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Confused with my former co-worker - absolutely stunning Polish woman

7 Jul 2015 #1
I'm a very attractive young guy living in the US and used to work with this older but absolutely stunning Polish woman.

She is married and so I was always respectful towards her. She would touch me a lot on my hands, shoulders and back when discussing work-related topics though. Also, she invited me to go out to lunch and paid presumably because she made more money than me. However, she probably caught the notion that I was into her and stopped being touchy. Still, she would rarely take her eyes off me whenever we spoke.

Even though we both eventually left the place of work, we ended up going to lunch again and I can't shake off this notion that she may be into me.

Since she is married and is the sweetest person I've known in a long time, the last thing I want to do is change the happiness she feels now. I only want some opinions here on if being super touchy and going out to lunch with a male co-worker alone multiple times are normal within the Polish culture.
Atch 17 | 3,082
7 Jul 2015 #2
No, not typically culturally acceptable behaviour, not from a married woman. She's flirting with you, steer clear, Polish husbands are unbelievably jealous, you could get a real hiding if you're not careful. That's a woman's advice.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
7 Jul 2015 #3
I have known quite a few married Polish women inviting guys over for lunch in order to discuss work related things but what bothers me in your story, it's the "touching thing" (Polish people are not tactile unless they really mean "business"). The woman may want to play with you and if she has more money than you do, she'll use it ...

Best to find a single woman! ;).
smurf 39 | 1,981
7 Jul 2015 #4
You should most certainly have sex with her.
She's obviously not gettin any at home so go for it.
Sex with no strings attached, what could possibly go wrong?
InPolska 11 | 1,821
7 Jul 2015 #5
@Smurf: on top of it, she has money ;)
OP asn11
8 Jul 2015 #6
Thank you for the replies. Her husband is American and their marriage seems to be going strong. She refers to him in endearing ways and they do a lot of things together like a good couple would.

@smurf: regarding that, I have no idea since I cannot ask her about that area of her personal life. However, I'm suspecting that she may simply see me as this young, pretty eye candy even though she's been nothing but kind and sweet during our interactions.

@InPolska: is that true? I recall her talking to this other guy about how her culture, the Polish culture, emphasizes a lot of touching during common interactions.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
8 Jul 2015 #7
@Asn: Hi! No, what she told you is wrong. In Polish culture, people do not touch. I come from a "touching" culture and sometimes I realize that my touching people in Poland makes them uncomfortable.

If she touches you, it's because she "means business". Her marriage may be ok but she seems not to have enough (and why not thinking about "plan à 3" ;)).

In my opinion (I am a woman) if you don't want complicated things in the near future, stay away from her.
Wulkan - | 3,251
8 Jul 2015 #8
I come from a "touching" culture

Where is the "touching" culture from if you don't mind asking?

stay away from her.

I second this advice
jon357 63 | 14,282
8 Jul 2015 #9
I can't shake off this notion that she may be into me.

Probably more than just a 'notion' if she's:

touch me a lot on my hands, shoulders and back


rarely take her eyes off me

If she touches you, it's because she "means business".


Basically either do it or don't do it. If you do, there are all the usual problems and you'll probably regret it. If you don't, you'll definitely regret it but won't have the problems. Only you know the answer and if you don't you're probably daft enough to do it anyway and sod the consequences.

I'm a very attractive young guy

If that's true, you should be getting plenty anyway without getting involved with a married cougar who touches you up - they are ten a penny and this one sounds like trouble. If you live in a big city, why not - you can just walk away from it and block her calls. make sure you don't ditch her just after sex and get nice texts/emails in case she cries rape after you've dumped her.

If you live in a smaller place and you're both in the same community, better not even go there.

Too late to edit the last post but just a bit of advice. Older people (regardless of the genders involved) who flirt gently and nicely with

very attractive young

people are often thoroughly decent. Older people who

touch me a lot

are usually bad news. Stay away unless you want more hassle than sex.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
8 Jul 2015 #10
@Wulkan: originally from Mediterranean :)

There is of course "touching" and "touching" and for me it's normal to touch hands, arms, even shouders when talking with people I like and I enjoy being with, even to kiss them when greeting but in Poland it is not so and therefore that woman "means business" with the guy and if he does not want a complicated situation, best to stay away from her.

Since in Poland, I keep my hands "on the table" ;)
terri 1 | 1,660
8 Jul 2015 #11
As an aside. I am a woman, and recently when I was sitting on a bench in Krakow's Main Square, a man sat back to back to me and his hand wandered and touched my bottom. I moved, thinking that it was pure accident. He moved too and touched me again. I turned round, looked at him, stood up and gave him the loudest blast of 'who do you think you are touching?' and 'do you want me to call the police?'. Half of the people in the Square turned round to see what was going on. He will never do that again. Why do people think that it is ok to touch someone else anywhere on their bodies without their permission. Men or women. It is not!.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
8 Jul 2015 #12
@Terri: this is clear what the guy was aiming at. If you travel to Mediterranean countries (but not only) you'll notice that people touch and it has nothing to do with sexuality.

A few days ago, I had to move to another seat on the bus because the guy right behind me was caressing my shoulders in a strange way. As said there is "touching" and "touching".
terri 1 | 1,660
8 Jul 2015 #13
Yes, I agree. But touching someone on the bottom does not mean...they are pleased to meet you.
I think a woman knows when the touching is meant in a nice, friendly way and when it means something else.
Polsyr 6 | 769
8 Jul 2015 #14
@asn11 just out of curiosity, how old are you and how old is she? I add my voice to those that say don't do it. Nothing good can come out of having an affair with a married person, especially with a significant age difference. I have been there. Even if they have marital problems, you don't want to end up being the tool she used to find out (even without her knowing that she is using you).

You have to ask yourself what do you want. You want to have some fun, no strings attached? How can you be sure you won't feel attached? Also important, how can you be sure SHE won't feel attached? Too many questions? Too complicated? Better stay away.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
8 Jul 2015 #15
@Terri: of course touching "below the belt" or the breats for a woman means "business". But touching or taking someone's hand or arm when talking to him/her is not sexual, it just shows that we appreciate the person, his/her company. This is normal in for instance Southern Europe but in Poland it is not so the woman was implying something else. In Poland people don't touch don't kiss unless they are "together"..
OP asn11
8 Jul 2015 #16
@Polsyr: I am 26 and she is 38. And since she's gorgeous, of course I desire her physically. However, I also became attached because she has/had some sad experiences in her life that made me emotionally turn into a white knight. So I do want to be with her but I know that it will most likely not happen.

Being young and attractive, I can get with other women but this Polish lady is so sweet, beautiful, and different from your typical "pretty" American woman that she's truly one of a kind.
jon357 63 | 14,282
8 Jul 2015 #17
because she has/had some sad experiences in her life that made me emotionally turn into

Avoid. Repeat after me, slowly and loudly: "avoid".

she is 38

Young! She may seem like an older woman to you, but really she's just a kid.

this Polish lady is so sweet, beautiful, and different from your typical "pretty" American woman that she's truly one of a kind.

Which means you can't 'read' her as easily even though you have doubts that led you to post here. Trust your instincts. has she told you all her troubles? Her whole life story about how people have hurt her? Europeans don't do that nearly as much as Americans. When they do, it's often a warning sign.

Being young and attractive, I can get with other women

You've said that 3 times now! Why not post a picture and let us decide ;-)
Polsyr 6 | 769
8 Jul 2015 #18
Listen up, I know that for an average American guy it may appear that this "exotic" Polish woman is sweeter and far more feminine than the average American woman, but once the novelty wears off (and it will one day) you will be left with an emotionally troubled person that you essentially pulled out of a marriage. And 12 years is practically a generation gap, and not just a small age difference. Even if she is not wise enough then you should try to be. She might be simply troubled by something.
InPolska 11 | 1,821
8 Jul 2015 #19
@Polsyr: No, 12 year-difference is not much, even if woman is older ;).

@Asn; Yes, like Polsyr says, she seems 'exotic" but very soon you'll realize that she is like most American girls (people are individuals and not "nationality blocks"). Obviously you want her and she wants you so do as you feel (nobody on the forum can give you advice) but as she is married, you'd get into a very complicated situation and you would suffer from it. Always wrong idea to go with someone married.
terri 1 | 1,660
8 Jul 2015 #20
Also remember this: what will happen if her husband finds out? Are you prepared to marry her? Are you prepared to go through a messy divorce? Find someone nearer your own age. You can of course ask her if she wants a 'quick fling' (i.e. sex) with you - but that is all it will ever be. Few days/nights of passion and then goodbye.
8 Jul 2015 #21
Hmmmmm, though one. I'm pretty "touchy" myself. Not with ppl I just got to know but if I feel right with someone and think it might be good friendship I just feel comfortable hugging them and touching their arm. And I'm Polish.

There are 2 reasons why she may touch you and all that without "meaning buisness" as someone put it:
-because of the age difference she treats you like a younger brother not a sexual object and therefore feels she can act as she wants without being worried about flirt

- she feels so good in her relationship that the thought of cheating didn't cross her mind and it freed her to become more open (that's how it works with me- I'm in a good relationship so when someone talks to me in bar e.t.c. I'm much more open than I used to just because to me being in a relationship means no hunky-punky whatsoever, no option, so I'm not scared I'll be accused of flirting)

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