Why some people (not you) have a difficult time accepting that is most interesting and shows just how "PC" are culture is.
I will tell you why.
1. women are not seeing by a society as physically violent for 2 reasons: they are less inclined to be as violent as their male counterparts, they are physically less damaging to their male partners, culturally women solve conflicts in other ways: negotiations, divorce, pleading, sex manipulation and many other ways, so even if in fact their violence amounts to 50%, they are not perceived that way. I hope that I made some sense.
2. It has little to do with PC, but with the way women are perceived by the society, which I explained in point 2
3. it is possible that your statistics are flawed ( I am not saying they are) and the fact that you are so negative about the feminist movement might want people (especially women) to turn their ears off.
I prefer to jitterbug. So much fun. :)
salsa is even better, but lets get back on topic, shell we?
No argument there but I've always preferred to think that both men and women are into real liberation together;
that would be the perfect solution, but it appears that women were lagging behind for a long time (Western societies) and they are catching up (in my opinion). The process is not a smooth one and is constantly evolving (can the process evolve lol, cannot think of any other term at the moment). Women are being pulled in two major directions: more freedom and independence=less dependence of men, which might result in men being seeing as less important and unnecessary in their lives. Another direction is staying in a relationship, having children, staying at home and being financially dependent on men.
So women are not in a very comfortable situation ( I am aware of the fact that I am simplifying my explanation for for the benefit of delivering a quick answer), but men, who are on the other side will also be effected by this conflict, because of the vacuum, which has been created. I hope I am making sense here:)
unlike the divisiveness and self-centerness that is so obvious in feminism.
you are right to a certain degree. I still think that the number (%) of raging feminists/hard core/ anti-male are not as high as you claim to be, however, one cannot overlook that fact that feminism contributed a lot to women's freedom. You cannot deny it. So when you are making an effort to criticize feminism, perhaps an approach, which will vilify feminism ( including the positive things) is not the best road to take.
It is probably better to deal with WHAT IS, then to wish that things were different:)
My husband is from Poland and he beat me for many years. Then I got really tired of it and kicked the snot out of him, and he hasn't touched me since (though I'm not the usual woman-I had martial arts training for many years to level of instructor, and otherwise wouldn't use it against someone I love if not for the extreme circumstance). I didnt just beat him back, i worked with him until he realized his mind has a lot more power than his muscles (and he's a biiiig guy!). He learned some facts of humanity: No woman deserves to be beat by a man (maybe another woman...just kidding). A man who beats a woman is a coward, and there is no happiness there.
When you love someone, you stick with them and try to help them understand. Thats loyalty and sacrifice, some of what marriage is all about. So I worked with him to understand an intelligent way of communicating his frustration and needs. Now he's just fine, like he had a big burr in his pants, and I helped him remove it; he doesn't have to resort to behaving like an animal. I can joke now because my husband is a terrific success, but at the time, it was not funny at all. He just learned in an unhealthy way, and simply needed help to get on a smart, healthy path. I also knew he had potential to live in a better way, which he does now after years of love and effort. He tried to make violence a part of our marriage because that's how his parents lived. When people are abused they usually turn right around and abuse others, as was the case w my husband. At least he isn't an alcoholic, so he's not a sicko (whew!), which would have made the situation much worse.
One in three lives are affected by alcoholism, so lots of bad, unfortunate cases out there. I feel very proud of my husband, he's come a long way. He came from a wealthy family but he worked his own way over here in the states to make a name for himself after we met. I'm also impressed that he could leave his country, family, everything to be w me in the States. That was a huge sacrifice. I know Poland is a poor country, thats obvious when we lived there. But his situation is a bit different. He came to visit family here, and had his own house (inherited) and business to return to in Poland. When his visa and return flight were looming, he said he couldn't leave me. I kept this in mind during the tough times. I wanted to give back. As far as this blog goes, I wouldn't say Polish men are more violent because I don't want to generalize. But I did see and hear of more cases of violence, and violence that was condoned by women, when we lived in Poland compared to other countries I lived in.
If I conducted a study, I'm sure I would find more marital violence there than the country where my family is from (not the USA). I don't think it's just a "Polish" problem. I think it's an eastern European problem, and what other developing countries suffer; that countries in Eastern Europe as defined by the United Nations, which includes Poland, were extremely and negatively affected by the time that communist Russia controlled, terrorized and abused them. It makes sense because the Russian communist takeover of Europe was devastating, evil and crippling. So many Polish and other eastern Europeans told me their own stories, and all those horror stories began to sound the same to me. Very very sad and unfair.
I think that's what postwar Russia intended, because they lost so many people during the last world war; they believe their takeover and communization of eastern Europe was justified because of this. I heard this with my own ears from Russian mouths. Newsflash to all Russians: Poland and Lithuania lost a higher percentage of their population to that war than Russia did, and they weren't stupid enough to get in bed with Germany like Russia did, then switch sides when Hitler revealed by attack that Slavs were next on his hit list after he exterminated the Jews. When I travel thru eastern Europe, I see that this mentality and behavior worsens the far eastern I went. Which means that Russia is the worst behaving people, least healthy and uncivilized. People everywhere have great personalities, but their actual behavior depends about half on their culture, that whole nature vs nurture thing i guess. This means Russia were affected also negatively by their own country/regime. They are their own victims. It's all sad.
You can tell stories, or ***** and complain all you want, but it just amounts to history and words. But the big Q is, what are u going to DO about it!? My guess is...exactly what I did. Spread the love, one by one.
Kisses and winks to all cute Polish men I saw (all 2 of them I saw, including my husband), and all pretty Polish ladies (all 2 of them I saw, including one best friend), and to all the rest of the thousands I met here and there. I'm teaching my kids Polish language because they are 1/4 Polish (the rest of him is Lithuanian, Czech and Ukrainian) and their daddy grew up there, which makes him culturally 100 percent Polish! The kids should therefore learn it.
Trina replies: Of course I'm not lying. You know its absurd to write such an inflammatory asinine comment that women and men deserve to be beaten. Shame on you. If you have anger issues, go work them out, get help. Don't take it out on honest people. I'm just one person taking my time to share my story with all of you. If you want to attack me, give it up. Your behavior serves only to make yourself look foolish. I know the real world. Why do you figure I worked so long and hard at martial arts! Time for you to start thinking more before you respond, and let go of that anger. Everything I wrote is from the heart of truth. No woman deserves to be beat by a man; men are much bigger, stronger, faster than an untrained woman. Just because men can does not mean they should or it's right, and no woman or child or smaller person deserves to be at the mercy of whatever mind sits atop a larger body. If you think smaller people, who are clearly at a physical disadvantage, should be beaten by a larger person, then you would agree that its justified that we are all at the mercy of a larger entity that would abuse a smaller, disadvantaged one; you think its right that the larger one is correct to use force just because it can. This is what your words mean to those who have years and experience, who understand intentions. You are Polish, right foreigner 4? Think, the last world war when poland was beaten down because she had less size, power, weapons, warning or means to protect herself. This was obviously an unfair situation, especially when Germany tried to make it look like Poland was to blame for it's own demise (which sounds like a lot of men who blame women, when it's women who are overwhelmingly often the victims). Poland did nothing to deserve such terror, and neither does a woman. Or a child, or a man for that matter. This is not a just situation in the least. It happens, but its not right, this is a no-brainer. Just about all powerful stories throughout time fight this type of struggle, and disagree with you. You probably disagree with yourself! It's ok to be confused, as long as u can recognize respect for others in a timely manner before you do any further damage. Ultimately, this is the struggle between good and evil.
I can relate to this on another level--about my adorable husband. He wanted a bigger tv than his friend, also a contractor from Poland. My husband has the advantage because he enjoys more success than his friend. The room we intended the new tv for is way too small for the size tv he wanted to buy, just to be competitive with the other guy. So it didn't make sense to get the bigger one because it would overwhelm the room, and it's not like it's a home theatre room made for that purpose. I asked him to be rational and remember what's important, the comfort and health of our home, and respecting his friendship with the other guy not to compete in a petty way. I said, ya, kick his butt in business or sports, which are healthy arenas for competition, but leave his and our personal homes and lives alone, and always wish him good luck for proper respect and sportsmanship. Please. It was the same for cars. Why buy an expensive Mercedes to impress when he can just fix the old one he loves! It's his happiness that's important, not what others think of him. No car can improve him, he is already the best. Besides, a car is an instrument to get from point A to point B, and we aren't diplomats. If he wanted it for safety or gas saving reasons, I'd support it without blinking an eye. But he thought about having the damn thing to show people something. It's the intention that matters. Every time he would drive it, he would know what its all about, and me too. There are better ways to feel...happy. Anyhow, I used these examples of what someone can do vs what's the right thing to do. Exploiting disadvantaged people in any way is just wrong. Impressing people may not exactly be exploiting people, but I hope readers get my gist. Just because you can do it, and you may get away with it for now, doesn't mean it's right. In fact, it's probably wrong.
Men who abuse women and or children, that's simply a devastatingly wrong action. Anyone who abuses someone smaller or disadvantaged is wrong. This thread is about the question of whether or not polish men are more abusive than the norm. Instead of writing about how violent women are, let's just stick to the subject at hand. That's intelligent. That guy, what's his name, who always attacks feminism...Jimmy, or? He should start a new thread about that because it's a separate subject than this one about polish men. And to Jimmy as well: Do you know what is the true definition and function of feminism? Without the anger and condescension please. Realistically now...It's not about hating anyone. It is the belief and action towards equal rights for women, the same rights that men enjoy. Like equal pay for the same work. Which women still don't receive today. Or the right to vote, which women got. And equal treatment in many arenas which women still don't have, but deserve because we are human beings. I will apply for another thread about this separate subject if Jimmy doesn't, but just a few words now...I think of sex equality like a simple algebraic equation; there are two sides with an equal sign separating them. They are different but equal. And thank God for those differences! I am a feminist but I Love men! My husband, my father, brother, cousin, guy friends, even that quirky strange neighbor down the street because he wears bow ties instead of regular ties. All good men should be loved. I love how they are big to protect women and children, not to hurt them. I love how they are strong and take in the shopping, take out the garbage, pick me up and swing me around, how they take out the bad guys. I love to give my hubby massages at the end of the day, clean after him, when he goes outside his comfort zone just to do something for me, reward his hard work with stuff he likes and needs etc etc etc. Men are protectors, not ones who harm. It's the ones who harm who are not men, and the same is true for women. People lose their humanity when they resort to violence, they cease to care, and become animals. I think every wife, girlfriend or whoever should read the book, Proper Care and Feeding of the Male Human, or something like that. It's about how important it is for women to take care of men. Because they often don't take very good care of themselves. Men are supposed to love by protect and respect women, and it's our job to give back with the proper care, love and attention. These days, women don't need men for financial stability like they used to. We can pretty well provide for ourselves and our children now. I say can, but not want. I'm glad I'm married and not one of the single mothers. A lot of women take care of their children now without a man around. Probably not the healthiest situation, but it happens. A lack of proper care in a relationship can create hardships and breakups, which is sad for all involved. Children from broken homes more often are not as successful in life as those whose parents stay together in a healthy, free, loving way. With all this independence comes less need for women to marry. Now women marry primarily for emotional connection with a man. Since women don't need to be with a man to have children these days, and men do need a woman to have children, men are disadvantaged. Its a loss for women and children as well of course, but they tend to have each other and are not alone. Most unmarrieds end out like this. Since women and children usually stick together by default, that leaves men a bit on the outside. Studies show that marriage now benefits men of a certain age more than women of any age for a strong emotional connection that men otherwise don't create with their parents, siblings or friends. Unattached men with children often feel disjointed, disconnected when they don't have an active role in the family they helped to create, like there's a big void in their lives. This compounds the male condition of being emotionally unfulfilled. This is based on studies I've read or presented in my previous career, or one of my degrees. I think this new type of family life tends to leave men "high and dry." if men give women the proper respect, love and protection, and women give the proper care, appreciation and attention to show their love, this scenario shouldn't happen. That means no violence in the relationship can happen for it to be a success, especially from the man but from the woman as well. There are many ways to abuse someone, not all are physical.
About women and men in prison and doing violence...it's true that there are about 1.3 million men in the American prison system, in contrast to a little over 100,000 women in prison. I did a study on the subject and saw a documentary with shocking conclusions from magistrates and other judicial officers that said most women are in prison "because of their bad taste in men." that's a quote from workers in the system who've seen it all, time and again. It is a statistical fact that women by far make up the majority of victims of violence, usually done to them by men. Being in this situation myself, I can say this as well. From all kinds of stats of violence, men are much more aggressive than women by resorting to violence much quicker, and with more confidence than women. From all of my experience and research, which is vast, women often defend themselves or retaliate after men have initiated violence. Even though women are smaller, no one wants or deserves to be abused, and it is human nature to defend or rise up (think of the movie "Uprising") to retaliate abuse in the attempt to deter future abuse. Abuse begets abuse, and this is how. It is usually started by men and women react to it. The correct action is to lose emotions of inferiority, rise above the violence, and get away, and not come back. Abused married women, and the few husbands who are abused, usually cannot walk away from marriage. I repeat, they can choose to do as I did, and work with their spouses until the violence is replaced with understanding and use of words to communicate emotions or frustrations.
This may be strange or funny to some, but the talk about women who abuse men reminds me of something a native Norwegian told me about his country. In Norway there is a shortage of men. He said there are literally thousands who want to have a girlfriend or wife but there aren't enough women to go around due to absence of women in the country. A lot of Norwegian women work or marry outside of their country. So many Norwegian men married Russian women they met on those online dating sites. It turned out that there was a press release given in Norway aimed at Norwegain men that warned them against marrying Russian and possibly other eastern European women with similar cultural patterns because many of those Russian women were beating up their Norwegian husbands. Anyone who has been to Norway knows that there are the tallest, largest white men in the world, along with Iceland, other Scandinavian countries. So it's not the size or strength thats the problem. The problem was that the Russian women were so violent and aggressive socially and culturally that the peaceful, gentle Norwegian men, taught from birth to always respect women by never touching them with violence, didn't know what to do, and they were embarrassed by their wives behavior. I think they were more embarassed that they married such little animals instead of intelligent, peaceful women. When some were interviewed, they stated that they got to know their wives before marriage with long visits, calls and online chats, and there was never an inkling of the violence they later received. I did the mistake of seeing a Russian guy, even went to Russia a few times, and caught a whiff of this violence that I'm sure plagues their culture much moreso than found in other cultures. A really heavy feeling. I have some Russian friends, actually friends from all over the world (I don't discriminate where they come from if they are nice), and I find the Russians can be very lively and spiritual but can shift to the dark, overbearing, arrogant, controlling side very naturally. It's scary. I prefer my Polish husband. I look at Polish people like, they had past challenges and suffer from problems as a result (like many cultures), and they need the right touch to get back on track. Then, they are as good as gold.
If you are writing about self defense, that's different. That's the only time it's justified to use violence-- to save yourself or another disadvantaged person. Whatever
My husband wanted to buy a bigger flat screen than his competitor. My husband is the more successful of the two.
