Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Dear friends,

Thank you for your wonderful messages. I am really glad I came here to ask this question. I never had any idea about Poland before, but only that it was a post-communist East European country. Although due to time constraints I am unable to look all over the forum, but I am sure I will learn more about this beautiful land in time.

I must say that my daughter in law (a Polish) really did exceed all my expectations in being a wonderful successor. She is a very kind lady with good tastes, respect and intelligence, with the critical willingness to understand her new relations.

I kept the spices down as you all recommended, but it did turn out that she was not unaware of Indian food herself. I did enjoy some Polish delicacies prepared by her, and in all us both had things to learn from each other.

The way she handled our relatives was very beautiful. The courtesy and cultural intelligence often needs to be taught, but she displayed an innate sense of adaptability which is beyond what one could ask. Not once in these wonderful couple of months had we one moment of discomfort.

My grandson is in good hands, of course her being the mother but he is also the symbol of our entire lineage, a very important child. She made me feel proud of my son to have selected a wife as her in a foreign land so far from us.

She is a devout Catholic, and we have mutual respect for our beliefs. I love the way she explains her faith, which is not really anything too strict but based on the love for Christ and everything good. Her respect for Krishna, Ram and overall humanity really touched us deeply.

I must say that my grandson is a very handsome boy with genes from two very remarkable lands, having great histories and culture. A very intelligent boy, and at this age what else can be more special to us but to see our grandchild’s twinkling eyes, to play with him, hand over the name with blessings along with all that he is a heir of.

For the moment I can only see your country through my daughter in law, and all that I have witnessed is wonderful. It means a lot, as in our traditions the wife of the first born son is the successor of all the women of the dynasty. She is the heir of duties, pride, secrets and the heirlooms of her predecessors. These are not just simple matters or materials of monetary value, but in fact are the signs and blessings of a name though ages. This she passes on to a responsible hand once she is confirmed of it, when that time comes.

The best part is that now we are friends! Her sincerity to her marriage, her family is remarkable in this modern day and age. Her faith in me and her honesty which I can sense makes her a very desirable friend to me indeed. We have many things in common.

Yes, of course how can I miss this, she is a very beautiful young woman with the most beautiful smile I have seen in a very long time. God bless her and their family.

They could not extend their stay for my son’s business obligations, but I and my husband will be visiting Poland next year spring when I will meet her side of the family. Her warm invitation, rather the polite claim she expresses is nothing less than beautiful.

I can only thank the gods for this. It will be an understatement to say that my nerves have been settled in the happiest mode. I am a very relieved person at this moment, and I am sure so are all our ancestors.

Regards to you all,

Thank you,

Neharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Hello,

Your wishes are welcome, thank you everyone. It is a beautiful way you have.

Surely will write in a couple of months. I only have good experiences, with my daughter (daughter in law) preparing some Polish delicacies along with some Indian ones with me for the family. A cheerful girl full of life, with great maturity and respect.

I had to write here after I checked and saw some of the most beautiful responses.

Smiles,

Neharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Hello friends,

Brought my son, daughter in law, and my dear grandson :) today.

It is a blessed child, born with the best stars. My Grandson have Polish first name, and the surname (or title as we call it) is ours ofcourse. The feeling of carrying him, hugging him, is so overwhelming, I will never be able to express in words. The symbol of our entire dynasty, and he seems to know he is among his own :). What else can we wish for? God bless him and save him from evil eyes!

My daughter in law can be described as a beautiful young girl with clear sincere eyes, the first thing she did when we came face to face was to bow and touch the feet for blessings of me and my husband in the most traditional way. Then she rises up with that unique bright, expressive and cheerful smile, to which I met with a warm hug from the heart (as one suggested in here, about the hug). On my curiosity she answered later in the car that this knowledge of our tradition was a discovery internet! My son is helping her surely, but this was a very deep knowledge. She researched a little it seems. We seem to have a similar start with each other :).

My son and I have spoken less in the last two years, but he was always in contact especially with his father, and he is just as sincere and responsible. Both of them look very good together and have very good interaction. They seem very mutually understanding and cooperative couple, something very important in any relationship to make it last for a lifetime and in our traditions, even beyond. Not to mention the positive affects for the child which it brings, unmatched.

I will write more as I opened this topic. You all have been very helpful and refreshing. I will copy the link, and after a quick two months, will write my experiences. Somehow I have a funny feeling that I will have a very good experience :).

Regards,

Neharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

beckski,

There is no such prerequisite for a mother in law to be cruel. Yes, sometimes they are stubborn, but that phase can pass. I have been a daughter in law too, and I can sense what a daughter in law may wish for.

Anyone who prefer a family structure rather than remaining singular in relationships (which is a personal choice among those where it can be accepted), should know that even though they are a daughter in law now, in future they will be a mother in law too. So there is no reason to think of this relation as something negative, but as a relation which like any other relation needs compromise and understanding.

As you said, genuine mutual respect is the key factor.

Smiles,

Neharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Hi,

Warszawski, that is a marvelous thing which I came to know here. It is so much like us, the daughter in law actually should be treated like a daughter. I do expect the two months to be a very delightful experience to all of us. Without my son, and my grandson and her the family cannot be complete.

enkidu, bollywood is not India, it is just a film industry and they sell whatever is entertainment. Entertainment is usually what people wish to see, not what actually happens in their lives. Modern India is much more different than many of the old or the new movies. Neither are people singing on the streets, nor are people forcing their children for anything. Yes, the man is the head of the family, but women have their rights intact. You have aptly described the matter with the head and neck theory :). Indian culture is not actually so much influenced by the British. We are still very collectivist, while the British are individualists. We use the English language, but that is to benefit our economy and interactions with the rest of the world. Indian English in itself is different from the British English. I do not judge people based on the kind of cloth they wear, it is the inner part of a person which gets people close or distant. By the words we have shared on the phone, I could only find affection from her, which is very positive given the 2 wasted years we had least communication due to my own flawed perspectives. I would be keen to see how she would like to represent herself, given that she is an important member and certainly my successor, while being the mother of the first grandson in the family in its whole. But really, I cannot worry, I am just looking forward to meeting them all with open arms!

I will certainly hug them all. I am a mother, and I have denied myself from too much already.

Thank you for all the warmth, it speaks volumes of the Polish tradition of being friendly.

Blessings,

Neharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Hello Marynka11,

This is what I am planning to do already. I would welcome them in our traditional way, by letting her in with rice in her hands, her as she is the mother of my only grandson she needs to taste sweet yogurt from a silver cup and spoon from me and my daughter after she takes her first step from the door. These are some of our simple ways to welcome. It varies from different families, as the diversity of traditions in our country is very rich.

The cuisine we plan to serve them will certainly contain some of the dishes Magdalena suggested as puri, aloo gobi and palak paneer. I have no idea about Polish cuisine, and so I will keep that for later. I was curious, but it is natural.

Very useful views, specially that of the spices!

Regards,

Neharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Hello,

I do see patients still (I am a doctor) and so could not check more quickly. Thank you so much for so many beautiful and positive feedback.

Namaste alexw68, I have seen much of life and I really do not get bothered with stray words by some individuals. I am here for a purpose, to know Polish traditions or if there is anything specific to Polish young girls after their marriage when they first visit their in laws. If there is something good, it will only help me to be better prepared for my daughter in law who I presume is going to step out of Poland for the first time. Also the fact that this will be our first interaction, and I wish to do my part in it properly. But thank you for your concern, shows what you are made of.

Magdalena dear, my family is vegetarian, you are so right. We are North Indians, and we love samosas. Then if she thinks she would like to make pierogi, I would certainly be happy. She sounds very willing to meet us, and that was something very warm. All I can say is that she is someone I should have met a lot earlier.

You have been in India!

Those are pure vegetarian dishes you named, and all of them taste wonderful. Maybe they are the dishes I should get prepared for their arrival.

They will arrive in a couple of days.

You all have been very helpful, very warm. I appreciate this lots.

Thank you,

Neharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Harry,

We do not take alcoholic beverages in our family, and we believe that my son retains this. He was always a very responsible and capable boy. No reason for me to think on this matter.

Yet beyond that, it is a matter which is not mine to worry about. We did hand over our values to him with proper explanations and guidance when we were supposed to. Now he is a mature person and I expect so is she, therefore they can certainly look and judge the values they want to carry forward with themselves while being respectful to others.

If it was a joke, then I suppose I am just too serious now to afford a laugh here.

However, thank you for the response. I appreciate anything positive.

Niharika.

Love / Polish girls and traditions (esp. between mother in laws and daughter in laws) [45]

Thank you Magdalena,

I do want to accept her like my daughter, also there are things she inherits from our ancestors by being the wife of our only son. In some families like ours, the successive daughter in laws pass on a tribute or token of blessings to their successors, and thus it becomes ancient and almost holy, so to be preserved and adorned with care. It took two years for me to see many things more clearly, and she is a decent young beautiful girl with sincerity. I also long to see my grandson unbearably, and wish my family can now be complete with her.

There is no reason for me to be highly intrusive, I were a daughter in law too and I can understand that. They will come for a couple of months in which this bond between a mother and a daughter can be formed. When they return to Poland, all I wish is to be more close at heart and certainly will visit them from time to time, while they can come happily now anytime, our home is none other then theirs too.

The tips for the food you gave me are priceless. We eat quite spicy usually, so I will keep this in mind.

I will keep a check on this place if anything new appears later. Welcome all positive inputs.

Gratefully,

Niharika.