Indian national is seeking help to get my Polish wife back!

Hi,

I am indian national and got married to a polish girl last year in India. this year we came to poland in february and started leaving in her parents home as I left my job (in Middle East) for my spouse wish and I didnt had any work here. Since begining my mother in law was against this relationship and all the time she was looking for reasons to abuse me and provoke my wife against me. My wife is innocent and finally few weeks back she convinced my wife to leave me & they kicked me out of home when they knew that I have already spent all the money on them and I dont have any more money or any place to live.

Please help me to know what I should do to get my wife back :(

That's not easy. There is no any law in Poland to force her to be with you. She must decide herself.

Be sure to ask Zimmy for some helpful advice.

The only advice I can give is to try to find a decent job, get your own place, and save your money and try to prove to her that you are what she wants. In my personal experience, not many Polish women tolerate a man being out of work for more than a short time. Excuses don't put food on the table or a roof over your head. I'm not saying it to be cruel, I'm saying that this is a fact of life and one you must try to find some sort of resolution to... quickly. Even IF you don't get back together with her, I mean, you can't stay unemployed forever.

Thanks all of you who responded on my post.
Polishmama - Ever since I left their home, I learn from my mistake and now I am living in a flat in warsaw in the heart of city and next week i will have my work permit. I already informed my wife about all this and also informed that in next one month I am opening my Indian restaurent here in warsaw. But her mother is not letting her speak to me and they are not even allowing me to meet my son who is just 1 month old.

Then, I am sorry to hear that. All you can do is hold your chin up, work hard, and take care of your son however you can, and however you are legally obligated to. Perhaps, with time, who knows how things work out...

Thanks for immediate response.
All i heard is my mother in law is planning to file divorce and they put some allegations on me that I was harrasing my wife and physically abused her. Where as the fact is my wifes parents abused me physically and I have all the marks on my body. I come from a good family in India where I had never done such things what I was doing there, like going to forest to bring wood, cutting grass in the garden, cooking, making laundry, cleaning their home. They said to police that they have threat on their life because of me and I want to hurt my own son. My wife delivered the baby in Wolomin, where all the staff said to her that your husband is like diamond, dont loose it. Peditrician of my son (minsk) also used the same thing about me, and they say I will hurt my son.

Last year when I was coming to poland I spend some 125,000/- Pln in less than 2 months for my wife & my in laws. I took a flat for my wife on rent where she was living and sometime her parents as they live 50 kms away from warsaw. All these time I was a star for them and now when I was left with no money, they treated me like this :(

I don't know you and I don't know your in-laws so I'm not going to, sorry to tell you, believe your side (or theirs) over the other. Of course, I'll point out that what someone sees of a person in public for a few minutes is never how they are in private around family. Not saying you are bad person, not saying you are good. I'm saying, the people at the hospital and the pediatrician don't know you from another stranger off the street, so their testimony is also pretty pointless. Go do what you are supposed to and get a lawyer and that's all you can do.

Thanks Polishmama for all your responses.
I do agree with your point as being stranger its hard to pass any judgement of being good or bad. Anyways I am here to seek guidance from nice people like you as if their is something called marriage councellors who are helping couples to resolve conflicts to avoid consequences of divorce/separation. All I need to meet my wife for few minutes and I know everything will be back to normal. Till she is there with her parents she may not talk to me :(

I think you need to talk to your wife 1 and 1. You need to make her see that she is an adult and she needs to make some decisions by herself. Life is too short to be listening to others making decisions for you. Then make her see how much you want this to work.

Thanks Mick.

Thats what I am trying all the way but my mother in law is not allowing her to talk as she knows what will happen when my wife will meet me even for 5 mins. But in the due course she separated me from my new born son & i dont know from last one week how is he :( I dont even know if he is alive or dead :( :(

My wife is not responding to my text messages or mails, she is not even taking my calls, I have no news how is she :(

Thats a different story - take a lawyer. You had a bad luck. Your parents in law are trying to create the evidence for the divorce case. Now you must avoid to be blacmailed. Your wife is probably dominated by her mother and I guess she and her family are not well educated, are rather poor and living in Wolomin area. Don't talk to anybody from that side without lawyer.

I would say ultimatum. Say 'she needs to decide or she loses you forever.' I think she needs to make a choice.

Dear Marek,

thanks for the response. Yes you are 100% right. They are not educated people. My father in law is an alcoholic & works as a part time driver in their relatives place. Durring summer, he is selling strawberries & black berries. My mother in law works in warsaw as a part time nurse in some hospital. They dont leave in warsaw, they are located some 50 kms away from warsaw in a small place (village)

Hmm, It can take some time. If you love your wife and child it's worth to figth anyway. She must be separated from her mother first. At the moment my advice is - talk to lawyer (maybe you should ask some other Indian guys in Warsaw to advice you a good one). It's a free country. Nobody can limit your contacts with your wife and kid without court decision.

Mick - I have been trying to talk to her in all the ways but she is not available. I dont know if she is sick:( Because I know she also loves me

Marek - I got in touch with the President of Indian association in Poland and he is a big time guy. I involved him in this matter and he had some meetings with my parents in laws and all the time he forced me to go from Poland as your wife will anyway give you divorce. You have no career here and you will spoil your future, its just 2 days when I am not in touch with this guy but he is not happy with me as I didnt followed what he advise. My concern is my family (my wife & kid) & i will not give up that easily. But at this time just feeling helpess :( & broken

I am not like other Indians who are just interested to live in Europe, I never wanted to live here, because of my wife I landed here and all the time I was looking for work but unfortuantely things didnt turned up on time and I am here with a disaster of family life :(

You seem to be a good guy. As I said it can take some time, her mother can not isolate her forever. Anyway people like your parents in law could make you a lot of troubles, even if they are not smart enough to win the game. Take care about your police records, because if you already have a "blue card" in evidence, what is very possible reading your posts - you will have probably some problems in future - ask you lawyer to check this.

President of Indian association in Poland could not help you with people like that, even if he had best intention. Employ a lawyer - woman would be the best in that case.

The ship has sailed on this one. If she isn't her own person by now, and let her mother push her to this end, then you've got yourself into an unattainable situation. The second you have to convince someone to love you, is the second you know you've lost them. She's lost to you, man. I know that's not what you wanna hear, and it's a tragic place to find yourself. But it's time to admit what's what, pick up the pieces and move on. You've still got a life to lead, and now you got the whole world of options available to you. It's gonna hurt, but that's the breaks, man.

My heart goes out to you, seeing as I found myself in similar circumstances. Part of me wants to smack some sense into you but I can sense you're not nearly ready for that. You've been advised to seek legal counsel. You should do just that. There's your son (your wife's another matter altogether).

I agree! feeling helpless etc emotions and thinking come with age,Ive never been in that situation butI do feel his pain and the situation he is in...but the kid needs to learn life then rant here.

Thanks all for the responses. I know situation is out of control. I am keeping my fingure crossed & I will fight till the end. So far I havent receieved any divorce notice, its what I heard and still have some hopes they will come back. Thats the only reason I am here in Poland & will do every possible thing to get them back to me.

Marek - I already inquired about that through my lawyer & he confirmed that the cops that night came to threaten me as they cant take any action on me knowing that I am a legal resident of that address and thats my registered address in poland. They didnt had any proof and I didnt offended them by any means.

Rest I dont know what it is :(

I was reading your post from start and about all what u have shared here I feel that yo should not push too much to get her back. If you will push and maybe get out of control things will get even worse. People tend to take some wrong steps in panic so my friend be careful.

I can imagine how is it to stay far from wife and kid specially when you know things are getting worst day by day but my friend just calm down. Don't straight away think about lawyers police etc. Try to get yourself settled with your work and stuff. Concentrate more to get yourself established as you know life in Poland is very difficult especially with work. I would recommend you instead send her emails about how you guys met and about all your good times you guys had. Send her email everyday about how u miss her and your day to day activity that u do and that she and ur son is always in ur thoughts. Try this I hope it helps.

You said you spend 125000zl in 2 months for me its a shock wondering where all this money went. I hope things become better for you.

Get a lawyer if you want to have access to your child. Your Poish wife may be the woman you love but her family are sound like lowlife village white trash. And will probably sink to all sorts of depths to get money out of you.

If the marks from the physical abuse are fresh, go to a doctor for an obdukcja. If they do it again, get an obdukcja right away (within 24 hours ideally) and file a complaint with the police. Don't hesitate to do this - it's genuine, whereas they may well make false complaints about you - I note they have already started with the false accusations. Unfortunately they are playing hardball with you - your only option is to play hardball back. Get a good lawyer, and fast.

As said above, get a lawyer. And make sure to document everything, absolutely everything.

Slightly off-topic, but where will the restaurant be? I'm always interested in trying new Indian restaurants in Warsaw.

Thanks a ton my friends for sharing your thoughts & knowledge about my issue. It is certainly helping me to deal with the situation and reduceing a little bit of stress.

Sunil - I already started doing the same thing. Informed her about my new place (apartment) where I shifted, also informed that my work permit is in process (so that they shouldn't feel that I am after them to have my stay arrangement in Poland, and shared about new restuarent. In all this the best thing happen today that my wife started sending me sms & mms for my kid and even she made me to hear his voice twice when she called today. As far as divorce is concern, I still doubt as they have to spend some money to file divorce and as I studied about divorce law in Poland, which says in case of minor (small kids) Family court usually bring marriage councellors if it can fix the conflicts, if not they insist for legal separation unless both the spouse are asking for divorce. So I am sure they also know about this else it will be a long period case with huge money (expenditure) which they will never do.

Jon - My brother, I already spoke with lawyer & they clearly said if you need some compensation from your parents in law, it will be easy, as you are here in Poland on a valid Family visa which was issued on the invitation from your in-laws. Moreover your registered address is their home address in records of Poland, and they treated you like this, which is illegal as per law. If at all their are some serious concerns related to my stay in their home, they need to make other arrangements (home) for me to stay in Poland till I am here, but my friend, I am not here to grab some money from them, I dont even wish to stay in Poland or any European Countries. The moment I will have my family back, I will leave this country & they are the only reason I am here.

Harry - Soon you will come to know if you are in warsaw.

Really feel sorry for your condition.I am in your kind of shoes but we are wearing different sizes,though urs is bigger.
I don't really think taking a lawyer could help as pple here,I could say r the same.So the lawyer would just exhaust ur money and nothing ll be done....

My advise is,work hard and try to get contact with ur wife in a good and peaceful manner.

May God help us all.

Leman - Thanks for your msg bro. Seriously I have no idea what you have been through but my situation seems to be on a positive side today, as my wife started responding a bit :)

But seriously praying to go that things should get back to track soon and hope the same for you. Good luck !!

only fools would believe this dude! who tells a story that he used to be a cinderella but he really has too much pride calling himself superking.

gean - I never forced anyone to believe on this story. I am out here to seek some advise. If you cant, than please dont make such comments.

I'm amazed. Your sad story is almost identical to that of a fellow countryman of yours who posted just a day before you did:

polishforums.com/relationships-marriage-36/wife-threatening-pay-child-support-zt-per-month-60595/

Perhaps you two should get a flat together since the Polish families you both willing married into seem to be pure evil according the the tales you tell.