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Sick of a Certain Polish Lady - my boyfriends friend


missbutterfly 1 | 3  
12 Apr 2009 /  #1
Hi,

So I live in the US. I have been together with a Polish guy for about 2 years. Things were really good for the first year and he was a real gentleman. Right after he met me, he met this other girl and became really good friends with her to the point that they were hanging out almost every other weekend. I didn't mind since he told me he was friends with her and I also wanted to hang out with my friends some weekends. I only saw her once in real life last year and she was kind of rude to me which made me think that maybe she did not know about my existence up to then. That day I told my boyfriend to stop contacting her we got into a huge fight and he promised me that he would end the friendship.

So last summer, me and the Polish guy had a fallout and we decided to take a break for a month. During this month, he constantly kept seeing her and even went with her on a vacation with a couple of other friends. After this month, me and him decided to go back together because we missed eachother and worked things out. However this girl did not stop texting and calling him and sending her e-mails saying that she wants to be with him. She also contacted me crying on several occasions saying that my guy had been with her all along, which my guy denied. My guy promised me that he would stop contact with her many times, but he didn't. Instead he would txt her, and then delete all the msgs so that I would not see them. I ended up contacting her a few times and things turned nasty.

One day, I broke into my guy's laptop and recovered all the deleted msgs and saw that he was talking to her and even meeting her on a couple of occasions even though he told me otherwise. However there was no indication of a relationship between them in the messages. In fact, I checked history up to 2 years, and there was no indication of anything other than friendship between them. My boyfriend seemed cold to her recently but she was constantly pushing him to talk in the msg's.

So in New year's eve I was out of town, apparently my bf met up with that girl. She sent me a txt msg from his phone saying Happy new year! I was pissed I confronted my boyfriend and he denied and I had accidentally deleted that msg so I had no proof. It's been 5 months and I know they are still txting and talking on Gadu Gadu. I meet my boyfriend almost every day so I know he cannot be seeing her but why is he still in contact with him, I do not understand. And why does she not move on? Also, my boyfriend always changes the subject when I try to talk about her and gets angry.

The other thing is, my bf owes her 2000 dollars and for a while she would call him every day to ask the money back. My bf paid it partially and now he says she is still calling him about the money. But I am not convinced. I discovered from my bf's phone records that she calls him almost every day for half hour, come on how much money talk can they have for so long?

Do you guys have any similar experiences/ideas? What do you think I should do? I've tried contacting the girl but she does not talk to me and has limited English. Do you think I should just let them be friends? But I think this girl seems to want more. Especially since she's considerably older (30) and illegal and does not even have a good job. My bf has a start up business and makes pretty good money so sometimes I think she's really desperate.
southern 75 | 7,096  
13 Apr 2009 /  #2
One day, I broke into my guy's laptop

I will have to secure my laptop with a chastity belt.
dcchris 8 | 432  
13 Apr 2009 /  #3
That day I told my boyfriend to stop contacting her

What is he your dog? Sit, speak, dont talk to her? You cant control people.

Do you guys have any similar experiences/ideas?

Thank God no. Sounds like you have absolutely no trust in your relationship especially since you broke into his computer. I stay away from crazy girls like you.

Do you think I should just let them be friends?

You forbid him to contact her and he continued to do so. You have no control over him obviously.

I think she's really desperate.

I think you cant see the forest for the trees. The guy is playing you for a fool. You must be young

she's considerably older (30)

get away from this guy. He is a player. Or play him yourself.
niejestemcapita 2 | 561  
13 Apr 2009 /  #4
I told my boyfriend to stop contacting her

I ended up contacting her a few times and things turned nasty.

One day, I broke into my guy's laptop

In fact, I checked history up to 2 years,

I discovered from my bf's phone records

THis situation is making you act like a bunny boiler. If I were you I would be strong and get rid of him.
Pomorzanka - | 28  
13 Apr 2009 /  #5
Your sittuation is not nice. Is like to be between him and her. If you checked his laptop and if there is nothing to suspect any love relation seems that in this case you are "safe".

I don't know all story, but maybe they keep frendship because they are polish?

Also if thay know each other long time, seems that from his side is only frendship.

Try to keep one's head and have open eyes. If this will really disturb you in your relationship leave him.
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
13 Apr 2009 /  #6
He loves you but your evil controlling racist behaviour drove him into her hands, its all your fault he's humping her.

In the other more serious news, you're naive and he's got both the sandwich and the hamburger, whichever you're, you're fastfood.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595  
13 Apr 2009 /  #7
I think that he sounds like a person who you can't, and shouldn't, trust. And then there is only one thing that can be done.

In the other more serious news, you're naive and he's got both the sandwich and the hamburger, whichever you're, you're fastfood.

Have you ever considered writing poems?
pgtx 29 | 3,159  
13 Apr 2009 /  #8
missbutterfly

talk to him about it...
or if you don't trust your bf then dump him... but don't check his e-mails and the phone... what's wrong with you people?

a realtionship without the trust is a waste of time and usually doesn't last...
plk123 8 | 4,150  
13 Apr 2009 /  #9
you should seek therapy missbutterfly. good luck.
OP missbutterfly 1 | 3  
14 Apr 2009 /  #10
#6

He loves you but your evil controlling racist behaviour drove him into her hands, its all your fault he's humping her.

How did u come to the conclusion that I am a racist? I have nothing against this girl. She has contacted me on several occasions crying on the phone or saying that she is with my boyfriend and she likes him very much. That's why I don't like her. Because she'll contact me and then she'll deny it and make it look like I'm contacting her, stalking and insulting her. But it is she who dragged her butt into my business all along.
pgtx 29 | 3,159  
14 Apr 2009 /  #11
I have nothing against this girl.

That's why I don't like her.

straight up your story...
dump him... talk to them... make it straight with him!

if you and him would be ok, you wouldn't ask us, because you'd solve the problem... if you cannot solve it with him, your BF... what the heck can we do??

and yes... call me things all you want, i don't care... you obviously can't handle your guy...
OP missbutterfly 1 | 3  
14 Apr 2009 /  #12
To answer your question, I have tried talking to her on so many different occasions. The thing is she'll send me a txt message like "I'm with ur bf right now" and then I'll call her and leave msg to talk to her but she'll never pick up the phone or send me msgs like flowers or smiley faces. She will not talk to me which makes me angry!

And my bf is totally uncooperative. He says I'm paranoid everytime I ask about her or worse he'll get angry and start screaming at me and deny things.
pgtx 29 | 3,159  
14 Apr 2009 /  #13
And my bf is totally uncooperative. He says I'm paranoid everytime I ask about her or worse he'll get angry and start screaming at me and deny things.

i think he is the problem then... in a relationship, he's your support and he is with you, vice versa.... i don't think you'd contact her anymore, but just talk to your bf... that's the core... between you guys, she's not important, but you and him is, very much... and only... if this won't work, maybe you'd think about replacing him... that's what i think, sorry...
plk123 8 | 4,150  
14 Apr 2009 /  #14
nah pgtx.. they are both the problem. haven't you read their so called relationship is in? is that even remotely happy or normal?
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
14 Apr 2009 /  #15
How did u come to the conclusion that I am a racist?

You're a woman, all women are racist, they also generalise a lot, all of them.

I have nothing against this girl.

Then let him have sex with her without a fuss.

She has contacted me on several occasions crying on the phone or saying that she is with my boyfriend and she likes him very much.

And since you're still with him you deserve every bit of the crap the situation delivers, in life stupiditiy is a punishable offence.

I'm with ur bf right now" and then I'll call her and leave msg to talk to her but she'll never pick up the phone or send me msgs like flowers or smiley faces. She will not talk to me which makes me angry!

No, it makes you stupid, even trying to talk with her at this point is as pointless as trying to convince my gf to wear the bloody french maid uniform.

And my bf is totally uncooperative. He says I'm paranoid everytime I ask about her or worse he'll get angry and start screaming at me and deny things.

Your boyfriend is taking advantage of the fact that you're a stupid little girl and has absolutely no regard for your opinion whatsoever, especially if your opinion interferes with his "hump the ex" schedule, any normal woman would draw the line ages ago and dump the craphead if he crossed it even once.
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
14 Apr 2009 /  #16
And my bf is totally uncooperative. He says I'm paranoid

He's cheating!

is as pointless as trying to convince my gf to wear the bloody french maid uniform.

Hmmm, have you asked her to wear a nurses outfit instead?
Sokrates 8 | 3,346  
14 Apr 2009 /  #17
Hmmm, have you asked her to wear a nurses outfit instead?

Actually she would but in exchange i'd have to wear something that'd make me feel like a total bloody queer so its a no go situation.
OP missbutterfly 1 | 3  
16 Apr 2009 /  #18
Thanks everyone for the advice and ouput. I've actually decided to dump him for good. We had a huge fight yesterday when she called 3 times and I asked him about who was calling. He was physically abusive and broke my finger badly, so I ended up in the hospital. He apologized and promised me he would not talk to her. But today I discovered that as soon as I got out of the car, he called to her and talked for half hour. And he actually recorded her name as someone else in his phone so that I would not find out and he was still keeping contact with her after all that happened. Anyways, I hope noone has any experiences like this. Thanks everyone!
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Apr 2009 /  #19
Actually she would but in exchange i'd have to wear something that'd make me feel like a total bloody queer so its a no go situation.

How about just a long white doctors coat with nothing under neath, that way you can play dr and nurses ;0)

I've actually decided to dump him for good.

Good, I tell you, the first signs of a man cheating is when they spout the crap about you being paranoid! Find a nice American guy, better the devil you know!
theblueenigma 3 | 188  
16 Apr 2009 /  #20
Do you think I should just let them be friends? But I think this girl seems to want more. Especially since she's considerably older (30) and illegal and does not even have a good job. My bf has a start up business and makes pretty good money so sometimes I think she's really desperate.

How old are you, I suspect young and naive ? He is making a fool of you, go out and find yourself a lovely Irish guy, their the best !!
ShelleyS 14 | 2,893  
16 Apr 2009 /  #21
a lovely Irish guy, their the best

Men are men..saying that I did have a lovely new year in Cork a few years ago ;0)
aphrodisiac 11 | 2,444  
16 Apr 2009 /  #22
He was physically abusive and broke my finger badly, so I ended up in the hospital.

well, if somebody broke my finger I would sue him, not make up with him.

good luck
theblueenigma 3 | 188  
16 Apr 2009 /  #23
Men are men..saying that I did have a lovely new year in Cork a few years ago ;0)

Oh My God :O Magda is that you ????? Its me Patrick, from Cork. How could I ever forget that night in Mrs O Dowds barn, you divil ;)

Irish men are different, we are great !
angelika04 - | 4  
13 May 2009 /  #24
Your boyfriend is taking advantage of the fact that you're a stupid little girl and has absolutely no regard for your opinion whatsoever, especially if your opinion interferes with his "hump the ex" schedule, any normal woman would draw the line ages ago and dump the craphead if he crossed it even once.

Unfortunatelly, missbutterfly, I have to agree with what Sokrates said here. This relationship is unhealthy and unfair to you. Also I'm not sure if you said that your boyfriend is Polish or not... But if he is then as a Polish girl I have to tell you that when it comes to marraige in the future he will most likelly chose her over you because she is Polish and will fit into his family better. I'm not trying to be mean to you or anything, I just fell bad for you that you keep putting yourself through this and wasting your time over and over and over and over again. Just dump him, he is not worth ****.
krazy krawiec 4 | 27  
13 May 2009 /  #25
He sounrds like a player and a total waste of time... get rid of him... good for breaking up is never easy but no matter if he begs with lovely sweet words, do not have him back.

Hope all goes well!!
kksunil 1 | 33  
13 May 2009 /  #26
what is the other side of the story? They may be just good friends who cannot part just because somebody tell so. And the issue could be between you 2 girls and your guy getting sandwiched.

One possiblity I think is that your BF is looking for short term benefits from you, As angelika04 pointed out he may choose the other girl for long term relationship.

If you have already decided to dump him, just call/txt her up and tell that you are separating and see what is her reaction.
LAGirl 9 | 496  
16 Jun 2009 /  #27
I would dump the guy he is cheating on you dont trust men as far as you can see them. I had a Polish boyfriend and things never worked out. if she is illegal have her ass deported back to where she came from my boyfriend is illegal and I dont have the heart to do that good luck.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
16 Jun 2009 /  #28
then why do you suggest she becomes a heartless b.tch?
LAGirl 9 | 496  
17 Jun 2009 /  #29
I am not saying that is she should watch her step with guys.
plk123 8 | 4,150  
17 Jun 2009 /  #30
you said it, not anyone else.

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