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I'm pregnant of a polish guy


May 1 | 5  
19 Nov 2007 /  #1
Hello everybody,
I'm a Spanish girl who met last summer a sweet(at that time I thought so) Polish guy in Galway( Ireland). We had sex, and when I came back to Spain, we kept in touch, through sms, e-mail, phone, messenger... and decided to meet again. Both of us were completely free at that time, although he confessed me this same year his polish girlfriend left him, but he promised he wasn't in love with her anymore and never would be with her again. At last, we spent four days together in Spain, and we were having sex almost all the time(I'm too passionate). The same day he came back to Ireland, he phoned me and told me he wanted to meet me again and asked me to be good and some other nice things. But that same night, his attitude changed, since his ex, who also lives in Ireland, called him and asked him to be with her again. He said he felt too many doubts, but at last he realized he wanted to be with her again(I've known it last week). The problem is that I'm pregnant and I told him last week, but he seems not to care about it. He sent me a sms saying me to call him if I needed to. I told him in an e-mail I wanted him to be happy, specially now that he's with his girlfriend again, and that I didn't want to cause him any trouble(I'm so stupid...), in spite that I'll have to face alone this difficult situation. In the last week, I haven't known anything else about him, he doesn't care about it. I feel destroyed, he has used me, when he wanted to be with me he was almost everyday in contact and he always had sweet words and kisses for me. And now that he has made me so much harm, he just forgets about me, even he doesn't care about my feelings or about what I'm going to do. He must be so happy now with his girlfriend, and I'm here alone, pregnant, so confused, asking God or whomever else not to wake up again in the morning, because this situation is so difficult to face. Moreover, I cannot forget him, I remember the moments we were together all the time. I thought Polish guys were loyal and responsible of their acts, but he must be the exception.

I needed to tell somebody what's happening to me, nobody else knows about it, if my friends knew it they would hate him, and I don't want anybody to hate him(I must be really stupid). I just needed some relief summing up my story, the problem is that I still don't know what to do. I'm terrified, and scared of myself because of the deep anguish I'm feeling and the stupid ideas that assault my mind.

Caluski i usciski.
Foreigner4 12 | 1,769  
19 Nov 2007 /  #2
I know the situation well- that's basically how i came into this world.
to be honest, the situation was really, really tough on my mom and i don't think she ever got over the hurt.

My advice to you is to go home and go home and make a new start.

A child should be raised with two parents, I know this all too well. I would never want anyone to have to live like my mom had to. The pressure and abuse she felt definitely had an effect on me. Only if you have a very, very, supportive family could I encourage you to have this child. If that isn't the situation then don't. A child deserves the right upbringing and if that's not possible then don't be selfish and don't be a coward and don't bring a child into this world simply because you're afraid not to. I'm sorry to be harsh but I know this situation too well.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
19 Nov 2007 /  #3
I feel for you May, but as hard as it seems to do, you must accept you will not be with that guy anymore. Stop feeling bad about yourself, its not all your fault. Were you using contraception at all? If you decide to keep the baby, make sure he supports you and has contact with your child. If he will refuse, hes a total a*shole and im afraid you can't make him. If one phone call from his ex made him leave you and the baby, he is not worth it. You deserve better. I hope things turn out ok for you, best of luck.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
19 Nov 2007 /  #4
hey girl, it's kid to be too so stand up for yourself (and the child) and make him take care of his business like he should. also, quit calling yourself stupid and don't take this all on by yourself.. it takes two to make a baby.. why should he not have to take care of his resposibilies? be strong and don't give up.. eff his happiness if it means you'll be living in misery. good luck chica. keep your head up.

If he will refuse, hes a total a*shole and im afraid you can't make him.

sure she can.. drag his arse to court, if you must. the child is now no1.. and this action as well as all the others should be done with that in mind.
telefonitika  
19 Nov 2007 /  #5
sorry to read about your situation some men are twats happened to me 10 years ago but with an english lad and i have raised an intelligent fun loving daughter up on my own (though had the support of my family which is a bonus and without i wouldnt have managed as it does have its difficult days)

Hope you dont torment your mind too much for your health

hugs
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
19 Nov 2007 /  #6
sure she can.. drag his arse to court

i thought that, but the situation is very compicated as she is Spanish and he is Polish but they are in UK. dont think she can do much untill the baby is born though. so May you must decide whether you want to keep the baby now. and ask that bloke if he wants things to be sorted in a nice way, or a nasty way by taking him to court. plk123 what if he escapes to Poland?
Polson 5 | 1,771  
19 Nov 2007 /  #7
Difficult situation, yes...i don't really know what to say. Maybe keep trying to contact him, or if not him, his girlfriend...i don't know how she would react though......

You can tell your close friends, i don't think they would be mad at you, i think they would support you ! Real friends are "made" for that :)

Best wishes for you and your baby, the most important is your health, if you're good (and the baby too), you can overcome all that trouble, we are all "with you" ;)
southern 75 | 7,096  
19 Nov 2007 /  #8
He has to consent for paternity test.You do not know the spanish law and the polish law either.Maybe he can avoid recognition.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
19 Nov 2007 /  #9
Ask him if he wants to be named as the father. If you can get his name on the birth certificate you have a chance of claiming child support.

Check your legal position with regard to child support.

I imagine that your biggest problem is telling your folks

Consider the baby's future. Not you and your ex-boyfriend.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
19 Nov 2007 /  #10
plk123 what if he escapes to Poland?

i dunno but i am guessing she could pursue him in poland and possibly via EU.. i am not saying it would be easy but the child is no1 here and whatever it needs is paramount.

Ask him if he wants to be named as the father.

ask him? enough of asking has been done.. if he's hte father his names goes on the cert. period.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
19 Nov 2007 /  #11
Consider the baby's future. Not you and your ex-boyfriend

or your exboyfriends and his ladys. she should know, just so shes aware what a scumbag shes going out with. i cant understand how some people can be so evil!
plk123 8 | 4,150  
19 Nov 2007 /  #12
i agree.. i think she ought to at least tell her because you know he won't and that's just another poor girl who is probably about to get suckered.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
19 Nov 2007 /  #13
dunno but i am guessing she could pursue him in poland and possibly via EU

this sounds like an excruciarting battle, not something a pregnant girl/new mum needs. a really tough situation, but as you said for the sake of the baby she needs to do whatever it takes.
southern 75 | 7,096  
19 Nov 2007 /  #14
What if he impregnates the polish girl as well?
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240  
19 Nov 2007 /  #15
then we might have the same story happening again...
plk123 8 | 4,150  
19 Nov 2007 /  #16
i surely didn't say it'd be easy but it is all for the baby. the baby is the one who deserves the highest effort.. May definitely should keep her feelings for the father in check.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
19 Nov 2007 /  #17
ask him? enough of asking has been done.. if he's hte father his names goes on the cert. period.

I don't know if that's legal where she is.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
19 Nov 2007 /  #18
What if he impregnates the polish girl as well?

can
southern 75 | 7,096  
19 Nov 2007 /  #19
Polish genes are spread.
OP May 1 | 5  
19 Nov 2007 /  #20
Thanks for your support, really. The only family I have are two sisters, and one of them is very ill, so I prefer not to tell them about this problem. And I don't want to tell it to my friends, since I don't want them to be mad at him, not at me. I don't know how to get in touch with his girlfriend, but if I knew, I wouldn't do it. I don't understand why I behave this way, I let him hurt me but I don't want to hurt him at all and I prefer him to be happy. He has damaged my selfesteem severely, and he doesn't care about me now. Thank you again for your support.
southern 75 | 7,096  
19 Nov 2007 /  #21
Catholic culture has different meaning in Poland and in Spain.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
19 Nov 2007 /  #22
May, you need to stand up tall and strong for this baby. the hell with the ex guy; don't let him or anyone else push you around (as in discounting you and the child to be)
Polson 5 | 1,771  
19 Nov 2007 /  #23
And I don't want to tell it to my friends, since I don't want them to be mad at him, not at me

Explain them, i think they would care more about you than about him...Seriously, you have to tell them, it would make things easier, i think ;)

I don't understand why I behave this way, I let him hurt me but I don't want to hurt him at all and I prefer him to be happy

You still like him a lot, you are not crazy, that's a normal feeling i guess. Time will change this feeling.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,386  
19 Nov 2007 /  #24
He has damaged my selfesteem severely, and he doesn't care about me now. Thank you again for your support.

You have to come to grips with the situation. Find someone to talk to. Maybe some sort of councelor or even a doctor..
southern 75 | 7,096  
19 Nov 2007 /  #25
Abortion in first trimester of pregnancy is very easy and harmless.
hello 22 | 891  
19 Nov 2007 /  #26
I wonder if your parents had the same dilemma..
Wyspianska  
19 Nov 2007 /  #27
wtf is even that
u have NO idea about his parents and their situation. damn, i hate such dumb comments. i swear
plus its not funny... obvioulsy u wanted to be
southern 75 | 7,096  
19 Nov 2007 /  #28
I wonder if your parents had the same dilemma..

I give practical advice.My parents were married.If she is not able to support the child,she will hear a lot like abortion has a lot of complications etc which is not true in first trimester.
hello 22 | 891  
19 Nov 2007 /  #29
wtf is even that
u have NO idea about his parents and their situation. damn, i hate such dumb comments. i swear
plus its not funny... obvioulsy u wanted to be

If you suggest they would be unable to feed the child, you may be right. But we don't live in XV century anymore (nor in poor country of Africa in this case). What other "situation" do you mean? That they will only be able to afford a FIAT instead of BMW because they have a child?

I give practical advice.My parents were married.If she is not able to support the child,she will hear a lot like abortion has a lot of complications etc which is not true in first trimester.

What do you mean by "support a child"? Do you know that the government is actually helpful if you don't have enough money to buy food for the child? Or you mean it's not possible to "support a child" just because you cannot buy them the newest version of a computer or a mini car?
Wyspianska  
19 Nov 2007 /  #30
as i said
U DONT KNOW
dont judge so fast

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