Whose Life is it? Polish girlfriend under family "house arrest"

Alot of truth in this comment....this is what she said to me on phone last Monday. That we cant do anything until they stop watching her movements and they think that we have given up !

Wrocław is right, a wise head on, um, good shoulders ;)

This is not terrorism where, sometimes, you have to take the fight to the enemy. Use your options, you know what they are.

i read this and i just can't understand how all of this girl's family AND her supposedly estranged ex are keeping her hostage. if she wanted to get away she'd pack a bag, go to the police and complain. go to a payphone and contact someone to get help? that's what i'd do IF it truly was the case. she's an adult and keeping someone against their will is basically a crime isn't it, can't it be reported by you or her employer? or HER? it all sounds very confusing and doesn't quite add up. they gonna kill her if she escapes? it's a bit too dramatic, like a plot taken out from a soap opera or a hollywood movie... all i'm saying is, if she really wanted to 'escape' she would, if she wanted to get in touch - she would. don't get your hopes up. maybe she arranged for everything to look like she was supposed to get back from Poland but the truth is she was never going to. leave it at that for now and don't play games with her ex. see what happens. see if she gets in touch to see why you stopped trying.

You know it really hurts me to praise Justyna for anything after her absolutely moronic comments about polish men but she gave you some good advice.


Take that to your heart, the best option is that the girl is using her family and her partner as a means to dump you, the worse option is that she's a spoiled little cunt who has her relationship back home but enjoys your concern or attention, one way or the other the situation is her doing and her family and ex have very little to do with it, i wouldnt be suprised if atm they're all laughing at you.

We all need dreams. It could happen.


An icky word most men avoid. But its value should not be underestimated.


Good man.


(sigh) I know how you feel, mate...

I partly agree with JustyciaS in that her story doesn't add up against the normal way of doing things in Poland (and kind of sounds like the BS a girl might use to break up with an unwanted foreign boyfriend).

I'll just add (again) that there is some chance it adds up but it can only do so in a horrible, horrible way (involving crime and/or severe and dangerous family dysfunction).

At this stage, using her old boyfriend as a smokescreen to dump you is probably the most optimistic option. "Be mean and threaten him so he'll leave us alone!"

At any rate, do NOT go to Poland! Under any circumstances!
You simply don't have the linguistic or cultural or practical knowlege to do so safely.

Even if you make it to her village you'll be helpless in a place where you're illiterate and ignorant of everything going on around you and totally unable to communicate except at the sufferance of others. Read that again a few times and let it sink in.

As a bonus, you have no idea how to recognize dangerous situations in Poland, and the warning signs are not necessarily the same as in other countries.

My advice: If she's telling the truth she'll have to get out of it herself. There's no way you can do anything but make things worse for all concerned.

Oh come on its not like we're going to mug him...oh wait.


Bollocks, our agressive bums are the same as agressive bums everywhere, the fact is though that the if he goes to Poland the girl will get honest with him and i imagine her getting honest would involve "its really best if you forgot me" or something like that.

I wasn't writing about agressive bums (probably less dangerous in Poland than in many places) but about noticing the little things that mean an environment isn't safe. The kind of thing that Poles (and aware foreigners) take for granted (and IME less aware foreigners are ignorant of).

Also the way verbal warnings (and veiled and unveild threats) are given (and when someone is serious vs bluffing). Again I've known foreigners who completely miss and/or misinterpret communcation that's clear to Poles.

I can understand this having lived here for a few years. Anyone out on a mission, for the first time in Poland, wouldn't have a clue. There are subtle differences in communication that can make all the difference.

Good thinking.


Very interesting.

You have my sympathies. I hope you get her back safe and sound.

Lads and Lassies.......Im not going to Poland. I may sound niaive in my ramblings on this thread but im not. I know what would lie ahead. Remember....I know this Ex. He worked for me. She knows where I am IF (small word with alot of meaning) she wants me....IF not then more the fool me for worrying over nothing.

it is a very short word, yet very powerful. too many IF's and BUT's in this story my friend! do keep us informed though.

'if' and but' are the words of hope...

Hope can be a double edged sword.

yeah, hope can screw you over...

Hi all....just ti update you all on the situation. After taking alot of your advice I had said to myself to forget the wholw thing......I got a call from her todat at 2pm. She told me she miseed me and my son and never stopped thinking about us. She said she missed her life in Ireland. She said she hoped some day soon she would come back........ IF YOUR CONFUSED BOUT THIS THEM HOW YOU THINK IM FEELING RIGHT NOW !!

Good man.


I'd go in depth as to how some women want to have multiple admirers and like to keep men in "reserve" but i'm just going to tell you she's fucking with you and the "forget her" option is still the best for you:)

Sounds like you're back in the same place you started here, Irish.

being taken for a fool myself by polish lad glad to see you now have your head screwed on, whats the point chasing something or someone who doesnt want to be chased. As a girl i'd say she likes the drama of you thinking she's helpless, as a woman i'd say she needs to grow up.

Any further updates on this???

I don't think the girl is physically held against her will,however it could be a possibility that she's not ready to involve the police and put her family through hardship and embarrassement(certainly if she lives in small town or village).

You need to reassure her that you're there to support her.

Ask her if she need any help from your side at least she knows you care for her.

For those of you who want an update.....I got 3 calls from her last week. She is very unhappy but still wishes to come back to Ireland. She is under alot of pressure from her family. I also got 22 calls from her ex on friday night, none of which I answered. also got 2 threatening texts........

Keep those records for the coppers.
And are you sure he's still her "ex"?

I think so..... i'd say thats the reason for all the calls and the texts.

Make sure you keep the texts. I'd very very much suggest that you also buy a microphone to attach to your phone so you can record your telephone calls. Next time he calls you, connect the mic and answer. Let the dipshit shoot his mouth right off about what he's going to do to you. With a bit of luck he'll threaten to kill you and saying that is a crime both in Poland and Ireland. Possibly her parents will think slightly less of him when he goes to court and gets a criminal record. At worst you'll almost certainly get enough verbal to enable you to take out a restraining order stopping him from coming within 100 metres of you (of her). Those things are virtually unheard of in Poland, so there's a good chance dipshit won't observe it and hence get banged up. At best you'll be able to get him barred from entering Ireland on the grounds that he has stated repeated intent to commit crimes while there.

Good to hear that you're still keeping your head up and your mind open.

They're all loonies. Boot her to the kerb and get on with your life. If she won't help herself then there's nothing you can do for her.

Not sure about the ROI but in the UK it is illegal to record someones telephone conversation without their permission,so probably would not stand in a court of law.

It would cetain stand up in civil court and could well be allowed in criminal court.
ryanlaw.co.uk/new_page_2.htm

It looks a bit hit and miss, but I suppose it is indeed possible that it might stand.