Love / My Polish boyfriend never says 'l love you' to me, what should i do? [93]

sorry moire but from a chinese female's point of view, i strongly feel that this relationship is very one-sided (on your part). i want to be nice and beat around the bush like everyone here has done, but i just can't because you are a chinese "sister" to me and i think if i gave you any more indirect answers to your predicament it would detract you from seeing the sense in calling off this relationship. i come from singapore and singaporean women are very independent (financially, emotionally, etc.) and singaporean men are very accepting of this fact (in fact many of them are appreciative if their wives helped contribute a significant amount to the family income) so i don't identify with some of the things you said about chinese men. by the way i am married to a white man (a non-european), fyi, so don't feel that i am biased against white men!

in your case its not really a question of whether the guy is white, chinese, european or not... at the end of the day, human beings are human beings. if he was really serious about you, he would not be so wishy-washy about your relationship and leaving it all up to you to continue the relationship whilst he puts in a lot lesser than you do.

i'm not saying relationships must be 50-50, but even 40-60 is okay. 30-70 is maybe a bit iffy... but in your case, it seems to be 30-70 or even less. This is a highly one-sided, unbalanced relationship kept going by your intensely passionate feelings for him ...

if you gave up on the phonecalling and the poland trips to meet him, would the relationship still work? i doubt it.

okay to be fair to him, maybe he's not being a "player", maybe he's not feeling ready to make a commitment to you because his view of your relationship is basically Negative - this negativity may stem from him feeling that there's no way it can work out well because he isn't financially able to keep it going, and if he has any backbone of his own, he would not feel right about you being the one who contributes the most to the financial aspects (i.e. the airtickets, the calls, etc.) in order to keep the relationship going. He may actually feel that for him, the ideal relationship would be one where he can contribute equally towards it financially, emotionally, etc. He may feel that an ideal relationship would mean that not only is he and the woman deeply in love with each other, but they must also be physically near each other (i.e. living together or in the same district) AND also that they both can maintain the standard of life that they are each used to living without having to "sacrifice" for each other too much in terms of career and paycheck.

In your case this sounds impossible because if you moved near him to be physically near, you will have to sacrifice your career and/or paycheck or the life you are normally accustomed to. He may not like the sound of this - it may sound strange but I have met guys (asian and european) who think like this.

Yet if you didn't move nearer to him to be physically close, you will retain your usual life and career and paycheck, but your relationship would become sort of "long-distance" and maybe he's not really into this kind of relationship either.

This is my opinion only... but I think you would do better to give him an ultimatum of sorts, let him decide if he's willing to get over some of the reasons that's holding him back from committing to you... Remember you cannot hope to change a man. It is up to him to change if he wants to and up to you to accept it.

and if he's unwilling, well... you can still hope for the best but it will be bad for your heart... after all, is it really healthy for you to go through these emotional rollercoasters with him for the rest of your life until one day he either decides to be with you, or he decides to make a clean break with you? Is it worth whiling your remaining years away for something that may never happen??

Anyway, whatever you choose, I won't criticise...
I just wish you good luck in all you do in the future :-)
If you wanna talk privately please contact me privately via clicking on my profile.

Rachel

News / Polish girl burnt alive, please help me. [42]

I've been living in Liverpool for the past year. Gee... I am speechless. Its terrible what happened, especially if you were quite fond of her as a friend. I hope you've gone to the police to assist anyway you can for this case!

UK, Ireland / Manchester - Question - living standard for Polish migrants. [29]

Try reading this book, sounds interesting :

(type "www").holtzbrinckpublishers.com/stmartins/Book/BookDisplayExerpt.asp? BookKey=2017160

"RULES, BRITANNIA", by Toni Summers Hargis

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

I've never heard of Polish rap but I have heard Spanish, Italian and French rap and I find it nice, LOL! They are sexy languages!

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

My first forage into French hip hop is the soundtrack to TAXI (the French movie Taxi, not the American Jodie Foster one). Then I bought Pit Bacardi which was recommended to me by some French black guy at HMV standing next to me who saw I was looking through the French hip hop section for a CD. Can't say I've listened to much French hip hop. MC Solaar is probably the most famous French hip hop artist worldwide.

BTW I used to like Japanese hip hop too... its cool. I listened to Dragon Ash (kind of a punk rock-hip-hop fusion group), and M-Flo (more like RNB + hip hop)... I also liked listening to DJ Krush in my college days (which sounds so far away, like 10 years ago), DJ Krush is like trip-hop/hip-hop Japanese DJ.

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

English rap isn't always so bad, is it? I don't think so.
Danny you from Ireland, are there any Irish rap groups you'd like to recommend?
(Hope its not that "Spiral" guy from Big Brother LOL! )

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

I've no interest in German rap however... or anything German. Have not met many nice or interesting German people in my life which will spur me onto discovering anything German, LOL :-)

Streets are okay I think, but back in those days maybe not so much Brit rap which is why Streets got a lot of attention?? Nowadays there's more and more black British rap acts out there doing it in very colloquial black British and more sort of "hard core rap style" like ghetto style or whatever they call it - "grime" or whatever (I'm not a rap expert). I find I can hardly understand what Dizzee Rascal's saying unless there's lyrics provided...

Law / What Polish women think about American businessmen and globalization? [10]

Is it a "he"?? I checked the profile and it says there its a female.

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

Rap is grim, it is dirty, it is meant to sound like the words of people who grew up in rough neighbourhoods, ghettos full of prossies, drugs, robbers, thieves... and being denied a lot of privileges in society... many of them not able to find a way out of that predicament even if they worked an honest living in factory production lines, sweeping the city streets, check-out lines, etc. Rap will never go the way of break dancing because one of the uses of rap is to address a real social problem and let the sheltered people who live "normal" lives realise that somewhere out there, there's people actually living like this - if that problem goes away, rap will go away. Even if these social problems are addressed in future, rap may be here to stay - if its been around long enough to get ingrained into culture. Kinda like the way classical music got ingrained into culture... I mean people today are still composing and playing classical music even though it first appeared hundreds of years ago. This might happen to rap.

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

I agree Beethoven et al are notable German composers, but there just don't seem to be any quality German musicians these days. I mean, David Hasselhof surely cannot be counted as a musician right?? He's a bit crap/ Sorry no, I mean... he's Very crap :)

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]


I'm sorry I didn't know! Then I suppose I cannot say that I know of any modern German musicians in the first place.

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]


Interesting theory... where is it from?? So hip hop is not "music" because its made by someone using technology (i.e. machines like computers, mixers, etc.) to form the basis of the songs...in that case...is real music to you only made by someone who doesn't use technology as the main basis of songs??

Music is something that touches people's hearts... Liking a piece of music - whether its rap, classical, rock, techno, etc. - is so instinctual. You cannot *make* yourself like any music. No amount of intellectualisation will succeed in making someone like or dislike a song.

It is "an art of sound expressing ideas and emotions... using elements of rhythm, melody, harmony and colour" - to quote Dictionary.com

It is "the art of combining vocal or instrumental sounds in a pleasing way. " - to quote the compact Oxford English dictionary.

Your argument in favour of considering "rap" to be "music" lacking the human element is hardly convincing. The human element is in the way the rap song has been composed. True, a lot of music these days (not just rap but also pop and rock music) are produced utilising a lot of computer technology, but the real brain behind every song is a human-being, not the computer. The computer is just a tool - albeit a powerful tool - but still a tool nonetheless, a tool to produce sounds, just like musical instruments are tools to produce sounds. Its the musician who composes the structure of the song, its the musician who composes the lyrics and the meanings behind the lyrics... The musician is the master of the song. He is the human element, and his music is a creative expression of himself - this is the human element in all songs, whether it be rap, classical, rock, etc. You cannot just ask a tool (i.e. computer, music instruments) to make music on its own. It just doesn't. A computer may be created which can automatically produce harmonious melodies, but who created such a computer, and who programmed it in the first place to make melodies with such-and-such chord progressions and loops?? A human being...

I still consider rap to be music - and anyone else who has appreciated a rap song or melody would still think so. It doesn't make us robots.

And what you said about "many of the movers and shakers in the rap industry are ashkenazi jews" just sounds a bit far-fetched... I take it you are only referring to WHITE rappers like Beastie Boys?? I like them, but I don't think that the Beastie Boys constitute the majority of the "many movers and shakers in the rap industry" that you were referring to.

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

@joepilsudski : You think you can slag off my favourite musicians and get away with it by proclaiming your admiration for old greats like hendrix et al? Forget it dude. It takes more courage for someone to admit their liking for modern bands which are not yet considered legends or old-time greats. Anyone can say they like Miles Davis or The Who and get away sounding like music connoiseurs. But for someone who says they like the Beastie Boys, Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, or any other modern band... oh be prepared to get slagged off by self-righteous smart-asses all round. Its an old trick, but I know it.

You write in a fuzzy roundabout way, embellishing your sentences with flowery terms and place annoying apostrophes around words which you are incapable of expressing with proper vocabulary. In the end you just sound like someone who hadn't got a proper education - but then again, you'll probably explain it away as "because you don't want a proper education because its all institutionalised and you hate institutions, blah blah blah"... You sound like one who's learnt how to piece sentences together using random phrases picked up from reading aldous huxley, kafka, etc. over the years. Damn its not even worth wasting time on a discussion with you. Its like listening to a broken record. Over and over. You are the one who sounds most like a rap record. And I mean rap as in the RAP that most people understand it to be - not as in your silly classifications as "early days rap" or "modern commercialised crap rap blah blah"...

And by the way, please don't try and patronise me whilst slagging my musical preferences off at the same time. So frickin' obvious. Really. Your flowery words have not eluded me. Last of all, I don't doubt that you don't at least know half of what you are going on about, but for goodness sake, stop trying to appear smarter than you really are. Its really pretentious - and I'm sure for someone like you, being pretentious is the last thing you'll want to be labelled as. Here's a tip for you (not that I think you'd ever pick it up) : There's nothing worse than an expert who thinks he's an expert.

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]


Is that more like household-name DJs like Sasha etc.? Kinda like house music?? Yea I was quite into house music a few years ago going to see Tiesto, Eddie Halliwell, Judge Jules, etc. Now not so into dance parties, but I would still prefer listening to this music than psychedelic trance.

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

That's hard trance, no? I like to watch Lab 4 in their live shows...
myspace.com/lab4music

Seen them a few times - actually maybe twice? - in the Fridge club in Brixton... Fantastic energy in their sets. That's probably the only thing nearest to hard trance that I know anything about =D

Love / Sending this poem to a girl - cheezy or not? [53]


I think it can be quite sweet, but that's only if you were sending it to me and if I really liked you the same way too.

I would be a bit unsure how to react to it however if I don't really like you the same way at all. I don't think it hints at commitment in the serious sense in any way. Its more like the sort of "I'm so crazy about you" dramatic sense... a bit childish a bit like a young lover's words, a bit old-fashioned if you like.

Think it depends on the person you are giving it to, really. Like some other ladies on the forum have commented that they think its cheesy... So... I think you have to use your own judgment !

Good luck!

PS oh yes if you are really gonna use the poem, I think you might want to change the word "human" to "person". People don't tend to say "special human" when they are referring to a special person...

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

@ joepilsudski : yes i agree that if young generations think that acting like a gangster and being in gangs pushing drugs on the street robbing people is cool, its not a good thing, but that's more like a possible side-effect of listening to rap/hip hop. It certainly doesn't mean that everyone - or even most people - who listen to it or like the music (and hence support it by playing it on radio, buying the albums, downloading the songs, etc.) will be negatively influenced. And I think its an exaggeration to say that "as long as people like hiphop/rap, the violence in the world (particularly america and uk where this music is very big) would continue. " For one thing, I'd rather say that as long as there's poverty and inequality in the world, violence will always ensue. In fact, I will even go as far as to say that perhaps as long as there are human beings on this Earth, there will always be violence in its various forms in existence... because it almost seems as if human nature has its evil streak. Free love and hippie idealism in the 60s and 70s has come and passed... because people realised it just wasn't really workable. It was ideal, but doesn't solve the problem of many human evils... in fact it also helped propel it to another dimension - the rise of the popularity of cocaine and hence all the social problems related to it, the rise of AIDS,... etc.

If you think you are gonna do the part of a good samaritan by boycotting/dissing the music because you just think it can eradicate violence on Earth, then go ahead and do it. But what I really had a problem with, joepilsudski, was the fact that you sounded very patronising towards me and were referring to my favourite musicians as "garbage", etc... with the criticism directed towards me. I wasn't just gonna sit down there and take it and let it pass. I don't even know you personally. How would I know if you were not using it as a personal attack on me? Were you???

Anyway, case is closed as far as I'm concerned.
I'm not angry with you anymore, but don't push your luck again.

UK, Ireland / Trying to find out what Poles like to do in the UK [35]


I'm not Polish, but I have the same problems with the phone bill... = O

Life / Is there anything worse than Polish rap? [148]

@ joepilsudski : Its okay Joe, no worries :)

Travel / How really cheap is in Poland? [37]


On the contrary, when I was living in London, I often found that in high street shops, size 6 is the first to sell out. If anything, the size 8s and 10s are quite abundant. And if there's a sale, ALWAYS, its the size 10s, 12s, 14s, 16s which are left behind whilst all the smaller sizes gone! I'm wondering if all the size 6 women out there just go snapping up all the best designs for themselves and the shops don't bother putting in new stock or is it that the shops don't bring out a lot of size 6 stock in the first place? It always drives me mad!!! In many other UK cities, high street stores don't even bother bringing in size 6 stock or they bring in very little, whereas in London, they always have size 6s, but like I said, you must be very quick to see them and grab them because its unlikely you'll ever see the item in the shop again if you wait just a few more days to make up your mind!

On the topic raised in this discussion, I can't say from personal experience whether Poland is "cheap" but I am going there next month for holiday and will soon find out! The Polish people I know have told me before that Poland is an expensive place to live in - kind of like England, but... I can't remember exactly if they said its because in Poland there aren't enough jobs to go around, or if they said that Polish jobs don't pay as well as abroad/UK, hence they migrated from Poland seeking jobs and a new life.

Travel / How really cheap is in Poland? [37]

According to en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Clothing_Sizes, US size 4 is roughly equal to UK size 6, and US size 6 roughly equals UK size 8.
I'm confused myself. If I buy bottoms from A & F / Hollister I wear size 0.
If I buy bottoms from GAP I wear size 0 or size 1 depending on design.
Some clothing manufacturers don't seem to follow standard sizes.
In UK most times I wear size 6, but sometimes, for example when it comes to Jane Norman clothes, I wear size 8.
Your best bet would be to actually try on the clothes in the shop and see which fits best.
Its not just women's clothes that are like this, baby clothes are even worse. Some brands seem to "undersize" their baby clothes, so that I have to buy one size up all the time. Other brands seem to be very generous in their sizing and their clothes typically lasting much longer than the sizing on the tag indicates.