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My polish girlfriend has changed following death of dad..


VaFunkoolo 6 | 654  
4 Apr 2008 /  #31
pal, at the end of the day, it isnt my girlfriend who is distant and angry or asking me for space, its yours. If you cant understand why, perhaps this is your problem that you need to address

And just as part of your learning process, if you come on to a public forum and ask for advice, dont get upset when people tell you youre a pillock
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #32
dont get upset when people tell you youre a pillock

Yep but there is no need to get all insulting and nasty either.
szkotja2007 27 | 1,498  
4 Apr 2008 /  #33
Its a difficult time for you both. There are is info about that may help you both understand each others feelings.
bupa.co.uk/health-information
Everybody is an individual of course.
EbonyandBathory 5 | 249  
4 Apr 2008 /  #34
Everybody greives differently. For some it's a few weeks for others it's years. You must respect the request for space. Change does strange things to people, especially permanent change like a death, and when things that were certain in one's life for their entire life vanish, they begin to question everything. Don't ask her what she needs, she'll come to you. All you can do, my friend, is be there for her when she needs you. It won't do any good to press the issue. My girlfriend and I had a good friend die in a car accident 6 months ago. It was one of my girlfriend's best friends and she took it real hard. Even now it's a touchy subject and for a good 3-4 months she was prone to bursting out in uncontrollable tears. It's better now, but that's just a good friend, I can't even imagine what would happen if it was a family member. She'll let you know what she needs, just don't press.
Ranj 21 | 948  
4 Apr 2008 /  #35
As one who has lost both my parents at an early age, part of what she is going through: maybe she's scared to be close to anyone. My dad died 24 years ago and my mom, 17 years ago.....both deaths have impacted my relationship with others....it's taken me a longtime to open up to people.....one is afraid of getting too close, for fear that they might lose that person.....just give her some space....let her know you are there for her, but don't push yourself on her.....she needs to grieve in her own way.
Finefilly 2 | 10  
4 Apr 2008 /  #36
There's some good points here regarding your situation (particularly EbonyandBathory). I think the main thing that is the most difficult when you lose a parent is that other's seem to think there is a cut-off point for mourning. Yes, there are (quasi) official guidelines in most cultures for a mourning period but, let's face it, if you've lost your mum or dad your emotions don't go along with guidelines.

Anger is a very common reaction with bereavement - similarly sudden periods of detachment from others may be on the cards too - it's not directed at you, believe me.

This will be a testing time for both of you and if you have barrow-loads of patience you will both be the stronger for it. Just don't expect that once a year is up 'she should be ok now'.... I was still 'talking' to my dad (in the car usually) two good years after his death. You may think that's odd but two years is a blink of an eye in your emotional life.

Take care x
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #37
Or you could just move on, looks like you are already trying though.....

good luck dude.
plk123 8 | 4,149  
4 Apr 2008 /  #38
sunday shes having a dinner with family and all his polish friends here in states i wasnt invited but i understand.

you understand? hmmm.. i don't.
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #39
where was that thread with the 21yr old looking for new experiences.....

you may wanna go back there !
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #40
i told you i wasnt even looking at thread .... give it up point taken you misunderstood who i was responding too thanks for your observation
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #41
eddiea19, i wanna help you see the light..... it might be over for ya, as suggested by PLK123 - why weren't you invited to a family and friends get together... you've got to be a little suspicious !
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #42
i never met her dad, she said it was for family and his friends when he was living here. also everyone speaks polish and she siad it would be very uncomfortable for me. i really didnt give it thought just thought she should be with her family and respect the man which i have never met?
plk123 8 | 4,149  
4 Apr 2008 /  #43
just thought she should be with her family and respect the man which i have never met?

so, you see yourself as NOT her family then?? hmm.. strange indeed.
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #44
why strange she llives here in states her mom lives here and brother thats it! she told me it was for just people who knew him!
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #45
sometimes you don't see the obvious, but either you are in or out of the equation.

Yes she may need time and distance till she gets over the death of her father,

or there is someone else, or she is not comfortable having you around the family and her fathers friends, but why should that be.....

difficult one, either way it sounds like you have your hands tied, if you question her about it you lose, if you do nothing you will probably lose......

tell her you would like to be there for her, to comfort her if needed and insists on it, if she blows you out with some excuse then it depends on how believable the excuse is........either way i think you'll know at that moment if she's lying or not.
plk123 8 | 4,149  
4 Apr 2008 /  #46
if u don't find it strange, then it isn't. nevermind.
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #47
look shes never lied she has told me since this all happen that her main focus is her child and her mom and right now she doesnt have the thought or energy for a relationship while shes stressed about the last 4 weeks. i believe thats valid
plk123 8 | 4,149  
4 Apr 2008 /  #48
shes never lied

that you know of.. sounds to me like you're out then. may want to think long and hard about this.. i think you may have some decisions to make. personally, i think i'd be moving on at this juncture.
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #49
ok plk123 i going to move on
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #50
sounds to me like you're out then

well not neccessarily, but something smells fishy....... and its not my cat's breath.... although he has been fed recently.... nor me as i've just showered ready to got out !

be alert !

let us know what happens !
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #51
i will hey what does this mean in english odezwij sie?
miranda  
4 Apr 2008 /  #52
oh, he is hooking up with somebody else already.
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #53
it just means "reply" or "answer back" as in reply to me when talking

Miranda, i preffered the cow picture, it was more just !
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #54
zaba zel? do you not know this
bajka - | 71  
4 Apr 2008 /  #55
żaba = frog

żel = gel

is she a new age witch or sourcerer
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
4 Apr 2008 /  #56
lol i dont think so thanks for your help

some advice on polish relationship

my girlfriend is polish and at times gets so cold and distant when i want to know whats going on with us. her dad just died 4 weeks ago and i know thier is a mourning period but know she has backed off alot saying she doesnt know herself and cant handle a relationship right now how do i approach her or what could i do
plk123 8 | 4,149  
4 Apr 2008 /  #57
well not neccessarily, but something smells fishy....... and its not my cat's breath.... although he has been fed recently.... nor me as i've just showered ready to got out !

you are right, we don't have all the info here.. fishy for sure.. just think and observe dude and you'll have your answer in due time.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837  
5 Apr 2008 /  #58
absolutely nothing's fishy here. the gf has quite openly said that she doesn't know herself what's going on, and having lost my mother in my early twenties I absolutely understand what's she's going through. fixed "mourning periods" have nothing to do with what's going on in your head at a time like this.

basically you're trying to have one last long conversation with the departed loved one, of course it's actually a monologue, but it has to be done.

the fact that she hadn't invited the bf to the family and dad's friends party sounds quite understandable to me as well - it was more of a wake than a ball to be sure (and the bf didn't even know him). and she was honest about that as well.

quite frankly - if you had a Polish gf/bf, and your dad died, and your aunt Mildred and ancient uncle Arthur and cousin Joe and dad's army friend Ed and all your other relatives wanted to have some time together to remember and cry and smile about your dad's life - would you invite the gf/bf? I wouldn't. It would be a major faux pas towards both your family and your partner.
bajka - | 71  
5 Apr 2008 /  #59
losing a close relative is always painful regardless of age, but time is a great healer.....
OP eddiea19 1 | 44  
5 Apr 2008 /  #60
absolutely nothing's fishy here. the gf has quite openly said that she doesn't know herself what's going on,

thank you for your insight that makes sense to me thank you again

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