Jonathan786
15 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
noted thank you
Sure play it cool and slightly aloof but concerned
noted thank you
Jonathan786
15 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
wow guys, i really appreciate all the input, it has gone off track a bit and everyone has valid points, some applicable some not.
I grew up in a traditional household where dad was at work for god knows how many hours and mum dealt with all our needs (6 boys 1 girl), the family ran like a well oiled machine, dad worked came home gave mum all the money and she did her best running the show. they never showed love to each other, well not in front of us and we never saw them argue. and after 42 years they are still together. i have been raised with the traditional family values of keeping it all together and the way i grew up was stable and secure.
this is how i have been raised so naturally my views are to keep it all together no matter what and dont bring it out in front of children.
my girlfriend is from a different generation and culture and her parents split when she was 12 so her views on this differ from mine due to her experiences. but thats all off topic.
My aim of creating this thread was to see if there is anything i could do to bring her back around or change her mind about leaving, i dont want to use our son as ammo so that is why i asked of any way or anything i could do that may appeal to her i do love her i wont deny that and i know i can get another girlfriend and yes life would be great single no worries do as i please etc but that wouldnt last long i would soon get bored of that, my aim is to keep the family together, and i have taken on board every ones input which i am grateful for. im a pretty solid straight thinking guy but i want to exhaust every possible option i can to keep us together before i succumb to the idea of going separate ways, otherwise there will always be the nagging in my head that i didn't try hard enough,
Thanks again i really appreciate you taking time out of your days to help out.
wow guys, i really appreciate all the input, it has gone off track a bit and everyone has valid points, some applicable some not.
I grew up in a traditional household where dad was at work for god knows how many hours and mum dealt with all our needs (6 boys 1 girl), the family ran like a well oiled machine, dad worked came home gave mum all the money and she did her best running the show. they never showed love to each other, well not in front of us and we never saw them argue. and after 42 years they are still together. i have been raised with the traditional family values of keeping it all together and the way i grew up was stable and secure.
this is how i have been raised so naturally my views are to keep it all together no matter what and dont bring it out in front of children.
my girlfriend is from a different generation and culture and her parents split when she was 12 so her views on this differ from mine due to her experiences. but thats all off topic.
My aim of creating this thread was to see if there is anything i could do to bring her back around or change her mind about leaving, i dont want to use our son as ammo so that is why i asked of any way or anything i could do that may appeal to her i do love her i wont deny that and i know i can get another girlfriend and yes life would be great single no worries do as i please etc but that wouldnt last long i would soon get bored of that, my aim is to keep the family together, and i have taken on board every ones input which i am grateful for. im a pretty solid straight thinking guy but i want to exhaust every possible option i can to keep us together before i succumb to the idea of going separate ways, otherwise there will always be the nagging in my head that i didn't try hard enough,
Thanks again i really appreciate you taking time out of your days to help out.
Jonathan786
14 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
I appreciate everybodys input. Thank you
You came here for our opinions, you got them
I appreciate everybodys input. Thank you
Jonathan786
14 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
i think you might be right
thankyou for this advise i will take it onboard.
i see your point but she fronted half the deposit for the house so i think it would only be fair to give her something back. but this is something we havnt discussed fully yet
She is doing work and school, meeting new people, having a view of a different life and sees that she is not happy with what she has.
i think you might be right
It would be better to avoid selling so that your son can continue to spend time in his familiar family home with you..
thankyou for this advise i will take it onboard.
financial support is for your son, not for her. If she can't swing things on her own that's a her problem, not a you problem (kid can stay with you while she tries to establish herself)
i see your point but she fronted half the deposit for the house so i think it would only be fair to give her something back. but this is something we havnt discussed fully yet
Jonathan786
14 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
No she spoke about her taking a full time job and paying childcare, i would remortgage or sell the house to help fund her get a place, the house is mine however our son would be going with her so i would want him to have decent start but we never spoke fully about the house. im a practical person and i know this kind of move would be expensive and difficult for her. I have supported them from the start as is my duty and she has paid for food shopping, which i dont mind, its natural for me to as a man to support my family. Its has not been a waste for me because we have raised a good kid but i feel like all the effort and sacrifice whilst she studied has gone down the drain, and now her studies are ending it does seem like she is ready to jump ship.
When she suggested 'staying together but living apart' did she mention who would pay her rent, bills and expenses? Could she cover all that on her own with a part time job?
No she spoke about her taking a full time job and paying childcare, i would remortgage or sell the house to help fund her get a place, the house is mine however our son would be going with her so i would want him to have decent start but we never spoke fully about the house. im a practical person and i know this kind of move would be expensive and difficult for her. I have supported them from the start as is my duty and she has paid for food shopping, which i dont mind, its natural for me to as a man to support my family. Its has not been a waste for me because we have raised a good kid but i feel like all the effort and sacrifice whilst she studied has gone down the drain, and now her studies are ending it does seem like she is ready to jump ship.
Jonathan786
14 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
i never heard of that and had to google the song :)
this also crossed my mind and i though that she would realise later once the novelty wears off and then comes back, but its smething i dont really want to risk untill i have tried everything i possibly can, including making myself more appealing(dads tend to slack of when comfortable).
i know she still likes me we hug and kiss(quick peck) most days and we watch stuff together whilst hugging so i believe its not totally dead, and as long as i can see a slight flame i will keep trying what ever i can.
thankyou for your words.
thankyou for your thoughts i appreciate it.
i thought about this aswell, not sure how it would go down though.
Please cut down on your quotes, maximum of 3 per post only.
@jon357 There's what you could call Lucy Jordan Syndrome.
i never heard of that and had to google the song :)
@jon357 @Lenka
The grass is greener on the other side. 29 is young but becoming a real adult and 39 is an odd age with a lot of angst.
The grass is greener on the other side. 29 is young but becoming a real adult and 39 is an odd age with a lot of angst.
this also crossed my mind and i though that she would realise later once the novelty wears off and then comes back, but its smething i dont really want to risk untill i have tried everything i possibly can, including making myself more appealing(dads tend to slack of when comfortable).
i know she still likes me we hug and kiss(quick peck) most days and we watch stuff together whilst hugging so i believe its not totally dead, and as long as i can see a slight flame i will keep trying what ever i can.
thankyou for your words.
@Lenka you sound decent so I'm sorry about your relationship. The only thing that will work is talking with her.
thankyou for your thoughts i appreciate it.
Propose marriage to her and see how she reacts.
i thought about this aswell, not sure how it would go down though.
Please cut down on your quotes, maximum of 3 per post only.
Jonathan786
14 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
@mafketis thankyou for you reply
i thought similar in terms of why do you want to end it, we have a house we both have jobs our son has his friends school everything is balanced.
i trust her that she hasnt done anything with anyone because she is a rubbish liar and i have asked her, she really doesnt have time to go meet people and goes out with her friend once every now and again. but its not to say she is talking through social media to someone, i dont know.
Her friend has a long term partner and she also has children to him.
Would treating her like an ex work, im not bad looking and she knows i would be able to get someone else so if i took that approach would that not kind of encourage her to take the same route?
i have already made it clear that his well being is my priority and i believe its in his best intrest that we stay together as a family. im a good dad that has supported my family throughout, and she is a brilliant mum. And this is one of the main reasons im wanting to keep it together and swing her back around. we are still together and im wanting to change her mind about separating.
@mafketis thankyou for you reply
i thought similar in terms of why do you want to end it, we have a house we both have jobs our son has his friends school everything is balanced.
i trust her that she hasnt done anything with anyone because she is a rubbish liar and i have asked her, she really doesnt have time to go meet people and goes out with her friend once every now and again. but its not to say she is talking through social media to someone, i dont know.
Her friend has a long term partner and she also has children to him.
Would treating her like an ex work, im not bad looking and she knows i would be able to get someone else so if i took that approach would that not kind of encourage her to take the same route?
i have already made it clear that his well being is my priority and i believe its in his best intrest that we stay together as a family. im a good dad that has supported my family throughout, and she is a brilliant mum. And this is one of the main reasons im wanting to keep it together and swing her back around. we are still together and im wanting to change her mind about separating.
Jonathan786
14 Jun 2023
Love / Relationship Issues with my polish girlfriend advice needed [76]
Hi
Im looking for some advice if anyone can help. im starting from the begining so please excuse the long post
I have been with my girlfriend for just 10 years now, she is polish and i am english, we are not married its not something that we are bothered about.
she is 29 and i am 39. we have an 9 year old boy together.
to start with our relationship was brilliant although difficult because she got pregnant really quick into our relationship. we never really had the honey moon period per say where you get to spend time together as a couple and falling for each other, we were thrown straight into family life, we moved in together and immediatley started seeing each others bad habits which when you have gone through the whole dating and year long relationship isnt that bad but when you do it within months of seeing each other is not attractive.
anyway we batted on and i worked while she was mothering our baby and when he was old enough he went to nursery and she started working part time.
We dont have family or friends close by so we never really spent time together alone going out etc. we always did things as a family.
we had some bumps in the road but we got through them.
fast forward to the present and she still works partime whilst studying and this has been like this for the last 3 years, which i get because she wants to better herself.
so i would leave for work at 6am and return at 17.30 she would drop our son to school go to work and then pick him up after. she cooks dinner for us and then we eat when i come home.
she would then study (online at home) and i would do the housework do homework with our son and do things with him, either his football lessons or his music lessons.
on the weekend we would both clean the house and do something as a family, and on the second day she would study for most of it.
we always go on holidays and family fuctions xmas birthdays etc together.
she has friend she met around 4 years who also has a child similar age to ours, she meets with her quite often and goes out for coffee and sometimes for drinks with her.
she missis her party years because she fell pregnant during thoose best years and im ok with her going out with her friend to try and make up for it and have a good time.
over the last year our personal relationship has died down,. i love her to the moon. she really is my everything, but recently she has told me she doesnt love me any more, she is really beautiful and attractive so i know she gets lots of attention, but she would never cheat on me she is not like that in the slightest, she has said that she doesnt feel like she loves me anymore, and she thinks we should separate or not live together(stay together but live in separte houses).
i was absolutley heart broken when she said this, i as most guys would think immediatly thought that there is another guy involved, but she really doesnt have the time for anything outside of the above with the studying and work, we have no time for each other so i dont think she has the time for someone else.
i put it down to our hectic start together, not getting the chance to know each other to start with properly before moving in together and the whole crazy lifestyle of work studying and family life. and being in the same routine the last 9 years.
i want to take her out, i want to take her dancing and drinking and have a good time and try to live the whole get to know you again part, because even though we have been together for so long as couple we have not gone out with each other as much, either she would go with her friend i would look after our son or i would go out and she would look after him.
i believe that our family is worth saving and i will go to any lengths to do that, to make her fall in love with me agian, but at the same time i dont want to be selfish and hold her back.
im absolutley devastated about this and i think its because we have just got into a boring life routine with no time for each other that we have got to this point.
she is polish through and through and i need advice from you guys if this is the end and she wants to move on, or what should i do to try and get her to fall back in love.
we respect each other alot and i dont want to pressure her by being a sudden overbearing romantic showering of gifts flowers and nice messages every day, im lost to be honest and i need some polish peoples advice as our cultures do differ in these situations, i dont want our family to break up, her studies finish in 3 months and i was hoping to get our life back on track and rekindle our relationship.
please your opinions and advice are valuable to me.
thankyou for taking the time
Hi
Im looking for some advice if anyone can help. im starting from the begining so please excuse the long post
I have been with my girlfriend for just 10 years now, she is polish and i am english, we are not married its not something that we are bothered about.
she is 29 and i am 39. we have an 9 year old boy together.
to start with our relationship was brilliant although difficult because she got pregnant really quick into our relationship. we never really had the honey moon period per say where you get to spend time together as a couple and falling for each other, we were thrown straight into family life, we moved in together and immediatley started seeing each others bad habits which when you have gone through the whole dating and year long relationship isnt that bad but when you do it within months of seeing each other is not attractive.
anyway we batted on and i worked while she was mothering our baby and when he was old enough he went to nursery and she started working part time.
We dont have family or friends close by so we never really spent time together alone going out etc. we always did things as a family.
we had some bumps in the road but we got through them.
fast forward to the present and she still works partime whilst studying and this has been like this for the last 3 years, which i get because she wants to better herself.
so i would leave for work at 6am and return at 17.30 she would drop our son to school go to work and then pick him up after. she cooks dinner for us and then we eat when i come home.
she would then study (online at home) and i would do the housework do homework with our son and do things with him, either his football lessons or his music lessons.
on the weekend we would both clean the house and do something as a family, and on the second day she would study for most of it.
we always go on holidays and family fuctions xmas birthdays etc together.
she has friend she met around 4 years who also has a child similar age to ours, she meets with her quite often and goes out for coffee and sometimes for drinks with her.
she missis her party years because she fell pregnant during thoose best years and im ok with her going out with her friend to try and make up for it and have a good time.
over the last year our personal relationship has died down,. i love her to the moon. she really is my everything, but recently she has told me she doesnt love me any more, she is really beautiful and attractive so i know she gets lots of attention, but she would never cheat on me she is not like that in the slightest, she has said that she doesnt feel like she loves me anymore, and she thinks we should separate or not live together(stay together but live in separte houses).
i was absolutley heart broken when she said this, i as most guys would think immediatly thought that there is another guy involved, but she really doesnt have the time for anything outside of the above with the studying and work, we have no time for each other so i dont think she has the time for someone else.
i put it down to our hectic start together, not getting the chance to know each other to start with properly before moving in together and the whole crazy lifestyle of work studying and family life. and being in the same routine the last 9 years.
i want to take her out, i want to take her dancing and drinking and have a good time and try to live the whole get to know you again part, because even though we have been together for so long as couple we have not gone out with each other as much, either she would go with her friend i would look after our son or i would go out and she would look after him.
i believe that our family is worth saving and i will go to any lengths to do that, to make her fall in love with me agian, but at the same time i dont want to be selfish and hold her back.
im absolutley devastated about this and i think its because we have just got into a boring life routine with no time for each other that we have got to this point.
she is polish through and through and i need advice from you guys if this is the end and she wants to move on, or what should i do to try and get her to fall back in love.
we respect each other alot and i dont want to pressure her by being a sudden overbearing romantic showering of gifts flowers and nice messages every day, im lost to be honest and i need some polish peoples advice as our cultures do differ in these situations, i dont want our family to break up, her studies finish in 3 months and i was hoping to get our life back on track and rekindle our relationship.
please your opinions and advice are valuable to me.
thankyou for taking the time