Dated for 9 months a 39 year old introverted, home body Polish man, trucker with HS diploma from Poland (I'm 45F, 3 kids, white collar job, highly educated, more assets than him). He said he only had one girlfriend (age 27-31) in his life (when he was 34-38). They met off a hook-up site, he moved in with her within a week and lived together Jan 2019-Feb 2023. From what he shared about their relationship and her behavior, she sounds like she has borderline personality disorder (threatened to kill herself every time he tried to leave, she actually hurt herself a couple times, got out of the moving car on the road a few times when she was mad, alcohol/drug abuse problems, history of promiscuity and one night stands, constant back and forth of I hate you/don't leave me, had tantrums where she would thrash about on the ground, kicking and punching the floor screaming for him not to leave her).
He came to US when he was 18 years old and began working FT to help support his mom and 15 year-old brother.
When we first started dating, I brought up politics and he said he didn't like to talk about it because it just causes conflict and his ex (a lawyer) used to scream and throw things at him.
He rarely planned dates, flaked on me a few times, would be sitting at home doing nothing on weekends, rather than spending time with me (I FaceTimed him and saw he was in his apt), we had a few weekend getaway trips, spoke on the phone every day, but mostly just booty calls 1-3 times a week. He was very chivalrous - always opened my car door, came to pick me up, paid for everything, had me go first, walked me on the inside of the sidewalk, etc. Introduced me to his brother once. He has Jesus stuff all over his apt, which he shares with his brother. His mother comes over every day to cook and clean for them.
We had really great conversations. He is a very sweet and incredibly considerate man. He would have water ready for me when I got in the car, he would always open my water bottle and hand it to me, he would always offer whatever to me, first, etc. We never fought, though I expressed my frustration that I felt like a booty call and asked if we could go out at least once or twice a month. He apologized and said yes, but we didn't. I made him food, made him care packages for when he went on long driving trips for work, bought him little gifts of the kinda man stuff he liked, like a Viking-esk hand-made steel dagger, hand-made Viking pattern lantern, etc. wrote him cards with Polish poems, praised and complimented him all the time, made him laugh all the time. I did Polish Duolingo while we were together and messaged or said stuff in Polish to him.
He said I was a great woman, great partner. Said all sorts of stuff about what we would do together in the future, future trips together, what we'd do when he met my kids, where we might retire, business he thought we could do together in retirement phase ....
And then he randomly picked a fight with me about politics and just went off about idiot left-wing, over-educated women (essentially me) and said he needed space. Then ignored me for three days. I reached out apologizing if I offended him with my views and asked that he accept my views just as I accept his. He apologized but then later that same day in another phone call, he went off again and completely ignored me for two weeks. I reached out again and he essentially told me he just can't go through another relationship with another liberal woman. I pointed out we never fought about it until he picked a fight with me over it and he acknowledged this, but said he knows himself and that he just didn't want to deal with it again.
Later I asked him whether he felt loved, appreciated and respected by me and he said yes, that our relationship was very special to him, but that he just couldn't do it.
What in the holy hell?? Was I just a rebound? Just a booty call all along? If he hadn't been such a sweet and considerate man, I'd say yes, but it's hard for me to reconcile a sweet man and a player in one. Had he lied about having only one GF in the past? He said he's very religious and conservative (and he did read the Bible every day and had Jesus stuff all over his apt), but I pointed out that he met and hooked up with his ex from a hook-up site and they had sex the first night together, to which he rebutted that he stayed with her for four years and felt abused and played by her.
We showed each other our dating app experience and he was floored by how much attention I had (7000+ likes in a month, dozens of messages and several dates a week). Men like and pursue me, so it blows my mind that he's willing to let someone like me go, not just because of other men, but because, by his own admission, I'm a really great partner. Was I just too nice??? I kinda got the impression that he thought Polish women were too much for him (he said he would never date one), but then does he subconsciously still want/need someone who yells at him? Did he lose interest in me because I'm just too stable, fun and caring? He said multiple times I'm "so sweet," so it made me wonder if that turned him off.
I get that everyone is unique, but stereotypes also exist for a reason, so I'm here to learn what other Poles think of this experience I had with my first Polish dating experience, which will likely be my last 🫠He last four years with a psycho who screamed at him and only 9 months with "sweet" me. Do Polish men prefer hard-core women? I don't think I'm a push-over and I did speak up to express frustration when he flaked on me, but Im a rational person . I don't flip out on people as a grown-ass woman 😂 I have calm, adult conversations that are goal-oriented.
Thoughts???
He came to America when he was 18 so culturally he's almost as much American as he is Polish after spending more than half his life in the USA.
However - working class Polish men from small towns and villages tend to be socially conservative. Being outwardly religious is normal but believing in God, praying etc. doesn't stop them from being sexually active and forming quite causal sexual relationships. That's true for both men and women.
When they marry, such men go for women who keep the house nice, cook well and focus most of their time and attention on family. That's it in a nutshell. They're not interested in how intelligent you are or having great conversations.
Anyway, I'd stay away from dating apps if I were you - or if you're going to use them, stick to men who have a similar background, interests, social class etc. You have a better chance of forming a meaningful long-term relationship that way.
