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Uptight Poles


southern 75 | 7,096
8 May 2011 #31
Like a lawyer told me one day when he smoked in a restaurant sb told him to stop smoking.Why? the lawyer asked.-Because your smoking annoys me.To what the lawyer answered:''I get annoyed by your not smoking.''
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #32
I went out with a friend of mine last night to a street festival, she was unhappy about my smoking, told me not to smoke. I told her to relax. She got upset and left, because I would not change my habits for her.

Who was being rude here, I wonder... or at least vastly inconsiderate?
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387
8 May 2011 #33
so now smokers can't smoke outside.

i'd say that either the smoker or the other person should take a step back. nothing needs to be said between them.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #34
so now smokers can't smoke outside.

It was a street festival involving sitting at tables (as per opening post). Once you sit down at a table with other people, the rules of the game tend to change a little. Also, you are not allowed to smoke in the UK at open-air bus stops or railway platforms, how is that different at all?
boletus 30 | 1,366
8 May 2011 #35
I went out with a friend of mine last night to a street festival, she was unhappy about my smoking, told me not to smoke. I told her to relax. She got upset and left, because I would not change my habits for her.

You would not say that Americans, especially Californians, are uptight, would you? And yet even before the days of the total ban on smoking was introduced over there some of them would let you know, either directly or indirectly, that you were a pariah if you dared to have a puff at the table you shared with them outdoors, or at the table nearby. Such behaviour has nothing to do with nationality but about deeply ingrained righteousness. By the way, I do not smoke any more, but I am still tolerant of smokers outdoors.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387
8 May 2011 #36
Also, you are not allowed to smoke in the UK at open-air bus stops or railway platforms,

the same here. so i don't.

it's not the fact that people can smoke or not. it is the way some folk pass on the message.

i wonder how many other people were smoking at this festival and were asked to stop, rather than being told.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #37
it is the way some folk pass on the message.

And how do we know that she didn't ask nicely (at least at first?). Her exact words were never quoted, so I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Also, if she was Polish and speaking English, she might have phrased her request a little bluntly for the refined Anglo-Saxon ears of her companion. Nevertheless, if a I smoked (I don't) around someone and they were unhappy with it, I would tend to put my cigarette out just for good old courtesy's sake. Also, when you light up in the presence of a lady, you are supposed to ask for permission first. Old-fashioned maybe, but a solution to our poster's past, present, and future problems with uptight Polish women who hate cigarette smoke.
3xd
8 May 2011 #38
ahhh those Poles...
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387
8 May 2011 #40
Also, when you light up in the presence of a lady, you are supposed to ask for permission first.

and when they light up first, what then ?

Also, if she was Polish and speaking English, she might have phrased her request a little bluntly for the refined Anglo-Saxon ears of her companion.

who is this Anglo-Saxon ?

I thought this was among Polish speaking people in Poland.

My bad, if i'm wrong.
Havok 10 | 912
8 May 2011 #41
I have been here for 7 months and I am beginning to notice that many Poles are so uptight.

So that means that...



southern 75 | 7,096
8 May 2011 #42
Yes,aphrodisiac is polish-Ukrainian who can speak polish fluently.I notice that she changed quite a bit after settling in Poland while most westerners do not change.It shows her roots declared themselves again at least they found ground to develop.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #43
I have been here for 7 months and I am beginning to notice that many Poles are so uptight.

Sounds like a non-Pole to me.
Additionally my bad as well, I took aphrodisiac for a male (didn't check the gender thingy). She just sounded male in the post. ;-)
Havok 10 | 912
8 May 2011 #44
she just sounded male in the post. ;-)

He probably is.

I'm just kidding, relax aphrodisiac
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #46
and when they light up first, what then ?

Well, they have tacitly agreed to your smoking as well, so take advantage while you can ;-p
vndunne 43 | 279
8 May 2011 #47
Magdalena, i think your response sums up exactly what i said.

Well, don't then. Hold the door for people who care about you and whom you care about, and they will thank you for it. Strangers are exactly that in Polish culture - strangers. If you shower them with attention they don't expect or want, they have the right to not thank you for it.

I do it because it is the courteous thing to do. Many times i have said to myself that i wont hold the door open becasue of the reaction, but then i would be lowering my standards to theirs and i refuse to do that. I have had many experiences of doors been left to close in my face and i would not like to do that to someone.

If you were in their way in the first place, you are expected to be doing the apologising. Polish people will not say sorry for someone else's blunder or fault. That's a typically British thing to do. If, however, they were in your way, they will say sorry - and these are probably the "exceptions" you speak of.

Your response to this is childish. If it is ever my fault, i will apologise. I am sorry to inform you that most polish people do NOT say sorry if they bump into you or it is 'their fault'. Your reponse to this is also a typical trait...'there has to be someone to blame and i have to be in the right.' Again, if someone bumps into you, or vice versa, i think it is courteous to say sorry regardless of who's fault it was. No need to aportion blame. Sorry it was just the way i was brought up. You obviously were not.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #48
No need to aportion blame. Sorry it was just the way i was brought up. You obviously were not.

Exactly, we were brought up in different cultures. I don't go around "aportioning" blame. I just know when it was me and say sorry instinctively, while expecting the same in return. I won't apologise if someone steps on my toes or spills a drink over me, or walks right into me because they were not looking. When I do such things, I apologise profusely. In the UK though, I know what's expected and grovel accordingly even if I am the victim ;-)

I do it because it is the courteous thing to do.

In YOUR culture it is. And if you wish to hang on to your idea of courtesy, you might just have to get used to the fact that most people will not acknowledge it in Poland. At least not in a busy street or walking out a door with a crowd of people.

Sorry...
vndunne 43 | 279
8 May 2011 #49
Well, Magdalena, you are definitely Polish!!!
3xd
8 May 2011 #50
to sum it up :Poland for Poles !!! :D
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #51
Well, Magdalena, you are definitely Polish!!!

I am half Polish (the Polish half consisting of East Prussia Germans, Catholic Belorussians, and Kashubians), and half Czech ;-) but I was definitely raised in Poland and that's what ultimately counts, I guess ;-)
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387
8 May 2011 #52
Polish people do know how to enjoy themselves. there are plenty of parties, festivals that prove this.
the problem is that they think too much about the right time and place for enjoyment and seriousness. they should learn to let their hair down whenever.
3xd
8 May 2011 #53
yes.i hope one day we Polish will be like the foreigners.they are so perfect.they always know how to do things correctly.how to behave themselves, how to be tolerant of others habits and culture and how to party... we don't even shave each others eyebrows at parties.. uptight Poles.tfu tfu
pawian 168 | 11,175
8 May 2011 #54
I find some Polish women so controlling. I guess it is upbringing.

It is historically justified. Polish women took care of home and families when men fought their silly Uprisings in forests, and after losing them, were deported to Siberia or even executed.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #55
they should learn to let their hair down whenever.

Care to explain why we should learn to do that?
Seanus 15 | 19,706
8 May 2011 #56
Uptight, anal, aloof. I do see these qualities quite often here but I try and ignore such people who exhibit such traits. One of the last episodes I remember was when I was in the City Hall. The security guy was washing his hands in the gents and clearly not going to be there for much longer so I left the door open for him. He proceeded to mutter sth about manners but I just walked on by. I was doing the guy a favour but he decided to wash his hands again and take his time drying them to make it look that I had left the door open maliciously.

Also, my Lukas bank experience was horrible. What gives these people the right to pour their life story on you? They are so tense and impatient, like they always have somewhere else to be because they are so important ;) I recommend some chillout music for such folk.

I think their uptight, prescriptive and proscriptive ways often come from the RCC.

I will finish by stating that I am merely answering the thread and staying on topic. In so doing, I haven't mentioned the many positive things I've seen from Poles lately. I've just selected those Poles that were uptight.
Magdalena 3 | 1,837
8 May 2011 #57
clearly not going to be there for much longer

he decided to wash his hands again and take his time drying them to make it look that I had left the door open maliciously.

What gives you the right to decide for this guy? He might have wanted to wash his hands twice (I usually do) and maybe he likes having really dry hands. By leaving the door open you embarrassed him. Ever thought of that? Why can't you see the other side of a situation such as this? Why do you think you are right and everyone else is wrong?

Also, my Lukas bank experience was horrible.

I am very sorry you had such a traumatic experience with the Lukas Bank people. If it makes you feel any better, I have had similarly unpleasant experiences with Lloyds TSB and Barclays staff over a number of years, both in person and over the phone - and so what? I don't go around posting my tragic encounters to all and sundry and calling Britishers infuriatingly bureaucratic and slow on the uptake.
Wroclaw 44 | 5,387
8 May 2011 #58
Care to explain why we should learn to do that?

as i suggested too much thought goes into what is appropriate and when.

a little more spontaneity would help. rather than be uptight half the time.

why wait for the weekend to have fun when one can have fun in the moment.
Seanus 15 | 19,706
8 May 2011 #59
I didn't decide for him. He was dripping off his hands which was my clear sign. Besides, no-one else was there urinating so I didn't inconvenience or embarrass anyone. In Britain, it's a normal thing to do and you are often thanked for it. Many Poles just look to set you up so they can then have a gripe and groan. He did exactly that!

It wasn't tragic, that's more of a Polish reaction to the situation. This is a forum where people discuss, not a court of law where everything against Poland MUST be defended at all costs ;)

Many of my closest Polish friends describe their own people as boorish. Please post your experiences on a British forum then, Magda. Ever thought of that? I keep reminding people of what Admin said. He wants to hear all stories, not just the positive ones!

Wrocław is spot on! I can see exactly where he is coming from with his comments! It often takes Poles to have a few drinks in them before they start laughing. More spontaneity and less anally pedantic behaviour amongst some would be better. Too many are governed by conventions/rules and where does it get them? Please tell me.
convex 20 | 3,978
8 May 2011 #60
In YOUR culture it is. And if you wish to hang on to your idea of courtesy, you might just have to get used to the fact that most people will not acknowledge it in Poland. At least not in a busy street or walking out a door with a crowd of people.

I hold the door open for people and just about every time get a thank you or a smile. Get up for old ladies too, that seems to be appreciated as well.. People even hold the door for me every now and then...


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