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Polish boyfriend coming to visit


marek1024 2 | 12
19 Dec 2009 #1
hi i am a filipina and i have a polish bf. he will be coming here in manila (first time to see each other personally)

we have know each other for 2 years already. he was introduced to me by a common frend and is now on a relationship by 6 months.

since he is coming in feb i dont know what to do or what to say to him upon picking him up at the airport.

is it ok if i can kiss him upon seeing each other?
what food can i prepare for him that for sure poles like him will like?
krysia 23 | 3,057
19 Dec 2009 #2
is it ok if i can kiss him upon seeing each other?

Depends how much you like him and how close you are.
I wouldn't. Leave the kissing for later.
Introduce him to food from your country, let him learn something new. Don't pamper him too much.
OP marek1024 2 | 12
20 Dec 2009 #3
hi krysia, thanks for below. i'll leave the kissing later. but for pampering, i dont know if i can do it. love pampering my bf so he will feel at ease. do you think its wrong?
shush 1 | 212
20 Dec 2009 #4
Maybe try to ask him? If it is going to be your first meeting then you must be talking about it a lot with details. And a kiss on the cheek and a hug is nothing wrong if you both feel like doing it.
OP marek1024 2 | 12
21 Dec 2009 #5
hehehhe..sure is...we talking about it with full details hehehe.thanks
kasia24 6 | 27
25 Dec 2009 #6
sorry im not sure I got it right;
you know eachtoher for 2yrs
he's in a relationship since 6months
but not with u?
u ave a polish bf, it's not him/its with him?
sorry if i didn't get it clear
thx
BrutalButcher - | 390
25 Dec 2009 #7
Lol at these "should I kiss my polish bf threads"

Do whatever you want. WHy do you need to ask random people on a forum?!
f stop 25 | 2,513
25 Dec 2009 #8
I gather it's been an internet/phone relationship up to now.
Do what you are comfortable doing.
And remember, you might be convinced that you are in love, but the
final test is the physical attraction when you meet in person - it's important to be yourself.
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
25 Dec 2009 #9
There is only 1 way that can lead to success:

Judge by the situation what you should do when you meet him.
pawian 179 | 16,417
25 Dec 2009 #10
Lol at these "should I kiss my polish bf threads"

Do whatever you want. WHy do you need to ask random people on a forum?!

It is important. The language of body signs and gestures may be totally different in another country. Nodding your head means yes in Poland and most of Europe, but no in Bulgaria and Albania.

If you were to meet an Eskimo or Aboriginal guy at the airport for the first time, would you be so sure what to do with him or her? I bet you wouldn`t.
southern 75 | 7,096
25 Dec 2009 #11
It is important. The language of body signs and gestures may be totally different in another country.

for example this argentinian guy claimed in the court that his gesture meant that the score was 1:1.(this is the way they show it in Argentina).
asik 2 | 220
26 Dec 2009 #12
hi i am a filipina and i have a polish bf.

I've been to your country a few years ago, to Manila exactly and I really enjoyed your food at the restaurant- everything was delicious.

I think your boyfriend should be okay or even surprise how good the food tastes.

In our Polish culture we cheek kiss each other (on both cheeks) when greeting . In your situation a kiss on the lips would be all right too.

Just try to be yourself and confident, that's important.
BrutalButcher - | 390
26 Dec 2009 #13
In our Polish culture we cheek kiss each other (on both cheeks)

Which cheeks?
Amathyst 19 | 2,702
26 Dec 2009 #14
If he bends over she will know ;0)
Softsong 5 | 495
26 Dec 2009 #15
I can understand how OP feels. I had an online bf back in 1999 and worried about everything prior to our first meeting. I lived in the USA and he lived in Poland. It was my first visit to Poland and our first time meeting in real life. We were so used to emails, chat and phones, but meeting face-to-face for the first time was so exciting and scary, too!

We did hug right away and he held my hand as he led me out of the airport in Warsaw. We could not stop smiling, but it felt also a bit weird.

Most people who have gone through this find that after a few minutes, all awkwardness disappears. It is the same person you have come to love online. We spent months and months getting to know how we felt about everything without the physical blinding us to who we really were. This only works well, if both people are genuine. It is possible to fool someone online, but also in real life for a time. And sometimes, you find that there is no in person chemistry. At the very least then you have made a wonderful friend. Most times though the connection is there.

Telling you to relax is pointless. You are going to be thrilled and worried all at the same time! Enjoy the moment. It is something that only happens once. Meeting that special person in real life.

My relationship lasted for three years and was one of the best. We had a large age gap and ultimately that is what ended us, but to this day there are absolutely no regrets.
nomaderol 5 | 726
26 Dec 2009 #16
was one of the best. We had a large age gap and ultimately that is what ended us,

was one of the best, but, ended. he died? or, exhausted, maybe?
Softsong 5 | 495
26 Dec 2009 #17
No....he was 29 years younger than myself, and I felt that we had the best of what we could have in those years. We were good for each other.

I did not want to get involved romantically in the first place, (I wanted to remain penpal friends), but because of his relentless pursuit, I fooled myself into thinking that it would be o.k. for the longhaul. I came to want to believe.

Later, after I miscarried a baby due to my age, I felt it was unfair for him. I encouraged him to return to Poland to complete his MA, and see what would happen with us down the road. Part of me wanted him to return to me, and the other part wanted him to have a partner closer to his age.

The next summer he was to come back to the USA to spend the summer with me, but after a lot of back and forth in my mind and heart, I decided, no. I could tell that he was beginning to be attracted to a young lady in his class, and he was acting as though he did not like her at all. He was fighting the attraction to stay loyal. I figured, give them the summer, and they will be together. I was right, brokenhearted, and happy for him all at the same time.

She felt badly at first....that she stole my man....and wanted to write to me, wanted me to understand. I let her know that I understood and was happy for them. We became friends by email. She felt that he would always care about me and wanted us all to be on good terms.

They got married a few years later, and last year I went to visit them in Ireland after seven years had passed! I was nervous, but it was a wonderful reunion and I feel that they are happy and right for each other. The love I had is still there, but with no trace of romance.
nomaderol 5 | 726
26 Dec 2009 #18
yours is 29 years difference and you forced to seperate yourself as you didnt feel good.

in other thread about 72 yo man and 29 yo woman, difference is 43 years. he probably doesnt consider any problem like you did as the rules, traditions, habits (actually, all about nothing but only capitalism, especially religious capitalism which is male capitalism) support his feelings.

he'd probably have considered you as an idiot if he read your post.

if capitalism, loves are for sale. this is reality. doesnt matter you are very old or very young, you are men or you are women. amount of money close gaps. small money differences close small age difference gaps. big money difference close big age difference gaps. so, sorry for you by not realizing this reality and let him go. probably, he too was a capitalist male, so, you should have kept him like old men doing about young girl without hesitating.

basically, in this capitalist system, there is a buyer and there is a seller. and there is money between them. at this moment, 90% of capitals are belong to male world and 90% of buyers are male world. female world, what to do?
SzwedwPolsce 11 | 1,595
26 Dec 2009 #19
Reality is more complicated than this.

The "love" you can buy is not real love, and should be called something else. You must understand that.
mephias 11 | 304
26 Dec 2009 #20
nomaderol

I think you shouldn't judge a relation this easily. Every relation has its own parameters, money, love, childs, lust it can be anything. And I agree with SzwedwPolsce it is often very complex.

This capitalism obsession is not something good. People have right to choose to live in their own way they have chance to create opportunities at their own risk. I think also nature works in same way.
Softsong 5 | 495
26 Dec 2009 #21
nomaderol

In reference to the older man with the 40 year age difference....

he'd probably have considered you as an idiot if he read your post

Perhaps that older man would have thought me foolish. A majority of people who heard about the younger man and myself jumped to the conclusion that I was a cougar and said, "Way to go girl!" And many others thought the younger man was in it for the money. I was newly divorced, and without much money. He did not like living in the USA and wanted me to come live in Poland. In fact he found a place for us to live and while his parents were not happy about us as a couple, they also offered for us to live with them. They loved their son and wanted him happy, and they liked me even though I was their age. He and I truly loved each other. The age was immaterial, but in the real world it was not a good long-term idea, if I really loved him, and wanted the best for him.

Older men and younger women often get stereotyped too as the woman being in it for money, and it is like that a lot, money does play a role. Like another poster said, this is not love, but an arrangement. But, love also does exist between very much older men and younger women.

In either case, whether the relationship is for money or love, the idea of an older man with a younger woman has been more accepted in the past. The man can still give the woman children and material things.

In the case of an older woman, the younger man often must sacrifice the idea of having children if he is to be with his older lady. Mine was ready to do that, but I knew he really had always wanted to be a father. But anyway, I am getting off the course of this thread. I merely wanted the OP to know that I could relate to her worries about meeting an online love for the first time. I wish them both luck and have a feeling it will all work out, but it is normal to be excited and apprehensive.
southern 75 | 7,096
26 Dec 2009 #22
Basically when you get older you
lose physical strength and endurance but you compensate with experience and material.
nomaderol 5 | 726
26 Dec 2009 #23
The "love" you can buy is not real love

what do you think why 99% of polish girls are posting here they looking for penpals from usa, uk, germany etc to learn english, german, dutch, etc, but, none of them is interested in tanzanian, ethiopian, etc? cause these poor africans can't buy a love. at least, girls postings telling this. you speak good words, but, reality speaks itself.

Do you think the old man cares about love when the polka opens her mouth?Total humiliation.

were you at their bed room? if she is with him, but, not with you, it means she is happy enough in bed room also.

This capitalism obsession is not something good. I think also nature works in same way.

it is not my obsession, it is obsession of capitalist minds who not accepting their own reality (failure failure failure), but, still trying to twist the reality. nature works in capitalist way? you mean animal nature? which animal? lets say lions as it is kings of animals.. you know what lions do? a male lion kills all children of a female lion before he becomes her new husband if her husband died.
ooshak - | 28
28 Dec 2009 #24
what do you think why 99% of polish girls are posting here they looking for penpals from usa, uk, germany etc to learn english, german, dutch, etc, but, none of them is interested in tanzanian, ethiopian, etc? cause these poor africans can't buy a love.

I can speak five languages and none of them have anything to do with economic situation of the countries they represent. Whenever I have a chance, on any forum, with any penpals, I practise them. This forum happens to gather English native speakers among others. English is the most widely spoken language in the world. I think looking for a penpal who speaks this language is nothing but natural. On the other hand I happen to be a founder of a forum for Nigerian-Polish couples and we have lots of girls there trying to learn Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa and other Nigerian languages. I wonder what answer you'd give to them.

Softsong, I am deeply moved by your story. Everyone here tries to be cynical, because having feelings would make them less men I guess. But the truth is you are a very strong, big-hearted human being anyone should feel privileged being a friend/lover/husband/child of. You must be wonderful to be around.

what food can i prepare for him that for sure poles like him will like?

Chicken is always safe -most people like it. Any traditional food will be highly appreciated I'm sure, just try not to use any controversial ingredients until you know his taste (I mean any kinds of worms/intestines/stomachs/tongues/snakes etc). At my church in Greece we had a lot of Fillipinos (even the pastor himself was one) and whenever they prepared food it was always deliscious and everyone liked it more than any other food -and we had representatives from many different countries. So you shouldn't worry at all. As everyone else said: just be yourself, relax, let the moment guide you. I'm sure it will be great. And let us know how it went :)
Softsong 5 | 495
28 Dec 2009 #25
Thank you, Ooshak!

I appreciate what you said to me. I feel happy that I shared my experience and that someone truly "gets" it. You are no doubt right. Most people tend to make cracks and be cynical because of the fear of being perceived as weak.

Your post is very upbuilding, and I liked your observation concerning the languages that people strive to learn when they are in love with someone from another culture. While it may appear to most of us that people what to learn the languages of the more succesful countries to find a rich mate, you gave us a window into a lesser known forum where feelings and love win out over money.
nomaderol 5 | 726
28 Dec 2009 #26
On the other hand I happen to be a founder of a forum for Nigerian-Polish couples and we have lots of girls there trying to learn Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa and other Nigerian languages. I wonder what answer you'd give to them.

what can i say to them. when i hear such very rare things i eat my own words. but, these girls who are curious of black things are after casual sex, aren't they? anyway, i wasn't talking about english only as it is widely spoken in world. my point wasnt also about polish girls also. as i accept all these, you too need accept the reality that 90% of females are after richer males. no blame here. capitalist life educates them so. fathers, mothers advice and hopeful for their daughters to marry to richer males and raise them accordingly. any problem here? normally not. but, when it is at critical times such as wars or global economy crisis, you don't know who will be poor or rich tomorrow. and investments including love investments in capitalist life are made for tomorrow.. so, for parents and daughters, it is not easy to give any advice at such critical stiuations as they dont know who will be poor or rich tomorrow. my suggestion to them especialy to fathers who claim they think their daughters so much when giving rich husband advices is that if they are thinking their daughters so much, fathers, give your wealth to your daughters so that your daughters wont have any problem when chosing her husband without thinking he has money or not. then, boys here wont blame girls as golddiggers, etc. hmm, now, you will think i am a golddigger man. lol. no problem, i can take the blame, but, not their golds of girls.

btw, how are you doing that? learning 5 languages? i learnt only this one language and it was too much sweatening. do i have to learn polish if a polish lady shows a serious interest? i know she will probably say it is not necessary, but, it is probably her kindness. she will probably have an expectation from me to learn her language. which is easiest language in the world? maybe, i should go there. or, if she is polish, i warn her in advance i can not learn your language easily. looks really complicated, especially written language with many tails at top and bottom of the letters. i can learn only a word or two a day at most. i will consider i am successful if i can learn love words only.
Softsong 5 | 495
28 Dec 2009 #27
My son was just telling me that when he was over at his mother-in-law's home for Christmas, that his little girl (my grand daughter) drew a picture of a beautiful home with jaccuzi.

My grand daughter's other grandmother told her, "Marry a rich man so you can have a house like that." My son said, "Go to school, learn to be a doctor and you can have the house you want."

So, yes....many times girls are given this type of advice. :-(
nomaderol 5 | 726
28 Dec 2009 #28
nobody is asking what the daughter wants, isnt't it. maybe, she will not want a rich husband or she may not want to be a doctor. but, adults want her to repeat their own life experiences and advices are accordingly. as if they did everythings good.. btw, actually, little daughter shouting everybody "i want a beautiful house" first, but, nobody is understanding her. (in my world socialism, first thing to do is one beautiful house to each girl for free when they reach the age 15 years old.)
ooshak - | 28
28 Dec 2009 #29
do i have to learn polish if a polish lady shows a serious interest? i know she will probably say it is not necessary, but, it is probably her kindness. she will probably have an expectation from me to learn her language.

I'm afraid you will have to face your girl's parents, friends, uncles, aunts and employers. My husband doesn't seem to mind but I go crazy every time I hear "you're in Poland, you must learn Polish now" with this cheeky smile on their faces... It's really annoying. Especially that so may Poles do speak Englisg and so few of them are ready to use it.

these girls who are curious of black things are after casual sex, aren't they?

Many of them are, but then they will not bother to learn the language or find out about the culture ;) . Our forum is for married -or at least seriously involved couples.

As to what you say about daugthers/fathers and wealth -I don't know anything any more. I used to say (when living abroad for many years) that Polish girls were very emotional, they loved deeply and didn't care about financial status. And believe me -I saw many girls like that -who fought for love, stood against parents who were against their loved one (because he was a foreigner), and did everything in their parents for their love to win -and there was no financial reward whatsoever -not even a sign there could be one in the future. And then I came to Poland, I still see this kind of girls, but I also see th younger generation -and must say things change. For example -they approach my husband continuously and propose sex/marriage/date. Some of them give up when they find out he's married and has a baby, some of them don't. "In my times" (hehe) no girl would do such a thing -it was the guy who had to do the first step. And I too hear of girls who like dating foreigners as they think it will bring a better status -be it money, travelling, good house, car or whatever... But I and my friends were brought up believeing money didn't matter, true feeling did.

My son said, "Go to school, learn to be a doctor and you can have the house you want."

Great advice! :)

maybe, she will not want a rich husband or she may not want to be a doctor. but, adults want her to repeat their own life experiences and advices are accordingly

That's what parents do. They give advice. Their own experience is all they have. And children always reject this advice until they use their own experience to see that the old folkes were right hehehe

btw, how are you doing that? learning 5 languages?

That's all I do. Or rather did. I've got MA in Spanish Philology, and learnt other languages along the way. I am sure you're good at whatever your job is. Everyone has been gifted differently.
nomaderol 5 | 726
30 Dec 2009 #30
As to what you say about daugthers/fathers and wealth -I don't know anything any more.

i have seen very very few girls who fought for their loves against their fathers who are against the poor guys after their daughters. fathers who consider themselves had worked hard to make money and capital want their sons to repeat what they do. work hard, make money and buy a wife. and, they want their potential sons-in-law to do the same, work hard, make money and buy his daughter. these are fathers who worked hard to make money and capitals who are actually usually poor fathers who have small capitals. for rich fathers, it is no problem anyway as their daughters already learnt to buy the guys or to couple them with another rich guy to make the capitals combined to make bigger capital. problem is those relatively poor fathers and their hopes who think people can become rich by working only. They never understand it is not possible by clean works. They transfer this problem to their new generations and same problem is repeated again again. And, girls usually loving their fathers doing same mistake again again and they listen to their advices of their fathers who advice their daughters to find a rich husband. Some advice their daughters to go to university (good advice, but...), such advices dont fit all girls who dont like schools, etc or who can not do math, etc. If these fathers really loving their daughters, they should give some of their capitals to their daughters. but, no, these fathers actually dont care about their daughters, but, their money. hence, they want easier thing, let a richer guy buy her. this is the mentality of capitalist fathers whose ultimate minds are problematic as they think males are superior than females. sorry, daughters, but, your fathers arent loving you really, but, money only. they are just exploiting your emotions as they know you are emotional humans.. daughters, try to take their some capitals of your fathers and see the truth. you will fight a lot with your father then. but, you should win. this is good also for them such fathers cause they still think people can be rich by working cleanly. if you went to university and if you are making money already for yourself, then, you dont need to take capital of your relatively poor fathers, but, you need to educate them as i am doing.

love? under all these conditions, it is meaningless to talk about any love. rarely happening and we see wars between daughters and such fathers when it happens. then, i am blamed by causing problems between fathers and daughters. ok, i can take the blame, but, i dont take golds of females, like you fathers doing who call fathers are god, yes, godfathers, lol.


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