Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

It doesn't stop me from loving her - in fact, if anything it's made me love her more.

I need to know that it can't go too far, that it is just fun play. The problem I have is that that is not what I was told in the beginning.

I don't accept "not seriously harmed". I don't accept "harmed". In the same way I don't accept statutory rape - considering such a thing goes ahead with the minor's "consent" - I don't accept this because I don't believe one gives their consent, while drunk, in a party, for such behaviour.

Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

Thank you everyone. You have helped me today.

I'm choosing to believe that she was exaggerating as her description of what was about to happen at the time was nothing like what happened eventually. I accept that sometimes it might be not an exaggeration, but what I can't accept is that /that/ happened to her.

I really believe the Polish and Poland are lovely people, very friendly and that horrible things don't happen in a country which has had a very painful history - though, of course, most countries have developed from some form of extreme hardship during certain ages.

ukpolska: You don't know the half of it. She's incredibly beautiful and I would defy anyone to accept violence towards her (or any woman!) - but she is my concern and I love her.

Annoyingly, I have to go to work now, but I'll be checking this thread later.

Thank you all.

Ps: I honestly wish these things and things like them didn't happen anywhere.

Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

Olaf and gumishu appear to agree with me. However, because of the words of people here I am beginning to realise that it probably wasn't that bad. I still think it's stupid. I just cannot ever tolerate violence towards women.

I have tried talking to her but the way I dealt with it at the start has probably annoyed her to the point of not wanting to talk about it. She has had her patient periods with me, however.

If anyone thinks I'm overreacting, please read my account of her original words and realise that is all I had at the time. It is as simple as someone saying something terrible is about to happen and it's normal.

Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

Yes, I'm sensitive. No, I'm not over sensitive.

No, Poland is not a backwater and barbaric country.


This is what I needed to hear/read. Thank you.

It's not a tradition in America. I don't really care what they do there. I don't love someone in that country. I'm not trying to make the world a perfect place, just trying to ensure that my girlfriend is cared for.

And yes, I'm completely English. Are you going to raise the issue of stonings, the stocks, public beatings, corporal punishment, a long history of torture, invasion, barbarism in modern day or simply the birthday bumps? For the record, I was given the bumps in years past and when it happened it was completely new to me as well. I didn't understand it then and before I knew what was happening I very nearly defended myself the way I thought appropriate.

I understand there's probably a lot of people reading this and laughing at me. Frankly, I don't care. I've come here to learn, understand and try to believe that my girlfriend has not been mistreated. That's all.

Maaarysia: This is my problem. I did not choose to accept someone into my life who accepts violent customs. There are countries where stonings and even rapings take place and people accept them on some level. I don't and never will.

Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

Yes, I do consider I am such a person. I am also a trained martial artist and I know the difference between punishment and fun, of pain and simple silliness. I have spoken to a number of English about this and I have told them everything and more than was in my first post and they agree with me. Perhaps it is the extremity of the situation that is stopping me from being understanding, but I really need to be convinced that my girlfriend has not been hurt and that I'm not going to have to witness anything like that in the future. Is that too much?

Breaking an egg on someone's head is funny. Not painful.

My understanding of Wet Monday is akin to throwing water balloons. Again, funny, not painful.

Going back a bit, yes I can understand a spanking. Even slapping or something. Perhaps it was her choice of words and the exaggeration. Again, I'm saying I really want it to be that. I'm desperately hoping and trying to get that.

Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

No, I don't get it.

Maybe I'm being oversensitive. What I came here for is to get a real life appreciation for someone else's culture. To try to understand it.

And no. No-one is chasing my girlfriend through the streets either. My girlfriend is ill and doing something like that would be in now way good for her.

Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

ukpolska: That's what I need to get into my head- someone to explain properly that it's all just exaggerated. Yes, she said that she was exaggerating it, but she only said that after a day. A day we spent with me trying to tell her that I can't believe anyone would do that to her and her getting angry/annoyed/upset that I can't deal with it. I am not taking this lightly because her first description was in no way light, lighthearted or anything of the sort. I really pray to god that she was exaggerating, I really do. Believe me, we have spent a lot of time talking about this, more arguing. And yes, I think it's barbaric.

I'm a very flexible person when it comes to understanding others. I've travelled a lot, seen a lot of things. But I never thought in my life I would have to consider this.

GrzegorzK: No I don't think her family is messed up. Why is it that most Poles don't celebrate it? Could it be because it's barbaric?

Maaarysia: Thank you. This is what I need. For the record, I have never consider US fraternal traditions sensible in any way, either. I know lots of countries have this kind of thing, but I've deliberately chosen not to love someone who would consider such abuse. I am hoping that she was exaggerating and that her lack of understanding of my point of view simply comes from her situation genuinely not being what she described. But is it so impossible for anyone to understand that I will do anything to stop people from hurting her? Really?

Life / Understanding Poland's Birthday Tradition [66]

What does it warrant? Why isn't it taken seriously?

I don't think there is anything 'lighthearted' about a beating. I am truly in shock that anyone would consider such a thing.

I'm sorry, but I can't stand the idea that this has happened to her.

Is there anything else in the future I should be aware of?

When I marry her are they going to beat her round the face?

Maybe you can't understand my point of view here, but I will do anything to stop anyone harming her. Maybe I'm taking this too much to heart, but there is no way anyone is going to do something like this again and if I had been there at the time I don't know what I would have done to stop it.

It is simply not acceptible where I come from and I can't get my head round it.