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Love without chemistry? (Asian in love with a Polish woman)


A J 4 | 1,088
26 Jun 2010 #91
Obese with something else to offer. Trade.

I know this will go down as another lame comment, but I can almost picture a flat girl..

xD
Natasa 1 | 580
26 Jun 2010 #92
Yes,a completely germanophile phantasy.

I wouldn't be so cruel, there are good sides, like
warmth in personal contact, extreme sensuality, generous nature, sociability, understanding and care for others feelings, flexibility, open mindedness, superb hedonistic life style and very peaceful nature visible through rarely seen respect for other nations.

Of course, not to forget, aesthetic aspirations......

I can't stop:)
A J 4 | 1,088
26 Jun 2010 #93
I can't stop:)

Oh well, that's two things we have in common then.

;P
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #94
As for actual infidelities, I figure it's best to always give her the freedom to cheat. That will tend to earn you the same freedom, regardless if you ever act on that or even leave the house. It shows confidence, and that same freedom can give you confidence to be a dominant man.

So, gg4, I'd suggest that dominance can be another area you can work on.

Thanks, that's a great idea. Actually I already suggested to her that she will retain her freedom in case we'll stay together. We will be bonded by other aspects besides sex. About sex, as long as she's happy whenever with me, I don't mind (not sure!) if she get some extra pops somewhere in case I could not meet her demand. The point is to live happy together, not to possess each other. As long as she takes responsibility to the family, treat her husband well when we together, she has her freedom for her "hobbies", whatever it is. After all, there're lot of guys having quickies somewhere, but still very much want to keep the family and try to please their wives. The same thing may happen to women. Does it sound too much liberal?

Can you believe that I have met a girl who told she liked short fat guys?(She was in love with my friend who tried to reduce his butt).

How's the girl? A tall blonde smoking hot?

My opinion is that a woman has various inputs, and the importance she places on each input depends on the individual girl. You apply to these inputs as best you can, and if you can reach that certain threshold, which only she knows (unless you can read her), you have a chance to succeed

Thanks. That's what I am trying.

Without chemistry there is no love. It's infatuation :)

Chemistry can be created. Some just spark right away, but fade quickly. Some is really hard at the beginning, yet may happen eventually. I am pursuing the latter.

I believe you, but ofcourse the wow-factor always helps

Who would be more appreciated: People without the wow factor yet are consistent to go for their belief (love, goals...), vs. people with the wow factor but less determination and devotion.
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #95
Oh really? Well, I should probably tell you that you've made yourself perfectly clear, painfully clear even, and that I'm merely trying to make sense to you about what a relationship should be about

50% Americans divorce in 1st marriage. Another 30% -40% divorce in 2nd marriage. I guess those could be benefit learning from you what a relationship should be about. There's no single formula for a relationship.

I am glad that most of you don't agree with my arguments. Because most people know the common sense about what a relationship should be, and look at the statistics of divorce. So, something different from the common sense may work, don't you think?

In your defense, being a provider is a good thing, but it can be a delicate game to not make it look like you're trying to buy her, or that you have nothing else to offer

That's not what I meant. I am not aiming for uggle, failing, apathetic.... I just wanted to remark that NOT many women (and men) are lucky enough to be that successful. Even though they may be beautiful, determined, work hard, but success depends on many factors, especially luck. My woman is beautiful, work hard,etc... but she's not lucky.

An escape hatch for you could be to share her sexually.

I answered this point in another quote of yours.

I confess, guilty to all the above charges. Hey... no one ever said Polish women were modest

Are you?

Sure, but it certainly helps when both partners are perfectly honest about their priorities from the start, so you don't have to find out that you really don't belong to eachother later on in life. Whatever floats your boat!

We are honest, at least we know what we want from the other without having to speak it out. However, we do want to work towards a better relationship through hard work, patience, care, trust, responsibility, understanding. The start may be a mess, yet hopefully things will get better. We will have to plan for many possible situations. We're no longer young and partying. We're in middle age.

You have to believe me when I tell you that the sexiest characteristics in a man is his confidence and a sense of humor.
I have a feeling this girl is not doing much for your ego

Thanks for great advice. Confidence - what do you think? Do I have it? Sense of humor?

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'

I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.
beckski 12 | 1,617
27 Jun 2010 #96
Are you?

Am I what? Guilty as charged or a modest Polish woman?
A J 4 | 1,088
27 Jun 2010 #97
We are honest, at least we know what we want from the other without having to speak it out.

I guess I have different ideas about honesty?

We're no longer young and partying. We're in middle age.

And? You're just as young as you feel, and age really is nothing but a number. (To a certain extent ofcourse!)

However, we do want to work towards a better relationship through hard work, patience, care, trust, responsibility, understanding.

Well, surely you can keep working on all of that, and still throw a party from time to time? I mean, who says serious relationships always have to be so serious? (She probably still wants to have as much fun as she can have you know!)

;)

Confidence - what do you think? Do I have it?

I really don't mean to belittle you or anything, because I hate it when people do that to me aswell, but if you have to ask other people if you're confident enough then I guess you still aren't. No offense, but you really shouldn't have to look for any kind of confirmation or approval at your age. You should simply know yourself best.

Sense of humor?

There are two types of humour. You can tell a joke every once in a while, but still be dead serious and dull all the time. You can also try to makes all sorts of little jokes whenever you're having a conversation with her. (Simple things like teasing, flirting, funny anecdotes or even cheeky replies to her questions.) Try to show her a bit of your own humour when she least expects it, and I can promise you that she'll respond to that once you'll get the hang of it. Don't be afraid to be a bit crazy sometimes! (Women are totally crazy, so that's why!)

;)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387
27 Jun 2010 #98
gg4

please consider putting your thoughts in one post, rather than posting at two minute intervals.

thank you.
f stop 25 | 2,513
27 Jun 2010 #99
Chemistry can be created. Some just spark right away, but fade quickly. Some is really hard at the beginning, yet may happen eventually. I am pursuing the latter.

Just keep fooling yourself. Good luck.
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #100
please consider putting your thoughts in one post, rather than posting at two minute intervals

OK. I didn't know that rule.

gg4:
Chemistry can be created. Some just spark right away, but fade quickly. Some is really hard at the beginning, yet may happen eventually. I am pursuing the latter.
Just keep fooling yourself. Good luck.

I am surprised that you don't believe chemistry can be created. Do you think that people have patriotism through education,training, or propaganda? Or do you think everybody is a patriot at birth? Once a kind of love could be created, other kinds could be too. Do you know how human sexual desire is created? It's a mix of hormonal, environmental, psychological factors. The labs have already been able to produce sex hormone; the environment can be set up; the psychology can be learnt and practiced: isn't this forums a psychological one? Ofcourse a chemistry click at first sight is much more simple. Yet if you're not that lucky, you may want to try other ways.
f stop 25 | 2,513
27 Jun 2010 #101
Do you know how human sexual desire is created? It's a mix of hormonal, environmental, psychological factors.

you just keep kidding yourself. You can't make somebody fall in love with you. Are you going to show Stockholm syndrome as an example next?!?
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #102
please consider putting your thoughts in one post, rather than posting at two minute intervals.

This is a 3 minute interval, not 2. So, I guess it's alright? Just kidding. Sorry I am still used to posting seperate reply to seperate people. I will correct this manner.

if you have to ask other people if you're confident enough then I guess you still aren't.

I didn't mean a question. I meant an affirmation in interrogative form. The kind that politicians want to use.

Well, surely you can keep working on all of that, and still throw a party from time to time? I mean, who says serious relationships always have to be so serious? (She probably still wants to have as much fun as she can have you know!)

Great advice. Thanks. Last night there was a party next door. The smell of BBQ and perfumes mixed together coming from my neighbor's backyard was so unique. I will do that some time.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #103
Other couples initially get to each other because of other needs, not chemistry. And love may develop later.

Do Polish women believe in this?

No. If chemistry is not there from the beginning it's not going to 'develop'. You may grow on each other but it's never good to settle down just because it seems safe. In the long run you will find that you can't just wait around for her to love you and you will get impatient, whilst she will start looking around for chemistry elsewhere, it's only natural. You're not a couple of OAP's with no choice but to settle down so please make the right decision and end this unhealthy union.

I have also noticed you are responding in quite a defensive manner to anyone who dares to burst your bubble. If you don't want to hear critisism and if you don't want to hear people saying you are wasting your time then why the hell ask in the first place?
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007
27 Jun 2010 #104
Anyone who tries to fool themselves into loving another is just deluded :/
You can of course start to see a person in a different way and over time that might develope into something different. But in general if there ain't a spark there in the first place, why bother trying to create one?
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #105
Are you going to show Stockholm syndrome as an example next

Stockholm syndrome refers to a captive hostage. This is not the case.

You can't make somebody fall in love with you.

So, how do people fall in love? Do they not do anything to/for each other, and just simply fall in love by a click? Does love always has to start with chemistry? is it the only way for love?

If you don't try to make the other fall in love with you, you don't deserve to be loved.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #106
But in general if there ain't a spark there in the first place, why bother trying to create one?

It only happens in films that there's this poor guy who is really nice and sweet and he loves this girl but she doesn't notice him, he is always there for her and one day she suddenly realises that she loves him and they live happily ever after. As a woman knowing what it's like to be in a relationship where the other person loves you and is there for you but there aren't any sparks, it just seemed the right thing to do, i can say that sooner or later it gets too frustrating to carry on. It's not like you don't have a choice, if there's no love then move on and look elsewhere. I have a feeling that the lady in question is only looking for support for the time being, once she finds her 'spark' with another man she'll be gone just like that.

other fall in love with you, you don't deserve to be loved.

you already tried and she told you she doesn't feel the chemistry, how many more things are you gonna do for her to understand you can't make someone fall in love? they either love you or not, you're just putting her on a guilt trip cos if you're so nice she'll feel crap about dumping you.
zuczek 3 | 52
27 Jun 2010 #107
"Spark" is a romantic notion and fades like all romantic notions. People who chase it will never be happy. True love is not what women's romance novels and movies show it as...true love is being able to trust and depend on someone without reservation. It is putting someone else above all others and as much as possible above yourself. True love is a choice more than a magical thing that happens. You CHOOSE to make this one person your focus and help each other through good and bad times. That is love.
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #108
When love starts with chemistry, most people will later on look for another kind of chemistry which is stronger. Because their nature of love starts with chemistry, it's chemistrical oriented. I saw a lot of examples how these chemistrical loves go.

I have also noticed you are responding in quite a defensive manner to anyone who dares to burst your bubble. If you don't want to hear critisism and if you don't want to hear people saying you are wasting your time then why the hell ask in the first place?

I will defense until you guys can reasonably convince me (thanks for your contribution of ideas), or until it proves correct in reality in my case. Isn't it a good thing about debate/argument? It's a process of learning through arguing, not necessarily agreement. The time spent is learning time, not waste.

You can of course start to see a person in a different way and over time that might develope into something different. But in general if there ain't a spark there in the first place, why bother trying to create one

A spark is not always there, not only in love, but also not in all aspects of your life. Your job is to create it. Do you just wait for your customer to buy your products, or do you need to advertise, marketing, make them love your products? Do you just simply expect your children to love you, or do you need to do something (a lot, in your whole life) for them, so they will appreciate it and develop the bond with you?
zuczek 3 | 52
27 Jun 2010 #109
gg4 I agree with you. People who chase some idea will never be happy. Love is built and grown much like respect and other good ideas. It isn't "at first sight" or other silly childish notions. It takes work and time and is built on the back of trust and respect.

Far too many people mistake selfish lust or pleasure seeking for love.
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007
27 Jun 2010 #110
Because their nature of love starts with chemistry, it's chemistrical oriented. I saw a lot of examples how these chemistrical loves go.

That has to be some of the biggest psycho bollocks I've heard on this forum :D

Do you just wait for your customer to buy your products, or do you need to advertise, marketing, make them love your products? Do you just simply expect your children to love you, or do you need to do something (a lot, in your whole life) for them, so they will appreciate it and develop the bond with you?

Love is not a blooming product you buy off the shelf. Whatever you're smoking, pass it on mate. Otherwise stop trying to delude yourself. I'm guessing from not reading this thread that you are chasing a Polish lass who has given you the cold shoulder... shame.
zuczek 3 | 52
27 Jun 2010 #111
I will take the word of those who I know who have been together for 30-50 years and have been mostly happy. They know far more than young people on the internet about what true love is.

Sure you cannot force someone who is unwilling but at the same time it requires work from both sides...it is not some magical event like most women and a lot of naive young guys would want it to be. If someone is not interested then leave it be but I really get tried of listening to women moan about lack of romance etc when I see them often doing very little to engender trust and connection. They expect some magic to happen and that is why so many people are unhappy and so many relationships fail.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #112
"Spark" is a romantic notion and fades like all romantic notions.

if it fades all you have left is a routine. if you can't look at them without that bit of a spark, without a bit of lust, then i think you're not in love. ok so they're there for you and you trust them but so are your friends. you don't have a 'spark' with your friends that's why you don't form relationships with them. dunno about you but i don't want to be stuck in a relationship just because it seems like the right thing to do.
zuczek 3 | 52
27 Jun 2010 #113
You will never find what you are looking for young lass if you expect everlasting "spark". That is not real life. Ask anyone who has been married happily for 50 years. You DO form relationships with friends and your mate should be your best friend. You seem to put far too much importance on sex if lust is such a big deal to you. You will look back and say "hey that guy was right" some day. I am sure of it.

There are a lot of lonely people at 50 still looking for that "everlasting spark" while wishing they had someone to trust and rely on. Life is not a fairy tale. Besides nobody is forcing any of you to be in a relationship just to be in one. You choose that if it is what you are doing. Be realistic or be unhappy. No matter to me.
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007
27 Jun 2010 #114
JustysiaS G

Exactly, that's why so many young Poles seem to get married to their "first love" from high school. Then end up being stuck in a relationship where all the spark, lust, ect has gone. Many people who I met in Poland who were married for 30-50 years were stuck in these kinds of relationships. Just being together because that's the "proper" thing to do. Neither happy or in love.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #115
Do you just wait for your customer to buy your products, or do you need to advertise, marketing, make them love your products?

no advertising and marketing tricks will help if the product is not good for you, if it gives you an allergic reaction or if it's sh!te, simple as that. you can wrap it up nicely too and make it half price and it still won't sell if it's not compatible. in other words, if it's the right product for ya it don't need advertising, you'll still buy it and keep buying it instead of looking around for other brands.

Do you just simply expect your children to love you, or do you need to do something (a lot, in your whole life) for them, so they will appreciate it and develop the bond with you?

a bond between a mother and her children and a romantic feeling between two grown up people are two VERY different things
OP gg4
27 Jun 2010 #116
You CHOOSE to make this one person your focus and help each other through good and bad times. That is love.

Wow. This is the great comment of the day! Thanks. Let's go for it. Good luck to you.

i can say that sooner or later it gets too frustrating to carry on.

Thanks, great advice, very true. Until now, I am not frustrating yet. I will be though, just don't know exactly when. Yes, I have other choices. I just don't want to try others until I am frustrating with this one.

you already tried and she told you she doesn't feel the chemistry, how many more things are you gonna do for her to understand you can't make someone fall in love?

I give it another trial. B/c we have several important things in common, except that chemical spark. We have a saying "opportunity doesn't come twice", but we also have another saying "nothing knocks three times". So, this is my second, and last "knock", a few more months, I guess.
JustysiaS 13 | 2,240
27 Jun 2010 #117
Ask anyone who has been married happily for 50 years. You DO form relationships with friends and your mate should be your best friend. You seem to put far too much importance on sex if lust is such a big deal to you. You will look back and say "hey that guy was right" some day. I am sure of it.

if i am to be with someone they just have to 'do it for me' otherwise i'll get bored. i'd rather be alone than have somebody who is nauseatingly all over me and there on my every command. it's not, what you call it, fun, i'm not sure if you know what it is? of course sex is important, why bother tying the knot with somebody if you don't find them sexually attractive, that's why people cheat so much. your vision of love seems to be that one of two old wrinklies sat on the porch watching a sunset. i'm not that old yet! call me a helpless romantic but getting married is a big decision and i'm not gonna do it just because some guy is being nice to me. i wanna look at him and think Phwoarr that's the man i'm gonna marry and go to bed with everynight! :D
zuczek 3 | 52
27 Jun 2010 #118
You sound like a very naive young person with a very naive young view of life. Sex is not as important as you think it is in your young horny years. The reason people cheat is because they are selfish ******** who cannot honor a promise. Don't you dare blame it on lack of them getting their sexual fill....that is selfish nonsense.

Nobody is forcing you to do anything. YOU are the one setting your expectations and setting them on unrealistic and fairy tale notions as well. Go ahead...keep looking...and die old and alone. It is 100% your choice. Nobody is making you do either.

In any case best of luck to you...you are going to need it with your view of things.
dtaylor5632 18 | 2,007
27 Jun 2010 #119
To be honest, I don't know how you can base who someone is just by their comments on here. She never said that sex is the most important thing in a relationship. You seem to get very defensive when speaking about this subject with a younger person. Is there something you are not telling us? Share your experiences here...

Nobody is forcing you to do anything. YOU are the one setting your expectations and setting them on unrealistic and fairy tale notions as well. Go ahead...keep looking...and die old and alone. It is 100% your choice. Nobody is making you do either.

How is that a fairy tale image? Sex is a natural part of any relationship. Same with trust, love ect. Shouting down at someone just because they have standards is a bit petty. If we all stuck to your notion of love then we would just go back to the olden days of choosing your husband/wife based on what your parents would think.

You only have one life, spending it with someone you don't have any connection or spark with is more like spending it with your buddy from work.

And as it goes, what is wrong with being alone? If that makes you happy then do it.
southern 75 | 7,096
27 Jun 2010 #120
Today I did not manage to bed a Polka a Russkaya and even a girl from Boston!Am I getting overexhausted?What the hell?

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