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Polish Parents are controlling


krysia 23 | 3,057  
5 Nov 2006 /  #1
My mother is driving me crazy.!!
I'm an adult woman yet she says I'm on the computer all day. I clean the stupid house, take care of my dumb animals, do laundry, take care of my children, cook and when I get tired I want to sit for a minute and right away I'm on the computer all f^^ing day!! Now with the bad weather there is not much to do outside so You need to do something. I don't like sitting in front of the TV. She does, she plays cards on her computer, never cleans the house, doesn't take care of kids, animals yet she says stuff like that. When I get a call she has to know who it's from. When I get mail she has to check who's sending it and bends the envelope to see what's inside. When I go somewhere she has to know where I'm going. That woman is driving me crazy!! She is a very controlling old Polish woman. She feels I have to do what she thinks is right. I am temporary out of a house and stay with her.

There. That makes me feel better. Sorry for this but that's how I feel. Wish I had a shoulder to cry on....
Wolfie 10 | 79  
5 Nov 2006 /  #2
Dont try to draw the wolf out of his den.........damn ya have..cheeky
OP krysia 23 | 3,057  
5 Nov 2006 /  #3
Thanks for the advise wolfie. Many old Polish women are like that. They think they know everything and want to tell you what to do.

But as corny as this sounds, it feels good to talk to someone.
Thanks for being such an understanding friend.
ANIAH - | 60  
5 Nov 2006 /  #4
Hi Krysia

I sympathise.

But why are you calling your animals dumb? Or are they really dumb?

I don't think this situation is likely to change until you move out. Mums are just like that.

There is nothing like having your own place. It improves parent-child relations instantly and brings a breath of fresh air to the relationship.
Shelley  
5 Nov 2006 /  #5
Krysia, she's your mother, and most mothers are the same...they all drive you crazy at some point, just smile and grit your teeth....
Wolfie 10 | 79  
5 Nov 2006 /  #6
Thanks for the advise wolfie. Many old Polish women are like that. They think they know everything and want to tell you what to do.

Krysia shelley is correct there all the same, mine drives me mental every day, as she wants this and that doing, and always blames me. Its just old peoples ways, i know and if ya want we can do a swap..pmsl.

So cheer up babe ya know what i told you before, im here for you.
Syrena_04 2 | 88  
5 Nov 2006 /  #7
Mums are just like that.

Sorry but I have to disagree with you, Aniah. Mothers are not all like that.

What you described reminds me of my own mother. In spite of all her good qualities, my relationship with her was always difficult.
plg 17 | 263  
5 Nov 2006 /  #8
you can cry on my shoulder krysia
Huegel 1 | 296  
5 Nov 2006 /  #9
Sounds like my GF's mum (obviously Polish)
Nothing she does is right and even if what she does is flawless, she'll find something.

So, you made a wonderful, tasty lunch and kept us all entertained...yeah great...but it took you long enough and you should have used baby carrots not normal ones and...

I know it's a silly example, but that's the point. She just *has* to find something to criticise, no matter how trivial or pointless.

Never noticed my mum being like that... strange. :)
Syrena_04 2 | 88  
5 Nov 2006 /  #10
Never noticed my mum being like that... strange.

I'm not saying it is the case with your mum but sometimes, mothers behave differently with their daughters and with their sons. And nobody wants me to start on this one tonight...
Huegel 1 | 296  
5 Nov 2006 /  #11
sometimes, mothers behave differently with their daughters and with their sons

hehe We'll never know...mum told my dad enough was enough after me :) Think i had a good set of lungs on me! :)
dziwna_gruszka - | 197  
5 Nov 2006 /  #12
Awww Krysia.. you need a hug.. polish parent's are like that i guess i mean just explain to her and be like look mamusia... i cleaned the house, cooked, took care of my pets and took care of my children...!! And be like don't i deserve some rest to.... after all the hard days work...?
OP krysia 23 | 3,057  
5 Nov 2006 /  #13
You guys are absolutely awsome! I never knew where this topic would get me, but it makes me feel better knowing that you all have mothers!

Whenever we go to a restaurant my mom always complains that the food is bad, it's undercooked, it's overcooked, it's too hard, too soft, too salty, not enough salt, no matter how good it would she always has to find something wrong.

And whatever I do, her way is always better.
Thanks for the good advise Aniah about moving out because it is coming to that.
Syrena_04 2 | 88  
5 Nov 2006 /  #14
We don't know each other very well, Krysia, but my heart goes out to you. I am not saying that this is what is happening with your mother but my mother was diagnosed with something called 'Borderline Personality Disorder' when I was about 12 years old (she was 52 at the time). She was terribly difficult, especially with me, her only daughter. She is now 88. Last year, I had to take serious measures to stop her because she was indeed making me crazy. I don't feel comfortable going into too much details here but if I can help by listening and by sharing a bit of my own experience, I will be happy to do that.

Take care.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
6 Nov 2006 /  #15
Frank, this is excactly what I was referring to when I spoke of off topics.

out of general discussions of poland comes real life , real people, real feelings.

I like the fact that this forum lets people be who they are, when they need
to say something , someone is there.

Krysia, my mom did the same things, when I lived with her, it gets better.
but now I dont have my mom any more to say anything to me, no arguments, no
hugs, no smiles, no anything.
I lost her in 2002. since then, many things have come up, that I wish I had her hand
to hold, she comforted me in alot of ways, yet we fought under the same roof.

then when I had my own roof to sleep under, she would ask me to come over, and
I didnt come over often enough when she was well for us to spend time.

I dont think she is doing it intentionally, there might be other things bothering her
too, maybe you two should sit and talk, just tell her what she wants to hear, because
I cant tell my mom anymore.

Hugs Patrycja.
OP krysia 23 | 3,057  
6 Nov 2006 /  #16
OMG. That is so sad.
You have to look ahead because we will all die and the pitiful things that we're going through on Earth mean nothing against the vast universe.

When I was in school in Poland we had these "pamiętniki" - "remembrence books" where we would write each other stuff. And there was one that I paticularly remembered:

"Kochaj serce matki, póki jest przy tobie,
bo za późno będzie wtedy, kiedy będzie w grobie".

Thanks Patrycja.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
6 Nov 2006 /  #17
Krysia :) Warm Hugs :)

Kochaj serce matki, póki jest przy tobie,
bo za późno będzie wtedy, kiedy będzie w grobie".

Krysia

I know this has a very sentimental meaning, can you translate?

You have to look ahead because we will all die and the pitiful things that we're going through on Earth mean nothing against the vast universe.

this is so true.

I miss her alot, one time, I cried after I heard a song playing on the radio and it
reminded me of her, I couldnt see to drive. so I pulled over and sobbed harder then
when she died at her funeral.

it was like the reality set in, and when she was sick and the doctor said to me
because I was her advocate, to let her go, my selfish side came out and i said, I
only want to hear her voice a little longer. I knew what was right, but couldnt
sign the paper.

there are so many things we are faced with. and we think we are brave and
can do most anything .

but when I was faced with that paper. I became a child again, I was no longer the
rational adult. I was a small child, selfish , wanting my mother.

I am glad you saw a different light.

Ps. give your mom a hug from me too :) all moms need hugs :))

PPS. Now im going to cry myself to sleep.
Wolfie 10 | 79  
6 Nov 2006 /  #18
You know guys "hand on heart" i think as much as we call our mothers for some of the things they do to us, deep down isnt that a motherly thing of caring for her ofspring. Dont mothers of any age look after her children right to the end.

I have a saying and no disrespect to anyone, but "1 parent can look after 2 children, but 2 children cant look after 1 parent", if you see what i mean. I fell out with my mother along time ago and to be truthful i dont even recognise her, as she left me father on several occasions for his best friend after a marriage nerly lasting 48 years at the time, i have never got over it and cannot bring myself to call her "MUM", for what she did to my father. This woman just about turned my father to commit suicide, but he didnt as i stood beside him.

So now i have to speak to her for his sake, you may call it emotional blackmail i guess, maybe its time to bury the hatchet and forgive after 8 years now.

I suppose even our mothers have off days like us, and as life creeps up on them maybe they feel it more with their age.

JUST A THOUGHT, maybe deep down inside them their scared of whats around them.
Frank 23 | 1,183  
6 Nov 2006 /  #19
Patrycja.....

"Frank, this is excactly what I was referring to when I spoke of off topics. "

Yes, I owe the guys and you an apology........I was a bit impetuous, quick to judge and blinkered in my own needs and what I was looking for/expecting form the board.

I hope you all accept my apology.

I hadn't quite expected the board to be as "social", involving as its become...but I suppose it now has a life of its own!

Good luck and enjoy!

PS I am an Irish man for Ch***s sake!
Wolfie 10 | 79  
6 Nov 2006 /  #20
PS I am an Irish man for Ch***s sake!

Top af the wee mornin to ya Frank....
OP krysia 23 | 3,057  
6 Nov 2006 /  #21
Quoting: krysia, Post #16
Kochaj serce matki, póki jest przy tobie,
bo za późno będzie wtedy, kiedy będzie w grobie".

Love your mother's heart while it's still next to you,
because it will be too late, when it's in the grave"
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
6 Nov 2006 /  #22
Krysia, that is absolutly true and beautiful!

Thank you so much. I am printing it. I want to keep that , its very true.

:) Hugs.
farmboy12  
8 Nov 2006 /  #23
krysia:
think you mother does that cause she cares about you and dosent want to see you hurt. as the forums say most polish women are like that. this is true. my mom was right from poland and she was that way, but she passed away when i was 16. i would like her to still be around and nag me..lol
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
8 Nov 2006 /  #24
Farmboy, sorry to hear that you lost your mom so young.
farmboy12  
9 Nov 2006 /  #25
ty Patrycja10, its nice to hear that.
Matyjasz 2 | 1,544  
9 Nov 2006 /  #26
My mother isn't like that. People please, don't create new stereotypes.

What will be next? Maybe somebody’s polish boyfriend doesn't take his sox off before sex? I know, let's make it a polish characteristic! Hurray! :)
OP krysia 23 | 3,057  
9 Nov 2006 /  #27
You're funny Matyjasz.
No, of course not all Polish mothers are like that. I'm a Polish mother and I'm totally opposite from my mother. It's this generation gap. My parents grew up during the war and they experienced hardship, death, loss, starvation and many other things we don't experience at this age and time.

My friends' American parents are not like that at all. But the ones with Polish grandmothers are the same way.
FISZ 24 | 2,116  
9 Nov 2006 /  #28
I'm a Polish mother

Not anymore...you've lost your Polishness since moving to the US :)
OP krysia 23 | 3,057  
9 Nov 2006 /  #29
You got me there fisz.
I was born in the USA.
Patrycja19 63 | 2,699  
9 Nov 2006 /  #30
I am not sterotyping, in general, when two women live under the same roof
its difficult, and Krysia is right, the generation gap, I had same problem as far
as having my own life while under my moms roof. she expected more from me
and we did fight , same as Krysia and her mom.

my brothers didnt get it as much as I did, although they did. but our heads
collided because I wanted to do things one way, and she another.

never said my mother wasnt great, no matter how much we fought, I loved her
with every ounce and wouldnt trade her for the world.
still miss her, and wish we could bump heads, hug, hold hands, talk , I could go on.

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