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Why should I support my partners sister and boyfriend?


davidukguy 1 | 1
17 Jan 2014 #1
Ok So let me introduce myself I am a 30 year old English guy I have been seeing a polish girl for almost 2 years now, we are having our first baby in march, I met my partner through a mutual friend, and we have lived together since after 2 weeks we met.

My partner was working in a food factory, she is from a small village near Warsaw, her sister decided she wanted to come to UK also so we arranged for this to happen, I paid out of my own pocket over £100 to set them up with a new mattress and new bedding, they rented a room from our other mutual polish friends who live a few streets away from us, my partner knows these friends from Poland as they live in the same village also. They wanted to rent from these friends with a view to live together with me and my partner in a bigger house than I have now in a few months time, I found out my partners sisters boyfriend only wanted to use us so he can also have his sister come to live in UK also. Once his sister would arrive in Feb they were going to leave us in a bigger house with bigger bills and rent, basically they only care about his sister coming to UK and not about my new forthcoming family.

So my partners sister arrived along with her boyfriend, they rented a room from our friends for £90 a week inc all bills which was fine as they were earning almost £200 each when they both were working in the factory, and even if only one was working it was £190 a week, this was in August and they stayed renting this room until Christmas, so a good 4 months, they found out the factory will be closing at Christmas and they did not want to pay £90 per week for 3 weeks with no work so they flew back to Poland, and asked my girlfriend if they can stay with us until they got a place themselves. Anyway January and they came back to UK this time to our place, I was not happy as we live in a small 1 bedroom flat on top of an old man and other old neighbours, I am supposed to live alone and if I got reported with 4 adults coming in and out I would probably be evicted. My neighbours are old and nosey lol! My girlfriend assured me they will only stay 2 weeks.

anyway 2 weeks have gone past they are staying with us free of charge and are totally using us, neighbours already know they are staying with us so its dangerous, I didn't even agree for them to stay with us as its not even convienient, they are living in our front room! I am in my bedroom everyday and its stupid, I found myself calling around agencies and I finally got them a place a house to rent 3 bedrooms for £395 a month. I had to as they were not doing much at all to get a place, and they were trying to stay here free until mid Feb they were hellbent on getting a particular flat in Feb so they can save money here until then. I wasn't having it as I have a baby to think about and we cant save when they are here with us. Anyway now it finally looks like they are moving I provided a reference for them on this 3 bedroom house answered the call said they are great tenants, they have the keys to move now. BUT 2 days go I was drinking with this polish friend who rented the room to them in the first place, he had nothing good to say about them at all and I got wasted on vodka with the friend when I got home to my room apparently my partner told me they heard say polish kurwa or something when I was wrecked lol. Anyway I let out my frustrations when I was drunk, The fact that I never got a penny back from my £110 and supporting them 2 weeks free, and the fact they were allowing us to get a bigger place for them to stay then going to leave us I was pretty angry lol. And now I look like a dick to my girlfriends family, what should I do? its a big mess lol! I thought about finishing our relationship as my girlfriend is so immature and doing stupid decisions always but now I have a kid to think about how the hell can I escape this? of course I need to support my kid and I always want t see him everyday and raise him im totally in a mess. I don't give a crap what her sister of byfriend think about me as they shouldn't have even asked to stay here, they saved no money when renting £90 a week so why should I support them? he wasted his money on a tablet bitcoins and I know he sels lsd blotters in Poland! what should I do?
DominicB - | 2,704
17 Jan 2014 #2
They have you pegged as a sucker, and rightly so. You failed to address the problem in a timely manner, and when you did, you screwed it up. You also were extremely foolish to get someone pregnant. Now your stuck. Well, buddy, you made your mess, now it's time to man up and clean it up. If you don't know what to do at aqe 30, then you've really not learned much from life.

Kick the bums out. Now. And if your girlfriend objects, kick her out, too. Of course you'll have to pay child support, but that's better than wasting your time, and hers, in a relationship that neither of you is mature enough for and will go absolutely nowhere in the future. And get a vasectomy while you're at it.
szkotja2007 27 | 1,499
17 Jan 2014 #3
Put it down as experience.Having a child changes your priorities.
Before, yeah, of course you would help out. Now, sorry, but your partner and your baby comes first.
A couple of hundred quid is a small price to pay, put it down to experience but learn from the lesson.

Work on your relationship with your partner.
kaz200972 2 | 229
17 Jan 2014 #4
You have done your best to help these people, they are users, dump them!
Concentrate on your girlfriend and the forthcoming child.
You may find your relationship improves without the influence of these people.
Word of advice, don't get caught up in the heavy drinking, vodka loving set, leads to problems.
poland_
17 Jan 2014 #5
Word of advice, don't get caught up in the heavy drinking, vodka loving set, leads to problems.

I agree on the above, davidukguy your alcohol abuse has caused the problem, you agreed for them to move into your place so you should have just gone with the flow.

The one point you should consider is your partners sister and bfriend are a reflection of the family you could potentially be marrying into. Is that what you really want for your son, maybe it times for you to start conditioning your future companion.
jon357 63 | 15,061
17 Jan 2014 #6
I agree on the above, davidukguy your alcohol abuse has caused the problem, you agreed for them to move into your place so you should have just gone with the flow.

Agreed. At best it sounds a mess, at worst it sounds like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. Either way, it's like something from the Jeremy Kyle show. David needs to sit back and try to distance himself from whatever he rightly or wrongly feels about the situation. For his own good

The one point you should consider is your partners sister and bfriend are a reflection of the family you could potentially be marrying into. Is that what you really want for your son, maybe it times for you to start conditioning your future companion.

Yes. Stay far away from this family.
SingleFemale 2 | 55
18 Jan 2014 #7
The one point you should consider is your partners sister and bfriend are a reflection of the family you could potentially be marrying into. Is that what you really want for your son, maybe it times for you to start conditioning your future companion.

I definitely agree with this.

Get your act together for the sake of the baby. I am a woman but I do not agree with the actuations of your girlfriend nor her family. You should man up, kick them out of your life and talk to your gf seriously. If she doesn't change or grow up, then I think you need to think long and hard if you still want to continue your relationship with her.

You are already a father; and whether or not you continue your relationship with your gf that will never change. The most important thing at the moment is you love and support your child, financially and emotionally.(and-for crying out loud-You're already 30!You're not that young, you know.....)

PS Stay away from the vodka if you can't handle yourself drinking that stuff(or any other booze for that matter).
smurf 39 | 1,981
18 Jan 2014 #8
You also were extremely foolish to get someone pregnant.

Jebus, Dom, that's really fookin nasty of you, where does the OP say he's not wanting to have a baby with his missus? He's clearly mad into this girl.

Cop yourself on lad, and quit being nasty to new posters all the time, it's tiresome.

OP, you got used, learn from it and don't let it happen again. Maybe her sister is OK and her boyfriend is the douchebag here, wouldn't surprise me, it's usually the case.

You won't look like a d!ck to her family and anyway, sure so what even if you do? They live in Poland and you're safe away from them in the UK. To Hell with them, the most important people in this situation are your kid, your missus and yourself.
DominicB - | 2,704
18 Jan 2014 #9
Jebus, Dom, that's really fookin nasty of you, where does the OP say he's not wanting to have a baby with his missus?

First of all, she's not his "Missus". Not even close. Nor does marriage seem remotely in the offing. A break-up is more likely, as he came between the girl and her family, and now she has to pick sides.

He's not even close to financial secure and seriously lacks maturity, and has an alcohol problem, to boot. She's not even close to financially secure and seriously lacks maturity. Hardly a good basis for a sound relationship, and it doesn't take much reading between the lines to conclude that the road was rocky even before the sister and her boyfriend appeared. They knew each other for about a year before he got her pregnant. Very, very unlikely that this was a planned or desired pregnancy. I feel sorry for any baby born under such circumstances.

Sorry, but I firmly believe that people who are not financially secure and mature enough to handle simple everyday situations have no reason bringing a child into the world. It's cruel beyond measure. If he were 20, I might be a little more sympathetic. But he's 30, far too old to be acting like a silly child.
f stop 25 | 2,513
18 Jan 2014 #10
I think this is just another example of strong Polish family ties. Poles do tend to help each other within the family, share what they have with less fortunate members, and are much harder to isolate. Even today, when I see a homeless person, I can't help but think that his/her family should be ashamed of themselves.

Another example of this cultural difference is the legal responsibility children have for their elderly parents, virtually unheard of in the US.
smurf 39 | 1,981
18 Jan 2014 #11
she's not his "Missus".

You might want to learn the slang definition of 'missus' LOL

Nor does marriage seem remotely in the offing

That has zero to do with this thread. Of are you so old-skool that you actually believe that people must be married before they procreate? Lol

as he came between the girl and her family, and now she has to pick sides.

It says that nowhere in the OP, no need to make things up and put words in his mouth.

He's not even close to financial secure and seriously lacks maturity, and has an alcohol problem, to boot.

You know that how? Dude is working and paying his rent, seems like he's on top of his finances to me.
Also, he went on the booze with his buddy one night, hardly a drinking problem.

They knew each other for about a year before he got her pregnant. Very, very unlikely that this was a planned or desired pregnancy. I feel sorry for any baby born under such circumstances

How utterly condescending of you. Bit of empathy wouldn't go astray for a change mate.

Sorry, but I firmly believe that people who are not financially secure and mature enough to handle simple everyday situations

What the OP wrote about is hardly an everyday situation, the way I see it he handled the situation to the best of his ability, at least he though he was doing the right thing and he got taken advantage of by some ungrateful scrotes for trying to be helpful.
OP davidukguy 1 | 1
18 Jan 2014 #12
To be honest I don't even drink vodka, well not until I started associating with polish friends lol I still don't enjoy the morning after either! I am not saying it is a bad thing either. I was probably in the wrong frame of mind to even start drinking, also I only went to his place with no intention of drinking at all was only going there to see my mate. It turned out to be a few lagers at first then he kept feeding me vodka, I could have refused but I never. Anyway I really think I have just been used totally my girlfriend is ok with me now although she told me to apologise but I am not going to just for the fact they are cheeky bastards! and her sister and boyfriend just don't talk to me anymore, and that is fine with me, they moved out into a house I found for them to rent a few days ago, so I am not bothered as long as I am rid of them to be honest I guess some polish are good some are bad lol also nobody on here knows my financial situation at all that's just a stupid comment a few posts above! the cheeky sods also came here today to collect a suitcase of their clothes never talked to me then went into my kitchen on a laptop they carried to my place with them used my internet and left haha cheeky!

I also agree with every single person on this thread except dominicb lol I am no alcoholic and it was the first time I had drank in a while that's why I was blotto!
local_fela 17 | 172
19 Jan 2014 #13
Report them to the immigration department or the police!
Tell them that they came into your premises without your consent- trespassing!
your girlfriend is from a village so she will always be by the side of her family!
If she run away, you can file a case against her and take custody of your kid- If not, then she will fight against you and you will have to pay compensation and work like a slave (same as how many British girls do these days) and she will be with your baby and you will work your ar*e off to pay more than what you would spend on your kid!

She is from a Polish village.. and I have enough experience from someone from these areas! And these girls get brainwashed by their brother/ sister/ parents/ friends VERY easily mate! And if you keep her sister and Co with you just for the sake of the baby, then mate.. you would be the total loser!

Think about what I said! there is much sense in it!
Wulkan - | 3,251
19 Jan 2014 #14
Report them to the immigration department or the police!
Tell them that they came into your premises without your consent- trespassing!

you want him to testify lies to the police? it's the worst thing he could do. It might work in Mauritius but not in Poland.
smurf 39 | 1,981
20 Jan 2014 #15
Report them to the immigration department or the police!

They are EU citizens, immigration wouldn't be able to do anything.

without your consent- trespassing!

They had his consent at the beginning.
local_fela 17 | 172
20 Jan 2014 #16
It might work in Mauritius but not in Poland.

Mate, please read from the beginning. The guy is in the UK and not in Poland. Secondly, it has nothing to do with Mauritius. could you speak sense sometime. Thanks. :)

They had his consent at the beginning.

Yeah, but it could be for a limited time. After that its called trespassing. Ok I can have guess staying at my place over a weekend, but if after the agreed period they don't move out, then it is actually a criminal offence according to English Law.

Am I right smurf?
rozumiemnic 8 | 3,799
20 Jan 2014 #17
no you are wrong, if he invited them in then they are not trespassing.
Kocio
20 Jan 2014 #18
I'm Pole, and I think some of people are simply parasites. We are hospitable nation, but it schould be binaural. In the other case, run away from this family, They're morbid.
enkidu 7 | 623
21 Jan 2014 #19
1) Ask them for a favour. Then the next one. Ask them for a favour at least twice every day.
They would move out from you home faster than you manage to say "Could you please lend me a hundred quid?"
2) Make sure that the child is really yours.

People from "from a small village near Warsaw" - that say it all. They are famous for being very resourceful people. And you are their source.

Sorry.
Meathead 5 | 470
21 Jan 2014 #20
Sorry, but I firmly believe that people who are not financially secure and mature enough to handle simple everyday situations have no reason bringing a child into the world. It's cruel beyond measure. If he were 20, I might be a little more sympathetic. But he's 30, far too old to be acting like a silly child.

nope, couldn't disagree more. First off this guy needs to lay off the the vodka. Secondly, he needs to kick them out of the apartment that he's sharing with his girl. Thirdly he needs to make the most of his relationship with his girl especially since she's having his kid. Yeah they're immature but aren't we all? If they give it a chance they can grow into their relationship and live happily ever after.
smurf 39 | 1,981
21 Jan 2014 #21
Am I right smurf?

I'm not English, I know little of English law.......but it would be difficult to prove the agreed time frame. It would be his word against theirs.
Wulkan - | 3,251
21 Jan 2014 #22
The guy is in the UK and not in Poland.

That would make the things even worse. Never lived in the UK so why giving advices that could result in OP's trouble?
local_fela 17 | 172
21 Jan 2014 #23
Never lived in the UK so why giving advices that could result in OP's trouble?

Please don't judge me when you know nothing about me. I don't want to make things personal here. This guy needs help and not your bull*hit!

no you are wrong, if he invited them in then they are not trespassing.

Ok. let's say its not. But after the invitation, now 'DAVIDUKGUY' you can write a letter addressing to this couple and request them to leave and give them a notice of one week. After 7 days have passed, you can enforce the law. Because the house contract (I am assuming) is under your name, and after a certain period of stay, your landlord can increase the rent and make you pay for all these days that the couple have been staying. English law isn't so broad, specially contract and tort!


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