Posts by Solan

Solan

2 Sep 2008

Life / "I love you" in Polish culture... [36]

In norwegian we have two different ways of saying you love someone. One is 'Jeg er glad i deg', witch means something like I care about you very much. Something you would say to your close friends or parents. The other is 'Jeg elsker deg'. This is like I love you, coham cie, and something you would most likely only say to your partner or child. I find it a bit strange also when people say they elsker things or places because elske is something more than just really liking ice cream for example!

Solan

17 Sep 2008

Love / My Polish girlfriend misses home...how can I help? [17]

Awww, thats fantastic! Congrats on the baby, the wife and moving! Hope you'll be very happy with eachother and your new life in Poland!

Solan

27 Oct 2008

Love / POLISH GIRLS AND LOOSE JEANS [36]

Hmmm, when I was in Poland I was the only one it seemed that wore loose fitting jeans. All the guys also had quite tight fitting jeans. I met only one guy who had baggy jeans and he had just gotten back form living in the UK for two years.

And also I see that I might have used the word jeans a bit much here! It sounds stupid but I don't have the energy to reconstruct my sentences right now, sorry :)

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

Yeah, it's all such a mess and I'm sad and need to vent I guess..

So the thing is, I have this friend. A good friend. I met him through work and at the time he was married. Then his wife left him (for another polish bloke no less) and his heart was properly broken. By that time we were good friends and talked alot.

So after a while we started beeing more than just good friends, you know, sex and all. It has not been easy, he is a devout catholic and struggles alot with the guilt issue of beeing married and having made promises in church to stay faithful to her.

She is still with this other guy and doesnt want to try to fix things.
And stupid me is so in love with him and it has now been a year since she left him.

The problem now is that he seems not to want to get better. He has been depressed and his doc gave him antidepressandts. He took them for some months and things seemed to slowly improve. Not everything seemed to be just problems anymore. Then this summer he went to Poland and stopped taking them for the two weeks he was there. He wanted to drink polish beer and have fun with his brother but promised he would start taking them once he was back here in Norway.

I was in Poland with him for five days and we had such a fantastic time! When I left he couldnt sleep cause I wasnt there. I know he cares about me alot.

Then, lo and behold, after a while back home again, I notice something is off and ask if he's back on the pills. The answer: No, nothing is important to me anymore so why should I take them?

So now, hes not taking his pills, has started to drink alot so he wont think or feel, and pushes me away cause I seem to ask questions that are difficoult about things he would rather not think of.. His ex is not coming back and while I understand that you care about people that has been important to you, I dont understand why you would choose to feel bad. He has said himself that he works alot (12+ hours a day) to keep his mind busy and tire himself out so that the days will just pass.

He is so happy when we are together, but it feels to me like it's almost easier for him to feel bad about his life in general than to try to piece everything together and try to move on.

I dunno, if I hadnt felt that it was worth a fight I probably would have given up a long time ago. Maybe I am fooling myself. I'm just really sad and could use some advice..

Thanks if you made it this far!

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

Well, because it's not always what he wants. Our friendship/realtionship is very close and even when he pushes me away he always comes back and I guess I'm not strong enough to stay away myself. And yeah, depression is an illness, I just wish he would see that and not try to 'take things like a man and deal with it without medication' when his doctor (and himself also) know it would make him feel better.

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

Yeah, youre absolutly right..
And I keep telling myself that I should try to let go. Guess I'm just as stupid about hanging on as he is..!

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

On the same hand you have said he has been through a lot.

Well yes. He wants to move back to Poland at some point and he says that if we were there together he would always think is this the day she says she wants to go back to Norway? Is this the day she says she doesnt want me anymore?

I have a daughter also and he is concerned about how it would be for her. What if we had a baby etc etc. Basically (sp?) he is scared of everything, but he knows that and admits it, so I guess that is one small step in the right direction..?

Thanks!

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

Maybe that would be an idea? He got the pills from his doc in Poland, here he has a norwegian doctor, but he is a nice guy, I went with him there one time when he had an accsident at work.

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

I have suggested that but he is very sceptical of it. He thinks he doesnt need one. And also I don't know where /if there are polish speaking psychiatristst in Norway. I do know of one polish doctor though, maybe I could contact her to see if she knows.

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

thats a battle you cant win, only he can make this decision .

Thanks!

Well, he does know. We had alot of time to talk when we were in Poland this summer so it's no secrets between us. Thats why I'm stilll sticking it out too I suppose. We had many honest talks and I know he cares deeply for me. He said that he feels God took his ex wife away and gave him me instead.

I have told him all of this also, about the drinking etc. And I'm not the only one. His brother is back form Poland and has said the same thing to him. His broter and I have talked about it between us, but it doesnt do any good what we say as long as he doesnt want to see it himself. But he is not a stupid boy, cause he knows it's true, we have talked about it. It just seems like he knows it's true but is unable/unwilling to do anything about it.

I told him on the phone earlier this evening that I can't understand why he chooses to be stuck like this and he says he doesn't want to talk about it..

And yes, it is very true, I can't help him until he wants he help. But it's so frustrating to stand by and watch him destroy himself..:(

Solan

2 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

They are legallly seperated, she wanted that and they were in Poland earlier this year and signed papers. But I dunno if she wants a divorce or not, they dont speak. Well, he tried for a while but she was not interrested. She is still with the guy she left him for. Friends have seen them together (Oslo is quite a small city) and his best friends wife is friends with his ex.

It's just like you say, he is clinging to the past with his teeth, and all along knowing she doenst want to come back..

Solan

3 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

Patrycja19:
Thanks alot! That was a nice post and it made me think:)
I will step back for a while I think and see what happens. If it's meant to be it will be. And nice story about you and your husband!

Thanks everybody for replying!

Solan

12 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

It's all because we are such a romantic souls. While you away from him have a look in to a literature of Polish Romanticizm and you will understand. It's in our blood :)

I'm not sure I understand you? (sorry, english is not my first language!)

polishcanuck: I agree with you, he definetly should go talk to someone, a proffesional, but finding a polish therapist in Oslo is proving to be a bit difficoult..!

Solan

12 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

Well, he asked me if I wanted to go with him and I said yes. We stayed with his parents, in seperate rooms ofcourse (they are very religious). I was introduced as a very good friend and they were incredebly (sp?) sweet and nice to me. His mother gave me presents and told me to please come back to visit when I left. I really liked them!

He has a flat also in the same town where we spent alot of time, just the two of us, no questions asked.
Imo they all knew what was going on and although they dont approve of sexual relations outside marriage they were just happy that he was happy..

Solan

12 Nov 2008

Love / Such a mess with my polish boy...:( [30]

Right now we are at the very good friends having sex stage. And I have brought it up and we have argued and cried about it (both of us crying actually;) and he always says we don't know what will happen in the future, don't worry don't think about it etc. etc. The biggest problem, and this he admits himself, is that right now he is basiaccly **** scared of everything. Even living it seems. And maybe I'm naive but I know he cares about me. I do hope your wrong! Thanks for the advise:)