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Helping a Polish friend to be happier......???

nicola 1 | 1  
20 Nov 2008 /  #1
Hi Everybody and anyone that takes the time to read this post.

I am British female and have made a new Polish friend here in Lancashire. I have come across a bit of a problem though.

Firstly he doesn't speak english and i don't speak Polish but we do have a great time when we meet up and go out!! We have laughed so hard we cried and then i thought, 'I bet we are laughing at two totally different thing.' but none the less we carry on laughing!! He is such a gent, caring and friendly and funny!

I have come to know that he is quite controlled by a guy he lives with. From controlling money, friends and generally life! He does work at the moment but has no money as thats being controlled. When i have met him his brother is always there. He once stayed out one night and the next day his brother got quite violent over the matter. I do not understand his motives for this?

He has told me he has children back in Poland and is very sad and obviously misses them. He doesn't live in a polish community and doesn't know where to go to make friends (if he was allowed out on his own!) how to get his own place etc. I have offered him help to get a new job for more money to get his own place and afford to fly his children out to see him. He has accepted my help but his brother doesn't know about this. (Unless he's reading this!) My help is not money, but to introduce him to better opportunities that he can control himself and make his OWN life better.

I don't want to patronise him but I don't know if I am doing something i shouldn't be? I told him he doesn't have to accept my offer but has said yes but can only talk when his brother is not there. I don't want anything out of this but to see a very friendly, thoughtful, lovely man be happy and stop be supressed and away from his children. I am fortunate enough to be happy and able to help someone else that could be so much more happier.

Has anyone got any advise from personal experience or other on this matter. Should I help or steer well clear??

Thanks for reading and sorry if i kept repeating myself!!

Nicola :)
szarlotka 8 | 2,208  
20 Nov 2008 /  #2
Hi Nicola. Welcome to Polish Forums.

That was a very nice opening post. As always it is difficult to offer advice without knowing the people concerned. You don’t mention whether your friend has a wife or girlfriend at home in Poland, just that he has children that he obviously cares about. If there is a Mrs or Ms Friend that might explain his brother’s protective and controlling manner which, on the face of it, seems slightly bizarre. It would also no doubt change your attitude in a number of ways I guess.

If there is no female ‘commitment’ at home in Poland then I would say that your proactive offers of help without lending him money seem like a great idea. Helping a friend to improve their lot is commendable. One idea may be to arrange some English lessons for him. If you two could communicate better it would help to understand his brother’s attitude and, by the sound of it, make you two laugh even harder. I wouldn’t recommend the alternative of your learning Polish as it is a difficult language for us Brits.

Best of luck.
wildrover 98 | 4,451  
20 Nov 2008 /  #3
OH...a tricky instincts tell me you should not get too involved in this as it will only lead to pain and financial loss to you....I have a feeling there is more to this than you can see.....i could be wrong , but i think you should be a bit carefull....
Lotnik767 3 | 145  
20 Nov 2008 /  #4
Hi Nicole

This is a very nice thing you are doing for this man and the world needs more people like you! I would suggest to sign him up for some English classes I think knowing English is a good and helpful thing! His brother is probably being protected of him because he probably cares but finding these men a better job is a great thing you should do that. Teach him English and no mater what other people say talk to him get to know him band be friends!
OP nicola 1 | 1  
20 Nov 2008 /  #5
Hi Girls and Guys,

Thanks for your advice. It has not fallen on deaf ears. I most certainy will find out a bit more about the childrens mother and yes this would be on good reason for his brother to be protective. If that is the case i woll offer as a friend and nothing more.

I am meeting him this weekend so I hopefully will have more light shed on the situation soon and let you know the outcome.

Thanks for your generous time and opinions,

Nicola :)

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