Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]

Having worked in a newsagents, I know that the people who buy pornographic magazines range from 18 to 80 year olds, nearly but not quite all male. Some couples even. Then there's the story about the little (just about) teenage boy who queued up with his Sunday Times.

"Sorry, I have to take it so I can scan the barcode"
* bleep *
"And I'll just have to take out these two dodgy magazines someone seems to have slipped in... That'll be a pound please."

I left work that afternoon to see an unread copy of the Sunday Times in the litter bin outside.


It's a bit tame that one. I prefer 'Just for Donkeys', 'Donkeys Only' and 'Big jennies'.

Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]


Although in these kinds of publications, as well as the surgically enhanced, there are many women far more normal-looking. Fat ones, skinny ones, all shapes and sizes in between. Very few with the usual supermodel kind of shape(lessness).

OR SO I'VE BEEN TOLD.

I was quite shocked when I was last at the newsagents, how many of the top-shelf magazines are devoted to women in their 40s, 50s and 60s. The older they were, the more magazines there seemed to be. I'm also suprised that with the internet, anyone bothers buying magazines these days.

Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]

I haven't said it for a while, and I have the feeling some of you may feel let down by my omission recently of one of my more popular catchphrases, so here goes:

P U R E
F I L T H


Which occasionally does contain filth.

Law / Poland -One of the fastest growing economies [28]

I've agreed with various Germans at various times in my life. Me and my mates used to know a group of German students who lived in our town. We got on like a house on fire.

Call the fire brigade.

Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]

Who wants to look at pictures of cars anyway?

Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]

... but if he's only trying to inspire her to lay spreadeagle on the bonnet of their Skoda, he's got weird ideas about their potential bedroom activities.

Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]


Okay. How about this?

What a *******! How dare he?
And the family being complicit in the whole thing?
Terrible.

Or this:
Yeah! It's normal. Don't worry. He still loves you.

Or this:
It would be okay if it wasn't for the cars and cacti.

Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]

Cacti like it warm, but not wet.

Love / Pornographic Polish magazines [65]


I don't know about the rest, but that is disgusting.
It's not a cactus, I hope.

Feedback / Where have all my posts gone? [16]

Translation and off-topic threads had a clear-out recently.

I had about 6000 before that. Too many.

Language / (part 2) Polish Language Pronunciation - Sample Words and Phrases [311]


It depends on what kind of English you speak.

An American 'o' is typically more like an English long 'a' (like in the word 'car')..
The American short 'a' (like in the word 'hat') is quite close to the English English short 'a', although tending slightly towards the English English short 'e'.

The Polish 'a' is roughly mid-way between both the English English and American English long and short 'a' sounds.

The accent in Potlatch, somewhere in the US - I really don't know, but that would be more relevent to the questioner here.

I imagine if you tell an American that the 'a' in 'Wrocław' is like an English 'a', they might interpret that as something that sounds more like a Polish 'e'.

Have I confused matters enough yet, or shall I go on?

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]

That's city with an S and an H.


London could quite happily exist on its own without the rest of the country to have to deal with.

Food / Polish food is making me fat [49]

That's it - all respond to my weird ways with strawberries and ignore my huge kiełbasa!

Balsmaic vinegar is not like normal white vinegar, malt vinegar or wine or cider vinegar. It's thick and very dark brown, quite sweet and almost indescribable. I use Balsamic vinegar that (they assure me) has aged for 20 years in a succession of casks made of oak (Quercus spp.), Chestnut (Castanea sativa) and various other woods. The strawberries have to come from my garden. They're smaller and less deformed than the supermarket, or even market bought ones.

Why are so many strawberries too big, oddly shaped, like Siamese twins, with odd patches with too many seeds, over-ripe on one side, under-ripe on the other?

Food / Polish food is making me fat [49]


I prefer my strawberries (Fragaria vesca) with Balsamic vinegar and fine ground black pepper.

I bought a Podwawelka the other day, partly because I thought it might be quite tasty, but mostly so I could brandish it whilst growling the words 'Look at the size of that sausage!'. Anyway, after a bit of waving it around at work, I tucked into it with some bread and a jar of mustard. It was delicious, and memories came flooding back of Poland in the summertime.

I'm still not fat.

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]


How would Sean Connery put it?

City of Discovery.

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]

You can have Berwick... and Birmingham.

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]

Tears of a Clown.

Anyway, moving swiftly on, I had better inform anyone who read some of my posts a little earlier today on this thread, that the tennant has returned, laden with cash and I have been paid in full. No arse-kicking required. I had thought about getting him to pay by cleaning the toilet, but these Poles have driven down wages so much, you can't get a toilet cleaner these days for £10 an hour.


What's that got to do with the price of fish?

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]

Actually, if truth be told, people not from this country are far less likely to find Morris dancing funny.

Norma, in a typically Polish fashion, fails to use either of the articles ('a'/'an' and 'the'), and elides I am to I'm in just the wrong place.

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]


We're no longer allowed to have fish 'n' chips at the seaside, have a sing-song round the old Joanna, put milk in tea or do Morris dancing any more.


They laugh at our Morris dancers.


That can be quite funny when you see someone struggling and you know the answer.


Two arms, two legs, one head...

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]


If you're still there, I have a couple of questions for you.

Have you received a pay cut in the last couple of years? Maybe a pay freeze? Cost of living increases? Have you spoken to anyone about this who can do anything about it? The bosses? Your MP? Your MEP? God?

Are you not capable of raising your own status, whether to that of a supervisor level, or even better, through going to college to establish a better job for yourself, or by setting up your own business?

Are you aware of economics? Why do people move for work? Who makes the decisions that allow people to move from certain places to other certain places in order to find work?

Have you ever considered trying to get on with the Polish people you see at work? Try eating their food? Learn their language? Or perhaps this goes totally against your fascist outlook.

There are so many doors that can be opened in life. Why don't people see this?
Hate gets you nowhere. Wearing blinkers get s you nowhere.

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]


That much is obvious.


I could just leave all his stuff outside on the half-built patio with a sign saying 'Here lies ****ek.'

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]

Yes, I think that's more like it. I just hope this time he doesn't tell me he's spent it all in a strip club... again.

And don't tell me, I know it - 'moim' is all wrong! (That's not a West Country or a Brummie mime, which is, of course, also wrong!)

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]

Are the Poles in England hated?

One of them is putting himself at risk of being hated.
Rent money for the last two weeks, one day, five hours, six minutes, thirty three seconds.
Do I sound Scottish?

UK, Ireland / Are the Poles in England hated? [450]

Piwo jest w moim lodówce.

Is that correct, or am I just trying to lure people into my fridge so I can feed them to trolls?

Food / Is there McDonalds, KFC, Pizza Hut etc in Poland? Food survey. [222]

On the drive out of Warsaw, I was asked if I wanted to stop for a KFC.
Was 'Ni chuja' the correct answer? It raised a chuckle and we ate sandwiches that had been packed for the journey instead.

UK, Ireland / WHY DO POLISH PEOPLE THAT COME TO ENGLAND CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH? [118]

Why can't the English speak Polish?


But there are countries where foreign language learning reaches a much higher level than the UK or Poland.

I have worked with quite a few Polish people who can't speak enough English. One very good worker who always worked hard, understood the job through and through and could build anything out of anything, didn't get offered a full time job because of his almost non-existent English speaking capabilities. Some bloke who's only half as much use got the job because he could speak better English.

UK, Ireland / Statistics: How many Polish people in the UK? [23]

I just worked out that if the figure WB gave, of 1-3 million is anything to go on, we can take an average and say 2 million. In a total population of about 60 587 000, that makes about 3.3%. If we assume that this population is fairly evenly spread across the country, then an average town like St. Albans (population 82 100) should be home to approximately 2700 Polish people.

Why, when I went into a Polish delicatessen there yesterday (on a Saturday afternoon), were there no other customers? Just a rather bored looking lady sitting behind the counter, looking suspiciously at the donkey that had mysteriously trotted in off the street.

UK, Ireland / Boris Johnson has been declared the Mayor of London [25]

There were various local elections across the UK at the same time. My dad helps out at the polling stations (must be for the free cups of tea). He told me there were quite a few voters with Polish-looking names in his area.

UK, Ireland / Statistics: How many Polish people in the UK? [23]

With that many around, it shouldn't be too difficult to find one. But the one who owes me money seems to have made himself scarce.

Language / (part 2) Polish Language Pronunciation - Sample Words and Phrases [311]

-


Unaspirated.


Only in the name Tarzan.


As far as I know, the dzi softening rule has no exceptions.


Perhaps I am wrong. Or you might be right. Or they might be... I don't know!