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I need some advice about a Polish young lady.


pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
9 Mar 2009 /  #1
She is just a friend, I met her in America, and I have visited Poland. She is a very confused young lady and I am trying to help her live a normal life.

I spent seven weeks with her in America and nine weeks with her in Poland. She is depressed most of the time and in my opinion, she has a low self-esteem of herself. She lives in Poland and speaks very little English. We email on a regular basis. She is Catholic and somehow got involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

First, I don't know how any Catholic could get involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses (I am Catholic myself). I have done much research on the Internet and found them to be very controlling.

Second, I don't know if I should really get involved with her religion but from what I know about her I feel the Jehovah's Witnesses are giving her the wrong advice.

Third, I do know that before she was involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses she was a happy young lady with only the problems that young people face each day.

Fourth, I would like to help her live a normal life that every young person should enjoy.

I would appreciate any advice or suggestions.

Thank you,
szarlotka 8 | 2,208  
9 Mar 2009 /  #2
I would appreciate any advice or suggestions.

Sounds like you need specialist advice from a cult advice centre such as the Cult Awareness and Information Centre. If she was happy and well adjusted before it sounds like a touch of reprogramming may be needed.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
9 Mar 2009 /  #3
Second, I don't know if I should really get involved with her religion but from what I know about her I feel the Jehovah's Witnesses are giving her the wrong advice.

Stay clear of Jehovas, they're borderline dangerous and yes they do brainwash their followers pretty badly.

Fourth, I would like to help her live a normal life that every young person should enjoy.

First you need to contact her family, if they're all Jehovas you might as well quit now but if they're concerned about her you need to get them in touch with a specialist, stay clear of church institutions or psychologists, a psychiatrist is what you're looking for.

Get together with her family and convince her to go to the psychiatrist, find out if she has a hobby or an interest and help her pursue it so she has a different point of focus and then keep her pre-occupied with attractive past time or career activities all the while seeing to it that she's being under care from her family and therapist, and have lots of patience.

So its gonna cost you money patience and effort, lots of 'em.
polishcanuck 7 | 462  
9 Mar 2009 /  #4
somehow got involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

They are controlling as you say, but they are also very relentless in their pursuit of new recruits into their church. I was hounded by a lady from this church for several months - she only stopped after i had called the police!!! I only talked to her when she came to my door (they door-door shop here in canada for new members) and i guess she must have misunderstood my desire to learn about the faith for actually wanting to join. Seems like your lady succumbed to this evil.

Some religions can be harmful. This particular faith/church wants full control of your life - everything from who you date/marry to how you spend you money to how you spend your free time. If you think the jehovas are negatively affecting her life, then you should help her out!
krysia 23 | 3,057  
9 Mar 2009 /  #5
She is brainwashed and you have to unbrainwash her.
Your job is to go do fun things with her and subconciously undo the harm they did to her by pointing out the stupidy of their belief. It will take some time but everytime she says something about this religion, you contradict her, it will sink into her mind even if you think she doesn't listen. It takes but a seed to make a tree. You plant this little seed into her silly little brain and help it grow and nurture this seed by properply steering her in the right direction.

Have fun!
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
9 Mar 2009 /  #6
Some great advice folks, but she lives in Poland and I live in America. She writes in Polish and knows very little English and I don't speak Polish at all.

Thank you all
Lir  
9 Mar 2009 /  #7
She writes in Polish and knows very little English and I don't speak Polish at all.

If you don't mind me asking, how do you manage to communicate with her then ?

rom what I know about her I feel the Jehovah's Witnesses are giving her the wrong advice.

I just wondered how you could know all this if you don't speak the same language ?
All you can do is to offer her some advice, if she asks for it and to let her know you are there to give her support if she ever needs it. I think that is all you can do really.
wieslawa - | 4  
9 Mar 2009 /  #8
Is your problem communication Paul ? if so i can help you out.
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
9 Mar 2009 /  #9
Sometimes she will send me an email in English using a translator, otherwise I use Web translators. I also spent seven weeks with her in America and nine weeks with her in Poland.
Lir  
9 Mar 2009 /  #10
otherwise I use Web translators

Are they good at the translation ? Maybe they can slightly confuse a message ? Just guessing really cos I have used a free online version for another language and they really aren't too good <in my opinion>

I also spent seven weeks with her in America and nine weeks with her in Poland.

Did you know her before she became a Jehovahs witness or afterwards ?
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
9 Mar 2009 /  #11
Did you know her before she became a Jehovahs witness or afterwards ?

I knew her before she became a Jehovahs Witness. I have seen the changes in her personality and attitude. She used to be happy.
Lir  
9 Mar 2009 /  #12
She used to be happy.

Does she ask for any help ? Or does she just wish to communicate with you ?

The point I am trying to make is that there isn't that much you can do really unless she asks for help. If you are very concerned about her, then maybe drop a letter to her local priest and see if maybe he could visit her and her parents to see if he could offer any assistance ? <That's assuming that her parents aren't Jehovah Witnesses as well.> If they aren't, I'm surprised her family haven't noticed a big difference in her too.

Is your problem communication Paul ? if so i can help you out.

That is a very kind offer. Maybe worth looking into that.

Do you know any of her family at all ?

I have to admit, I don't have any experience of a situation like this but it doesn't appear that there is an awful lot you can do if she doesn't ask for your direct help.
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
9 Mar 2009 /  #13
Do you know any of her family at all ?

No, I do not know any of her family. I heard her Mother may have became involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses about three years ago, her Father is not involved. Her last email stated that her mind is not made up for sure. I think the reason she sent this to me was because I made a remark that every day, I seen her in January it seemed as if she was depressed, angry and her moods changed from hour to hour. She replied that a lady at work told her the same thing.

This is a few of the things I have done to try to build up her self-esteem, and to give her some knowledge of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I have sent her flowers on Valentine's Day and on Woman's Day; she told me she has never received flowers before. I have sent her cards to let her know she is a special woman.

I have emailed her feedback from former Jehovah's Witnesses, with the Emotions they lost or felt while in the Jehovah's Witnesses.

I have emailed her the ridiculous rules of Watchtower and the absolute control the leadership has over the lives of their members once they join, in other words, the "forbidden". This I found on the Internet.

I have found a poem written in English, I was going to email to her. It is a special poem to make her feel special. I have not because I thought it would lose the meaning when she tried to translate it.

I think I have planted a seed with her. Now do I sit back and wait or do I continue with what I have been doing?

Any ideas?
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
10 Mar 2009 /  #14
Sometimes she will send me an email in English using a translator, otherwise I use Web translators.

using those online translators to converse can make anyone look crazy and brainwashed lol. but on a serious note, there is not much you can do if you're so far away. and i have a feeling you're concerned about her because you have feelings for her that are more than friendship. how young is the lady and how old are you? gifts, cards and money will not sort this out, she needs someone to be there with her and restrict her contact with toxic people who are hurting her. i have friends who are jehovah's witnesses and they are normal just like you and me, but then i am aware of what some of them are capable of and how far they will go to get new members. your friend is in a dark place right now and unless you can't physically be there, take her hand and lead her away from the darkness, you can just keep hoping the seed you planted will finally grow. if you were capable of conversing with her regularly (skype etc.) it would be a great help but otherwise i really don't know what you can do. every good thought counts, but she needs more than thoughts.
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
10 Mar 2009 /  #15
I assure you that there is nothing but friendship between us. I spent a total of 16 weeks working with her. When I first met her, I thought she was the sweetest young lady I have ever met. This was the first seven weeks in America. When I went to Poland, I saw the change in her. She finally told me that she was involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses, I was not the only one that has the change in her. You said "gifts, cards and money" I didn't say anything about money??
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
10 Mar 2009 /  #16
You said "gifts, cards and money" I didn't say anything about money??

you're spending money on them flowers and gifts and cards arent you

you never answered me about your and her age. let me guess, she's quite a bit younger then you are and you're feeling protective over her...
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
10 Mar 2009 /  #17
Yes, it is a long story, there is a big age difference. During her last four weeks in America I was very protective of her, This is something I do not want to discuss on the Internet, but there were reasons. I guess being protective of her continued, now I have seen and I hear that she is very sad and I want to help her but I don't know how being so far away.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
10 Mar 2009 /  #18
During her last four weeks in America I was very protective of her, This is something I do not want to discuss on the Internet, but there were reasons.

well you posted this on the internet, threads like this make me suspicious right from the start. a great age gap and the guy gets unusally concerned and protective over a complete stranger with a cute face... there is nothing you can do apart from moral support and being friendly and kind, but that might not be enough. where are her parents? why won't they help her? is there a problem with them that you do not want to discuss on the main board? does she live alone or with family? surely if you can't do enough yourself you can ask one of the people close to her to take some action, maybe they are not aware of what's going on. anyway, i hope you are helping her purely cos of friendship and you will not have any expectations from her once she's sorted herself out. i hope there are no conditions or small print coming with your kindness. that is all.
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
10 Mar 2009 /  #19
Yes, you are suspicious, but I do assure you that my intensions are purely friendship. She lives with her parents and from what I have heard, her Mother has been or is involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses. The gifts and cards are only to make her feel good (important) about herself. To increase her self-esteem, she does not think very much of herself. "i hope you are helping her purely cos of friendship and you will not have any expectations from her once she's sorted herself out. i hope there are no conditions or small print coming with your kindness." Believe me when I say I expect nothing in return, it is only friendship and concern. What I did not want to discuss on the Internet was something that happened to her in America.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
10 Mar 2009 /  #20
What I did not want to discuss on the Internet was something that happened to her in America.

well don't discuss it then but now i think we can get the idea of what it might've been. anyway, keep in touch with her, do you know where she lives? talk about silly things to take her mind off her troubles, make her laugh and tell her all the good stuff. just keep it friendly or she might develop some sort of a crush on you and - i hope - you don't want that! i am guessing she is over 18, does she work and have her own money or does she depend on her mother still? it's a tough situation and like i said before, moral support is all you can give her and it counts a lot.
OP pauljohnjones 2 | 9  
10 Mar 2009 /  #21
Yes, she is over 18 and she has a job in Poland. I thank you very much for your input.

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