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why wont he communicate? going crazy


PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #61
but there is something wrong...
if he doesn't want to keep in touch with her, he should let her know that it's over...i know it not always happens...but, being a gentelman, he should...

Yes in a perfect world he should let her know it's over but the fact is, he's probably not that much of a gentleman.
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #62
he's probably not that much of a gentleman.

yep...and i think it's over ...
PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #63
It seems to be the general feeling.

Okay - it's very sad you've been left hanging on like this. I really wish you all the best for the future and I hope you do move on and find that guy who deserves you! :)
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #64
there is always something new to wait for... :) good luck :)
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #65
if he doesn't want to keep in touch with her, he should let her know that it's over.

if it was a novel or movie sure he would.

being a gentelman, he should...

ever think that maybe just maybe she was so totally clingy that he just had to get away from her?

I think there comes a point when you HAVE to stop trying. Or where do you draw the line? If you just keep trying and trying and trying, you lose your dignity really and when does it stop? Does she find herself still texting/calling in a year? For Okay's own sake she should stop now. Really, if he is trying to ignore her the more she texts/calls, the more he will dislike her for it. If you care about someone, it doesn't really mean they care that same way about you.

totally agreed.

He hasn't contacted her though. Even if he is married with kids and very busy...he would have contacted her by now if he truly wanted to...

yup
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #66
ever think that maybe just maybe she was so totally clingy that he just had to get away from her?

maybe....there are always two sides of a story....
PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #67
ever think that maybe just maybe she was so totally clingy that he just had to get away from her?

maybe....there are always two sides of a story....

Very true. However, we only know one side and that's what we're commenting on...would be interesting to hear another side to it though...
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #68
im not trying to bad mouth the poor girl, but shes obsessed and thats just not a good thing.
rejection hurts, but its part of life sadly
PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #69
im not trying to bad mouth the poor girl, but shes obsessed and thats just not a good thing.

Me neither. Obsession is never really a good thing. Unfortunately it's what we humans do...and why we end up hurt and bewildered sometimes...

rejection hurts, but its part of life sadly

Very true. We all experience it in one way or another...
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #70
We all experience it in one way or another...

as i always say we learn our entire life; i hope she will know the next time what to do... i hope she will not meet anybody like that guy anymore :)
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #71
If you care about someone, it doesn't really mean they care that same way about you.

this is very true.
PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #72
as i always say we learn our entire life; i hope she will know the next time what to do... i hope she will not meet anybody like that guy anymore :)

Yes, hopefully we can learn from our mistakes...not always though, sometimes the same mistake repeats itself. Even if we can learn a little bit...
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #73
sometimes the same mistake repeats itself.

why do we do that? it happens often... what to do? is it our nature? character?
PinkJewel  
11 Dec 2007 /  #74
I guess it's an indivdual character thing. It probably comes from the feeling of "need". Very often we "need" to be in a relationship where someone cares for us (no matter for how long) so we drift from one to the next. Therefore we don't learn anything as long as we feel part of something and feel "needed" as well. Others though, will leave a relationship knowing that they won't repeat the same kind of relationship again and they stick to that. We're all different and react in different ways.
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #75
some people are co dependent and no matter how bad a relationship may be, they still wont walk away. its one thing if your married and dont want to walk, and another if you are single.
polishgirltx  
11 Dec 2007 /  #76
yes, that's true and sad....
pamlarouge 3 | 56  
11 Dec 2007 /  #77
calling him and him not answering, texting him with no answer either now shes going to go to poland and find him. if thats not stalking, what is it?

She said she already had plans to go before she met him, and wanting to get some absolution for what happened to her is understandable...maybe not the best idea, but understandable.

I dunno, maybe it's a bit obsessive, but I think I would have the same feelings in this situation to be honest. For some people (such as myself) it's very difficult to just let things go with no explanation and no understanding of what happened. It would make me crazy.

It just seemed kind of mean to say that, that's all. But, judging from your other posts in other threads that I've read Marek, you are the king of tough love :)

I'd like to see a thread about Marek's Life Experiences that have led to the tough love attitude. Now THAT would be a interesting read.

some people are co dependent and no matter how bad a relationship may be, they still wont walk away. its one thing if your married and dont want to walk, and another if you are single.

Okay, now I really don't think that's the case here. The girl just wants an explanation...is that so much to ask? I do agree that it's probably best to let sleeping dogs lie at this point, but I don't think there's a codependance issue in the mix as well.
marek s - | 269  
11 Dec 2007 /  #78
It just seemed kind of mean to say that, that's all. But, judging from your other posts in other threads that I've read Marek, you are the king of tough love :)

I'd like to see a thread about Marek's Life Experiences that have led to the tough love attitude. Now THAT would be a interesting read.

im just a very blunt person. i dont believe in sugar coating answers.

Okay, now I really don't think that's the case here. The girl just wants an explanation...is that so much to ask?

quite frankly at this point yes it is. it is painfully obvious that he wants nothing to do with her. after six weeks of no return calls or anything, thats you answer, he doesnt care, he doesnt want to chat or anything, he wants to be left alone.

pinkjewel said it best, there comes a point when you stop.
wanting an answer from somebody that she wasnt married to or even had a serious relationship is asking for too much 6 weeks later.
remember this isnt a novel or movie that everybody walks away knowing everything.

I dunno, maybe it's a bit obsessive, but I think I would have the same feelings in this situation to be honest. For some people (such as myself) it's very difficult to just let things go with no explanation and no understanding of what happened. It would make me crazy.

what is she holding on to, it never was a real relationship to begin with.
they were not boyfriend and girlfriend. i have a feeling shes making more of it than what it was.
pamlarouge 3 | 56  
12 Dec 2007 /  #79
what is she holding on to, it never was a real relationship to begin with.
they were not boyfriend and girlfriend. i have a feeling shes making more of it than what it was.

Perhaps, but I guess the only one who can know that for sure is her. Point taken.

im just a very blunt person. i dont believe in sugar coating answers.

And I thought I was blunt... :)
Debianco 19 | 111  
12 Dec 2007 /  #80
okay said the last time she spoke to this guy things were fine and they were planning his future in england-he asked her to look for jobs-he cried each timre he left

there clearly was some emotion on his part.

and then to go quiet-what a way to behave!!!

it doesnt appear that he gave her any reason to think anything but good things of this "relationship"

okay said he told her there were "issues" in poland so what if these "issues" have something to do with his silence-he doesnt know how to explain them.

she obviously cares for him and i think he has feelings for her-it seems strange that there is no communication.

what if he has tried to explain to his family that he has found an english girl he carse for but they are so against the idea. she said he sent money home and lived with his parents.

okay is concerned about this guy!!!
she said he didnt want to go back to poland
okay has said if she goes to poland she doesnt want to make a scene was to see how he is.

i know we dont know all the details-i am just looking at what ok has posted on here
Sunflower 10 | 76  
12 Dec 2007 /  #81
Not sure what to advise here. I guess only Okay really knows what went on between them, but I know if I was in her shoes I would probably cease trying to make contact with him and allow him to initiate the contact. I think if someone truly cares for you then they will contact you somehow, whether that be phone, fax, letter or carrier pigeon. I have been in a similar situation and I lost my dignity and pride chasing and chasing, only to be hurt by the rejection and lack of interest that was spelt out in his silence and had I known this at the time, I would have mourned the loss of what I had with this individual and then moved on. Life is too short and who knows what sweetness lies ahead for us, this much I have learned, when we learn to just let go and move with the flow of life... As sad as "endings" may seem at the time they take place, the well worn proverb "as one door closes, so another opens" always holds true...
OP okay 5 | 23  
12 Dec 2007 /  #82
i am not dependant on this guy
he was the one who depended on me when he was here
he was so insistant he wanted to live in england and not go back to poland that i agreed to help him.
a relationship did develope from an initial friendship
as time has gone by my feelings for him grew stronger and he said the same
i was totally aware that he had circumstances in poland-he never really explained what-but i know he is not married
i did not put pressure on this guy and when he worked away communication was "normal" its since he has been in poland for the longest time since we met that he has gone quiet

i just dont understand the silence? in our own way we could talk about anything- the feeling you have known each other years-something special
my friends are also baffled as to his behaviour as they have seen how well suited we are together
some say leave it
some say go for it
this last few weeks or so i do feel as if i am becoming "obessed" not with him but the situation.
what if he is hurt-i may not get to know -dont think his family may know much about me
the choices i have are continue calling/texting
leave it and see what happens
go see him
a polish friend of mine said she would call/text him-he may explain to her-as his english is not good-but i dont know if its a good idea-he is rather a private person
marek s - | 269  
12 Dec 2007 /  #83
what if he has tried to explain to his family that he has found an english girl he carse for but they are so against the idea.

okay said he told her there were "issues" in poland so what if these "issues" have something to do with his silence-he doesnt know how to explain them.

he knew how to talk to her before, and now he doesnt?
when people avoid others, they somehow seem to forget how to talk because they dont want to.

she obviously cares for him and i think he has feelings for her-it seems strange that there is no communication.

he cares so much that he hasnt bothered calling or anything in close to two months, you calling that caring for somebody?

what if he has tried to explain to his family that he has found an english girl he carse for but they are so against the idea.

you are making up excuses that you dont even know are true.

okay has said if she goes to poland she doesnt want to make a scene was to see how he is.

going from the u.k to poland to find a person who has been totally not wanting a thing to do with a person is stalking.
plk123 8 | 4,149  
12 Dec 2007 /  #84
If you care about somebody, you make sure that he/she got your massage, and you don't stop trying....

but if there is no reciprocation then what's the point?
Sunflower 10 | 76  
12 Dec 2007 /  #85
i am not dependant on this guy
he was the one who depended on me when he was here

Maybe you've hit the nail on the head Okay, if he's back home now then he doesn't "need" to depend on you anymore. Whereabouts in Poland is he and do you know much about his family?
OP okay 5 | 23  
12 Dec 2007 /  #86
he comes from near Chelmno.
where i work there are many polish workers come and go. before he came a trip to poland was talked about-he knew about this.
as i said he is shy . he and i hit it off-we got on-everything fine.
he worried he wasnt "good" enough-many of his colleagues had more than him-no-one judge him-he didnt want to go back to poland-dont know why-he wouldnt talk about it-he was so happy when he was here.

i know i cant make him communicate but it just seems odd -there was no pressure on him for a full blown relationship.
i hear what you are all saying-just leave it and i think i will.
just concerned about him-he really is a nice guy-this is out of character for him .
sapphire 22 | 1,241  
13 Dec 2007 /  #87
im sorry to read this, but your name is Okay.. and I know you will be okay and eventually find someone who deserves you. Even if what you had together was good, his silence is unforgivable (unless he is dead) and you know in your heart that its over. Whatever you do, dont go looking for him in Poland, I dont think it will make you happy. It is hard to get over this without proper closure, but you need to just write it off in your mind and tell yourself that actually you are the one who is not going to waste time waiting around for him to contact you and you are going to get on and enjoy life.
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
13 Dec 2007 /  #88
just concerned about him

Hi lady , when we meet for that beer , we can check out that nothing bad has happened to him....I honestly think that going to see him might result in heartbreak , but we can at least make sure he is alive and well....Going there may cause you pain , and a huge nightmare for him if he has lied about his situation....I know i would probably go there , but its probably not a good idea.......
OP okay 5 | 23  
14 Dec 2007 /  #89
sapphire thank-you
he will have his reasons for the silence- i can talk openly about my feelings-i know many people find it hard to say how they are feeling and bottle things up. but i am not asking for that just some kind of acknowledgement. but it is best to leave it be now.

wildrover you would do that? you are a nice person knowing he is alive and well and i hope happy would be comforting. you are right turning up on his doorstep may have all kinds of consequences probably more for him than me as i do not know his "real" situation and i dont want to cause him added difficulties-i do not think all is well at home.

i will let you know when i am in poland i will pm you and i am looking forward to that beer and meeting you
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
14 Dec 2007 /  #90
you are a nice person

i like to think so....i am suprised anyone else thinks so tho....

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