Love / Men attitude towards women in the Polish culture [82]

Wow. I'm so glad I stumbled on this post!!! My Polish boyfriend and I have been dating for three months, and we both come from a religious background where dating is taken very seriously and treated exclusively as a preparation for marriage (read: you don't date someone unless you genuinely think you could marry them). He recently went home to Poland after spending 5 months in the States...we've discussed marriage in great detail (I know, I know, it's only been 3 months, but sometimes you just know, and neither of us are the type to be unsure about this kind of thing, we definitely know our own minds) in the past, and we've (briefly) looked at rings online-he initiated all of these things. So, obvs it's very serious, but I won't be able move to Lodz until next year and he's still got 3 more years before he finishes his Master's degree so we often joke that we're not gonna get married for another 5 years. I have a point, I promise, he COMPLETELY surprised me though the other day when were talking on Skype...in the middle of a conversation about something else, he says, "You know, I've decided when I'm going to propose to you and how I'm going to do it." (sigh) Almost fell out of my chair over that. This comment comes after a comment made the night before "It (engagement) is gonna happen soon, and I think it's much sooner than you think." It was a very frank thing to say, and I've encountered so many American men who run away screaming if you so much as mention the word marriage. I've been in intercultural relationships before, but this has been a truly unique and joyous experience. I find him slightly jealous and possessive at times, but mostly I find it cute and he rarely shows it. I did find that he got irritated at me for talking to one of his close friends in a way that I found completely appropriate and normal (and keep in mind that I'm usually one to get jealous so I'm very careful myself), not overly-friendly or showing displaced interest, but that he found a little bit upsetting. I found the incident very puzzling, and he later admitted (this happened on two different occasions, he was drinking at both) that perhaps he overreacted. I'm a lot less puzzled after reading this post and finding that Polish men might be more possessive than American men. Thanks for the input!!! Any other Americans out there in a long-distance relationship with a Pole?

Love / Men attitude towards women in the Polish culture [82]

Liza, I know what you mean about getting the "he's from where?" from people after telling them you're dating someone from Poland. Although, I have something of a reputation for dating foreigners with my friends and family so they weren't all that surprised... :)

Life / Moving to Łódź from US-all information helpful!! [5]

Thanks for sharing-my boyfriend has said some of the same things, but I think you're right about improvement in recent years...that's the general consensus among other people I've talked to as well. I appreciate the input, though. I'm not too worried about hating, at worst I'll only be living there until he finishes his degree (in 2 years).

If anyone else has anything else to say about Lodz please let me know!!! :)

News / Things you might not know about Poland [76]

Joseph Conrad was Polish :)

Love / Men attitude towards women in the Polish culture [82]

I find that my Polish boyfriend is much more openly complimentary than my others have been. And he never goes through a door before me, it's always ladies first. He's also very tentative to what I need in all areas of the relationship, which I find very refreshing-my relationships have not been like this in the past! I found that he and his brother are generally very polite and nice, more so than American men I've dated. However, I agree that this may not have everything to do with his cultural background. I'm sure there are Polish guys out there who are jerks (just like American ones!)...I haven't met enough to make a general conclusion on whether they are naughty/nice because of culture, individual upbringing, or both. However, I will say that I often find that European men are much more attracted to a woman with a strong personality than guys from the Southern United States (or Northern U.S. for that matter). :)


Oooh, I don't know about you but I have very little tolerance for this. If you don't like that now, I wouldn't expect him to change. My mom always told me that you date someone to find out what you don't like about them-it's so true because you have to see their faults, and then decide if you are okay with them or not. If you're not okay with that now (and you shouldn't need to be), then be careful!

Love / How to get to know a polish guy better? [102]

Ugh, this thread is bringing back less than pleasant memories.
Let me tell you my story-for pretty much the entire time I've been dating, I've almost always been the one to speak first in these kinds of situations. I've had "the talk" at least 6 or 7 times, maybe more. I'm a very direct person and I have a strong personality (not abrasive, but I know what I want and need, and I know myself, faults included), and I find it hard to sit back and wait for some great guy to just come and talk to me, ask me for my numberr. However, I've learned over time that if you need to make the first move, then you're the only one who is really interested. My last relationship started because I made the first move...and the second, and the third, fourth, etc. Want to know what happened when I stopped doing the work? We broke up. I think there are exceptions to this rule, and being who I am, I wouldn't want to regret NOT saying something because maybe THIS time the guy really is too shy, or just doesn't get it. I agree with any earlier post that said that it's important to show some interest, let him know you're there. On the subject of exceptions, the Polish I'm dating now? I gave him my number first (which I hate to do)-he had just arrived in the States and was very insecure about his spoken English, and after we spent 30-45 minutes in conversation, yelling over dance music, I decided I would give it to him, simply because I would really regret it if I didn't. He didn't call me (which made me slap myself for doing that yet AGAIN!!), but when we met a month later, he asked me to dinner with friends, then wanted to see me 2 days later, texted me all day every day, asked all the right questions, and very quickly we were dating. Now, we're hoping to get married in the near future. He later told me that he really regreted not calling me at first, but he felt insecure about his English (especially on the phone) and he didn't know if I was just giving my number to him to be nice, since he was new here, or because I was interested. Also, after he had waited a while he felt like he shouldn't call, because he had waited too long. This is all coming from a really confident guy who has experience with women, but he was in a situation where he was very insecure about making the first move. In my experience, this is definitely the exception to the rule, but hey, I guess it could happen to you too! :) I think I totally went from one perspective to another in this post...sorry about that :)

Love / How to get to know a polish guy better? [102]

Glad I could help moonmustang :)


So true! It shouldn't be the woman's job alone to smooth things over, but so often it falls to us to do it...

As for discontinuing the pattern, the truth is that I don't think it's the pattern that's the real problem-it's completely normal to want to do what you can to make someone happy when you love them (in a healthy way of course). But the problem is that there are some people out there who are leeches, and they don't give anything back. It really took me being with my Polish guy now to see how things should really be. I'm always thinking about him when I do things, but he falls over himself to make sure I'm taken care of as well, he's so attentive, and honestly I never thought I would find someone like him. My ex acted like any miniscule effort he put into making me happy in our relationship would be too much for him. But the truth is that when you really want to be with someone, it doesn't feel like an extra effort, it happens naturally. It's definitely worth waiting for a guy who wants to make the first move and all the ones after that :) Hold out for the keepers, moonmustang, there are plenty out there, they're just harder to find sometimes :)

Life / Redheads in Poland - How many? [95]

In the not so distant future, I plan on lending some more redheaded genes to the Polish gene pool :) My boyfriend is Polish, and I'm American, but my family is from Ireland on both sides of the family tree, and I've been blessed with ruddy tresses :)

Love / What is expected of a man who wishes to propose to a lady in Poland? [35]

I know! I've been following this post and I'd really like to know how it turned out!!

Life / WHY POLISH PEOPLE DON'T USE THEIR NATIVE FIRST NAME WHEN ABROAD? [136]

This happened to me!! My Polish boyfriend is a twin-he's Piotrek and his brother Pawel (original, eh?). Before we started dating I always knew him as Peter, and I noticed the Polish spelling "Piotr" after we started to get to know each other a little better. I had always called him Piotr, and it wasn't until we had dated for almost a month that he told me that Piotr is the more formal version of his name, and could I please call him Piotrek, which is what friends and family call him?? Of course I wanted to call him by whatever name he felt most comfortable, but it definitely threw me when I heard him say, "Well, "Piotr" isn't exactly my name." ! His brother always introduces himself as Paul in the U.S. I completely understand why they do this, it's easier with a lot of these names and you don't have to hear people butcher your name constantly. It's too bad that Americans (myself included) have trouble with the pronunciation of some foreign names, I think they're much better than the boring stuff we come up with :)

Love / hi ya, im stasha from chicago, in love with a man from warsaw ;) [37]

Oy, so it is long distance. I posted a reply on the other thread you mentioned this subject on. Join the club, honey :) I'm in Florida and my guy is in Lodz. How old is this guy? After 2 years of him "needing his space," I can see how giving him the benefit of the doubt about his childhood could get old. Bottom line-the past is the past. Anyway, in my opinion, I don't think that putting someone on the shelf is normal. How often are you talking to him?

Life / WHY POLISH PEOPLE DON'T USE THEIR NATIVE FIRST NAME WHEN ABROAD? [136]


I second that!!! Piotrek is not hard to pronounce at all...and generally people will catch on after a few times, but he's the kind of guy who wants to make things easier for everyone so he won't listen to me :)


So true-his first name isn't so hard, but his last name took some practice for me to get it right :)


LOL Language lazy people everywhere should appreciate this gesture :)

Life / Moving to Łódź from US-all information helpful!! [5]

Thank you Bev-that's exactly what I was looking for :) I'll be visiting in February for 2 weeks, and I'll move there sometime between July and September...I've read lots of good things about the city, and from what you're telling me I think I'll like it there just fine. Bottom line for me is that it's not so much the place, but the people and I've got a pretty good support system over there so I'm not worried. Thanks again for your opinion :)

Love / How to get to know a polish guy better? [102]


That's great! When you're looking for someone, it helps if you know what's okay for you and what's not-you learn that partially by knowing yourself, and through experiences like the one you just had.

As for finding Polish guys despite the distance :)...I was in the same situation myself before I met my guy. I prefer Europeans because generally they can handle me, and I don't seem to intimidate them :) But after I studied abroad in Austria last year and came home, I didn't have very many outlets for finding the kind of guy I wanted, and American guys just didn't cut it anymore. I met my guy in my hometown at a party, and I found out he was living in this town in Alabama nearby...which would be the absolute LAST place I would have expected to find a guy like him. Sometimes you literally have to put yourself in a certain situation to meet the kind of person you want (better start preparing for your European vacation) and sometimes it just surprises you. I don't know what advice to offer other than if you know want a Polish guy, go where the Polish guys are! :) Simplistic, I know, but perhaps it will raise your chances for success :)

Love / How to get to know a polish guy better? [102]


That's the spirit!!! :)

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has had these problems with American men. I don't want to be the alpha female either, I'd prefer the guy take the lead, but too often they want to be in charge, but want none of the responsibility that comes with that. Very frustrating all around. Well, as I always say, strong women need strong men :) Of Polish men, I only know two at present, and I find my boyfriend to be as you described-very much a gentlemen who is always looking out for me, and is not afraid to get serious. Most of the other European men I know who are in relationships behavior in a smiliar way, although there always exceptions (like my ex-boyfriend!).


Thanks :) It took me a while to find him, and for him to find me...and because of that I think neither of us will be letting go of each other any time soon. As I said in another thread, the one good thing about bad relationships is that 1) you learn so much from them and 2) you appreciate the good ones!

Happy hunting :D

Love / How to get to know a polish guy better? [102]


I agree. In my relationships I want the man to take the lead. I don't want to dominate-I want a man because I want a MAN not some guy who is afraid of me or always deferring to me. Some guys don't understand that when a woman has a strong personality it doesn't mean that she doesn't want a guy who will take the reins. I am 100% willing to let a guy I can trust and respect take care of me. I found that many of the guys I know whose mothers were strong women look for those kind of qualities in their girlfriends/wives as well. I know that's the case with my Polish guy. Maybe it's the mothers we have to thank for turning out such great Polish men :)

Love / How to get to know a polish guy better? [102]


I second that! :)

Life / Relocation guide to Poland [7]

Agi-I am definitely interested in this...what do I need to do to get my hands on it?

Love / My girlfriend thinks she's pregnant! Pomocy!! [75]


Which is exactly how you got yourself into this situation to begin with...maybe a little more responsibility and a little less wildness? :) Just a thought...

Life / Relocation guide to Poland [7]

Thanks :) I appreciate it

Life / Relocation guide to Poland [7]

Thanks! :)

Love / hi ya, im stasha from chicago, in love with a man from warsaw ;) [37]


I think most women would agree that serious relationship=talking on the phone every day-the two generally go hand in hand...

Personally, if he is a "loner" then you have to decide whether or not you're okay with that aspect of his personality. Honestly, I think this might be a case of "he's just not that into you." :(

Love / hi ya, im stasha from chicago, in love with a man from warsaw ;) [37]

Well, Marek...it's not about whether or not YOU think it's meaningful, if one person in a relationship feels like they want to tell the other something, even mundane things, generally when you're in love someone you're happy to listen to what they have to say (within reason of course). That's how you build the relationship. Tastes and habits differ...but all the men I know who are and have been in serious relationships talk to their significant other every day or have some kind of live contact with them every day in one way or another. True, some guys just need their space, but, once again, my experience attests to the fact that when guys are really into a relationship, they can't get enough of the girl. Of course, both people need their space sometimes, but Stasha needs to decide if his needs for space are well-suited to her needs. Perhaps it's commitment issues or something else, but Stasha can't change that. Often I think it's just better to move on and let the guy work it out himself. Two years is a long time to go at a snail's pace if you ask me. I had a boyfriend like this, and I think most women have trouble being satisfied with someone who makes them feel as if their man is not that interested, despite being in love.


(raises hand) I live in Florida and I'm dating a guy from £odź, Poland. I won't see him again until February (14 weeks and counting). It's really hard, but fortunately it's only temporary (until next summer)...and with the technology that's out there like voip and Skype, it's much easier to stay in touch than what you would think. But unfortunately there's no substitute for some things, you can't hold hands with, kiss, or enjoy the company of a computer....

Love / My girlfriend thinks she's pregnant! Pomocy!! [75]


That would be my guess.

Love / hi ya, im stasha from chicago, in love with a man from warsaw ;) [37]

Yes, that's him. No, I'm not Polish, and I speak no Polish...but I'm trying to remedy that. I'll be visiting £odź in February, and then I'll be going there in September to stay.


I know, right? To be honest, he's definitely the hottest guy I've ever dated, so sometimes I look at him in disbelief and think, "is that really mine?" :) But, trust me, his looks are just one thing in a long line of awesome qualities.

Love / IDEAL POLISH GUY [25]

(sigh) where to begin? I only know two Polish guys, and I'm dating one. So I guess he would be the ideal-intelligent, charming, physically attractive, and always the gentlemen. Can't wait until I'm in Poland next year so we can be together all the time :)

Love / hi ya, im stasha from chicago, in love with a man from warsaw ;) [37]

I agree that people become more independant as they get older if they stay single, which is why Stasha's guy might be having issues adjusting to a relationship (even after 2 years) because he was alone for so long before. The older we get the more we become set in our ways-it's hard to change as time goes by, even if you want to.

Also, most girls don't like listening to men complain and rattle on about things either, I was just making the point that when you're in a long term relationship, you put up with certain things, make allowances, etc. It's not always easy, but it's worth it if you've found the right person. Did she say anything about going on and on about work? I didn't read anything like that. Maybe I missed it.


Duh (showing my age there!). I'm not saying all people are the same, and that everyone fits the norm...but I do think it's a lot more likely that this is a case of the rule and not the exception.

Thanks for your input on long distance relationships....but in my situation it's the only option. So we're both happy to get what we can until we can be together for good. Long-distance relationships definitely don't work in the long-term, but like I said it's a temporary arrangment. Bottom line-it's better than nothing (and please don't lecture me that it's not), and even if it doesn't work out, at least we'll know that we tried. I believe it can and will work, and so does he, and having the right attitude about it is half the battle. Getting sad and discouraged about the situation is what kills it.

Anyway, I appreciate your opinion, but I'll keep my own on the long-distance thing, thanks :) it's the only thing I can do for now


Thank you :) I'm Irish and French on both sides-the red hair always gives me away :) Your profile says you are from New York-what exactly is your background? Ok, I know, Latina, but more specific? :)

Love / How to get to know a polish guy better? [102]


So true! Be strong girls, there's one out there for everybody :)

Love / hi ya, im stasha from chicago, in love with a man from warsaw ;) [37]


I've known guys who have stayed with women they knew they didn't want to be with, even ones they didn't even like, simply because it was easier than breaking up with them. Sometimes they'll just stay in the same situation because it's less painful than going through the sticky business of ending a relationship. But you know him better than we do :)


Don't be afraid. I hope that this guy isn't just not that into you (and I don't mean to sound harsh by using that phrase), but it seems like a real possibility...if that does turn out to be the case, then he certainly doesn't deserve you. I've been with guys like yours, and I promise that when you find a guy who really wants to be with you, he will show you that in every way possible, despite any extenuating circumstances. Guys can really go the distance for the women they love when they are motivated to do so. And you really don't know what you're missing until you've found the right guy :) So, worst-case scenario, at least this situation has given you the opportunity to maybe meet someone new who wants to show you how much they love you.

As I said, though, I hope that you're guy gets his act together, and if backing off for a while doesn't cause him to, then probably nothing will. Be strong! I know it's hard, especially as a women, to just let things sit for a while. Women like to talk about things and fix them by communication, but some things just need time and silence, unforunately. I'm sure things will turn out for the best either way. :)