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English husband cannot live with his Polish wife and child in the UK


Haribocol 1 | 7  
28 Sep 2008 /  #1
I'm in trouble everyone! I met and fell in love with an angel 18 months ago! We met in Poland through friends and we married here in UK 8 weeks ago. I know she would struggle to arrive in UK to live with me because of her young child, but it looks like the polish court will favour the custody rights of the biological father. I respect the fathers poistion here and i will always try to remain neutral.

I would move to Poland tomorrow but i have financial obligations here in Uk and also decent work and mortgage to pay. I am wondering if anybody can help me understand why we cannot be together perhaps only every month for 2 or 3 days.

Positive or negative feedback welcome!
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
28 Sep 2008 /  #2
why would the Polish court give custody rights to the father if she married you and you have a steady job and your own place? i thought they always ruled in the mothers favour anyway, she has to be able to move to UK and live with you and her child, you are married. good luck.
OP Haribocol 1 | 7  
28 Sep 2008 /  #3
thanks!
The custody was joint and decided before we married. He left her for a younger woman 3 years ago! I thin Polish courts favour Fathers and i have seen that its the complete opposite to UK

good luck too :)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
28 Sep 2008 /  #4
I respect the fathers poistion here and i will always try to remain neutral.

To remain neutral will get nothing done. Speak to the father and offer a compromise. School holidays in Poland etc

Also, find out what the child would like.

Is the child at school yet ?

Edit: The child needs the father's permission to leave the country.
OP Haribocol 1 | 7  
28 Sep 2008 /  #5
neutral is tough but getting my say in totaly impossible. I have an opertunity soon, i would like to more exact but i must not say too much about court hearings etc. The mother has applied to court there asking for whole custody but the lawyer advises that they will not split the child up from the father as they have regular contact. Its a good point about holidays but we have already said that we will offer Skype contacts and 2 weeks summer holiday

The child has just started school and the child keeps asking his mummy why we cant go to live in UK. Its hard and i'm very concerned about my wife. I have to wait a month to know if she can come but he will keep delaying it. He has told the court he will never let the child leave.

Sorry but i have to go and work but please reply and i'll be back in a few hours
Mister H 11 | 761  
28 Sep 2008 /  #6
This is a bit of a no-win situation unless you can work out a way of all living in the same country.

A child should ideally have regular access to BOTH his parents and not have to only see one of them in the school holidays.

Which ever side "wins" will leave the other side broken hearted.
OP Haribocol 1 | 7  
28 Sep 2008 /  #7
Yes there will be tears but i just cannot understand how my wife cannot start a new life and one that will be better for the child too. The child and its mother have been in limbo for years while the cheating ex has been living with someone for years. The family home lies empty and falling into ruin. The mothers home is a studio flat and soon she will need more privacy, even if she cannot come to the UK she needs to move to a bigger flat yet the ex will not allow the sale of the house because the property market in Poland has fallen and he wants a certain amount, just stalling tactics. I really hope the ex starts afamily with his wife.

What really gets me is that i though Poland is part of the EU, freedom to move etc. If i moved to Poland and went to the furthest part away from the ex it would take at least 7hours by car. The UK is 2-3 hours away by plane!

The child needs specialist healthcare and would recieve world leading support in the UK. I'm sorry but the child's needs should come first and the reason the ex doesn't want to give permission is because he will lose control over his ex-wife. Its complicated.

I have never in my life heard such access given by a woman to her child's husband. The child see's its father twice in the week and every fortnight for a weekend with him and his girlfirend.

So what were really saying is that i will have to move to Poland?
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
28 Sep 2008 /  #8
you must've known what you were getting yourself into before you got married, so maybe you should've thought about all the pros and cons then and see how the law works in Poland. i'm not saying you shouldnt've gotten married but you are struggling now and long-distance relationships rarely work out. hire a good lawyer and see if he can convince the judge to let you take the child away from its father to a different country. does he genuinly care about that kid though?
OP Haribocol 1 | 7  
28 Sep 2008 /  #9
I hope so but i cannot help thinking that he cares more about his ego!
time means 5 | 1,310  
28 Sep 2008 /  #10
does the guy genuinley care for his child? i would say by his regular access he must.speaking as a diviroced single dad i have joint custody of my daughter and would also be less than impressed if her mother wanted to leave for another country.this is a hard situation and i wish you luck.
OP Haribocol 1 | 7  
28 Sep 2008 /  #11
I think so but ther'e strong evidence to suggest its a another way of telling his ego that he's doing his best. Unfortunately the contact is spent with the child sat in the back seat stuck in traffic for 2hours out of the 3hrs he has twice a week. During the contact the child is usualy stuck in front of a DVD. Quality of life and routine, the midweek contact is a major gripe because the childs education is suffering as fatigue sets in, surely a good father would want the best for his child and not using it just to argue with the mother. Anything suggested to the father is thrown back, the level of control is massive, to the detriment of the child. I'm not a father yet i can see the child is used as a pawn. I totaly agree with you that its a tough one and i think i will almost deffinately have to go to Poland.

Many thanks for your opinions tho', and good luck to you too.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
28 Sep 2008 /  #12
i will almost deffinately have to go to Poland.

The case will be held behind closed doors

You must be there

You will need a sworn translator

The judge will probably ask simple questions... for your benefit.

Make sure the court knows exactly what you have to offer.

Offer: Christmas, Easter and a good part of the Summer holiday. (maybe offer more than he can cope with, if you see what I mean)
time means 5 | 1,310  
28 Sep 2008 /  #13
im sure if he is using the child as way to get at his former spouse the novelty will wear off.dont let him see it gets the pair of you down (a bit of reverse psychology perhaps, more free time for you etc) stick to schedule as per the courts (dont give them any ammo) divorce is a horrible bitter and messy process ( i speak from experience) but there is light at the end of the tunnel.keep strong for you and your wife and step child, and remember its a marathon not a sprint.this crap time will pass. chin up mate and once again all the best.
Mister H 11 | 761  
28 Sep 2008 /  #14
During the contact the child is usualy stuck in front of a DVD. Quality of life and routine, the midweek contact is a major gripe because the childs education is suffering as fatigue sets in, surely a good father would want the best for his child and not using it just to argue with the mother. Anything suggested to the father is thrown back, the level of control is massive, to the detriment of the child.

And this is the guy you wish would have kids with his new wife ???

I know that might take the heat out of your situation, but it doesn't sound like a good move to me.
grahambarb - | 21  
29 Sep 2008 /  #15
well polish shouldn't be allowed to work here anyway it's one of the biggest reasons the government have let their ppl down , it's crazy and complete madness , so if they can keep one more pollock in bleedin poland then it;s great news , i'm not racist one bit in fact complete the opposite me and my black friend struggle finding work so it;s nothing to do with race that's a dead argument you can't open your borders to poland like we have it's immoral and completely insane , no country should sell out their own ppl like that , and brits have every right to disagree
ArcticPaul 38 | 233  
29 Sep 2008 /  #16
The guy wants suggestions about the woman he loves and her child NOT a hybrid of Enoch Powell and a glue-sniffing moron!
zip3 2 | 6  
29 Sep 2008 /  #17
Let me give you some advice...pack your bags and go to Poland. Mortgage issues - sell your house - I may be able to put an offer on it?

Financial committments-depending how old you are, invest everything for the short term and let it grow so you child and wife can live happily together with you in the Polish mountains where its beutiful...There is nothing in England ..just rain every day
LAGirl 9 | 496  
29 Sep 2008 /  #18
Good Luck with everything.
OP Haribocol 1 | 7  
2 Oct 2008 /  #19
zip3..........perhaps you have said it all! I'll work my fingers to the bone and yes if God will bless us i'll look out of our bedroom window below the mountains and say "it was worth it"!

god bless you all

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