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My Girlfriends Decisions! Am I overreacting? British guy with Polish girlfriend.


gio120uk
6 Oct 2012  #1
Hi

I am looking for some advice please,Im British and my girlfriend is Polish,i need some advice regarding a situation that arose the other night

We had been together roughly a year and split up a couple of months ago,a month ago she got back in touch with me and we got back together,i was delighted as i love her very much.

Things between us have been great and on Tuesday we were even discussing moving in together and having a baby,she already has a daughter here in the UK and a son who stays with his dad in Poland,i also have a great relationship with her daughter who is only 5.

On Thursday she had been at college where she is doing a cooking course and she sent me a txt to say she had made me dinner,she then phoned me to say that she had asked one of the guys from her class to her house for a chat as he was having problems with his girlfriend,she had already told me about this guy and the situation he was in so all of this was fair enough.

I got to her house on the Thursday evening and this guy had already arrived,now having never met him before i was a wee bit concerned that within 5 minutes of meeting him he was telling me that he had 5 convictions for assault and the reason that he was having problems at present is that he is on bail and has been told that he cannot contact his girlfriend or stay at their house,the charge against him is breach of the peace and he also assaulted two female police officers who came to arrest him,he told me that he escaped from the two police officers and ended up hiding in bushes in the town centre he lives in and it then took 10 policemen to arrest him,he then showed me photos where the police had to use pepper spray to restrain him.We then went outside for a cigarette and i asked him if he got back to Poland much and he proceded to tell me that he hadnt been back for a while as he had assaulted a police officer there!

After going back in to my girlfriends house it then became clear that she had invited him to stay overnight,now where i come from this isnt acceptable and bearing in mind what he told me about himself i got quite angry,the result was that as far as i know he never stayed but my girlfriend has now told me we are finished and that she doesnt want to see me again,i love her very much but i felt that her behaviour and his was out of order,she has had a lot of stress recently regarding her son and is awaiting the outcome of a court case which is deciding whether or not she will get custody of her son,i have always been supportive of her but i feel that she has been very unfair with me and that inviting this guy to stay was too much,i never mentioned when she phoned me to say that he was coming over that he was only coming for a chat

I would like people opinions on whether i overreacted and if people can tell me if this is common in Poland for this sort of thing to happen

I also forgot to mention that she has only known this guy for a month.
Richfilth 6 | 415
6 Oct 2012  #2
She's either playing mind games with you, or she's an utter fruitcake. Either way, TOXIC WOMAN.

It's nothing to do with her being Polish, unless she's making friends with each and every ex-pat Pole just because she's homesick. But the way you tell the story makes her sound rather dangerous.

Run while you still can.
shewolf 5 | 1,077
7 Oct 2012  #3
Was her 5 year-old daughter going to be in the same house as him at night? That's a scary thought. No, you didn't overreact.
pip 10 | 1,661
7 Oct 2012  #4
run for the hills.
Rysavy 10 | 308
8 Oct 2012  #5
0_0
What a terribly risky thing to do. So irresponisble. I am not sure how UK goes it. But when in custody battles it is hard enough to not have a wholesome boyfriend or fiancee scrutinized and demonized. For her to have a not well known man like that in the house..and be in a relationship her child is familiar with is tinder for the sparks the oppsoing side throws! Children talk, They are ingenous.

And he is a dangerous person to add!? How can she even think to risk and ongoing case. And the impropriety. And he is obviously an unsavory person. Surely it is not because of just his being Polish? I think I would almost be suspicious of an interest for such a big gamble. Specially timing. A month known. She met him same time she decided to return to you.

And angry at You. Think this. You could be away on business and it could be your child and hers to possibly witness something bad. He did not simply have a row with his girl and need a couch for night (and has he no male buds? really?). I am a woman and I more often lean towards the womans plight. But advise to back away slowly and run at the safety distance. Unless you went low for persoanl insults and put downs for your parting arguemnt-you did NOT overreact. And if you did not accuse her of sleeping with this guy (regardless of what may come to light) then her saying goodbye over it mean that she was that adamant. My close male friends are never a surprise to my realtionship. Nor are they common . and stress over custody- I am meek and low key during battles-fairly or not. My rights to do as an adult will lose everytime agaisnt a court smear campaign. Her priorities are skewed. And she doe snot respect you : (
natasia 3 | 368
9 Oct 2012  #6
I don't think I have enough information to judge this.

You say she had only known him a month, and he was staying overnight. Why was he staying? Did he not have a home? Is he sleeping on people's floors because of not being able to be with his girlfriend?

Ok, yes, I agree, he sounds like a bit of an unstable type, and probably trying to take advantage of your girl in some way. HOWEVER, it was her choice, and hers to make. Who else lives at her house?

As for him being dangerous, etc ... he just sounds like a typical hot-headed Pole. They are a type. They always get into trouble. They drink, fight, and certainly resist arrest. They are just very 'male' - too male. So I don't think he is particularly dangerous - probably not at all - he just gets into fights too easily.

I think, though, that unfortunately you have crossed a cultural line with your girlfriend. I don't know what your cultural background is, but certainly in the above scenario a fellow Pole would have probably congratulated his efforts to resist arrest, consoled him over not being able to be at home, and offered him a drink and a bed for the night. Probably this is what your girl was trying to do, and you wouldn't let her. And she didn't like this, because it undermined her. It is rather telling that she chose the side of the relative stranger with a dodgy past, but maybe she felt some sympathy and compatriotism with him. Either way, I suspect this will have a big effect on your relationship.

And do you really want to be with a girl who is so different from you? Think about it.
shewolf 5 | 1,077
9 Oct 2012  #7
They drink, fight, and certainly resist arrest. They are just very 'male' - too male. So I don't think he is particularly dangerous - probably not at all - he just gets into fights too easily.

It took 10 policemen to arrest him and they needed to use pepper spray to restrain him. He was ordered not to go near his girlfriend who he had assaulted five times. That's just being very male? Really? Wow. That's surprising.
Wroclaw Boy
9 Oct 2012  #8
I'm sure it was 100 policeman.

Get outta there man, you don't need people like this in your life.
sa11y 5 | 331
9 Oct 2012  #9
I don't know what your cultural background is, but certainly in the above scenario a fellow Pole would have probably congratulated his efforts to resist arrest

What??? Maybe his "buddies" from the block would do that, but certainly not majority of Poles (and especially not women).
Although I don't think he would be dangerous to her daughter (or to her), the fact that she gives shelter to a dodgy character is certainly worrying and displays poor judgement. She is definitely not a typical Polish woman, more likely one of pathological background where excessive drinking, resisting arrest and convictions for assault are a norm.

The fact that she asked OP to stay with her on this night is encouraging though, to me this would mean that she is not playing mind games (possibly didn't feel comfortable with the guy alone) and perhaps sees that what she is doing is not quite a norm. I don't think that her being from low social background should should rule out potential relationship (if OP is prepared to accept differences), but certainly a lot of work ahead!
krakus - | 12
9 Oct 2012  #10
I think, though, that unfortunately you have crossed a cultural line with your girlfriend. I don't know what your cultural background is, but certainly in the above scenario a fellow Pole would have probably congratulated his efforts to resist arrest, consoled him over not being able to be at home, and offered him a drink and a bed for the night.

God...

Provided that the fellow Pole is also an ex-con. Where are you getting this bullshit from?

The girl is probably a nut-case, some women just like "dangerous" guys, especially those coming from a low social background that are used to men being abusive and agressive .

If you are willing to accept it it's ok, but mind that you will have to face her other "friends".
french one
27 Oct 2012  #11
Read your words buddy, this situation is going to be yours, Pols girls are crazy!! Leave her alone and take a girl from a good family, "if you want good fruits, look at the tree first"


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