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Moved to Poland to my younger boyfriend, now got sick; he's got a new one


woman 1 | 11  
3 Nov 2008 /  #1
hi i am newto this forum,but i have over the last year been checkin out this forum-i now really need your help

i moved to poland to be with my boyfriend-i am twelve years older than him.i have a flat in gdynia and he stays 3/4times a week- he hasnt yotally moved in- stays in his parents house the rest of the time-we have endured miscarriage-age issues and now i have had a serious illness from which i am recovering from-he has become very distant-saying me being older.british and have this illness is too much and he now wants a young polish woman to make a family with-he has recently told me he has found someone and he wants me "not to cause trouble"and accept want he wants-but he still wants to see me because i can hel him.i am devestated and i love him very much- i told him he is panickin-but if he does not love me he he stil lwants me in his life he must be honest with his "newwoman"-he says no she wouldnt understand and he wants to keep me a secret from her-this is not aceptable-i want to tell this woman all about us.doyou think he is just frigtened-because of my recent illmess?please please help i dont know want to do
Bzibzioh  
3 Nov 2008 /  #2
Dump him and go back to England. Fast.
OP woman 1 | 11  
3 Nov 2008 /  #3
i know maybe i should walk away but why should he get away with treating me so bad
polishgirltx  
3 Nov 2008 /  #4
why should he get away with treating me so bad

we all make choices... you deserve to be happy with somebody who is worth it... but it's not him... two words: pride and respect...

i wish you all the luck and happiness, but not with him...
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
3 Nov 2008 /  #5
Sounds like you deserve somebody a whole lot better than this guy....its not going to be easy...but you know what you have to do....
Bzibzioh  
3 Nov 2008 /  #6
but why should he get away with treating me so bad

Because you let him.
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
3 Nov 2008 /  #7
doyou think he is just frigtened-because of my recent illmess?

It sounds like he is a user , and wants to carry on using you as long as it does not get in the way of the life he wants with somebody else....I think that love is making you blind...I think you need to tell him some hard truths , if he isnt prepared to commit to you 100% then he should get his ass out of the door pronto.....
Grzegorz_ 51 | 6,163  
3 Nov 2008 /  #8
i am twelve years older than him

That couldn't work here... If you are going to find another guy, he can't be more than 2 years younger.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
4 Nov 2008 /  #9
which orifice do you pull these rules out of, greg? true love has no bounds.
Daisy 3 | 1,227  
4 Nov 2008 /  #10
If you are going to find another guy, he can't be more than 2 years younger.

Does the same rule apply if the girl is younger than the guy?
gtd 3 | 639  
4 Nov 2008 /  #11
Today, 01:24 Report #10

Grzegorz_:

If you are going to find another guy, he can't be more than 2 years younger.

Does the same rule apply if the girl is younger than the guy?

I know several couples here where the woman is more than 2 years older than the man.

To the OP...two of the worst kinds of people are cheaters and users. You deserve better and the best solution has been said...get away from this poisonous person ASAP! Anyone who would do this to someone who is ill is a whole additional level of cruel as well. How any 'man' could suggest to someone that she stay on as a 'piece on the side' and shouldn't 'make trouble' is beyond comprehension. Personally I think he family and new chick should know what he has been up to but it would be hard to do without making you look like a nutter. People tend to stick to their own rather than the truth. So....just run.
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
4 Nov 2008 /  #12
doyou think he is just frigtened-because of my recent illmess?please please help i dont know want to do

It sounds like he really does want to have children with the other woman but he doesn't love her. He just thinks of her as a mother for his offspring. But he has an emotional attachment to you. But it's very selfish of him to ask you to live that way and real love is not selfish.

i know maybe i should walk away but why should he get away with treating me so bad

He won't get away with it. Life will pay him back.
LondonChick 31 | 1,134  
4 Nov 2008 /  #13
Welcome to PF - sorry to hear that you're having a tough time.

How old are you both? If he's say, late teens / early twenties then the chances are that he's just not mature enough - and you'll have a certain novelty factor - mature, experienced lady from another country with her own property. He might see you as somebody who is cool and fun for a couple of years before he does the typical thing of settling down with the girl next door.
krazy krawiec 4 | 27  
4 Nov 2008 /  #14
He's wasting your time. Find someone who truly loves you... it's always hard making that first break but once its done things can only get better. I hope it works out. :)
tomekcatkins 8 | 130  
4 Nov 2008 /  #15
Seriously, what do you expect: older English Wife vs Young Polish Cuties..
Love makes blind, but you are old enough to realize it is not going to work out. Twelve years does not have to be a problem when both are older like: 28 and 40. But I think the guy is a bit younger then 28?

At young ages life experience could cause a disbalance in the relationship. - Probably you have done and seen a lot already in life, and the boy still have to explore much before getting a the same level.

So I advise you to kiss your boy goodbye and focus on a new life. If you like Poland and Polish men, you could stay there, but watch out not to have feelings for your ex anymore.

Only a more experienced person who really fits in with you, could make a happy relationship.
And after all, cherish the nice moments you had with your ex. All nice moments got thrown in with the bargain in your life!
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
4 Nov 2008 /  #16
Seriously, what do you expect: older English Wife vs Young Polish Cuties..

So when you're g/f drops you like a tone of bricks because she found a richer boyfriend and you start crying on here - We can say "oh well poor young boy V's richer more sophisticated man" is that going to make you feel better???

My advice to the OP is walk away - but before you do, wipe chilly in his boxers and feed him a lovely pie made with dog food :))) It's the little things in life that make us smile and others cry :)
OP woman 1 | 11  
4 Nov 2008 /  #17
he is 33-already has a 12 year old from a very early relationship-he does love me-but he feels he should do whats expected from his culture -young girl lots of babies-he already feels he failed first time round. we have discuused things many times and so many times i have said to finish. he always comes back cries and apologises tells me how much he loves me and how stupid he is and no-one has never understood him or loved him like i do. but my recent illnes has frightened him-it was life and death-brought all the old issues to light-he thought i was goingto die- he said some really horri9ble things this time-not sure i can forgive him-i love him and i have given him so much-when i need himhe wants to run-yes he has apologised again-but this time something has to change-i do not want to be the bit on the side who he runs to when playing happy families becomes to much-me or her i think- and i do think his family and her should know what he is truely like-no he does not love her- he says she is 20 and naive and he has been visiting her at her parents houseand they like him and if they and she knew about me she would drop him-wants our relationship to be a secret forever-even the fact that he was ever with me-i told himhe really is askingtoo much of me now and that i will let everybody know and whats he scared of if he loves her and she loves him
ParisJazz - | 172  
4 Nov 2008 /  #18
If Madonna couldn't keep Guy Richie, what chances do you have to keep a young (presumably handsome and virile ) pole?

My advice is to ditch the bastard who is obviously using you and move on with your life. You deserve much better.

PJ
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
4 Nov 2008 /  #19
he says she is 20

Yeah!! let us hope that she finds someone nearer her age and dumps his pathetic ass!!! - he is after all 13 years older than her and a divorcee - not exactly a catch!

You should dump him and ensure that you don't go back - you need a MAN and someone with a heart! He is neither!
gtd 3 | 639  
4 Nov 2008 /  #20
he does love me

BS...pure BS. Nobody who loves you behaves this way. You are making excuses for him now because you really want this to be true. I understand we have probably all done it. But you know this in your heart. Get away from him he will never be loyal to you.
southern 75 | 7,096  
4 Nov 2008 /  #21
It seems that english women found a chance to date younger polish men as did older men with younger polish women.Now with polish economy getting better and Poles returning to Poland,this will happen less and less.

While in Poland he is exposed to such a mass of young attractive polish women,that in my opinion it is an illusion for a foreign woman to hope for sth better.Simply the competition is too hard,maybe brutal for women in Eastern Europe.
OP woman 1 | 11  
4 Nov 2008 /  #22
howhas my post suddenlly turned into polish girls are more beautiful than english???????-i am a very beautiful woman-this is one reason he keeps comimg back! beautifu lwoman with money and experience-thatswhat he doesntwant to loose

i have had otherpolish guys while in poland been intoxcicated with me -and no he is not very handsome or particulary virile-in fact not many wopman polish or otherwise would give him a first let alone second glance!!love and yes maybe i am blind does not judge at this level-love is something thatyou feel not see- i was looking forhelp here-i think my illness has made him think about mortality etcand what little he has achieved in his life so far- in fact i sometimes think he is making this girl up-he does tend to tell stories-he has a low opinion of himsel-and believes-perfection will givehim gredibility-he knows i love him for him with all his faults and he sometimes just cant believef someoneloves him
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
4 Nov 2008 /  #23
howhas my post suddenlly turned into polish girls are more beautiful than english???????-

They always do, didn't you know that us English women are inferior to them ;-)

Don't take any notice, besides, Southern is just some despo who can only dream of having a beautiful older woman!

Help is not something you are going to get in here - a lot of Polish men are just like a lot of English men - now have a long think how you would react if some 33 y/o English guy was behaving like this, you wouldn't visit a forum - you'd talk to your friends and then you would tell him to getthefuckoutofhere. Starting again at any age isn't easy and Im sure you don't relish the thought, but life is too precious to waste one minute on someone who doesn't respect you 100%.

As for your illness, you need to be around people who are going to be supportive and helpful out of kindness and not because they are looking for something in return, this isn't going to help you - it's just going to drain you of the energy you need to fully recover.

Good luck x
ParisJazz - | 172  
4 Nov 2008 /  #24
and no he is not very handsome or particulary virile

hmm. Not handsome, not particularly virile, a failure in life AND a pole..

You really love the bastard.

I wish you good luck, whichever path you decide to follow.

PJ
Bzibzioh  
4 Nov 2008 /  #25
It may be that men like the challenge of seeing whether they could actually get the time of day from someone gorgeous but the idea of actually having a relationship with model-beautiful woman is intimidating. Or it could be that you're overly enthusiastic and that scares men off. The next time (cos Mr. Right Now is a goner) a guy shows interest maybe hang back a bit. Let him control the progression of things. If he still runs for the hills, you might want to try searching in some different valleys.

howhas my post suddenlly turned into polish girls are more beautiful than english???????-

Don't mind him: he has a birth defect and can't see strait. Nothing is better for him than a freshly scrubbed Polish blonde :) Ever.
southern 75 | 7,096  
4 Nov 2008 /  #26
Southern is just some despo who can only dream of having a beautiful older woman!

I don't say no to older women.In fact I have found that older women have a lot of advantages.Give me a 35 year old over a 18 year old anytime.

I am just realistic.Meaning I would not bring a very young and attractive polish woman to my country because I know she will leave me inside 2 months.Because of the competition.Anyway,maybe it is man's style of thinking and I noticed that women do not think this way.

Nothing is better for him than a freshly scrubbed Polish blonde :) Ever.

True.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387  
4 Nov 2008 /  #27
he should do whats expected from his culture -young girl lots of babies-he already feels he failed first time round.

What rubbish. You live in Gdynia. How many families do you know with more than two kids.

He sees you as someone who pays the rent, provides the food, satisfies his sexual needs... And nothing more... except this: He has a vision of a future commited to an older woman who will soon be drawing her pension.

He is one of the most selfish people that I've read about on this forum.

Get rid of him.
southern 75 | 7,096  
4 Nov 2008 /  #28
He sees you as someone who pays the rent, provides the food, satisfies his sexual needs... And nothing more... except this: He has a vision of a future commited to an older woman who will soon be drawing her pension.

Polish gigolo.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
4 Nov 2008 /  #29
except this: He has a vision of a future commited to an older woman who will soon be drawing her pension.

She's 45 hardly on the scrap heap...

woman

I have a lovely friend in Lodz who is mid 50s, very attractive and single - maybe I can hook you up :))) he's an engineer and a very caring honest person.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387  
4 Nov 2008 /  #30
She's 45 hardly on the scrap heap...

Not my vision. His

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