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Some expert in polish women can tell me what happened here?


lightsphere 1 | 6  
3 Jan 2007 /  #1
Hi!

In the past month, I had an approach to a polish girl, for some weeks, and, altough i'm not seeing her anymore, I became very curious about what happened, and how much of her behavior was part of a polish cultural heritance... maybe this all sounds pretty serious, but I take this all as a part of the life game ;-) .

She is a polish (from Warsaw), educated, intelligent and well, ironic-humored, 27 y.o. cute blue-eyed blonde who was visiting my city, in Mexico, for 6 months. She was in love with anything mexican, and was introduced to me by a friend that apparently has no relationship-interest in her. I was single for some months, and became instantly fascinated by her. I was friendly and kind to her, but didn't make any advance, until, some weeks later, we accidentaly (I live in a very small town) meet in a restaurant I was dining at. She sat at my table, and we started talking and talking and talking (she, as well as me, speak in very competent spanish and english) and very soon we were having lots of fun, next day we went to a bar, next day to a karaoke, next day to the beach, then to a dance club, having dinner or supper together almost daily. We were very intimate and open in our friendship relation, but her mood remained kind of cynical/humourous, and my instincts told me to remain like this myself (anyway, this is a natural for me).

We keept dating, and in a few days, I told her that I liked her very much, but she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship. I took her 'no' with a light-heart, and we keep going as friends. One night, we were looking a movie in my house, and later, I asked her (very casually) to stay the night there, and she agreed as long as we didn't have sex (I have ony one, very big bed in my house). I said 'ok' and we really were speaking most of the night, and sleept just a couple hours; I think none of us could sleep because of the sexual tension (i'm sure it was hard for her too! ;-) ). Anyway, in the next days we traveled to some Mexican cities, kept dating, and she became closer and more affectionate with me. We kept sleeping together almost daily, no sex, but some cuddling, touching, kissing and stuff. She slept hugging me with arms and legs.

Then, one day before a wonderful visit to Mexico City, she didn't call me anymore, nor would she answer my calls or messages. Then, it was 5 or 6 days from there, and some friends told me that she was dating the friend that originally introduced her to me. Then, some days ago, I get to know that he's her new boyfriend!

At first I got a little infatuated and when I discovered the truth became disillusioned, but I understand that, altough I really liked her, she was playing a game, or didn't liked me at all. I'm almost peaceful with the situation now, but some questions remains in my head.

A mexican woman would hardly do such a thing as to leave without speaking first; and she looked sincere and trustful, but acted just the oposite. It was something to do with her being polish or me being mexican? My friends tell me very simple answers like: "he (the other guy) has dark skin, and blondes prefer that" (I have an almost white-pale skin), or: "She was just playing with you to make the other guy jealous".

Anyway: all I want is to learn a lesson from this experience, so the hard days I had, could left me some extra wisdom.
Any ideas about what would make a woman act like that?

Thank you! I love polish people anyway. They're smart and lovely, even as she was kind of... cold! :-S .
Guest5  
3 Jan 2007 /  #2
Very interesting story. The question is - why she's been staying in Mexico for 6 months! It's not common for a young girl just to go to another country for so long. That's why I think she's just been looking for adventures and wasn't serious/ready for any relationship. Possibly she broke up with her boyfriend in Poland and just wanted to forget about it by visiting another country...
ROZ 2 | 93  
3 Jan 2007 /  #3
What you have gone through is not uncommon in any nationality. Some people find it easier to "fade away". That's all.
OP lightsphere 1 | 6  
3 Jan 2007 /  #4
Very interesting story. The question is - why she's been staying in Mexico for 6 months! It's not common for a young girl just to go to another country for so long. That's why I think she's just been looking for adventures and wasn't serious/ready for any relationship. Possibly she broke up with her boyfriend in Poland and just wanted to forget about it by visiting another country...

Hi Guest5! Thank you for your opinion.... yes, I think it can be something like that... she said that she broke recently with a boyfriend! But apparently, she's now in a relationship with the other guy. She said to me that she saved money for a year's just to spend 6 months in her beloved Mexico. The question remains: Was her behavior 1)typical from a cultural pattern; 2)typical from an emotional pattern, or 3)non-typical at all? I'm afraid it's number 3, but would like to know if someone supports another option. :-)
bolo 2 | 304  
3 Jan 2007 /  #5
4) Typical from any woman.
ROZ 2 | 93  
3 Jan 2007 /  #6
Don't over analyze it. Learn from it and move along :)
OP lightsphere 1 | 6  
3 Jan 2007 /  #7
What you have gone through is not uncommon in any nationality. Some people find it easier to "fade away". That's all.

Hi Roz! I considered that too... but, being the first time it happens to me, and coinciding with my first relation with a polish girl, I'm still not sure. All my relations with mexican girls, one swiss girl, and one italian girl, ended with a civilizated and open dialogue. Maybe I'm just new to 'fading away'. Thank you!
bolo 2 | 304  
3 Jan 2007 /  #8
We kept sleeping together almost daily, no sex

Sounds like my typical "sex date"...
ROZ 2 | 93  
3 Jan 2007 /  #9
Mexican women do it, too. My recent experience was with a woman who resembled Eva Longoria. We both have single parent lives, live over an hour apart, and we both have busy work schedules, so the fade was inevitable... At least for the moment.... :)
OP lightsphere 1 | 6  
3 Jan 2007 /  #10
4) Typical from any woman.

Don't over analyze it. Learn from it and move along

OK. I'm already moving! And, to this very moment, what I've learn is:

"I still can't understand women, whatever country they are from." ;-)
ROZ 2 | 93  
3 Jan 2007 /  #11
"I still can't understand women, whatever country they are from." ;-)

The first step to understanding women is learning that we will never understand women. :)
OP lightsphere 1 | 6  
3 Jan 2007 /  #12
Sounds like my typical "sex date"...

Mexican women do it, too. My recent experience was with a woman who resembled Eva Longoria. We both have single parent lives, live over an hour apart, and we both have busy work schedules, so the fade was inevitable... At least for the moment....

Thank you Bolo and Roz!! I've realized another thing: "Men suffer the same problems around the world", hehehe!
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
3 Jan 2007 /  #13
lightsphere, here's a woman's opinion. She definitely liked you. That's why she spent time with you. But it sounds like maybe it just felt too much like a friendship for her. And it has nothing to do with you. It's just that some people have ideas about what love should feel like, which is sometimes unrealistic. And they are willing to sacrifice a good thing in order to try and find it. In the end she may never find it and wish she had stayed with you. But someday a woman will think you are the one for her.
ROZ 2 | 93  
3 Jan 2007 /  #14
Now go take on the day! :)
OP lightsphere 1 | 6  
3 Jan 2007 /  #15
some people have ideas about what love should feel like

Ooh Shewolf... that phrase of yours ringed a bell in my head... when I asked her why she didn't want to have sex, she said: "I want to make sure this is love, and not just passion"... what I still don't get is: why she run away even from the 'friendship'? It makes me go mad, because I know that two more weeks of this 'friendshp' and we would be a formal couple, and I feel that she got afraid about that :-) . We really got on very well! Anyway, thank you for equilibrating the discussion with a 'Yin' point of view ;-) .
Sparky - | 92  
6 Jan 2007 /  #16
It's just that some people have ideas about what love should feel like, which is sometimes unrealistic.

Wow!!! That is so true I never looked at it like that.
Such great wisdom you have Shewolf!
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
6 Jan 2007 /  #17
Aww, thank you, Sparky. So do you. :)
Patrycja19 62 | 2,686  
7 Jan 2007 /  #18
"I want to make sure this is love, and not just passion"...

Believe me, what she did, most of the time, females end up regretting.

she knew and was afraid of your Love, sometimes, when ya think you have
no corner to get out of, the only solution is to stop it altogether.

Or, it could be, she felt like you both were like best friends, and you can have
male best friends where you share alot. she felt close to you but maybe not
in that sexual way. what ever the reasons were, she should have stepped
up to the plate and at least gave an explaniation of why. so you could have
moved on sooner instead of sitting and wondering.

well thats my two cents. Patty
shewolf 5 | 1,077  
7 Jan 2007 /  #19
Ooh Shewolf... that phrase of yours ringed a bell in my head... when I asked her why she didn't want to have sex, she said: "I want to make sure this is love, and not just passion"... what I still don't get is: why she run away even from the 'friendship'? It makes me go mad, because I know that two more weeks of this 'friendshp' and we would be a formal couple, and I feel that she got afraid about that :-) . We really got on very well! Anyway, thank you for equilibrating the discussion with a 'Yin' point of view ;-) .

lightsphere, now that you've posted your picture, I can see that you are a very attractive man and I think she was definitely attracted to you physically. She wasn't just thinking of you as a friend. But she probably isn't the type of woman who sleeps around. That's why she didn't have sex with you. And she probably is not having sex with the other guy either and she's going to leave him, too, exactly like she left you. I think she was just afraid to face you and tell you that she didn't want to continue in a relationship with you. It may seem cold-hearted but fear makes people do strange things.
nauczyciel  
7 Jan 2007 /  #20
this behaviour is typical of ppl all over the world. i'd say just enjoy what happened.... and move on. THere are 3,000,000,000 women in the world.... why get hung up on 1? I'm a Canadian living in Poland, and am learning how the women work here. Don't even get me started. THey are all have the same M.O. its rediculous.
Maati 1 | 178  
7 Jan 2007 /  #21
As a Polish woman, I think she didn't have sex with you, because she was so scared of what would happen, if she loved you even more than she did. She already felt in love with you but was scared of it, since she was staying there temporarily... You are very attractive and intelligent...
wozzy 8 | 206  
7 Jan 2007 /  #22
THey are all have the same M.O. its rediculous.

I'ts definatly a design fault in women post 1975..........They'r wired all wrong. :)
Sparky - | 92  
7 Jan 2007 /  #23
They may not have been wired wrong but their parents were wired on something when they had them....Damn you disco dancing queens!!!:)
Eurola 4 | 1,900  
7 Jan 2007 /  #24
Damn you disco dancing queens!!!

Hey, hey this includes you Mom and you aunts too. :)
Sparky - | 92  
7 Jan 2007 /  #25
I know I still can't get the disco music out of my head. :)
Eurola 4 | 1,900  
7 Jan 2007 /  #26
Sparky (with no 358) :)

I know I still can't get the disco music out of my head.

It was fun while it lasted... I hear today's dance clubs are not much different.
sadbuttrue  
7 Jan 2007 /  #27
hey everyone including lightsphere,
my story is kinda similar too yours. i met a girl in my previous workplace obviously polish and blond and beautiful.as there was quite a few polish girls at that place and i went there for five months work experience i did not show much interest to her or did not try to get close to her.

she worked in housekeeping in that hotel and i was in the bar. while crossing the bar she used to smile at me and so was me. i heared from another polish girl that she has got a boyfriend and she is with him over seven years. i get to know her mother who works there too. and she seemed really nice lady to me and bcoz i lived there onmy own without mom and dad and she was being very nice to me i went to their room one evening for having dinner togther by her request. i spoken to that girl. she sounds funny and lovely. she doesnt speak that much english but still it didnt become a problem for communication. and there is the start. every single day we used to have dinner togather sometimes in my room sometimes staffroom or her and her mothers room.

used to go out for walking. and i really started enjoying spending time with her. but i was respecting her coz she got a boyfriend. one day i had fight in the pub and my face and lip was bleeding and i was looking quite funny everyone in the hotel started laughing. But she laughed only a little bit but was more sad and washed my face and baught some medicine for me. next few days she was bringing dinner for me in my room and looked after me like no one did.

i started feeling something really strong about her. The day i dont see her. i couldnt sleep at night.
may be i didnt tell she is 3 years older than me . Some managers and chefs were quite attracted to her and told her to go to their room and spent some time with them.but she never did. but she was being nice with everyone and that was confusing me. one evening when we both were working i asked her if she could come and visit me in the bar but she was talking to a chef for ages. i went to the kitchen and came back. was feeling really jealous. I know that i shouldn but i culdn help. she came to me and i did not tolk to her properly. she realized i was unhappy about something and came to my room at night. she asked me if i was angry with her. i said no and why should i.

she started crying and run away . the next day i saw her and apologised about that.
after that i realized that she feels something about me and may its not just friendship but i culdnt think that is love. we started spending most of the time togather in my room. and sometimes she didnt go back to her room. no sex just sleeping togather. my time was ending so quickly i had only a month left and i told her about my feeling. She started crying and told me that she really likes me but its not possible coz she got a boyfriend. she never said anything about her boyfriend when we used to talk. i also didnt ask. i started learning polish and some polish songs. i tought her playing guitar.

we were still sleeping togather without sex. i tried sometimes only hugs and kisses were allowed. we slept both being naked but still she did not let me have sex with her.

she said me that after my leving that place she will miss me so much and so she wants to go back to poland.
i came back to my college seeing tears in her face i also culdnt help crying.
i came back to my city which is about three hours away from her. she started coming my home in her day off. and before she was going back to poland she said that she loves me. and she is ready to have sex with me. and this time i denied her and said this will be unfair to your boyfriend. i culd feel that she really loves me.

and she went back to poland .

now its about three weeks. she did not call me. no texts. no email nothing. but when we were togather we couldnt spend an hour with out seeing eachother.

i called to her mom the other day and she said she is so happy in poland and spending all the time with her boyfriend. and both are very happy.

i should be happy. bcoz i think that i truely love her and she will happy thats what want.
for strange reason although i was happy i couldn help crying.

does anyone know what can i do now.
and fading away is it a polish culture. playing with boys is it the reason just to make your boyfriend jealous.
Moralny 1 | 60  
7 Jan 2007 /  #28
And thats next reason that making me sick when I am hearing word 'globalisation'. Lonely girls... . I heard few stories like it. Hotel, tears, managers, staff, sex in the air. I even dont want to now how many of them was raped or have sex because they feel lonely and need closeness. One word 'wyjebka' and remember 'work & travel' isnt good for everybody!!!

stupid girls
OP lightsphere 1 | 6  
10 Jan 2007 /  #29
Thank you very much for your interesting and very educating opinions! Shewolf, Patrycja19, nauczyciel , Maati, et al.

Sadbuttrue, I can recognize a lot of that girl in your girl; I think definitely there's a Modus Operandi, but it has nothing to do with birth country, but human nature, like someone said.

Now I think my question maybe has several answers, after reading all of your messages, I have made this mixed conclusion about what happened there:

40% She feel afraid of falling in love because of her returning to Poland in 3 months
30% She was just playing because she didn't want to be hurt
20% It was a pattern in her, independent of nacionality
10% She liked more the other man

As someone else said before, it doesn't matter anymore, I'll just keep going with whatever happens next; but my mind is more quiet now that I've shared my experience and received your feedback.

Thank you very much!! And a strong hug to all :-D
Sandrino  
16 Jan 2007 /  #30
100% She liked more the other man because actually she choosed the other man.
100% She was just playing because in Mexico she can seduce every man she met.
100% She's a woman so she lives for love and she wouldn't have problems to stay in Mexico for the rest of her life if she would decide so (just finding a man with an home).

100% It's an international pattern in women to be interested only in men who show not to consider their presence too much.

My suggestion is very simple: If you like a Polish girl and you don't want to risk to waste your time loosing her in the arms of an other latin man, go to live in her country and rememeber that women NEVER make love only for pleasure. Just men do. Buena suerte.

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