  
17 Jul 2009 /  #21
Does it make me have a relationship with PF?
polishmeknob 5 | 155  
18 Jul 2009 /  #22
Ouch!!

Painful.

Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and life goes on. Shake it off and learn from it.
Softsong 5 | 495  
18 Jul 2009 /  #23
Many people meet and chat on the net, they webcam each day, and phone one another. Several I know were like this and considered themselves to be in a relationship. They met after a few years, it still felt right, and one couple is very happy and married after five years.

It may be "Just" an internet relationship to you, but many people develop a strong emotional bond. No sex, so lots of talk about who you are, what you hope for in life. You really can get to know another's soul. Or so you think. Yes, meeting in person is important, but that was all set to happen. This man dedicated himself to finding a way to come to Poland, and she said she was equally committed. He could have dated, been with other women, but he took his promises to her seriously, and she seemed to do so, also.

No wonder he is hurt. But there have been excellent suggestions to help move on. It takes time, there is a big hole in his life where he was chatting, calling and dreams he had. He will get over it. And make his heart open again.

Good luck, I do feel sorry for what happened and I understand that this whole relationship was very real for you.
PennBoy 76 | 2,437  
18 Jul 2009 /  #24
Nah, your girlfriend just has a fetish for camel jockies and should be shot for being a disgrace to the Polish nation!

lol oh my god!, thats why i love ya Shelley, that was funny :)
dnz 17 | 710  
18 Jul 2009 /  #25
Maybe next time meet the girl in question before you plan your life around it.
OP kasqures 1 | 7  
18 Jul 2009 /  #26
Thanks for the suggestion guys I really thank you. As softsong said It was so real to me. I remember the first time I saw her.. I thought she was an angel ..so beautiful. I guess everything depends on human nature. I understand that she needed physical presence but not everything is about sex. Many people have sex and still they don't love each other. I told her plenty of times that this is not going to be easy but every time she would say that she would wait her whole life just to get a kiss. These to me were the most beautiful words ever and I committed myself to do just about everything to be with her.

Have you ever had a feeling that you know a person from inside. I am not that fascinated by outer beauty. Its the inner beauty, the beauty of the soul that is most important for me. We had a bond like for me she was my soul mate. It wasn't my fault that I was born in a country where I have travel restrictions all the time. Every time I am being suspected of something fishy just because I come from that land. I tried and tried because I would do anything for her. And when the time came, she already had moved on.

Its also a cultural issue I guess because where I come from we have these ideas or notions of being with woman for the rest of the life. Like you take vows in wedding to love her and comfort her for the entire life. For me I had already taken that vows. I know I have to move on because if i don't it will not do anything good for me but it is too damn hard. Every thought is about her even when I try not to think of her. I see her smile, her laugh, her red cheeks when she used to be mad. I can't get her out of my mind.

Love finds its own way and just being on the internet doesn't mean you can't love. It is a pure thought which is bound by no means which is fearless which can make the impossible possible. I am a man of my words. I promised her that I would come to Poland and the bad thing about me is that I keep my promises. I will go to Poland and will keep my promise. But it would be different then what I anticipated it would be. This is the last promise I made to her and I really don't want that I didn't do what I promised.

I know many of you will think that is not the right thing to do at this point but some people are different from others. I believe that promise is a responsibility and have to keep it. If I don't then there is no difference between me and her.
theboywholived 1 | 6  
18 Jul 2009 /  #27
@ Softsong
Really nice post :)

@ kasqures
You should go to Poland to keep your promise. And i hope you will find she is not that special. It may take weeks, months, years but one day you won't feel anything for her.

I really really hope you get someone in life who will love you and care for you as much as you deserve.

Best of luck mate! :)
johncardwell 3 | 110  
18 Jul 2009 /  #28
Good and educational story.

This woman sounds like a witch.
While you were thinking of your future together with her, she was thinking of herself.
And she deceived two men at once?
She had another man for five months and you found out from the other man?
And she calls herself a Christian?
I don't think so.
Many Polish Girls claim they are Christian just to fit into their culture.
But once they get outside the culture the actions and words speak for themselves.

It is better that this happened now before any children were born.
Or before you based any type of citizenship on your marriage with her.

Interestingly and truthfully, I know a Muslim Man from Pakistan.
He had a Polish Love Interest and was proceeding much like you.
But they both lived in England so he could visit her and see her in person.
And then one day unexpected to him, she told him she loved another man and she moved in with the other man.
My friend tried to reason with her but to no avail.
So he left the situation and dealt with the despair.
Then around a year later, she called him.
She got pregnant by the other guy and the other guy left her.
Suddenly her "Catholic" Principles kicked in.
She decided she did not want an abortion.
She moved back to Poland to be with her family.
She called my Pakistan Friend and told him about her situation and tried to get him to help her.
She actually expected him to ride in like a hero and take care of her and her baby that she had by another man.
But by now, even the sound of her voice made my friend want to vomit, so he hung up the phone on her.
Then she called him again and threatened to kill herself.
He decided not to take her calls any more so he never knew what happened to her.

For you, you sound like a decent guy but a little naive.

A Muslim Man from Pakistan with a European Woman?
Sounds like a miserable existence.
Interfaith marriages have a much higher probability to fail.
Would she convert to your faith?
And where would you live?
Europe?
Europe is secular.
Especially Belgium.
And Poland is becoming secular.

Many Europeans hate Muslims and are afraid of them.

Look at the some of the comments you received on this forum.
It should tell you something.

If you had children, which religion would they be?

Did you speak with your family about this girl?

And one last thing.
If this woman tries to contact you, maybe better not to answer her.
Polish Girls outside Poland can be very naive.
It is quite possible this man will use her a while then cast her aside.

It is quite possible if she contacts you she will be in despair but will try not to show it.
She will try to make you feel sorry for her.
Or try to use you to make the other guy jealous to get a marriage out of him or money out of him.

Be happy it happened sooner than later and use it to build better character for yourself.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
18 Jul 2009 /  #29
Many truths in there, john. Guys need to use their noses more. If my fiancee pulled anything like those stunts, she'd know about it in the strongest way. I have done bad things by her but I'd never cheat.
Softsong 5 | 495  
18 Jul 2009 /  #30
Thanks "theboywholived." I can see this is a very kind and good man. But, he will be all right.

I hope if Kasqures goes to Poland to keep his promise, that he gets closure. Good luck!

And, JohnCardwell, amazing story with a lot of insight for Kasqures. Hard to believe a lady could be that selfish.

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