Love / Real Intimacy [32]

Oddly, the word intimacy conjures nothing but the physical in my mind. By physical, I don't necessarily mean sexual. Like others have said -- it's the moments when words aren't spoken that are often the most intimate. Sort of like a bride and groom and their wedding vows. The words are spoken very sincerely and lovingly, but for me, the 'intimacy' of it all is when they kiss.

I remember a time when a girl I had seen for a long time lost her grandmother. She cried on my shoulder. And when I say cry, I mean that deep down cry, where you just let it all out. She just completely fell into me... and cried so hard that she was exhausted and fell asleep right in my arms. I held her all night. Even though the moment was sad, it was still intimate.

So intimacy, at least for me, isn't defined for any specific moment -- yet what does make it intimate is the physical part. Can you have intimacy without physicality? I'm not sure if I can.

Love / When does flirting get out of control? [35]

When I was over in the UK, I went out with this absolutely stunning lady. We walked into a pub and every head turned. We were having a great time, drinking some wine, having lots of laughs, and good conversation. She mentioned how she hated that so many English men have such a propensity to fight.

After a while, two drunk guys came up and started chatting. They initially tried to make it seem innocent -- claiming to have heard my 'American accent'. But I knew they were just coming over to talk to her. We chatted for a couple of minutes, but eventually one of them(the more drunk one coincidently) showed his true colors and made a drunken flirtatious comment. That, to me, is disrespectful. It was one of those weird moments, because it was the 1st date... she had already told me how she hated fighting... and here I was -- put in a situation where I'm going to have to do something about this current course of events. Talking is cool, but I don't tolerate disrespect. Since they were drunk, and I've been a bouncer/worked in bars most of my adult life, I knew it had high probability to go where I really didn't want it on this first date with this lovely woman.

I also didn't want her to get any wrong impression that I might have been some possesive/jealous guy. So I spoke in a polite yet firm tone that it was nice meeting them, but it was time for them to go back to where they were prior. Fortunately, it only needed to be said once, and they took their leave.

She complimented me on how I handled it, because to no surprise to me, she mentioned that sort of situation happens to her quite often. But I wont deny I was sweating it a bit for those few minutes, because I know it could have easily gone another way had those guys decided get courageous.

Love / friendhship with polish girl [63]

Taking someone for granted is universal and isn't specific to one natiionality (Although Americans do it so well, we've got TV shows dedicated to shallowness and these shows have a HUGE fanbase!).

However, I don't think this woman took advantage of you. She didn't manipulate anything out of you -- you've admitted you did it all out of kindness. But you've admitted you 'love' her, you've cared more about her than your girlfriend. That's a big red flag to me, and it sounds pretty obvious the one here who isn't being honest is YOU. You're not being honest with yourself, with her, and the reality of the situation.

You're saying you weren't expecting anything in return, but everything else you say seems to imply otherwise.

Love / friendhship with polish girl [63]

My instincts tell me there is a reason she wont give you a simple hello anymore. A reason that I have a feeling you're aware of, but won't mention due to it possibly painting a different picture of the situation that you've described here.


He said she asked a few times if there was anything she could do to repay him and said no. That seems to indicate she was grateful to some degree.

He's expressed he loves her. There is an undertone of pain when he mentions these 'other guys'. Surely all of this she has seen at some point.

Now put yourself in her situation, and imagine how it would be if you were initially made to believe all of this was done out of kindness, but down the road find out he's got stronger feelings for you. And if you don't have those sort of feelings for him, how uncomfortable will that be? What would you try to do? I think the first instinct is to put distance there. Sounds to me like that's what's happening here.

But that's just the vibe I'm feeling.