I reckon I've met a right plonker here - your thoughts please

Hello, hope everyone is well. Well now... I recently went on a date.. with an English guy though, not a Polish one. And this date, well, it was ok I guess, I had met him in a pub out with friends a week or so beforehand and we exchanged numbers and he seemed nice.. cute and interesting, a little bit different, into similar stuff to me, mountains, photography.. and in the same age range too. About half way through the date this guy tells me that he was a cocaine addict for a few years before he turned 26.. now given that he is now in his late thirties... We had been having a fairly good evening up until that point, but to be honest, when he came out with this piece of information, I felt like getting up and leaving.... an odd thing to confess too on a first date I thought, it was more the fact that he just came out with it and less the fact itself that was more shocking, and to be frank I wanted to get up and leave. But I didn't.. despite the fact that my recent ex had a problem with speed and cannabis and I just didn't want to be around it. So this should be a red flag guys, yeah? Or do I give this chap a chance? I'm not sure if there is a "chemistry" between us anyway, but I wanted to give it chance.. anyway, there's more.. I've been too busy to see him the past week or so due to work commitments and the like, he calls me and asks if we can get together and I think well maybe give him a chance. Then he tells me out of the blue he may be going off to Germany in the next week or so, he had a call that particular morning from his "friend" in Germany, a female friend, to tell him she has had a bad horse riding accident and he wants to fly out to see her. Now then, I do find it a bit strange that he starts going on and on about her and how he's so worried about her and he may just have to fly out there right away. Strikes me as probably a lot more than just a friend. And as the conversation progresses, he then proceeds to tell me a whopping great big lie about bumping into his ex girlfriend, who we had actually bumped into on our first date, funnily enough, and he told me when it had ended, how long they were together etc.. then over the phone he was telling me a completely different story. Now, either his brain is addled due to drug use or he is a compulsive liar.. and yes, my gut instinct tells me he's a liar... but your thoughts please...

go with your gut.. it's never wrong.

i'd call him a time waster. if he's making up all this crap and trying to justify his actions by making up even more crap then he's just wasting your time. moving on! :)

Sunflower, do you really even need to ask anyone about what you should do? I find it absolutely astounding that you don't have enough sense to KNOW this situation should have you running in the opposite direction as fast as you can! Think about it!

At least you are getting out and meeting people - gotta kiss a lot o frogs and all that !

He may be mixed up and trying to impress. Exaggeration, being a little too honest at the wrong time etc.

But your post here shows that you have doubts........ It might be better to cut your loses.

Ain't that the truth! :)

My immediate reaction on reading your account is: drop him. There are too many potential red flags -- mentioning drug addiction on a first date, the mysterious friend in Germany, probable lying. It sounds like that's what you've almost decided, anyway...?

I agree with everyone above. Don't go near him again. Phone me instead!

Aren't you already in a relationship with a woman?

must be trouble in paradise

An ex drug addict may bring traits into a relationship you dont want, thats all I'd say.

See a pattern here? Run sunflower, run.
So many times we tend to fall in the same trap, don't we?

There are individuals who really never go back to the addiction (drugs, alcohol) and it's not fair to put this new man in your life in the same basket, but based on your experience..run.

I don't really think so. That's obviously serious stuff- and I imagine it was difficult for him to say to you, but the right thing. It shows a little respect for you at least. I imagine anyone who knows him would know that about him, and he maybe thought it best you first heard from him and to get it out of the way so it was not an 'elephant in the room' if you dated again or became more. Then later, you may have wondered why he did not tell you before.


You do seem to have some doubts on this guy, but liked him before they turned up. How about just staying friends with him for a while and you will get to know him better (and be able to decide better if he is a good guy or not) and if he is the type of guy you could fall for and want to be dating or more?

But I do think plk123 is right.. since you are the only person on the forum who has met him - it is probably your own instincts you should trust!

Yes, I agree. You know he is lying and you feel he is lying. I suspect that the fact that you bring all this up here only proves that you want us to come to the same opinion yourself and you want to 'test the water' by seeing if we come to the same conclusion. He admitted his addiction to drugs off his own back which is to his credit. As for women with horses, they are a strange breed indeed! Find a decent English bloke instead.

That would include my wife and daughter. I assume you have something to back up this wild assertion or is it just envy that someone actually enjoys a dangerous and relatively expensive sport?

it'd be a big 'No No' guy...

Trust your gut. It's never wrong. After all, it always knows when you're hungry, this is no different. :)

Getting power from riding a horse is not in itself a sport. You tend to find women who prefer horses to men tend to be a bit strange, or at least that is my observation. In fact, I work with someone who is now related to a female vet, ans she has told him the same thing. She meets these people all the time through her work and she finds these women an odd bunch!

The question would be why are these types coming your way?

What is going on here beneath what we call 'reality'?

Stay with me for a moment on this one folks...

Your soul is being staged a scene in which you are the lead, and the director, based on your choices, or ability to recognise there is a wise choice. You missed this the last time, so, the cosmos is replaying it. You're being tested. Life is holding a mirror up to you...when you see the bad choices of the past, you won't make them again.

Remember, forgive all those who, with your human mind, you feel has wronged you. Not as in traditional forgiveness, but radical forgiveness. In that, you realise nothing 'bad' happened, because you were not wronged. You chose a path with lessons along the way. You all got something for your souls to learn in coming to play out a scenario. On a human and emotional level it hurts. That is what we are here for. Our soul chose our paths to learn specific lessons we missed the last time.

radicalforgiveness.com

We are not human being having occassional spiritual experiences. You are a spiritual being having a human experience now.

Sunflower had this one figured out before she got on the forums.
It's nice to have people re-enforce what you know. So, I'll join the bandwagon. This guy isn't putting his best foot forward with you at all. We all have issues, but if his past is so urgent that it's a passionate topic on the first date....well, I don't think your dealing with his PAST.

-Ramsey

riding in competion is sport. envy is for losers

It was not really a serious comment the bit about phoning me. Well I am not in a relationship at present I hope to be though. I met a very wonderful Russian woman by chance when she was in the UK on holiday in August we have kept in very regular contact by phone/text/ messenger and I have just spent five days with her in St Petersburg where she lives. We had a most wonderful time. She is lovely. We now need to decide whether to move on to the next stage and build a relationship. Natalia says she is serious about that but really needs to think about everything which is absolutely right whereas I am more than ready to try. Her ex boyfriend is desperate for her back being one of the issues. She is an english teacher and is keen to move to the UK. I guess we will see. If she does not want to try to build a relationship to be honest I will be devestated as we got on so fantatically well much better than we both imagined. I speak with her every day.

i'm not sure about the woman in germany, but I think actually it was quite brave of him to confess to previous cocaine use.. however, I do wonder whether he is still using it and said that to see what your reaction to drugs is.. could explain why he is acting a bit strange. Anyway, you can do better.. but I would say you could be suffering from low self esteem...which is why you are attracting guys that arent good enough for you.

Poor Daisy, so blinkered from the big picture.

Nurse to cure the Ostrich Syndrome maybe :-)

Hi guys, well, it's been almost all work and no playtime for me, hence the lack of reply or visits to this forum. Finally I sit down ... phew. To update you all, thanks for all the advice. I decided in the end to meet him again, on balance I thought to give him a chance in the same way as I would appreciate it if someone did the same for me. We had lunch together and the chat was good, he was affectionate towards me, holding my hand and putting his arm around me as we walked. But the day took a turn for the worse. I went back to his place (not what you're all thinking now...), he lived just round the corner so convenient for a cuppa and a chance to chat more. It was a lovely sunny day and we decided to have tea in his garden. He put the kettle on and I popped upstairs to the loo. Being a nosy type.. ermm I mean inquisitive.. well, curious about this person.. ;0).. I popped my head around the bedroom door which was gaping wide open. Shouldn't have but there you go. Empty condom wrappers on the floor and a blood stained duvet cover.. yuk yuk yuk.. I felt sick and felt like doing a runner, well I composed myself and went downstairs, had a cuppa with him and then made some excuse about needing to get stuff sorted at home for work.. he insisted on taking me to the bus stop as I live a good 45 minutes from him, so we stood and chatted and I asked him if he had any any kind of relationship since meeting me. He said no. I said nothing. He said he wanted to have a relationship with me that was monogamous and I said I wasn't really sure I was ready for something. Then he started making jokes about some teenage girls across the road from us, about how he wondered if they were of a legal age to be wearing skirts so short.. ooo err etc.. and I did notice though that in the pub his eyes were following just about every teenage girl that came in... but I disregarded it.. really not good on top of everything else, so when the bus arrived boy was I relieved. He keeps ringing and texting me and I just hope he gets the hint and leaves me alone! Next!!!

oh my god! stay away from that creep that is just sickening. lucky you managed to escape lol. id probably run staright out from his house after seing something like that...

Then don't leave him hanging on the phone. Tell him it's over.

i wouldnt tell him what you saw in his bedroom though... just say youre not interested in a relationship right now or something like that...