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Me and my Polish girlfriend divorced - Marriage annulment

Floripa 3 | 39  
29 Nov 2009 /  #1
I have a Polish GF who is divorced, I also am divorced. We are considering getting married; however the other day she surprised me by saying she wanted to have an annulment from the catholic church of her first marriage. I have no objections however it comes as quite a surprise as she isn’t particularly religious. She states she wants to be totally clean from that marriage, although she’s been divorced for 5 years. As far as I can see the only reason would be so we could marry in a church as I was married in a civil ceremony.

I don’t know anyone who has done this (whether in Poland or anywhere else) other than certain celebrities you read about in the papers. She’s been told it will cost around 8.000 zolty and 18 months if it was granted. Is this something that is common in Poland when remarrying? I have no problem with this, but it would nice to know your views.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
29 Nov 2009 /  #2
I'm all for respecting the wishes of others but I have my limits and this is one of them. I'd tell her to get her head straight and stop the nonsense! Too many here are religious when it suits them and they don't know why. What you need to do is to get a Certificate of No Impediment and you can do that from your national consulate in Warsaw. There are other threads on it on this forum and I'd happily help you out as I got married just last month. My wife, though Polish, is not Catholic and we got married in the Civil Registry Office. We will honour our vows to the end and not play the righteous game that your GF, sorry, seems to be playing.

Divorce is a clean break from marriage, that's the point. There was likely an irretrievable breakdown of marriage and she was granted one. Sorry to say it, brother, but she likely means the emotional baggage she is carrying and that is wholly unfair to you.

This is exactly the nonsense of going through the church the whole time. I am a Christian but I feel that God is in and around us and I don't need their BS and profiteering.

Good luck, try and convince her that marriage is a social institution and a test of the functionality of your relationship. I really try and follow the lead of my parents as mentors as they are not religious people. Love is very much there and I don't need a church to feel that. 8000PLN, LOL. Don't go there man, please.
jonni 16 | 2,485  
29 Nov 2009 /  #3

Religious divorces are very common in Poland. A lot is, I suppose, about wanting to do things 'the right way'. It should be taken as a sign that she is very serious about your future marriage.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
29 Nov 2009 /  #4
How bloody frivolous though, right? 8000PLN is an absurd sum. I would never put myself in a position where I was moved closer to debt. You are just feeding the system there. However, if that is what she wants then fine.

Just know what Sola Scriptura says on the matter, and let her know.

Have a look at Mark 10, Matthew 5 and 19, Luke 16 and 1 Corinthians 7.

I am not well versed in the Bible but I know the axioms that emerged. The precepts if you will. I'd love to hear the priests defend the indefensible. It is very clear that Jesus was even more against remarriage than against divorce. That's why I have no intention of doing anything wrong to jeopardise my marriage.
OP Floripa 3 | 39  
29 Nov 2009 /  #5
I agree with you on this and to be honest it makes my blood boil a little as the RC church is only looking for financial gain here and nothing else. It's a difficult one for me as I don't want to take this to a point where it becomes an impediment to our happiness. If I look on it from a passive point of view it’s just one more thing that needs to be organized within the scale of things. More than money it’s the time scale and the uncertainty of whether this would be given/approved.

I supposed there should be no problem if they receive their money and seeing as though I have no intention of handing over the total amount on the outset they’ll have to come up trumps if they want the rest.

It stinks, they’re playing on people’s emotions and believes or in this case (and I’m not sure…yet) on what certain people think within my polish GF family circle.

I appreciate your comments.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
29 Nov 2009 /  #6
This is such a basic point but I have to make it. Marriage is a contract between '2' people. It takes two to tango. Your happiness counts as equally as hers. 18 months is a long time and the procedure itself takes long enough, believe me. Also, the costs can be exorbitant. We kept it low key and that helped. It can run into many many thousands, though. Do you really want an extra 8000PLN on top of that, given that you must have a CNI anyway? You will have to travel to Warsaw and that itself costs money. The CNI is 668 PLN and you MUST have it.

I love my wife's family as they, whilst crossing themselves when in a church and using Holy Water, distanced themselves from the RCC given their ways. Are they believers? Yes. Do they like others pocketing their money? No.

Marriage is a social decree. Is my marriage any less valid than a church marriage? I think not!
Avalon 4 | 1,068  
29 Nov 2009 /  #7

Perhaps your girlfriend wants to resume being part of the RC church in case you have children. As a divorcee, no matter who's fault the breakup of her original marriage, she cannot accept holy communion unless she gets the church divorce. This may seem old fashioned to many but it is the law of the church.

I personally do not agree with this as I am in the same situation as yourself, but, this could be the main resaon she is seeking this solution. My partner looked into this and you are correct in stating that it could take up to 2 years to obtain. Maybe you should ask her how important this is to her.
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
29 Nov 2009 /  #8
'The art of compromise has been our greatest strength', from Clannad's song 'A Bridge (that carries us over)'. Don't let her railroad you into this unless she can give you a damn good reason as Avalon said. If it means the world to her, then ok. Still, if she was such an upstanding citizen and concerned then why didn't she get final clearance before??

If she were such a Catholic then she would have. I know I would have if I called myself a Catholic. Seriously, ask her. Yeah, I know she will say that she wasn't thinking about a new marriage and you could accept that. However, she must be made to know that remarrying and divorce are 2 separate procedures and entities. Jesus said as much. She should have finalised divorce proceedings before. Now she is only burdening you. Will she pay for it? Why should you if you don't follow that faith? Sorry if I'm coming across as strong here but they must live with the decisions they make and if it costs then they must pay.

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