A Polish womans relationship with her mother in law.

agree.

he sounds like he is having mental issues.. people just dont do things like this without
good reasons and hes making this one up sounds like.

yes that was a joke ^^ but it came from real life conversation when i first came to live in england i was asked if i know what microwave is

I think the reason the polish wife said to her english husband that people don't talk with their mother in laws is because polish mother in laws most often treat their daughter in law horrible, like chattle, the daughter in law doesn't want to get close enough to get in a position to set herself up to be hurt by a jealous mother in law. Obviously this case is about an English mother in law, not polish, so the new polish wife is stupid not to understand the difference of respect for people between cultures. Any mother in law can be bad, but it's particularly true of places like Poland where there was once communism and much suffering. The Polish people usually deal with their own suffering by tormenting others. The familiarity of pain makes them create a situation for more pain, because it is what they are most intimate with. I am a daughter in law with a Polish mother in law. After 11 years of marriage and having lived in Poland, this truth about motive behind this phenomenon is very clear, especially science I have the educationa and research to back it up. I did a study on this and won an award for it. Not exactly on in laws but culture and relationships, and why Polish and other eastern people behave so opposite to their desired results. It's because, they never before attained them. They don't know what true success of happiness and freedom feels like. So they do the only thing they know, which is to create unhappiness and infest with others. Very sad. Like children but grown.

Bull. That's how they test your strength. You can cry uncle or take the reins from her. They'll only torment you if you choose to play the victim.

My son is married to a polish girl and the same thing has happened to me. Once she got pregnant everything changed. Before the baby was born, my son decided he wanted nothing more to do with us as I didn't ask him enough how Asia was while she was pregnant, which I did when I seen her and even went to their house to see scans. At this time my father had had a cardiac arrest and had lost oxygen to his brain for at 10 mins, so you can imagine how stressed I was as he came back as a different person and took up a lot of my time. When I said this I was told it was no excuse. Then I was told I wasn't a mother for 7 years then it was 5 years. I was then told when my grandson was born I could only see him when supervised. I don't know what happened my son was always very close to me as he was my first born and my only son, I absolutely worship him. She decided to send us a six page letter telling us all what she thought of us, this was an awful shock as we never did anything to her. In fact like you I tried not to get involved as she always did what she wanted to do and accepted this as my son was happy and so much in love. But this happened over a year ago I have no contact with my son even though I've tried to fix it, I've apologised for anything I've said or done to both of them, I've literally begged him to talk to me and to see my grandson, but nothing works. This is like a nightmare, my son has changed so much, he would never have treated me like this, if anything even since he got married he would still phone me if he was sick or if he was cooking dinner to ask for my help, which I would always give. I miss him so much and my grandson

Sorry to hear that pmddx .. but it is your sons own fault, if he married a Polish girl ...

Thanks but it doesn't help me missing him, he's the first thing I think of when I get up in the morning and the last thing at night. Just don't know what happened. We were so close and now he won't even talk to me, it's heartbreaking. I keep trying to blame her but he is responsible too and has always had a mind of his own.

Did you reply by telling her that under UK law there is no such thing as a necessary heir, which means that you can leave absolutely everything you possess to the dogs home (Polish people of a certain type have a very hard time getting their heads round that one)? And if they live in Poland (or plan to move there), do remind her that Polish people are legally required to support their aged parents financially.

I am really sorry for that .. Polish men are so nice and friendly ... these women give us a very bad reputation!! I hope your son will see once her true face and then he comes back ...

that's true I know lots of Polish and have always found them very nice. But I feel that Asia just doesn't like the relationship that my son had with me, his sisters and his father. Maybe I'm wrong but my intuition makes me think that even when ever he answers me if I text or send him a letter that she's telling him what to say, because some of the things he says are very cold and he's never been like this

Keep the lines of communication open no matter how hurt you may feel at the moment, your son may well need you in the future.

If asked, explain that you had family problems when your DIL was pregnant and that you didn't mean to neglect the two of them, point out that

you are a daughter as well as a mother and that you owed your father care and consideration too.
I can't really cast any light on why the situation has occurred but I have seen similar situations before, usually down to jealousy or insecurity on behalf

of the guilty in law. I didn't like my ex's alcoholic mates coming to the house because I didn't want my children near them, this didn't go down well with his mates naturally.

You could ask if there is anything that worries your DIL about the family? Sorry if this sounds rude, I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just trying to think of anything that could have

created the situation? What seems normal to us may be strange to your DIL.


LOL My mum used to do this when my brother and I were being daft teenagers, never worked because we never assumed we'd inherit anything anyway, we just got her a form from the local cat place ( we both like cats) so she could do it if she wished!!!! Mum was horrified that we could contemplate leaving money to any animal!!!! Both of us would still be very happy if she left her money to a charity!!! better still, blow it on wild living as she's worked hard all her life and deserves lots of fun!!!


I hope your situation resolves it'self , just be there for your son no matter what because he will need you one day.

People like to give their opinions so here is mine. As mentioned before, your son sounds like a real 'douchebag.' All you have done in your post is show him in bad light. He is a druggy who forced a girlfriend of his to have an abortion, then gave his other girlfriend a disease and decided he did not want you to be involved in their life, sending you an email with terribly abusive language. This is going to be out of place but you have not brought this guy up right. If you thinks it is okay to speak to you like that then he obviously did not have enough discipline as a child. You seem to think it is something to do with his Polish girlfriend, I think you'll find it is probably him who decided he did not want you involved. Since she loves him, she probably does what he tells her and protects him. Honestly I would question here too, the fact that she is with a guy like this does not say much good about her either to be fair.

I have explained all this, that my father needed me, but they don't want to know. My son is in the army and even before they got married, when he was away we took care of her for him. But even then she wouldn't mix with us, only when he was there. We went to Poland for their wedding and we weren't even asked to help with flowers or decorating the hotel where the reception was held, we weren't catered for with music or food everything was polish, even though a lot of family and friends came with us. My husband was told by Asia that he couldn't give a speech because there would be to much english spoken and the polish wouldn't understand it. We went a long with all of this, and when i mentioned about the speech to my son, she said she never said such a thing and he chose to believe her. So after that we learned to just accept that if she did or said anything we would leave it be. Because we didn't want to lose him, we always treated her well, and with respect, but I think she wanted more maybe I'm wrong. I just wish I could fix it

Absolutely NOT.

I remember the relationship of my mother with my grandmother, and it was that of respect and friendship.

Your English son is the one who disrespects you, and your daughter in law is just ordinary. She chose a man who has no family values first hand, and I wonder how he must be treating her at this moment. Someone who cannot respect his mother will never respect anybody in life.

As for your question again, in a more general sense ... I would like to provide you a similar link for study (a woman asking about Polish daughter in law long time ago in this forum):

Polish girls and traditions

This was another mother in law from a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT background trying to come to terms with a girl as her daughter in law who she never saw before in her life. I think they are doing fine till now, as she said it was OK back then. Its long time ago, but thanks for the archives its still there, and I remember each event in PF whichever occured infront of me. YOU MUST go through that link.

People are people, they come in good and bad. However when it comes to traditions, I still believe that Polish girls are much better in it than others in Western Europe.

I would like to question you also: How did you raise such an indecent child? A mother is ones first educator.... so you need to ask the questions and find the answers yourself before you expect your son and your daughter in law (who once tried to be respectful, but lost it as your son doesn't even regard you worth a penny) to answer it.

Sorry if I sounded harsh ... but I like to talk straight.