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Posts by goodlady  

Joined: 23 Jun 2008 / Female ♀ 		Last Post: -
Threads: Total: 2 / In This Archive: 2
Posts: Total: 31 / In This Archive: 26
Speaks Polish?: little

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goodlady   
23 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

i hope i can get some good advise. i feel a bit silly asking for your help but i am having some problems understanding my polish boyfriend. here goes.

we have been together for two years. i met him here in the uk. after 4months of "dating" he moved in. we lived together for best part of a year. everything great. we both agreed no pressure on each other see how it goes. well it went well. love growing between us. we love each other very much. whats the problem?

well he is working in poland (he works for himself) building business. he has been in poland for longer than he thought -business issues-i have been seeing him regularly going over for a week when i can. he has business connections here-they basically run themselves-so for the forseeable future he is based in poland.

this has taken its toll on our relationship in the sense that we have been missing each other so much. he misses me as much as i miss him-we are both adult about the relationship but we need to be nearer to each other. because i am in a postion to be flexible with my work i have decided to work and live in poland. i will have my own place. he has a shared house over there.

he feels bad that i am doing this move as he feels he should be the one coming to me. i have told him i do not want to be away from him and i am ok with moving there.

our plans are to have a place there and one in england-he has family (no he is not married) in poland and i here. our work and financiial circumstances allow for this life style.

he is having trouble accepting my move.

we both lead independant lives and our respective families know of our relationship- but we have never involved them. there has been no need to introduce one another to our families. this is what i think is worrying him. we have both been married before and we are happy with our arrangement with each other. but as he has a large family in poland also loosely involved in his business and his father is disabled ( he spends quite a bit of time with him and his mother ) he is worrying about sharing his time between me his business and his family. i have told him i understand and ld rather be nearer him and see him a few times a week than apart from him for weeks on end and then an intense week together which we both find hard withdrawing from.

i have told him i understand his responsibilities but for the sake of the relationship i feel this is the right decision.

what are your thoughts please
goodlady   
23 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

yes i can speak some polish and i will be learning more i will be keeping myself busy in poland and i make friends easily. i am just concerned about my boyfriends reaction. i think i should do it its just that he is not giving me the reassurence i think he should-
goodlady   
23 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

i have never met his family and he has not met mine. i have talked on the phone to several of his relatives and friends and have meet some of his friends-we did live together and i have had good conversations with them . there has been no need to meet them and i am not expexting that when i am in poland- though i suppose it may happen-we are not planning to "marry" we have a good relationship and i do believe he just thinks he will not be able to give me the attention he normally does. he takes me out-buys me gifts-supports me. i have not thought there maybe someone else-i trust him- it has never crossed my mind- he works very long hours-i just want to be near to him
goodlady   
24 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

i am 36 i have two children 18 and 16 (i married young)-i am divorced- i work for myself internet based business and i move around the world. i have lived in different countries over the years-children boarding school since 11-

he is 33 -he has one child boy 11-he is on good terms with his x-wife as i am with my x-husband.

i will be in Pozan-i know people there and have business connections.

he is based in Bydgoszcz. his parents live north of Bydgoszcz-he provides for them-he is very busy with his business. he is a hard working guy-who feels he is responsible for making everyone happy and he constantly tells me how lucky he is to have me and how understanding i am. He is busy establishing a second phase of his business and our plans are to compute eventually between poland and england. At this stage in our relationship there is no need to do formal introductions to parents etc-i am ok with this.

he has said he his family may consider my independence strange. because i lead a cosmopolitan lifestyle and have done for many years-he comes from a rural low paced lifesyle and he is the one that has broken free from this and his family are worried he will move to england permeantly.
goodlady   
24 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

it does occur to me that he might be a little embarassed by your success.

this has crossed my mind. we have a good relationship and enjoy being together. his wife did not work and always wanted him to be with him 24/7

i will go and live in poland for a while-so i am there for him and i hope in time he will realise things will settle and his new lifestyle will be accepted
goodlady   
25 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

i spoke to my boyfriend last night.

he said he is happy i will be there. he feels bad he has been in poland for longer than he thought and he didnt want to put pressure on me-saying he hoped i would decide to move to poland on a temporary basis. he is concerned about his family meeting me-they do ask when will they meet me and because they know i will soon be in poland and he knows that the meeting is inevitable. this is what is worrying him. we are to talk about things when i am there. any tips on how to handle this delicate situation, that is meeting his family?
goodlady   
25 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

guess you wont know until you try, but I would go for a visit and meet his family before you make the move.

this is what i have decided to do. i am going out there for a few months and we are going to talk about things. i dont feel he is hiding something but he is worried about acceptance. if there is something he is hiding i think i will find out when i am there- but i really dont think he is seeing anyone there

sapphire there could be some truth in what you say
could it be that he is worried that it will cause problems with his family? Even if he loves you may they may not accept that you are not Polish, perhaps not Catholic? divorced with children. Is he actually divorced or just separated? Maybe they are hoping he will reconcile with his wife?

hi just thought id up date you on my situation. i am to go out to poland within the next few weeks i have decided to go there and rent for a month. since i have told my boyfriend this he has been on the phone more times than normal he has told me he is worried about his family accepting me and they are starting to ask him lots of questions about me. it would seem that he has not told them anything about my lifestyle etc. he tells me i am not the sort of woman they would expect him to be with and the only way he feels he can deal with this situation is to not allow any meeting with them. he says he loves me and will stay with me 2/3 times a week when i am in poland. i am in no hurry to meet his family and i can understand his concerns to a point. but now i am not sure what i mean to him. is it just a cultural differnce and in time he will feel he can introduce me to his family? if i accept what he is asking will he never introduce me-how will that work? obviously his family mean a lot to him, will he always put them before me? and i am sure his family will eventually wonder why they do not meet me? i am so confused i am not sure what to do now
goodlady   
30 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

his family have see phtographs of me because i sent them some of the two of us together
they say i am attractive and as i have said before i have spoken to his parents on the telephone and i have meet some of his polish friends. i am a sucessfull profesional, financially independant women. my boyfriend has made the move from his background in poland to a sucessful business man -his business is still developing. he is now mixing with different people much removed from his old lifestyle in rural poland. all this has happened to him in the last three years and i have helped him cope with his changing situation. i am a go getter and trend setter and my personality is attractive to my boyfriend we have a great social life when we are together, the sex is good and we are on the same wavelength. he tells me all the women in his family are dependant on the men and eventhough he finds my independance attractive he sometimes finds it hard to accept that i am not materlistically needy. what he gives me is the love i need.
goodlady   
30 Jun 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

if you mean that much too him he is to make it possible and consider your concerns...

thank-you i have been thinking this.

maybe i personally do not mean that much too him-but what i can do for him -where his "new circle" is concerned . he seems to want to keep his "old" life away from his "new" life- never the twaine shall meet this he can not do for ever- also i have thought maybe he is ashamed of his family?
goodlady   
29 Aug 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

hi thought id bring you up to date. i went out for a month-he stayed with me the whole time-this i did not expect!! we talked and talked. it would appear he hasnt told his parents just how serious he is about me. he hasnt told them about my children. his mother likes his x-wife and would like them to get back together. he is hoping to build houses on his parents farm land-but they are old-fashioned. he is the only one in his family really earning money and he has to divide this between his x-wife-his son his business and his parents -he supports them and what is left of the farm business. he feels torn between his duties and what he reallly wants. he has asked me to be patient and wait until he feels the time is right to inform his family of his intentions with me. i am now back in england and i am not sure what to do. neither of us want to finish our feelings are very strong but i feel pretty much alone and way down his list of priorities-i feel like i am having an affair with him -i mean the real me is a secret from his parents
goodlady   
2 Sep 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

i am getting a little frustrated with this situation. it is not always important to "get on " with the inlaws but i think it is best that you do. as long as the relationship between two people is strong. My boyfriend is very much involved with his family and feels responsible but i do think he is asking alot from me. he pleads with me to understand and on ocassions when i have said it is all getting too much and maybe we should cool things he says no way he wants me in his life forever. how can i be in his life if a big part of his life he lets me nowhere near?

i have suggested he introduces me as a very good friend- but this may not be possible as his family know we are involved. he does not let me meet his son or his x-and he has actually said he wants to avoid certain areas "just in case" his x is there. i am close to one of his sisters only on the telephone -but we have exchanged photos and she tells me there is no other women and he is always talking about me.i asked her recently if there is some "secret" i should know-she knows i wonder why her brother is relunctant to take me "home". she told me her family are quite poor and they know i am sucessful-she thinks this could be the problem
goodlady   
3 Sep 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

when i was there i drove round his area and he knows about it. his world hasnt collapsed. i just think he is panicking unnecessarily and i have wondered about taking the risk-but i dont want to go against his wishes and cause any problems. i am sure everything will be fine but he is worrying about something. i have thought of writing to his parents, but i dont know if this would be appropriate. he is a good man and he has mnay good qualities. i want to be with him without this stress. i do think he has some residual feelings for his x and i have tried to discuss this with him. it would appear she is keen to get back with him and he is made to feel guilty-he says he does not want to get back with her. i have told him i want him to be happy. he says i make him happy. i have recently told him how much i love him and i want to be with him always and support him and that i am unhappy being away from him. he knoes i am unhappy and tells me to be happy that he wants to be with me forever. i have pushed it a bit saying that i am going back to poland soon to be with him. he has not returned my calls for two days. i think he knows the push is coming-maybe this is what is needed?
goodlady   
9 Sep 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

hi sapphire thanks for the pm.

i have been having long long talks on the telephone with my boyfriend.

he does want to be with me and he is happier when he is in england and we are together. he has now told me there is a crisis in his parents situation his father has been told he may only have a year or two to live -he has a heart condition- his mother has been crying asking him to stay and sort things out. his mother is worried he will leave poland to be with me-

again he has asked me to understand and for the time being he does not want to involve me in his crisis there, he says its his responsibilty .

he does feel torn between his duty and loyalty to his family and his feelings for me.

he insists that one day things will be better for us and that seeing each other once a month for a few days is the best compromise at the moment.

i have told him that i want to support him and be in poland with him-but he insists that i will not be able to cope with the lifestyle there and he really does want to be in england longterm going to poland on short visits once this crisis has settlted.

its really hard for me because i love him very much and i want to be there but he is a proud man and wants to sort things out for himself.
goodlady   
9 Sep 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

the status quo might not be such a bad situation after all

i think i am beginning to come to this conclusion myself. i am ready to be with him now but obviously his situation does not allow this at the moment. i will try and keep myself busy the inbetween times we are not together and enjoy to the maximum the times we are and in time love will find away

I have never seen absolute happines but i have seen average happiness being destroyed on the way to achieve absolute happiness.

this i agree with and there vis no nway i want to destroy the happiness ww i share with this man
goodlady   
9 Sep 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

he has four brothers and four sisters-i have asked him that question- he will always offer some financial support to his family but be mainly based in england and go to poland when needed -i am ok with this-also hope to buy a flat in poland for when i am there- i am willing to move to poland to be with him. it is he who feels i will not be able to cope with living in poland-but as i have said i am used to living in different places-this he finds diificult to understand because of his extended family situation
goodlady   
16 Sep 2008
Love / moving to poland to be together is this the right decision? [67]

hello pldudeinus and angel thank you for your opinions.

i am not despearte nor lonely-yes i think i am truely in love and not blind but bewildered by his indecision. i think he is trying to please too many people-he himself has often said he does everything for other people but nothing for himself. because of this i have not put pressure on him or made demands- but now i do not feel i can continue like this for much longer.

he still insists he will be coming to england-it has been over a year since he was here. i think the best thing to do is to insists he gives me a definite date he expects to be here. i think i have been a little too soft with him-this halfway house situation has been going on for too long.
goodlady   
4 Nov 2008
Love / Moved to Poland to my younger boyfriend, now got sick; he's got a new one [194]

i think woman should allow this piece of trash to think she loves him so much she will accept the situation but meanwhile i would find out about this girl and gather everything you can to expose what a liar and a cheat he is- present the evidence to her and his family and then disappear forever-does sound like he maybe at the crucial stage of-clinching the deal-so i would act within the next few weeks
goodlady   
17 Feb 2009
Love / I would love to meet a Polish woman..they are so attractive! [33]

you need to walk down a few more streets! there are beautiful women everywhere regardless of "accent" -its difference that attracts you. if polish women are so beautiful why do polish men come to england and stay with their beautiful english girl?
goodlady   
25 Mar 2009
Life / 800 thousand Polish women are victims of domestic abuse yearly [180]

both men and women abuse each other this normally is because of confusion, lack of understanding and frustration. abusive people need help to control their feelings. learn to regonise what sparks the situation and how to avoid the abuse. this being said anatomically and biologically a man is stronger than a women and therefore a women is more likely to be physically hurt.
goodlady   
2 Apr 2009
UK, Ireland / Looking for a Polish psychologist in England. [11]

anyone know where there is a polish psychologist in england a polish freind of mine has agreed he has anger problems and needs help-thank-you
goodlady   
17 Apr 2009
Food / POLISH "CHEMICALISED" CONVENIENCE FOODS [23]

i do find it is difficult for some polish people in england to understand just how much rubbish are in this soup packets and seasoning etc