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why wont he communicate? going crazy


OP okay 5 | 23  
10 Dec 2007 /  #31
dont get the wrong idea wildrover i am a nice person remenber-just like you- i am just angry at being treated with disrespect by someone i have feelings for.-but hey if you are into dressing up -well i will pm you-dont want this forum talking about us lol. i will look on my space-feel like we have been through similar experiences-been on your profile you are a teacher of what?

pinkjewel- i know he may never call-dont understand that-but i know it happens-never happened to me before-always managed to get closure or remain friends -so i dont understand this-guess he has his reasons-life is too short to anguish and if he was lonely etc-i gave him what he needed at the time and i guess in time i will see what i have gained from him-because of this so sad no communication-i hope he remembers the love we shared
miranda  
10 Dec 2007 /  #32
I don't want to sound mean but he used you and is showing who he really is to you.
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
10 Dec 2007 /  #33
you are a teacher of what?

I am a proffesor of advanced muppetry...and i teach English to Polish students , only on a part time basis , but its enough to keep me in beer and benzine....
PinkJewel  
10 Dec 2007 /  #34
pinkjewel- i know he may never call-dont understand that-but i know it happens-never happened to me before-always managed to get closure or remain friends -so i dont understand this-guess he has his reasons-life is too short to anguish and if he was lonely etc-i gave him what he needed at the time and i guess in time i will see what i have gained from him-because of this so sad no communication-i hope he remembers the love we shared

Well, if it's never happened before it's obviously strange territory for you so it's natural you'll feel unsure. I think you may have hit the nail on the head with your idea that he was lonely. That doesn't mean what happened was a bad thing. It just means it was a short term thing and should be remembered for the good thing it was, not the despair it's caused you in the end. He'll remember the good times. It feels bad to have no communication but really, sometimes none is better than a little bit of hopeful communication that turns into nothing anyway. In a few months this will be in your past and you'll look on it as a difficult time but one that you got through. :)
OP okay 5 | 23  
10 Dec 2007 /  #35
wonder what will happen when he comes back to england to work in march-probably use someone else then-or wonder if he would have the cheek to call me!! after all this
plk123 8 | 4,149  
10 Dec 2007 /  #36
if you haven't heard from him.. it could be several reasons.. i don't know if i'd assume the worst but you definitely ought to move on..
marek s - | 269  
10 Dec 2007 /  #37
who cares about looking desperate. Looking "desperate" is all people worry about. I personally hate this stupid expression which was invented by some pop psychology guru.

desperate=turn off.
the last thing any person wants is somebody stalking them, calling them non stop and texting too much.

She is desperate to find out what happened to him. I would be.

well lets see, if i guy has totally avoided any contact with you in a while, you need to get the message, he doesnt want you and is avoiding you. stop chasing after someone who wants nothing to do with you.

she got dumped plain and simple

i was thinking of texting- your loss
and then if i still felt like i needed to see him face to face when i go to poland id just turn up at his place .he wouldnt be expecting it and say hi.

you are now a full blown stalker for even thinking that, sorry to say
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
10 Dec 2007 /  #38
He should have at least told her that it was over. What if he's dead? She might always wonder.
marek s - | 269  
10 Dec 2007 /  #39
He should have at least told her that it was over

in a perfect world he would of told her.
OP okay 5 | 23  
11 Dec 2007 /  #40
i have been reading what everyone thinks and thank-you

yes i think it is over
i am not a stalker-i just want to know whats happened
if i had been told its over and then continued to text and call-i then would be a stalker.
he was concerned he couldnt be with me because of his "situation" in poland and he was never happy going back.
i told him i would be here for him and i will help him
he isnt very good with his spoken english and is quite shy
this is out of character for him -strange for me to say -after he has ignored me for so long-but he is not a bad person-i just dont think he knows how to deal with this situation.

if i do decide to go see him when i am in poland it is not to cause a scene but to genuienly say hello to someone who i care about-i really am concerned about him-he use to cry when he left me and said he didnt want to go back to poland.

he sometimes said i was too kind and he felt bad he couldnt buy me things-he dosent have a lot of money,
he wondered what i saw in him-his good heart.
so even if his feelings for me are not as deep as mine i care about him as a person.
this is why i am "desperate" to know whats happened to him
he had so many dreams and i encouraged him to follow them-but he has been in poland for so long now i think he has given up on his dreams.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
11 Dec 2007 /  #41
texting him in the past has not got you any results.
doing so still makes you look desperate.

agreed, delete his numbers down and forget he existed - some men are just born cowards with no balls!
Debianco 19 | 111  
11 Dec 2007 /  #42
maybe he is enjoying you giving him all this attention-if he was pee off with all your texting and calling why doesnt he send one text or do one phone call to tell you to go away? or change his number?

maybe send him one last text saying you are going away or something,hope hes ok and if he wants to get in contact with you if he comes back then he has your number-just be going through a similar experience so i know how you feel-gook luck
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #43
i am not a stalker

if i do decide to go see him when i am in poland it is not to cause a scene but to genuienly say hello to someone who i care about-

above is stalking. the guy wants nothing to do with you, yet you keep trying to get in touch with him.
he wants nothing to do with you, have some diginity and let it be

he had so many dreams and i encouraged him to follow them-but he has been in poland for so long now i think he has given up on his dreams

what you do know is that hes given up on you and you should do the same.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
11 Dec 2007 /  #44
marek s

Dont be so damn mean...

Okay - you havent heard off this guy for nearly 2 months, I seriously doubt you will hear from him again, you are just making yourself go crazy, its coming up to Christmas just look forward to it....maybe he believed what he told you.. when in reality it could never happen...

I dont think you should go to Poland looking for him, it doesnt make you look very good - how would you feel if you had lets say - met a guy in another country, had some realy nice times with him and convinced yourself you could see a future, when in reality, you had committments back in England, then you come home to England and resume your normal life again - the guy keeps texting you and ringing you, you ignore it but he continues, I can tell you this, you would start to get f*cked off with it..

If I ignore someone its because I dont want to speak to them, simple....
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #45
Dont be so damn mean...

just driving my point across.

If I ignore someone its because I dont want to speak to them, simple....

totally agreed.
Debianco 19 | 111  
11 Dec 2007 /  #46
i think anyone would get f....d off with unwamted attention-but i would tell them to stop and say sorry for giving them hope- iwouldnt ignore someone who i had a good time with.

if i had told them to stop and explained why and they didnt i would probably ignore them or change my number.

why blame okay for HIS rudeness
pamlarouge 3 | 56  
11 Dec 2007 /  #47
you are now a full blown stalker for even thinking that, sorry to say

Really, Marek, there's no need for that
Debianco 19 | 111  
11 Dec 2007 /  #48
marek if you loved a girl really loved her would you without reason accept-nothing in response to your love?

i have been reading the post by men and love on this forum and they are encouraged to do what it takes-win her heart. if a guy really loved me and i was scared -didnt think it could be-but wish it could-or i didnt think i could offer him anything- but i had feelings -if the guy did anything to convince me otherwise- i would be honoured and knew how much he loved me- so if he turned up on my doorstep to ask why- my heart would melt-if i didnt feel the same but cared my heart would still melt.

i might have ignored him because i didnt know what to do or say-but his persistance would convince me he is for real.

so- if okay has strong feelings for this guy and she feels he has given up coz he doesnt think it could be- why shouldnt she try and convince him otherwise?

why is she termed a stalker?

she says she is perpared for a negative response- if she does not follow her heart -she may always wonder-if she tries everything possible- until she gets an answer either way why is it wrong??
plk123 8 | 4,149  
11 Dec 2007 /  #49
Really, Marek, there's no need for that

truth hurts, doesn't it.. i think he is just warning her that is how she's coming across.
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #50
Really, Marek, there's no need for that

calling him and him not answering, texting him with no answer either now shes going to go to poland and find him. if thats not stalking, what is it?

marek if you loved a girl really loved her would you without reason accept-nothing in response to your love?

well, if she was avoiding me for six weeks, yes. lets be realistic here.

i have been reading the post by men and love on this forum and they are encouraged to do what it takes-win her heart.

sure, you do what it takes for a person you care for, but she hasnt heard a word from him in 6 weeks. its really plain to see he does not want anything to do with her.

to top it off, did he ever say he was afraid of a relationship?

so- if okay has strong feelings for this guy and she feels he has given up coz he doesnt think it could be- why shouldnt she try and convince him otherwise?

because maybe he played and used her. maybe the guy has a wife and children back at home. ever think theres a reason why hes not calling her back?

until she gets an answer either way why is it wrong??

in the movies you get answers, in real life you dont.
some people are not realistic and think they deserve and answer when they deserve not one thing.
why is it when women get dumped, women always want answers.

truth hurts, doesn't it.. i think he is just warning her that is how she's coming across.

you know, i do hope she goes to poland and makes a total fool of herself.
maybe that will teach her a lesson
plk123 8 | 4,149  
11 Dec 2007 /  #51
you know, i do hope she goes to poland and makes a total fool of herself.
maybe that will teach her a lesson

and get hurt big time when she actually sees mama and the little munchkins.

the other thing.. polish jails aren't somewhere i'd want to spend even a minute in.
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #52
the other thing.. polish jails aren't somewhere i'd want to spend even a minute in.

stalking is a crime in alot of countries.

3 : to pursue obsessively and to the point of harassment
— stalk·er noun

PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #53
If I ignore someone its because I dont want to speak to them, simple....

I agree with this. I have had to ignore texts and emails and calls from a "someone". Eventually they stopped though.

I read a lot of comments on here and some of them I agree with, some not, but it's very hard to know what Okay is going through until you experience it yourself. It's always easy to say what you would do "if" you were in that situation.

in the movies you get answers, in real life you dont.

I agree with this. Sometimes in real life the answers won't come - ever. There will be no fairytale ending and reality means feeling crap for a while but moving on. Which I am sure this guy has already done I'm afraid.

you know, i do hope she goes to poland and makes a total fool of herself.

Very harsh. I hope if Okay goes to Poland it is for a holiday and that she will not be tempted to track this guy down. If that truly is in your mind Okay, then you shouldn't go at all. Pick another country for your next holiday and re-schedule Poland for another. If you're only going to track him down it's a waste of time and waste of a trip to Poland.
leosden 1 | 7  
11 Dec 2007 /  #54
Do you know for sure that he is even getting your messages? If you know that for sure...and he still does not respond...you should let him go...there must be a reason...even if he doesn't share it with you. good luck...
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #55
Don't you people think that that's kind of 'no no' situation? And nothing more will happen?
If you care about somebody, you make sure that he/she got your massage, and you don't stop trying....
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #56
Do you know for sure that he is even getting your messages? If you know that for sure...and he still does not respond..

f you care about somebody, you make sure that he/she got your massage, and you don't stop trying..

as she has posted, shes called his house and he doesnt pick up.
when people avoid people, the last thing they want to do is talk to the person they are avoiding. clearly this has been the case.

i cant believe that some people would even advocate for her to go to another country and keep trying to get ahold of him. its not like they were married or even had a serous relationship.
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #57
shes called his house.

i am talking about him....if he cares, he will contact her anyhow....
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #58
safe to say he could give a shitt.
PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #59
Don't you people think that that's kind of 'no no' situation? And nothing more will happen?
If you care about somebody, you make sure that he/she got your massage, and you don't stop trying....

I don't agree with this. I think there comes a point when you HAVE to stop trying. Or where do you draw the line? If you just keep trying and trying and trying, you lose your dignity really and when does it stop? Does she find herself still texting/calling in a year? For Okay's own sake she should stop now. Really, if he is trying to ignore her the more she texts/calls, the more he will dislike her for it. If you care about someone, it doesn't really mean they care that same way about you.

i am talking about him....if he cares, he will contact her anyhow....

He hasn't contacted her though. Even if he is married with kids and very busy...he would have contacted her by now if he truly wanted to...
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #60
PinkJewel

well, i agree with you... :)

but there is something wrong...
if he doesn't want to keep in touch with her, he should let her know that it's over...i know it not always happens...but, being a gentelman, he should...

and yes, i think that she should stop trying, it's about honor and self-respect...

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