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Help-my polish bf doesn't fancy me!


kasia24 6 | 27  
3 Nov 2009 /  #1
I'm together with my polish bf since a while ago. Ofcourse, we had our ups- and downs as every couple as in a normal relationship, and we had get along pretty well anyway. Ofcourse it was more passion and stuff in the beginning when we just met, but lately it's become less and less! Not that our relationship is boring, but he doesn't seem to take intiative as often as before, but neither do I, I guess...

How can I "lighten" up the passionate part of our relationsship? What do you guys like, ore appreciate if your gf's would do something for you?? In genereal - what attracts you? and girls, what do you do to "suprise" your bf's? ?? I don't mean any "nasty" tips.. but just in general.... I would like to do something special for him!

and no, I don't belive he has someone else..:))

thanks for help!:))
MareGaea 29 | 2,752  
3 Nov 2009 /  #2
Dump him and get a b/f who does fancy you. Easy peasy. You're only 24. Time enough to discover your options.

>^..^<

M-G (there's your answer - this thread can now be closed)
Abo Ghanem - | 1  
3 Nov 2009 /  #3
i`m ready for u ;) kasia24
OP kasia24 6 | 27  
3 Nov 2009 /  #4
M-G if it was so easy

I would probaly dump him if there wasn't more than that........but since everything else is fine, and I guess we do fancy eachother , I love him and vice versa...but he doesn't do nice things as often as before........I mean.....things that I would appreciate....no cooking nor dinners at home.......nothing....I mean, it would be nice with a romantic dinner with candle lights at least once in a while;)......

but afterall, he's the type of guy that says 'life isn't a fairytail'........isn't it..lol.so what do I expect?!even if he could do all kind of nice things in the beginning.....

and why all this nice things and saccrefies (?), you do in the beginning of an relationsship, and then it just ends/colds down??

Is it like this in every relationsship ore is it just ours?!

and I mean...I'm still doing "nice stuff" for him as I did before! I'm the same person and hasn't changed......clean etc....so it looks nice and cosy at home... give a massage once in a while! I bought him presents etc.. You know - nice stuff you do to eachother! but now......its like...dead......he doesn't give anything back. maybe he got to use to it so I have to stop ?? maybe he become spoiled?? I don't know.help me out pls
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
3 Nov 2009 /  #5
nice things in the beginning.....

Honeymoon period is over :p

and why all this nice things and saccrefies (?), you do in the beginning of an relationsship, and then it just ends/colds down??

To get in to your knickers :) just kidding.

I see a difference between "falling in love" and "being in love".

'Falling in love' is wild passion, full of surprises, suspense and anticipation it is more like temporary insanity and can involve paranoia, insane jealousy and general stupid behavior.

And can burn out pretty quick.

'Being in Love' is not so crazy and lasts much longer.
Of course there are times of 'falling in love again' involved but it is far more stable.
Without most of the paranoia and general stupid craziness.
It is the knowledge that that person is there for you and you for them.
Okay so I am not making it sound very exciting but it is.
Arien 3 | 721  
3 Nov 2009 /  #6
Okay so I am not making it sound very exciting but it is.

..Zzzz.. ..Zzzz.. ..Zzzz..
nomaderol 5 | 726  
3 Nov 2009 /  #7
'Falling in love' is ... temporary ..

'Being in Love' is .... much longer.

make it clear, not everybody can understand.

first one is sex, the other one is life. you meant this, right?
or, what period can make a love the love? a minute, hour, months, ... ?
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
3 Nov 2009 /  #8
first one is sex, the other one is life. you meant this, right?

Correct.

what period can make a love the love? a minute, hour, months, ... ?

Do you mean, how long does 'falling in love' last?
I don't know, it depends.
nomaderol 5 | 726  
3 Nov 2009 /  #9
if it is a fall, it must take a second or two.
even a rain droplet from 10 km (30k ft) up in air falls in 6-7 seconds.
rich55 3 | 49  
3 Nov 2009 /  #10
I love him and vice versa...but he doesn't do nice things as often as before........I mean.....things that I would appreciate....no cooking nor dinners at home.......nothing....I mean, it would be nice with a romantic dinner with candle lights at least once in a while;)......

I think you love him but...but not so sure about the vice versa bit I'm afraid. It's doing these little things for the other person that shows you love them; little sacrifices, surprises, shows of affection. My point is, a person has to want to do these things and they must come naturally. Too many guys do these things as if they've read them in a book or have seen them in a film and they think there's some tick-list you work through in the first few months of the relationship and then when they've done everything they just sit back and believe the relationship will look after itself. I'm not saying your man is bad in any way, but I think you are looking for someone who's main pleasure in life is being with you and doing all he can to make you happy. He needs to realise that a good relationship is a high-maintenance commitment from both people in which they constantly show how important the other person is to them; anything else is just growing old together and waiting to die.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
3 Nov 2009 /  #11
I would like to do something special for him!

Bake him a cake with a dead rat inside, if he doesnt dump you its love.

How can I "lighten" up the passionate part of our relationsship?

Take a trip to a local sex shop? Thats what they're for.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595  
3 Nov 2009 /  #12
Not that our relationship is boring, but he doesn't seem to take intiative as often as before, but neither do I, I guess...

Ofcourse it was more passion and stuff in the beginning when we just met, but lately it's become less and less!

but afterall, he's the type of guy that says 'life isn't a fairytail'........isn't it..lol.so what do I expect?

he doesn't give anything back.

You have the answers to your own questions.

Maybe he is lazy, maybe he thinks something feels wrong, maybe this is his normal personality.

Maybe you should talk to him about this? That's usually what grown-up people do.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
3 Nov 2009 /  #13
Maybe you should talk to him about this? That's usually what grown-up people do.

Rubbish, smart adults come to Polishforums to ask us about their problems.
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
3 Nov 2009 /  #14
That made me laugh hahahaha.
BleedingRomeo 2 | 31  
3 Nov 2009 /  #15
kasia24
Its all about having faith in a relationship, its all a psychological play. If he really loves you he will understand, probably he is getting bored of relationship routine. I personally dont like such people, but since you are involved you have to be very wise not to loose him.

Its by default nature of a man to loose interest in a woman after he has slept with her many times. those who dont are really caring and nice people.Try to understand his nature, you are probably not the first person in his life so in the corner of his mind he has a thought that this is not my final relationship even if he isnt interested in anyone else this time, but he has his options in his mind.

You have to develop faith in him. Giving too much attention sometimes kill the importance of the person. So do a bit opposite for sometime make him need you a bit but dont let go completely, do things out of routine like one weekend together some place nice and then whole week try to meet less with genuine looking excuses.

What we often do in love that we love too much too fast and then it starts getting boring. slow down things in relationship for example if you had meetings daily turn it to 3 times a week but in a way that he doesnot notice that you are doing intentionally.

Bottom Line:
Relationships are never very strong unless both are trying. to make your partner try, you have to make him feel that he needs you. For that you have to play Yard at times. Polish people are very flimsy they scare easy off relationships they want ideal all the time the Mr.Right guy or Miss Right girl, for that they can wait foolishly until they get old and then they settle for whatever they get. (most cases not all) beware!!

Goodluck!
OP kasia24 6 | 27  
3 Nov 2009 /  #16
Hmm....ok thats so true. It seems that the "game" of being too much/too little available is working even in relationships. If you give too much of yourself or that the person can take you for granted, its not as intereseting as before, and vice versa. I guess sometimes I've given too much of myself - because I love him, and I like to do things for him... but ofcourse, it wouldn't hurt to be more "hard" or to keep up one's integrity sometimes.

What Im trying to say is that its not as fun anymore when you get everything served on a silverplate:P

Although it would be much easier to see each other less often and vice versa, once at times, 1-3 times a week, if it wasn't because we were living together. Otherwise it would probally work perfectly :P

So what should I do?? play some kind of "game" with him ore what?became less available ore do less things for him, so that there will be space for him to need me?.......hmmm....

And still - keeping a relationsship work is about trying and doing sacrifies for yourself and for the another person too - to make it work. But he doesn't try hard enough anymore and therefore I'm loosing my interest!

I do love him, but where is the person he was when we first met? When he was doing all those kind of sacrifies and nice things!!!!especially in the beginning of the relationship.

does it all come to an end??!blah

When you take things for granted and things become just "normal routine" instead? and you actually don't think about doing those "extra small things" for your partner which you actually do appreciate?
SeanBM 35 | 5,808  
3 Nov 2009 /  #17
So what should I do??

How attractive are you?
rich55 3 | 49  
3 Nov 2009 /  #18
but where is the person he was when we first met?

Some people are not their true selves at the start of a relationship as they will try to be what they think the other person will find attractive, though in some instances people will use the start of a new relationship to try and be the kind of person they really want to be themselves, perhaps by trying to get out of bad habits etc, which is no bad thing. However, it is not always possible to maintain this change of character and it's likely your man is reverting back to his old, or true, self.
nomaderol 5 | 726  
3 Nov 2009 /  #19
where is the person he was when we first met? When he was doing all those kind of sacrifies and nice things!!!!especially in the beginning of the relationship.
does it all come to an end??!blah

you should have foreseen the things in advance.
dont cry.
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
3 Nov 2009 /  #20
What Rich 55 says is true , sounds like he has just stopped making an effort , and thinks the relationship will just carry on without him having to put any work in....It isn,t helped by the fact that you are still doing all the nice things you did at the start , as far as he can see the relationship is working fine , and you are happy with it....

You need to decide if you want to carry on with things the way they are ,or change them...since it appears you want to change things , you need to talk to him , and tell him you are not happy with the situation , and want him to make an effort...If he can,t or won,t change things , you have two choices...put up with it...or move on...

Its natural for relationships to be a bit less wonderfull after a long time together , than they were at the begining , but they should still make both partners happy,,,you need to talk to him....
OP kasia24 6 | 27  
3 Nov 2009 /  #21
Yes, maybe you are right......because as things are now, im not really happy/ore pleased with the sitaution........ I guess this is the problem with most relationships that you don't talk to eachother - one part goes around and things everything is okay, while other part is not satisfied, and it goes on for a time, and you belive that a change will come itself/over time.. but nothing happends until your partner breaks up with you - you find out whats wrong and then its too late to fix the problem!!!!all time when you belived "everything is ok and my partner is happy and pleased".........
pgtx 29 | 3,159  
3 Nov 2009 /  #22
omg.... what a bunch of freakin experts...! the girl is asking for an advice how to spice up her relationship and not for your sorry ass relationship advices...
OP kasia24 6 | 27  
3 Nov 2009 /  #24
hehe thats so true too...but I like the advices aswell, even if its not an answer to the queastion!

so how do I spicy up a relationship?? I mean concrete tips,advices??I mean what do guys prefer and girls how do you work it out`because I can't belive everyone is having a ordinary relatioship where you don't do anything to eachother, ore without any suprises etc, huh??

i mean do u give footmassages, buy presents, flowers ore how do u make yr partner feel special?? and what can I do for this special guy so he feels special ??(if he already doesn't, but still! I want the attraction back
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
3 Nov 2009 /  #25
omg.... what a bunch of freakin experts...! the girl is asking for an advice how to spice up her relationship and not for your sorry ass relationship advices

I am sure your comment will help her do just that...... we could all give some great ideas on how to spice up the relationship.....but its not gonna work is it......?
pgtx 29 | 3,159  
3 Nov 2009 /  #26
whats yours?

i'd rather PM her...

I am sure your comment will help her do just that....

do your "bean" and "dutch oven" advices help...?
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
3 Nov 2009 /  #27
do your "bean" and "dutch oven" advices help...?

I am sure they would...if i had made any such suggestion to her......?????
Arien 3 | 721  
3 Nov 2009 /  #28
how do u make yr partner feel special??

I'd take her to Greece, and visit the ruins of the temple of Aphrodite, and ask her to marry me. (That should make her feel pretty special don't you think?)

:)

and what can I do for this special guy so he feels special ??(if he already doesn't, but still! I want the attraction back

Well, from the sound of things, you're already trying to do a lot of things to make him feel special. Are you the sporty type? Adventurous? You know, activities can help growing even more towards eachother..

Try a survival, he'll be able to save his girl from drowning, and help her out whenever she gets stuck in the mud, he can warm you up in your tent when the both of you are cold and soaking wet from all the rain..

He'll see what a woman you are, his male instincts will thrive, and you'll see he'll do anything for you under different circumstances. I don't think you should change your behaviour, or his, but maybe you should think about changing the scenery? Experience something completely different?

It may sound weird Kasia, but it's not always about what you can do for your guy, but what your guy wants to do for you to show his affection. We all have different ways of showing our affection, and this is just a suggestion. It doesn't have to be a survival, but do something fun together, do something wild, and let him feel like he's needed.. Just a bit of thrill and adventure always works for us guys, you'll see.

:)
BleedingRomeo 2 | 31  
4 Nov 2009 /  #29
kasia24

You guys are in a phase of relationship that everyone gets, its nothing new. every relationship looses interest and fireworks at sometime in the life, it happens even if you are married. Firstly try to decide one thing for sure, do you want to be with this person all your life or not, and try to know if he wants the same.

Married people also get bored but what keep them together mostly is the respect of the marriage those who dont get divorced and its getting popular nowadays.

My guess you moved in together very fast, you should have given some more time and thought to moving in together. Living together should be only when you both want to marry for sure and clearly and not just romantically. seeing the same face every morning makes you get bored but then there are different things to stay together.

Just for example if you are living with your parents or kids you get sick of them too sometimes but you dont have choice to remove them from your life because its a natural relation and you dont have the authority to break it. You always find something to compromise and finally love comes back. So when you marry you almost make the similar relation but offcourse in this case you have authority to break it.

So if you want to marry him and stay forever and he also want the same, i would say think for sometime and analyze how compatible and sacrificing you both can be towards each other. then think of marriage.

Having said that i know you dont look like in a situation of getting married right now cuz you are loosing interest. Now the question is how much do you really want to stay together or not? having second thoughts somehow prove that your love is not strong enuff yet. love gets strong with sacrifices and when they are gone love fades. Discuss with him once what is in his mind and what he wants.

If he wants to breakup or thinking of breaking up let him go, i know its hard but for now do it, try to do opposite of your feelings, but politely not harshly!!! trust me if he really loves you he will always comeback, worked with me. but this is a complete plan i will tell you later.

Symptoms
He doesnot really take interest when you talk romantic?
Sex may have become a need and not passion anymore? <--this always happens
He avoids long talks with you as before?
Spends longer outside home than before?
No more sacrifices?
there can be many other symptoms of loosing interest?
So for now decide do you really love him or not? and if yes how much? Do you want to stay together and get married? I am asking these questions because they are important to keep relationship interesting. If there is no talk of marriage then relationship will loose interest finally and it will happened the very next relationship you go into, trust me it will never stop until you will grow old and stay with the last guy, not because you want to but you have to.And this you have to make him to believe too but not by words but with love.

so ask him whats in his mind and have polite sweet talks about this situation and then take the next step. Its not the time for the third person to chirp in yet, one can advice but you are the one who has to do all. I have seen people change their minds from staying together forever to never overnight so always be prepared for the worst.

youtube.com/watch?v=7elxC8LXfzE&feature=player_embedded
Cardno85 31 | 976  
4 Nov 2009 /  #30
what really makes the difference is if a relationship is in the pre-hole or post-hole stage, and that makes a huge difference to a date.

pre-hole: Guy is nicely turned out and presentable. Can't do enough to keep you amused. will let you buy anything you want from the menu. will laugh at your s***e patter. will pretend to give a s**t about what you're studying or your job. will suggest dessert even though it's over priced and s***e. He'll be all enthusiastic about going to the pub or a club after eventhough he usually doesnt like to do that. Will basically do anything to get his hole.

post-hole: Guy will be constantly checking the phone hoping for a text from his mates or other pre-hole candidates. There wont be so much conversation. Dessert wont even be contemplated. Quick main course after trying to talk about the football. At the end he'll make an effort to ditch you and meet his mates. The hole has been achieved so whats the point in wasting resources?

So basically if you want a good relatinship with a guy keep yer rat in the cage.

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