Whose Life is it? Polish girlfriend under family "house arrest"

Im Irish and recently over the last 3 months began seeing a polish girl I had known and worked with for 2 years. We always had a bit of a spark but she had a polish boyfriend and I knew not to get involved and stayed clear. Last year they were having problems ( he drinks alot, no job) and split but he was reluctant about this but went home hoping she would change her mind. During this period we began to see each other and really hit it off. We enjoyed spending time together and talked about future. Her ex found out back in Poland and began causing us problems and with her family in Poland. She felt she needed to go home and explain to her family and hope thry would respect her decision. As soon as she arrived in Poland, her ex boyfriend confiscated her ID and took her to her family home. They are taking his side. She is now under house arrest and has been told she will never return to Ireland. How can this happen in this day and age....Whos Life is it and how can others make this choice. She had a job she loved and a future she dreamed about. All she wanted was to be happy !! She was due to fly back to Ireland on Saturday. Now I dont know if I will ever se here again.

someone is spinning you a yarn.

Sorry to say this but she's feeding you bullshit, there's no house arrest and no ID confiscation.

Exactly, welcome to the world of deception. Espionage anyone? ;)

Sorry, I don't want to sound insincere at all but always act under the assumption that they will return to their boyfriend and you, as a foreigner, are just a casual shag.

Women have this gnawing away at them, many Polish women I've met fit that bill.

I tested this out over 3 years ago. I let a secretary get close as she wanted to. Not too close though. I told her that it could never work and she went running off back to her ex. Quel surprise!

That may be so bt it does not explain constant texs from her ex. She also still has all her gear and money here in Ireland......and to top if off I got a phone call from her today. I dont think its a yarn or scam lads....sorry

Captain this is Poland, there's no house arrests or ID confiscations here, she's one phonecall away from police and making a new ID takes what ? 5 days ? If she has access to the phone that means you're being played.

The fact that you are a foreigner has a significant bearing on their actions. He has likely concocted a cock-n-bull story, totally fabricated. Words damage, actions can cripple.

Keep pursuing it, the ball should be in her court. One thing stands out from your post tho. How on earth did he come to know? He left, all he had was mere speculation and supposition. Either you are telling porkies (which I don't want to say) or she has blabbed out of guilt. It squares with what they do, a perceived shortcoming of Catholicism.

He constantly knew her moves. He was texting a friend who lives in same area. Everytime she left the house he would text or ring. The he started ringing and texting me. We both denied everthing. When she arrived in Warsaw she rang me to say she arrived safely. That was last Wednesday. Her ex rang me later saying he seen the texts on her phone and after that I knew he had it as he had taken phone from her before.

The bit which is a dead giveaway is "she felt the need to go home and explain". What's wrong with calling and talking? Why spend all that money on a flight?

Sorry, that's fishy. Wasn't it Morrissey who once said something like 'an inbuilt guilt catches up with you and it wakes you up and it laughs in your face'? She clearly had that.

She put herself in that position. Her ex had to accept that it was over but they don't. Don't be part of a game my Celtic bro, it's not worth it.

Read the following thread, Ireland32. It will help to answer your questions.

Polish Girlfriend Gone Missing

By. Ted_no7

You're either making all this up or you're the most naive poor bastard ever.

Her family were putting her under pressure because there was a half built house involved. She wanted to go home to make things right. She has a sister getting married in September and wanted things back home to be settled. She was planning to go to a wedding here in Ireland next month. When I left her to the airport that morning I could see the worry in her eyes.

Came on her hoping for a bit of advice...... I did read the thread from TED yesterday......thats why I posted the thread today after getting the phone call

Well you got it, Poland is a civilized country if the girl wanted to get back to UK she would, she's feeding you crap because she feels guilt but thats it, personally i'd bug out instead of dwelling on it unless you like getting hurt.

The advice is: forget her.

What you have told us is typical of half the stories (of this type) on the forum.

Do a search and you will see.

Of course you can wait for a female perspective from one of the members you might trust. But I'll wager that the answer will be the same.

The half built house is still probably half built ;) I repeat, calling can put things right.

September is September, it is February now. Sorry, I've heard it too often with Polish women. They have their own agenda and that's that.

The mules are bowing down and tipping their hats.

A minute ago I was talking crap..... What you think we talked about today? getting her back. This ex is a physco. I know. I worked with him. He thinks if he cant have her no one will.

well, I actually have a friend who was house arrested in Poland because she was dating a foreigner, so as much as we wish that those things don't happen, they do. I was shocked when I heard it. Her family is very nice and I have known them for years.

Who knows?

However, more than likely the guys are right. We have heard so many similar stories therefore the advice.

Erm my last post in this thread, if a woma wants to be with you she will and no psycho can stop her, she's using the psycho excuse because you were apparently some random shag while she still is with the guy despite how fucked up he is.

Of course she's not gonna tell you "i dont give a turd about you" women tell it differently, you're getting played and thats all there is to it.


You're not getting her back since she doesnt want to get back, the issue is her.


That is so awesome! Link ?:D

While there may be a lot of stories about Polish girls who have done this to unsuspecting males, there is going to be that one time the story from the Polish girl is true. I don't know if it is true or not nor does anyone here. Miranda posted that she knows a girl it happened to so we can't immediately deny these things happen.

Ireland32, can you not speak to her friends/flatmates in Ireland and find out if they have heard from her? If they haven't and you tell them that story you might get a bit further. Also, if this is a story from her then one of them might kindly tell you that. You also said that the ex-boyfriend had taken her phone. Have you tried calling it from a number that neither her or the ex-boyfriend know? If she answers then she's either been caught out in a lie or she has her phone back and finally you get some information. If the ex-boyfriend answers it then you also have an answer. Have you tried emailing her?

Thanks for the comment Polskadoll. Both myself and her Manager have hadone phone call each. When she called her Manager it was from the ex boyfriends number who had text her Manager saying she wanted to speak with her. They are both females and verygood friends and she often sought comfort in her. During the call her ex boyfriend was standing over but left the room for a short while during which time she said she had made a big mistake going home. She was due to go to her Managers daughters wedding next Month and planned to get new dress and shoes while she was home.

When she rang me yesterday it was from a phone her ex had given her to contact him once she was finished at hairdressers. Again she was getting colour done by a friend who is a hairdresser for wedding in couple of weeks in Ireland. She told me she needed to let things settle down and for people to stop watching her before she could make contact again but again said she made big mistake going home. She told me she missed me and loved me nd to try and stay calm.

Thats were im at now.........She doesnt have email. I guess I have to sit and see what happens. She has 2 brothers here in Ireland, one of whom I have contacted but all I get from him is that it is not his business.

Ireland if she has access to a cell she could call the POLICE, we have them here in Poland, they wear blue ride patrol cars and arrest people, she's one phonecall from the cops and you still buy the abduction bit.

Keep trying, Ireland32. Remember Desiderata, God give me the courage to accept the things I cannot change etc etc. All you can do is show your interest by pursuing the matter. Very few women don't like being pursued in such a way.

What's done is done. There is still some salvage work that can be done. Remember, fight the good fight and remind yourself that it's a noble cause.

I really feel for you and I wouldn't normally make any comment here but when you made this last post it reminded me of somebody else who was in a similar postion and posted on the forum.

It just sounds so similar and he found out that his girllfriend wasn't being held captive by her family, as he imagined she was :(

I hope this turns out as you would like it.

Like I said......I will sit and see what happens over the days ahead. Thank you all for your comments.

Look at it this way, if she makes the decision to extricate herself from the home situation, it'll show you that she is committed to you. Sometimes persistence pays off in life.

They didnt have sex yet, she might be a transvestite and doesnt want to break his heart by having a penis.

a couple of things still stick in my head......Why book the return flight for Saturday 28th if she was not gonna return. Why take just the minimum baggage she needed for the week? She has a house here that she shared and alot of items she bought for it....fridge, bed,TV etc. A Credit Union Account !!!.....sorry but it doesnt add up to some of the comments I've been receiving on the thread. Sokrates...comments like that are childish !!!!

Did you manage to read the thread another poster made some time ago <was a similar situation> ?

https://polishforums.com/archives/2005-2009/love/girlfriend-gone-missing-30575/

It's not entirely the same but quite similar do you think ?

I do think most people on here feel for you and sometimes it's hard listening to everyones views I think .

Good Luck.

Ireland32: the first thing you need to do is to ignore everything the twat above says. He's just jealous that he can never be as good as a western man. There is, of course, a massive difference between being kidnapped and not being able to leave. I would imagine that the pressure being put on your girlfriend is emotional and social pressure, not physical force. Polish men tend to be particularly good at that kind of **** (as well as the old 'she isn't listening so I'll slap her around a bit' routine) and Polish women are particularly bad at putting up with it. Especially in the smaller towns they are socialised to accept a subservient role in life. I know one woman who didn't go to her mother's funeral because her husband had ordered her to have no contact with her family. And then there's another one who only left her husband because he started slapping her daughter (his step-daughter) around; apparently the five years of getting physical abuse herself from him wasn't reason enough to leave....

The best thing you can do is to just wait for her to sort her stuff out at home and get back to you. If she was pulling a fast one, she wouldn't have called you or her manager. Or said what she said when she was able to really talk.

Quite right. I am a little surprised to see Seanus, of all people, making sweeping negative generalizations about Polish girls.


Don't count on that anyway, mate!