SeanSmartsNY 1 | 17
7 Feb 2013 / #1
Hello,
I have been reluctant to post here for quite sometime, but I need to the ability to reflect and share my experiences with my personal relationship/marriage that I am currently involved in with my Polish wife. I was very young when I got involved with his girl, she is 29 now and I am 34 years old but I feel my experiences regarding our history needs to be shared for others to reflect upon. Also would like to get a lot of this off my chest because its extremely disheartening how this relationship has turned out.
Met my wife in NY as she was an Au Pair through the common agencies that you find promoting live-in positions for young girls looking to come to the United States and work. A lot of the stories these girls share with some of these rich families they work for are usually 9 times out of 10 less than ideal. She was working for a fairly good family, had money, father stayed home, mother worked for bloomberg in NYC. They never gave her weekends off, she only came here apparently to learn english but look at us almost 10 years later, she is married with papers and far more independent than where she began. I have to admit going into this relationship, I was young and naive just as her, I had my doubts. Had a bitter break up with another Polish Au Pair that left me for someone who could offer her more, and was apparently dating this person towards the end behind my back. So going into this, I wasn't really feeling it 100% as to trust issues with the last girl and reluctance to fall back in love with someone in her situation. Remember when I begged for her to stay here when her visa expired, live with me, and even then I was still uncertain of my choices. She really is a sweet girl, when she wants to be, don't get me wrong I still love my wife, but things have got between us as she tries to find her place here in the United States living as an "individual" that she apparently wants to be. It appears not after all these years of living with me, she sees me as someone not to listen to, and does what she wants.
So back to my point, I helped this girl move away from the original family after they found a new Au Pair, we lived together for quite sometime. Then she found another live in position with a Jewish family that had 3 kids and was bringing up two twins, the girl was old enough to attend school in the morning. Would go over there from time to time to stop in say hello. It was another less than ideal situation, but I put up with it while I was going to college. To keep it brief they started out with limited requests then it became me dropping her off 6am then picking her up at 10pm at night. Somehow we made it through this, pressed on, and worked out our differences and were back living together after that was all said and done. After that there was another family she worked for with two older children, only helped them go off to school in the morning and stuck around until they came home, mostly cleaning and cooking for this one family. Woman was again, fairly abusive to a point of swipe of the finger on furniture to see if she dusted the house properly. Or making a mess of things, just for her to clean. Insulting really, for not just her, but me going through this having to hear about my wife which we did get married right before she started working there. Which later turned out to be 5 years of working for this one family. So I have been with this girl for almost 8+ years now. We have been through a lot together.
So here is it, we are currently separated not living together for 3months, mind you, this is right after 1month being back after a 2month stay with her family in Poland over the summer. While she was living here gathering money, not paying rent, eating for free, not sharing any expenses she gathered $30k in cash. Me being the nice stupid gullible American that I am never asked for a penny. Only once she paid for my ticket to Poland, and provided some other things in between but mainly she saved the brunt of her money she made and never really contributed anything. She went through nursing school, got her RN degree/license while all this took place. Married me, and it appeared it wasn't for papers, but now I tend to differ. She apparently got what she wanted, and I am still the one to blame in this. I admit I was less than perfect of a husband, we did have times where things weren't great, but over-all I thought we were compatible together as a husband and wife.
It all started with college, some liberal feminist ideologies embedded in her head possibly? She was so impressed by this one professor at this school, because she cursed and spoke her mind and said whatever she wanted with out concern. Was odd to see her impressed by this woman. Just didn't see her changing, becoming more self-entitled, growing apart from me. She found these two friends at college that both were dysfunctional in their relationships, but I didn't see it, birds of a feather flock together. The one girl was dating a lawyer in NYC, and he blatantly tells her to face, I don't see you as my wife and she still continued to see this guy at his convenience. She had at the time nothing in common with these two girls, but apparently she gravitated towards them for reason I did not see at the time. Influenced her to smoke marijuana for the first time, and she was exposed to it around me and I never once forced it upon her or tried to get her to do it. So again, at the time, this stuff went right over my head. Not saying my wife is stupid in anyway, scored top of her class, high honors but I'm sorry this just made it worse for me to live up to these standards, but atleast at the time I thought she truly loved me.
Spent various summers in Poland visiting her family trying to show I cared, and wanted to be a part of her life, but she always found some way to paint that as not a big deal and I guess it was expected of me to put aside work and myself for this girl in the process. Married the girl knowing she needed to get a green card and visa to go back and see them, for this relationship to grow, but she held things back over the years. She patiently waited, and calculated her decisions over the years. Got what she wanted and now I am the one to blame, she doesn't know if she wants me back, and I am at the receiving end of this game. Now I admit I am not a perfect person, but here I am almost 10 years later trying to fight for her to be a part of my life again. Telling it will be different, we can have the things we need in life, we just have to work together in this.
Invested in real estate in Pennsylvania (Pittsburgh) try to get some rental property to impress upon this girl, show her, look see I can make our lives better. I'm working towards the future, these rentals will help pay the bills, the mortgage, car-payments for food. Have been working hard to show this girl, see I am doing a lot of this for you, but she has a totally different way in understanding this. So for me its difficult to move on with my life, knowing I tried, and I'm still trying.
That was the problem from the start, everything was separate, the money and family. You would think all this time, when she would 'skype' with her family invite my parents in front of the camera to say hello. Nope, for her it was all separate in her eyes. Even friends, I never knew any of her friends from school. She went out to gatherings at the bars with other class-mates never was invited. She was ashamed of me, the person who just enabled all of this to go on for her, all expense paid on my behalf. Even her other Polish Au Pair friends that she first met when she came to the country that worked in the area she started in, that she is still friends with today, only met this girl 3-times over the past 8 years or more. My friends were always a part of her life, I wanted her to get to know them. It was just natural for me, but a lot of that is said and done my friends now are all starting families its no more parties at the beach. Things have changed. Not sure what to think of all of this in its entirety. That is why I am hoping to vent on here, tell my story and see what others think I should do in this.
Here is the real reason for our separation, and I will just tell it as she told me with no heart and concern for me. She was, during college, going for her clinical tests/schooling at hospitals in the local area. To gain experience, and so the teachers/professors could see for themselves if they have what it takes to be a nurse. While all this was going on, she was doing a procedure on a male, inserting a catheter in this man's penis. Now no big deal right? Yea its part of the job. How can I be jealous, be stupid of me. Just with this one individual, he wanted to talk with her, get her number. Now the school can't give this stuff out, the hospital can't do it either, but somehow he gets a hold of my wife, or finds her at college campus, don't know the full story. So even after all the attempts this guy made to find her number or her, my wife still accepts this guys invitation to go out with him, for a walk in the park and a meal at a burger joint. Now this all happened before she went to Poland for the summer, because she told me when she got back and I was trying to influence her to move to PA and leave NY. Convenient for her, right? Almost as if, if I don't get my way, I will show you mentality.
I just don't know what to do. I kicked her out of my place because I thought she was cheating on me, and now I have to live with my decisions, because now that she is again living with an old Au Pair friend again rent-free believe it or not its me fighting for her to come back.
She also uses lines like "I don't cum when I have sex with you" isn't that a sure sign of a cheater? She reserved some emotional attachment to another person in order for something like this to happen.
Right now the situation is as stands, we are seeing each other may twice a week, only total 10 hours maybe tops. We are still married, technically. She almost made it appear that she wants to get pregnant now. Almost as if these are the new conditions into us getting back together, on top of what I was told. Like an idiot I am trying with her, but now today I ask her to tell me when are you moving back in here and she tells me "she needs more time." "i love you like a brother" "i'm confused"
Seriously I'm at my wits end in this marriage, and I am thinking its best to admit this girl used me to get papers, her drivers license, and her RN degree all expense paid by little old me and apparently by her standards I deserved it.
Regards, Sean. ( the sucker )
I have been reluctant to post here for quite sometime, but I need to the ability to reflect and share my experiences with my personal relationship/marriage that I am currently involved in with my Polish wife. I was very young when I got involved with his girl, she is 29 now and I am 34 years old but I feel my experiences regarding our history needs to be shared for others to reflect upon. Also would like to get a lot of this off my chest because its extremely disheartening how this relationship has turned out.
Met my wife in NY as she was an Au Pair through the common agencies that you find promoting live-in positions for young girls looking to come to the United States and work. A lot of the stories these girls share with some of these rich families they work for are usually 9 times out of 10 less than ideal. She was working for a fairly good family, had money, father stayed home, mother worked for bloomberg in NYC. They never gave her weekends off, she only came here apparently to learn english but look at us almost 10 years later, she is married with papers and far more independent than where she began. I have to admit going into this relationship, I was young and naive just as her, I had my doubts. Had a bitter break up with another Polish Au Pair that left me for someone who could offer her more, and was apparently dating this person towards the end behind my back. So going into this, I wasn't really feeling it 100% as to trust issues with the last girl and reluctance to fall back in love with someone in her situation. Remember when I begged for her to stay here when her visa expired, live with me, and even then I was still uncertain of my choices. She really is a sweet girl, when she wants to be, don't get me wrong I still love my wife, but things have got between us as she tries to find her place here in the United States living as an "individual" that she apparently wants to be. It appears not after all these years of living with me, she sees me as someone not to listen to, and does what she wants.
So back to my point, I helped this girl move away from the original family after they found a new Au Pair, we lived together for quite sometime. Then she found another live in position with a Jewish family that had 3 kids and was bringing up two twins, the girl was old enough to attend school in the morning. Would go over there from time to time to stop in say hello. It was another less than ideal situation, but I put up with it while I was going to college. To keep it brief they started out with limited requests then it became me dropping her off 6am then picking her up at 10pm at night. Somehow we made it through this, pressed on, and worked out our differences and were back living together after that was all said and done. After that there was another family she worked for with two older children, only helped them go off to school in the morning and stuck around until they came home, mostly cleaning and cooking for this one family. Woman was again, fairly abusive to a point of swipe of the finger on furniture to see if she dusted the house properly. Or making a mess of things, just for her to clean. Insulting really, for not just her, but me going through this having to hear about my wife which we did get married right before she started working there. Which later turned out to be 5 years of working for this one family. So I have been with this girl for almost 8+ years now. We have been through a lot together.
So here is it, we are currently separated not living together for 3months, mind you, this is right after 1month being back after a 2month stay with her family in Poland over the summer. While she was living here gathering money, not paying rent, eating for free, not sharing any expenses she gathered $30k in cash. Me being the nice stupid gullible American that I am never asked for a penny. Only once she paid for my ticket to Poland, and provided some other things in between but mainly she saved the brunt of her money she made and never really contributed anything. She went through nursing school, got her RN degree/license while all this took place. Married me, and it appeared it wasn't for papers, but now I tend to differ. She apparently got what she wanted, and I am still the one to blame in this. I admit I was less than perfect of a husband, we did have times where things weren't great, but over-all I thought we were compatible together as a husband and wife.
It all started with college, some liberal feminist ideologies embedded in her head possibly? She was so impressed by this one professor at this school, because she cursed and spoke her mind and said whatever she wanted with out concern. Was odd to see her impressed by this woman. Just didn't see her changing, becoming more self-entitled, growing apart from me. She found these two friends at college that both were dysfunctional in their relationships, but I didn't see it, birds of a feather flock together. The one girl was dating a lawyer in NYC, and he blatantly tells her to face, I don't see you as my wife and she still continued to see this guy at his convenience. She had at the time nothing in common with these two girls, but apparently she gravitated towards them for reason I did not see at the time. Influenced her to smoke marijuana for the first time, and she was exposed to it around me and I never once forced it upon her or tried to get her to do it. So again, at the time, this stuff went right over my head. Not saying my wife is stupid in anyway, scored top of her class, high honors but I'm sorry this just made it worse for me to live up to these standards, but atleast at the time I thought she truly loved me.
Spent various summers in Poland visiting her family trying to show I cared, and wanted to be a part of her life, but she always found some way to paint that as not a big deal and I guess it was expected of me to put aside work and myself for this girl in the process. Married the girl knowing she needed to get a green card and visa to go back and see them, for this relationship to grow, but she held things back over the years. She patiently waited, and calculated her decisions over the years. Got what she wanted and now I am the one to blame, she doesn't know if she wants me back, and I am at the receiving end of this game. Now I admit I am not a perfect person, but here I am almost 10 years later trying to fight for her to be a part of my life again. Telling it will be different, we can have the things we need in life, we just have to work together in this.
Invested in real estate in Pennsylvania (Pittsburgh) try to get some rental property to impress upon this girl, show her, look see I can make our lives better. I'm working towards the future, these rentals will help pay the bills, the mortgage, car-payments for food. Have been working hard to show this girl, see I am doing a lot of this for you, but she has a totally different way in understanding this. So for me its difficult to move on with my life, knowing I tried, and I'm still trying.
That was the problem from the start, everything was separate, the money and family. You would think all this time, when she would 'skype' with her family invite my parents in front of the camera to say hello. Nope, for her it was all separate in her eyes. Even friends, I never knew any of her friends from school. She went out to gatherings at the bars with other class-mates never was invited. She was ashamed of me, the person who just enabled all of this to go on for her, all expense paid on my behalf. Even her other Polish Au Pair friends that she first met when she came to the country that worked in the area she started in, that she is still friends with today, only met this girl 3-times over the past 8 years or more. My friends were always a part of her life, I wanted her to get to know them. It was just natural for me, but a lot of that is said and done my friends now are all starting families its no more parties at the beach. Things have changed. Not sure what to think of all of this in its entirety. That is why I am hoping to vent on here, tell my story and see what others think I should do in this.
Here is the real reason for our separation, and I will just tell it as she told me with no heart and concern for me. She was, during college, going for her clinical tests/schooling at hospitals in the local area. To gain experience, and so the teachers/professors could see for themselves if they have what it takes to be a nurse. While all this was going on, she was doing a procedure on a male, inserting a catheter in this man's penis. Now no big deal right? Yea its part of the job. How can I be jealous, be stupid of me. Just with this one individual, he wanted to talk with her, get her number. Now the school can't give this stuff out, the hospital can't do it either, but somehow he gets a hold of my wife, or finds her at college campus, don't know the full story. So even after all the attempts this guy made to find her number or her, my wife still accepts this guys invitation to go out with him, for a walk in the park and a meal at a burger joint. Now this all happened before she went to Poland for the summer, because she told me when she got back and I was trying to influence her to move to PA and leave NY. Convenient for her, right? Almost as if, if I don't get my way, I will show you mentality.
I just don't know what to do. I kicked her out of my place because I thought she was cheating on me, and now I have to live with my decisions, because now that she is again living with an old Au Pair friend again rent-free believe it or not its me fighting for her to come back.
She also uses lines like "I don't cum when I have sex with you" isn't that a sure sign of a cheater? She reserved some emotional attachment to another person in order for something like this to happen.
Right now the situation is as stands, we are seeing each other may twice a week, only total 10 hours maybe tops. We are still married, technically. She almost made it appear that she wants to get pregnant now. Almost as if these are the new conditions into us getting back together, on top of what I was told. Like an idiot I am trying with her, but now today I ask her to tell me when are you moving back in here and she tells me "she needs more time." "i love you like a brother" "i'm confused"
Seriously I'm at my wits end in this marriage, and I am thinking its best to admit this girl used me to get papers, her drivers license, and her RN degree all expense paid by little old me and apparently by her standards I deserved it.
Regards, Sean. ( the sucker )