Return PolishForums LIVE
  PolishForums Archive :
Archives - 2005-2009 / Love  % width 49

Personal issues with two women, they want to be my friend - a Polish thing?


Albanaich 2 | 31  
6 Nov 2009 /  #1
I've got two major personal issues with two women.

Is this a Polish thing - or women just being women.

Firstly there is a 20 year age gap between me and them, secondly they are professional women in there early 30's, (money/power is not an issue) thirdly we've got along very well as friends. . . .. . but.

The first woman got friendly with me after we met on business. We went for a walk together one evening, went dancing. Seperated for few days, then met up again - this time she pushed her telephone number under my hotel room door (I didn't know she was in the hotel) asking if we could go out together. So we went out most nights for a couple of weeks, cinema, long walks, meals, sight seeing great fun (like we were dating) it felt really good - but no hint of anything sexual at all.

I moved to the other end of the country, so we couldn't meet up, but she still sends me emails asking if we can meet up, tells me our friendship is very precious and she loved the time we shared together.

Follow to a few months later, another girl, in a fairly unpleasant situation, I did the father daughter thing, got her sorted out, then she starts phoning me (daily) and sending me emails to say 'I miss you and we have a very precious friendship' (almost the same words) again, no hint of anything sexual.

I had a bit of an arguement with her and told her you can't send emails saying 'I miss you' to a 55 year old man and I didn't want to see her, but we patched it up and we meet up to go dancing as friends - but its wierd. I picked her up on Wednesday night and when I met at the Hospital (they are both doctors) she ran across the parking lot to greet me and her whole face lit up, and she told it had been such a long week without seeiing me.

They both say that want to be friends, and friends only and that's ok with me - but they don't act like friends,

Confused is not the word for it. . . . .
frd 7 | 1,399  
7 Nov 2009 /  #2
there ain't such thing in life as friendship between man and women ; )
Arien 3 | 721  
7 Nov 2009 /  #4
Second that.

:)

..eventhough it's never with me!
natasia 3 | 368  
7 Nov 2009 /  #5
Look, I don't think you should abuse the trust these women are putting in you. What is so bad about them having a precious friendship with you? They really like you. But I doubt they want to have sex with you.

Do you want a woman 20 years your junior? Probably yes (you are a guy after all! ; ). But I doubt they are thinking like that. I imagine they find you very good company, and very sympathetic, and on some level, you obviously make them feel great. Part of that may be their (possibly even subconscious) understanding that you want them sexually. But if they wanted you, they would have gone for it, I think. Having said that, they are Polish ... so perhaps waiting for your move.

You haven't given enough info. Is there really nothing in it for them? (ie, no money, status, etc.) ? And does it really not matter to you which one you have? (you are coming across as fairly shallow in all this, i'm afraid ... : )
OP Albanaich 2 | 31  
7 Nov 2009 /  #6
Well, I never wanted a sexual relationship. . . .but trust is one thing, and phoning someone up daily to tell them that they miss you is, in my culture, a long way beyond friendship.

It's not so much that I'm abusing their trust as they are abusing mine.

I don't mind being friends, but friends don't phone you up daily because they are lonely or tell you they miss being with you (I wouldn't dream of phoning up a young woman to tell her I'm lonely) . . . . someone who is doing that is not looking for friendship.. . . .and I've said, no, you don't do that. . . . but it continues.

And, I regularly go dancing with a 19 year old German girl, and its not an issue. She knows where the line is and we don't cross it. The Polish women don't.

Natasia. . . . .

I think the problem is that while the sex thing doesn't bother me, and it probably doesn't interest them, the kind of relationship they want can't be achieved without physcal intimacy.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595  
7 Nov 2009 /  #7
And, I regularly go dancing with a 19 year old German girl, and its not an issue. She knows where the line is and we don't cross it. The Polish women don't.

Tell them very clearly where the line is. And if they still cross it you have to take appropriate actions to make it stop.
Arien 3 | 721  
7 Nov 2009 /  #8
I wouldn't dream of phoning up a young woman to tell her I'm lonely

Why not? Maybe she's dreaming about you phoning her up to tell her that you're lonely? I can't see anything wrong with that?

You go boy! (Geez, I wish I was that unlucky!)

;)

And if they still cross it you have to take appropriate actions to make it stop.

Yeah, then you have to pick one, and have lots of fun together! Such terrible dilemma's you guys have to deal with! Wow.. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, really! Nevermind me though, I probably just don't get it?

;)
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
7 Nov 2009 /  #9
They appear to be leaving the door open for sth more, wheeling out their more natural emotions when felt the most but unprepared to follow through on those. They will keep you within arms length and will reel you in only if it's good for them.

Be careful :)
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859  
7 Nov 2009 /  #10
Girls call you up and tell you that they miss you and you are still wondering what they want? Shall I draw you a map?
Arien 3 | 721  
7 Nov 2009 /  #11
Seanus

Well, I suppose you're the man with experience, so he should listen to you, but whatever you meant to say was too complicated for me at the moment. Angel - Devil situation here?

:)

A-J (Angel - Seanus: 1 Devil - Arien: 0)

..but you know you wanna have fun with those girls!
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
7 Nov 2009 /  #12
Put more simply, Arien, they were maybe watching a porno (who knows, right?) and felt horny. Then the calls happen but it's a passing phase. Permanence is key and there are too many players on this or that chemical these days.
Macduff 9 | 69  
7 Nov 2009 /  #13
Simple just ask them (one at at time) to stay for breakfast! On one hand you might get your rocks off or on the other you will stop getting all them anoying e-mails. Heads you win, Tails you win.

Stop being a fanny.
Arien 3 | 721  
7 Nov 2009 /  #14
Permanence is key and there are too many players on this or that chemical these days.

..atleast they don't destroy your heart?

:|

Girls call you up and tell you that they miss you and you are still wondering what they want? Shall I draw you a map?

I'm going to have to agree with you for once, because I'm a simpleton.

:)
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
7 Nov 2009 /  #15
Don't destroy your heart? Hmm...the jury is out on that one.
Arien 3 | 721  
7 Nov 2009 /  #16
Oh, and your soul..

:)

But I did that myself.

Hmm...the jury is out on that one.

Jury? Pfft.. I shall tell you a secret..

;P
Seanus 15 | 19,706  
7 Nov 2009 /  #17
At your discretion, lad, at your discretion :)
Arien 3 | 721  
7 Nov 2009 /  #18
Pfft.. drunk. Nevermind. I don't mean it in a religious way or anything.

:)
beckski 12 | 1,617  
7 Nov 2009 /  #19
Firstly there is a 20 year age gap between me and them, secondly they are professional women in there early 30's

For a second there the 20 year gap thing sounded like you were saying, the women are in their 30's & you're a ten-year-old, lol.
OP Albanaich 2 | 31  
7 Nov 2009 /  #20
So you're all saying its woman thing - not a Polish thing :-)

That's what I wanted to know. . . . I will change my game plan accordingly.

It was just strange that the two of them should do the same thing. . . .
BleedingRomeo 2 | 31  
7 Nov 2009 /  #21
frd
somewhat true but not totally! there are many cases!
frd 7 | 1,399  
7 Nov 2009 /  #22
called small boobs.

what's wrong with small boobs?

So you're all saying its woman thing - not a Polish thing :-)

certainly, and you are not the first person who comes here with a question about "Polish issues" in women.. good luck with your friendship
catsoldier 62 | 596  
7 Nov 2009 /  #23
phoning someone up daily to tell them that they miss you is

I would say that they are more than likely very needy(emotionally), they constantly need a man's attention to feel good about themselves. Such a tactic of not pretending it is a relationship and that you are only friends is a way of protecting themselves also, you can't really dump them, well you can but it won't hurt them as bad.

I would agree that it isn't a Polish thing.

Anyway a woman who is so needy is bordering on being ill in my humble opinion, extremely poor self esteem etc.

Do they all know about each other? What would happen if you talked about one of them to the other one? I think that the one you are talking to may leave you alone because it would be the 2nd woman getting the attention and not them.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859  
8 Nov 2009 /  #24
Man go for it, you obviously want more than friendship, otherwise you wouldnt be posting this info on a Polish message board. Go for it, maybe they want you to make the first move. For all you know they could be asking the same damn questions on a Brit forum.

No risk, no reward.
OP Albanaich 2 | 31  
8 Nov 2009 /  #25
Well, I'm happy with just friendship - never planned things to be this way, but if something else is on offer. . . . . I'll take it :-)

That's why posted, it just seemed so ludicrous two young doctors might be attrracted to someone in thier 50's. One you could put down to a mistake but two ????

That's why I thought it might a cultural issue.
nomaderol 5 | 726  
8 Nov 2009 /  #26
doctors are after two things; money or virus.
let them fulll check-up you first.
at the end, you will be either moneyless or virusless.
RevokeNice 15 | 1,859  
8 Nov 2009 /  #27
That's why posted, it just seemed so ludicrous two young doctors might be attrracted to someone in thier 50's. One you could put down to a mistake but two ????

Well, they arent after your moolah if they are doctors. Maybe you are a lot better looking than you realise? You might regret not going for it. You will be a long time dead. ;)
OP Albanaich 2 | 31  
11 Nov 2009 /  #28
Took you're advice and squared off with them about what they wanted from me. . . . . .

I've now got a Polish girlfriend 20 years younger than me :-) and she's the nicer one personality wise.

Perhaps more amusingly , the awesomely beautiful one who 'just wanted to be friends' went absolutely ballistic when she found out her competitor was willing to come across :-)
Arien 3 | 721  
11 Nov 2009 /  #29
Good for you!

:)

But if this is going to be a new trend.. (I've seen more young girls chasing older guys lately!) ..then what are guys my age supposed to do?

Look for eigth year old girlfriends? LOL! (Nevermind me, I'm just having a go at you girls once again!)

;)
OP Albanaich 2 | 31  
11 Nov 2009 /  #30
Take up ballroom dancing. . . . .that's where I meet up with my girls :-)

At least 2 girls for every guy, at least 4 girls for every young guy. If only I had discovered 30 years ago (but may be not, my dick would have dropped off by now)

Archives - 2005-2009 / Love / Personal issues with two women, they want to be my friend - a Polish thing?Archived